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 Posted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:57 am
Lurking in the night,
the darkness sees,
the darkness knows,
the darkness breathes.
Forming almost nothing at first,
It grows larger and deeper within.
Stop it!
Stop it,
you say to yourself,
and still it settles deeper.
It plays on your fears,
hopes and dreams,
crushes you flat,
filling you with dread,
till your wishing inside that you are dead,
The thing of it is,,
Do you let it win?
true to its lies,
on its face with a grin.
Never!
The monsters of the night,
are always watching.
True to their stereotypes,
Making it hard to fight.
Adventures are waiting,
Aren't you scared?
If you aren't,
Then get prepared.
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:40 pm
A nice little poem for the halloween season, me thinks. It was good. Had a nice flow, and I can almost hear it in my head being chanted, the chanter trying to scare one of his/her friends on a dark night.
One little pet peeve (and trust me, this is probably just my OCD), but you started to get into a rhyme scheme at the end. This would be fine if it was consistent. Again, this is just me being OCD, but I'm a supporter of choosing one style and sticking with it. If you don't want to rhyme, fine, don't rhyme at all. If you want to rhyme, but a pattern and stick with it. You switched from having th 2nd and 4th line rhyme, to the 1st and 4th, and it just didn't work for me. It's a silly little thing, but I just thought I'd share
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:47 pm
-l- Psychotic Saint -l- A nice little poem for the halloween season, me thinks. It was good. Had a nice flow, and I can almost hear it in my head being chanted, the chanter trying to scare one of his/her friends on a dark night. One little pet peeve (and trust me, this is probably just my OCD), but you started to get into a rhyme scheme at the end. This would be fine if it was consistent. Again, this is just me being OCD, but I'm a supporter of choosing one style and sticking with it. If you don't want to rhyme, fine, don't rhyme at all. If you want to rhyme, but a pattern and stick with it. You switched from having th 2nd and 4th line rhyme, to the 1st and 4th, and it just didn't work for me. It's a silly little thing, but I just thought I'd share I could see how that would throw readers off. With my poetry I tend to just write as ideas flow through my head, so what sounds good to me, probably doesn't sound good to someone else. I just am not a fan of every single line rhyming. It sounds awkward to me. Another thing is when people are rhyming and the poem just sounds like they were trying to hard. I just don't want it to read like that.
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Posted: Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:51 pm
Lady_Kitlily -l- Psychotic Saint -l- A nice little poem for the halloween season, me thinks. It was good. Had a nice flow, and I can almost hear it in my head being chanted, the chanter trying to scare one of his/her friends on a dark night. One little pet peeve (and trust me, this is probably just my OCD), but you started to get into a rhyme scheme at the end. This would be fine if it was consistent. Again, this is just me being OCD, but I'm a supporter of choosing one style and sticking with it. If you don't want to rhyme, fine, don't rhyme at all. If you want to rhyme, but a pattern and stick with it. You switched from having th 2nd and 4th line rhyme, to the 1st and 4th, and it just didn't work for me. It's a silly little thing, but I just thought I'd share I could see how that would throw readers off. With my poetry I tend to just write as ideas flow through my head, so what sounds good to me, probably doesn't sound good to someone else. I just am not a fan of every single line rhyming. It sounds awkward to me. Another thing is when people are rhyming and the poem just sounds like they were trying to hard. I just don't want it to read like that. And I understand that. I don't like every single line rhyming either. It's dorky, and incredibly difficult to think of that many rhyming words. I just like symmetry and pattern. If you want no rhymes, fine, do no rhymes, but make sure it is that. No rhymes at all. When rhymes find their way into a non-rhyming piece, the sudden synchronicity is jarring. Just my opinion
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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