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 Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 12:58 am
Name: Demetrius Belli
Nickname:none
Age: 20
Birthday: 7th February
Sign: Aquarius
Gemstone: Amethyst
Blood Type: O positive
Fav. Food: Chicken and rice
Hated Food: Cauliflower
School: Sovereign Heights Prep School
Hobbies:
Rock Climbing – Demetrius enjoys climbing on a periodic basis, because it keeps him in peak physical condition. He wants to be able to react to most any situation that befalls him, and feels that being in a lean, semi-athletic shape is what will make the difference between success and failure. He was picked on for being thin in grade school, and this accounts for his exuberant need to compensate for it now a few years down the road.
Television Watching – Being an avid television watcher, Demetrius likes to keep up to date with certain comedy shows. His favorites fall in the comedy categories, because he has a fun and lively sense of humor and enjoys taking time out of his day to laugh. Sometimes Demetrius will watch action shows or horror thrillers, and those give him the dramatic push to continue trying to live an adventurous life similar to that seen on t.v.
Virtues:
Friendly – Demetrius will go out of his way to be friendly to strangers, especially if they seem lonely or unhappy. He feels best when around friends, and tries to help others experience the same feeling. Unfortunately, his constant attempts to help those who feel bad can often lead to problems; just because a person doesn't want to be bothered doesn't mean he won't try to help them anyways. This usually isn't a problem however, because Demetrius goes out of his way to make others feel better, and works long and hard so that their outlook will turn from negative to positive.
Considerate – Demetrius remembers who acts in a kindly fashion towards him, and tries to replicate the behavior. He works hard to pay back those who do right by him, and those who take the time to earn his trust gain a long term friend and comrade. He is willing to stand by his friends through every trial, no matter the danger, and face the problem head on in order to defend his allies.
Trusting - While there are those who can't help but distrust every person they meet, viewing them as threats until they work to build up a connection, Demetrius is the exact opposite. Optimistic, he tries to see the good in others and trusts very easily. After a while, he can realize if someone is lying to him, but this doesn't prevent his overall willingness to trust openly. Demetrius prides himself on being willing to stand up for others in the face of opposition, reasoning that they should give the unknown person a chance to prove themselves rather than immediately turn them away.
Flaws:
Thinking - Sometimes Demetrius chooses to take time to just sit around outside and observe nature. As he does so, he ponders questions ranging from simple things like “I wonder if I did good on the test yesterday,” to complex unsolvable questions such as “What is my purpose?” Unfortunately, his deep thoughts sometimes come up while he's conversing with others, which can lead to trailed off sentences and annoyance on the part of others.
Holds a Grudge – In the same manner that Demetrius remembers those who help him, he also takes account of those who act rudely or disrespectfully towards him or his friends. He can't stand people who take advantage of others, and he finds betrayal and lying to friends in confidence extremely offensive. When someone breaches Demetrius' trust, he feels betrayed and has a hard time rebuilding the connection, even if they go out of their way to prove themselves trustworthy.
Self Righteous - Based on his experience being picked on when young, and then avoiding it now that he's older, Demetrius feels that he is qualified from both ends of the spectrum to make necessary judgment calls on almost any situation that comes up. He also feels that his decision is always the right one due to his experiences, and won't concede to someone else due to this experience. He upholds this ideology in most facets of his life, and is unwilling to conceed or compromise with others unless they are able to bring proof of his error before him; even then he rarely conceeds his error to them, choosing only to say they are correct in the most dire of situations.
PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
Eyes: Normal shape, hazel color
Hair: Brown, short and slightly gelled upwards.
Face: Demetrius has an ovular face shape, and his eyes and nose are the dominant features on his face.
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:01 am
Senshi: Sailor Osiris, Senshi of Justice.
Challenge: You have been found guilty.
Fuku Colour:
Main Color: Black
Secondary Color: Gold
Fuku:
Collar – Thin collar that surrounds the neckline, thin white stripe along top of collar
Bow – Black sash with shining golden trimming worn around waist as a belt.
Bodice – White sleeveless shirt under a dark vest
Sleeves – No sleeves.
Brooch – Rounded and black with a white jewel set in it.
Bottoms – Dark and poofy, end at the knee, golden stripes crossing vertically up the pants, wearing dark leggings underneath
Tiara – Black band across the eyes that can be seen through (thin fabric).
Choker – Sleek black and gold striped scarf.
Shoes – Black dress shoes.
Gloves – black fingerless gloves
Accessories – A golden bangle on his right wrist.
Attacks:
Sailor Scout Attack: That's Not Fair!
When someone else, especially an ally, is injured by an opponent Osiris tries to remove the advantage the enemy gained. Touching the injured person, Osiris then races over to the enemy and attempts to touch them. If successful, the wound Osiris' friend gained is slightly lessened and then the weakened wound is copied onto the target Osiris is grasping (he must grasp the person who caused the original wound).
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Taste Your Own Medicine
Building on the experience of his original attack, Osiris can touch a person who has just been wounded and heal their wound somewhat.Then, upon touching an enemy the original wound is transferred over without the healing applied (and now the target isn't limited to only the original user of the wounding power, but any one enemy that Osiris can get into contact with).
Eternal Sailor Attack: Circle Of Equality
As Osiris fights to serve justice, he develops stronger ways to reduce the wicked who tilt scenarios to give themselves advantages. Upon using his Eternal Sailor Attack, Osiris has to stop moving and a circle with a 15 foot radius around him becomes an equalization zone for 50 seconds. Anyone who causes wounds while inside the circle have the wounds copied at their full strength back onto the dealer. Osiris can't be wounded while this power is active, since he has to concentrate and stand still (though he can speak).
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Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:49 am
While we'll do your critique for the civillian side when it's your turn in line, I do feel compelled to inform you as soon as possible that your sphere will not be acceptable.
We already have Sailor Vega, Senshi of Judgement in play, and do not allowed duplicates of the same sphere.
I suggest you check the master list of characters when looking for spheres, as well as the two guides in this subforum, for a list of disallowed spheres and names.
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Posted: Sat Nov 19, 2011 4:40 pm
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE
There is a character named Demetri, who goes by Demy (General Scheelite), currently in play. While there is no rule against name repetition, I am merely bringing this to your attention.
For the Friendly virtue, while it may seem obvious, it could stand to be more clearly stated how other characters react positively to this trait. As written, there is more emphasis on the negative reactions characters may have to this trait than the positive.
Similarly, for the Trusting virtue, the downsides are more emphasized than the upsides! It currently reads that he is too trusting to the point of being a flaw, which I do not think is your intent. The positive sides of this virtue should be more apparent.
The downsides of the Holds a Grudge and Self Righteous flaws aren't too apparent. Based on the situation examples given (of him protecting those who are bullied or hurt others), they read a bit similar and too virtuous, painting him as a "Protector" of sorts. It should be stated why other characters would disrespect or look down upon him for these traits. It would behoove you to stray from the topic of protecting bullies a bit in these flaws, and focus on other situations where they are more clearly flaws.
For Holds a Grudge, is he unable to forgive others? Does he hold grudges for even small, minor behaviors?
For Self Righteous, does he always believe he is right, even when he is wrong? Does he think too highly of himself, and look down upon others for their differing ideologies?
How are these traits externalized so that other characters may witness them and look down upon him for them?
ON THE POWERED SIDE
I do not feel that these powers really fit the sphere of Justice. They seem to still fit the concept of Judgement more (as they involve judging morality), which is a taken sphere. However, there's still things you can do within the Justice sphere.
My personal recommendations (though you are by no means restricted to these suggestions):
+ The concept of Justice refers to the quality of being fair or reasonable. One option for this sphere is to go with that route. As some iconography associated with Justice includes the scales, a power could be balancing the playing field of the battle. As your character or other characters are injured in battle, this power could split up or even out the damage so that all players are equally disadvantaged in terms of pain endured.
+ The concept of Justice, of course, also refers to legal justice. Legal justice is often there to protect - which goes into equality! You could have a protective power for the self or ally, or perhaps anyone who is disadvantaged in combat. A buff in this manner could work as well, as long as there is the same outcome every time!
Please avoid any powers that have to do with revenge, vengeance, or payback - there is a Senshi of Vengeance already in play! Furthermore, please avoid any powers that force the opponents to think of specific thoughts such as forcing them to reflect on their evildoing and feel guilt.
I hope this critique helps with your revisions! When you are done making your changes, feel free to quote me and I will add you back onto my list!
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Posted: Fri Dec 02, 2011 5:34 pm
Silent Spy ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE There is a character named Demetri, who goes by Demy (General Scheelite), currently in play. While there is no rule against name repetition, I am merely bringing this to your attention. For the Friendly virtue, while it may seem obvious, it could stand to be more clearly stated how other characters react positively to this trait. As written, there is more emphasis on the negative reactions characters may have to this trait than the positive. Similarly, for the Trusting virtue, the downsides are more emphasized than the upsides! It currently reads that he is too trusting to the point of being a flaw, which I do not think is your intent. The positive sides of this virtue should be more apparent. The downsides of the Holds a Grudge and Self Righteous flaws aren't too apparent. Based on the situation examples given (of him protecting those who are bullied or hurt others), they read a bit similar and too virtuous, painting him as a "Protector" of sorts. It should be stated why other characters would disrespect or look down upon him for these traits. It would behoove you to stray from the topic of protecting bullies a bit in these flaws, and focus on other situations where they are more clearly flaws. For Holds a Grudge, is he unable to forgive others? Does he hold grudges for even small, minor behaviors? For Self Righteous, does he always believe he is right, even when he is wrong? Does he think too highly of himself, and look down upon others for their differing ideologies? How are these traits externalized so that other characters may witness them and look down upon him for them? ON THE POWERED SIDE I do not feel that these powers really fit the sphere of Justice. They seem to still fit the concept of Judgement more (as they involve judging morality), which is a taken sphere. However, there's still things you can do within the Justice sphere. My personal recommendations (though you are by no means restricted to these suggestions): + The concept of Justice refers to the quality of being fair or reasonable. One option for this sphere is to go with that route. As some iconography associated with Justice includes the scales, a power could be balancing the playing field of the battle. As your character or other characters are injured in battle, this power could split up or even out the damage so that all players are equally disadvantaged in terms of pain endured. + The concept of Justice, of course, also refers to legal justice. Legal justice is often there to protect - which goes into equality! You could have a protective power for the self or ally, or perhaps anyone who is disadvantaged in combat. A buff in this manner could work as well, as long as there is the same outcome every time! Please avoid any powers that have to do with revenge, vengeance, or payback - there is a Senshi of Vengeance already in play! Furthermore, please avoid any powers that force the opponents to think of specific thoughts such as forcing them to reflect on their evildoing and feel guilt. I hope this critique helps with your revisions! When you are done making your changes, feel free to quote me and I will add you back onto my list! Hey, I finally was able to take the time to get on and finish adjusting Osiris' civilian and powered forms. I would really appreciate it if you could take another look at him and tell me what you think. Thanks!
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:55 pm
Huge apologies for taking so long to get back to you! This time of year can be brutal. ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE The Holds a Grudge flaw reads a bit too much like a virtue still. Its description doesn't really mention even holding a grudge, just that he is offended and betrayed when someone breaks his trust. This is more of a reaction to a situation than it is a personality trait, and is more of a virtue that ties in with him being trusting than it is a flaw. I think there is some potential here, but to bring it out you should try answering the following questions in your form: Questions from the Stamping Guide 1. How does it affect their THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS?[/v] What's their motivation with this?
2. How does it affect their ACTIONS? What are they doing with their motivation? How are they expressing it?
3. How does it affect OTHER CHARACTERS? If it's a virtue, how can this lead to making them liked or respected? If it's a flaw, how can it earn them dislike or disrespect? Questions #2 and #3 should be particularly emphasized in your revision! ON THE POWERED SIDE For the Scout and Super attacks - While these powers are interesting, the mechanics of them are a bit complicated in a way that may make them impractical for actual battles. It might take several turns of a battle just to get the power started, and it would be difficult for Osiris to just grasp onto an enemy (especially without then being attacked himself). The broader concept of it works, but having Osiris run back and forth touching his ally and then his opponent might be too much. Revise this to make it more practical - perhaps removing the necessity of touching both targets. Also, please remember that these attacks need to have a number of times they can be used per battle. For the Eternal attack- I enjoy this power! However, the duration is a little long. For that long of a duration, I do feel that Osiris should be able to be wounded while this power is active (and the damage would be equalized to the enemy), and that getting hit should break his concentration and the break the circle. Like the other powers, there needs to be a limit on its usage. Sorry again for taking so long to get back to you! Good luck on your revisions!
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