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 Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:45 am
He had bypassed going to the tents that were set up in the school's gymnasium, instead heading straight back to his room on the second floor of the Monster Dorms as if he were on autopilot. Ren supposed he should have gone, just to see everyone, but the thought of facing dozens of people had literally made him sick to his stomach.
So he went home.
His room still looked the same as it always had, except perhaps a bit cleaner than normal. Phantomhive was sound asleep on the foot of his bed, but Rhys, curled in his dresser drawer, lifted his head, one long ear flicking upwards at the door opening. He scrutinized Ren for a long moment, as if unsure whether to be his usual obnoxious self, but one look at his owner's face, and the lepus did not move.
Ren moved sluggishly through the room, not bothering to close the door - he never did, after all - and stood beside his bed, staring down at it as though he had never seen it before.
He felt dirty and disgusting, though when he'd reformed in that one room he had been back to his normal self. His left hand, wrapped in their traditional bandages, throbbed with a dull ache, as if a constant reminder of not just the this field trip, but the previous one as well.
His shoes were kicked off, pushed under the bed, and Ren changed as if in slow motion into a pair of sweatpants and a long sleeved teeshirt. After a moment, he pulled back the covers of his bed, climbed in, and pushed his face against the warm, familiar feeling of his pillows. Rhys curled up beside his head, and Ren reached a hand up, gently stroking him, though he said nothing.
Instead he closed his eyes and waited to drift off into that deep and dreamless sleep
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 4:45 pm
The little pup had spent most of his time since returning to the school in a stunned, heartsick daze. Upon being returned to his room, he pushed the piece of bone as far under his bed as possible, the place that was, in his current state of mind, the safest and most comfortable place to keep Red for the time being.
And then... he had nothing. His little heart felt sick. It was like the past 24 hours were unreal, a nightmare that left him feeling scared and hollow. He couldn't even remember the past few minutes clearly, had someone told him to get some rest or was he imagining things?
Jove staggered around his room in aimless circles for a bit, and sat down only to stand up and wander some more. And finally he slipped out of his room and wandered slowly across campus, with no real destination in mind. Maybe he would just walk out to the forest and never come back. Or fall in a river again and get swept out to the ocean. But his little feet instead took a familiar route. He could have walked that path in his sleep, and ended up safely at Ren's dorm.
If only he were sleeping...
Jove was afraid of what might have faced him, but everything seemed just like it usually did. As though the past 24 hours hadn't occurred at all. Ren was lying on the bed, completely conked out. The only reason Jove knew he was still alive was that rise and fall of his brother's chest. The little pup hopped up onto Ren's bed, and without hesitation, stuck his little nose under the bottom of the gryphon's shirt. And then he wiggled in to curl up on Ren's chest, snuggled as close as was possible.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:18 pm
Ren was not asleep, not really. He had tried; for the past hour he had lain here, trying to get his weary mind and body to rest, but he could not.
It was like that time - like the last field trip. That time he had spent weeks, months, trying to break free of the insomnia that had plagued him like a disease for so long. And he had finally managed to get over it, had finally managed to surpass it.
Until now.
Now it was like seeing everything again, like going through a horrible case of deja vus.
The bit of Red's horn he had stuck inside of Lala, along with the emblems of Gabrian and Professor Savage, locked away so that he would not have to look at it. He could not, after all.
She was just a reminder.
Ren did not hear the pitter patter of tiny little pawed feet across the room, his eyes closed, his breathing deep and evening. He did, however, feel the slight indentation of the bed as something jumped on top of it, though he still did not open his eyes.
Something tugged at his shirt; and then something cool and soft was curled beneath it, against his chest, a minuscule lump beneath the fabric.
Ren slowly opened his eyes, catching two pale blue eyes looking out from him from the collar of his shirt. As if in slow motion, Ren's arm rose, his hand moving to rest on top of the curled up puppy, thumb brushing against Jove's head.
"Hey, Freckles," he whispered quietly, his voice hoarse. "Long time no see."
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 4:26 pm
Jove blinked back, his eyes glowing dimly from the relative darkness under Ren's shirt. The warmth was comforting in a unique way. It was like saying "It's okay, you're home now. You're back where you belong."
The little pup blinked again in response, and stared into Ren's eyes. This was better than trying to close his eyes, or wandering around his room, when he just lay still and watched his brother he didn't have to see those other images in his mind's eye. The ones where Ren burned, and screamed. It was easier being a hollow, staring thing, flattening himself under the weight of his brother's hand, letting his chin rest on the gryphon's chest.
Jove shifted slightly, his little feet poking and prodding until he resettled. Had he woken his brother? A part of him was glad, he didn't want to lie there alone in his wakefulness...
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 5:08 pm
Ren lifted his hand, letting his little brother wriggle around until he was comfortable. It was something like having a pet trying to find a good place to sleep, and once Jove was settled, Ren went back to absently stroking the top of his head.
He caught the look in the puppy's eyes, and slowly, as though it took a great deal of effort, he shook his head.
"You didn't wake me. I wasn't asleep."
A low sigh escaped his throat, Ren closing his eyes briefly before taking a deep breath. His hand stilled where it was on top of Jove's head, and memories - horrible, awful, gut-wrenching memories screamed through Ren's mind, as if they were happening again all at once.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you all the time," he said, in a low, barely audible voice. "I'm sorry that I..."
He couldn't say "died." Not again.
"...left you."
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 6:45 pm
Jove's eyes scanned his brother's face, as though the gryphon might disappear again in an instant. He didn't need Ren's apologies, all he needed was to lie there and stare as long as he had to in order to start feeling real again.
But the pain swelled up inside when he saw the look on Ren's face, and heard that tone. That self-loathing. Jove retreated a little into himself, Since when was it the little brother's job to console and make assurances, and say everything was going to be okay? That it was just a bad dream, and he could sleep now, and his big brother would be there if he woke up?
The little pup sadly flicked his tongue out, giving Ren's skin a tentative, half-hearted lick.
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Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:28 pm
He did not want to see that look on Jove's face; he had read it enough when he was in his humanoid form, but Ren had known the boil long enough to understand his expression while he was a puppy as well. And the way that Jove shrunk back a little, curling into himself and giving his collarbone a tiny, sad lick was enough to make Ren want to hide himself away and never come out.
"Don't," he said thickly. "I promised you I'd take care of you, and I haven't. I promised that as your brother I would always be there for you. And then I - "
His voice broke.
Fire. So much fire.
I'm burning alive.
It wasn't about him. This was about Jove. Jove, who Ren did not know had seen him die. His fingers stroked the puppy's head gently.
"How are you holding up?" he asked, in a attempt to change the subject.
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 11:19 am
Jove ignored the protest, and licked Ren again. Little puppy kisses that said "I missed you, I was afraid for you, I thought you would never come back," and all those things that were so much harder to put into words. Ren was struggling over his words, but the wisp was an open book. An open picture book.
At the question, a little keening whine slipped out of the pup. He wasn't holding up at all. Jove felt his eyes begin to tear up, so he tucked his head down to hide his face from view, forehead resting on his paws. Just a fluffy little caterpillar sitting on Ren's chest. But even the darkness was a dangerous place, and he quickly pulled his head back up.
"You died!" He said abruptly, the first words he had spoken since returning to the school. How was he supposed to be holding up? There were no classes, no club activities, nothing to distract him from the events that had recently occurred.
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Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:52 pm
The licking tickled; Ren squirmed a bit, then sighed, pushing his fingers against the top of Jove's fluffy head, pulling absently at one of his ears. He knew exactly what the boil was was saying, and each word was hard to hear.
Especially that whine. It hurt Ren's ears, which flicked back against his hair, a tiny tinkling noise ringing out as his cross earring clinked against one of the studs. He turned his face away, sighing again as he moved his arm behind Jove's fluffy self, resting on his stomach.
"You died!"
The words hit Ren with the force of a javelin. He flinched involuntarily, then widened his eyes, stammering out a few words that made no sense. After a moment he bit his lip.
"I know," came the quiet answer. "I know. I'm sorry."
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Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:27 am
"You died!" Jove said again, quieter. Of course Ren was sorry. And the pup was sorry too. Everything had been going okay, he was going to help Ren across that invisible water path, and beat up things and protect his friends, but that wasn't how things turned out. Instead they had been trapped, helpless to watch as the humans toyed with them like test subjects. Jove could still feel the aches and pains from his attempts to get out of that cage...
And now it was just like after the island, where he had been equally as helpless. How were they supposed to move forward? How was he supposed to keep going? The little pup was just a burden, and it had been so impossibly naive of him to believe otherwise. What could he possibly have done, when he was just so little?
With so many painful thoughts tumbling around in his mind, Jove almost slipped back into the apathetic daze he had spent most of his day in. He just wanted to be numb. Speechless. Like a silly little pet, who could not be counted on for anything. He couldn't be trusted with the safety of anyone, and was no better than a lapdog... His chin dropped to Ren's chest, and he stared off across the room.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 4:38 pm
Ren turned his head away from Jove, exhaling slowly. Things had not gone the way they should have, from the first moment he had stepped into that room and seen the water stretching across from wall to wall. He should have known from the field trip form that he should not have gone.
Why did I risk everything and step into that world again?
He couldn't answer the question burning in his mind, nor could he figure out what to do to help Jove understand that he hated himself for going on that damned field trip.
Ren rolled on his side, poking his nose against Jove's with a sigh and cuddling his little brother's puppy form close. He closed his eyes briefly, but then he carefully tugged Jove out from his shirt and plopped the puppy down on to the bed beside him.
"Do you want to train with me?"
The words came out unexpectedly - he hadn't meant to say them, but after they were out, Ren's thoughts immediately went to ...where did THAT come from?
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:55 pm
Jove was like a little rag doll as he was tipped onto his side, and then pulled out of Ren's shirt. His legs dangled limply, and rested his chin on Ren's fingers. And then on the sheets, not even bothering to perk up his ears.
Train? What was the point? He had been working towards the goal of getting stronger since the first field trip, and it all came down to nothing. He was helpless against the figures in white and gold. He was just too tiny. Too pathetic.
With a heavy sigh he just stared back up at his brother, an expression of worn out depression. Jove just wanted to disappear, not train. And if he couldn't just will himself out of existence he would have to settle for the life of a pet.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 7:56 pm
Ren gave a small sigh, settling back against the bed and closing his eyes. Nothing he said now would seem to work, so it was best to just...sleep and let it go.
And so he did.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was several days later, nearly two weeks, and Ren was right where he had been before - lying on his bed in an attempt to sleep. Except this time it was actually working relatively well; he was drifting in and out of a fitful little doze, which was better than nothing, surrounded on all sides by various poofs who were snuggled against him. Cocky kept nosing under his pillow in an attempt at waking up the gryphon, but most of the rest of the foxfires kept him at bay, giving their sibling a stern look as though to say leave him alone.
Ren, half asleep, really had no idea of these goings on and was trying to sleep off the stress of the past month and a half.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:09 pm
Jove had taken a different route to recovery, having neglected sleep entirely. It was like after his first field trip. The pup had been afraid to sleep, and too heartsick to eat, but ever since his return to the academy it was like he was too busy and too determined to notice. Being beaten down would mean nothing in the long run, every failure was just another step towards what had to be an eventual success.
He had arrived late in the evening, only a day after his attack in the woods at his caretaker's home, and the next morning he hopped back onto his brother's bed with a whole new outlook on things. "Ren!" He barked happily, scattering the little foxfires as he tried to wag his fluffy tail. It merely twitched. His ears tried to perk, but one lay limp against his soft hair, and the bruises and scratches that marked the left side of his body ran right up the side of his face like the stage makeup of a murder victim.
Had the wisp looked so terrible after being burned alive by Red? It was impossible to tell, but his enthusiasm made up for his physical weaknesses as he tried to shake and poke his brother awake.
No foxfires would stop that puppy from rousing the gryphon today!
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:12 pm
Ren had not expected to be abruptly awoken by a loud bark and something cold and soft flopping on top of him, little hands poking and prodding his shoulders and back in an attempt at getting him to move. As it was, Ren inhaled quite a bit of fur as the foxfires around him bounced here and there, scattering as Ren pushed himself upwards, sputtering.
"Wait - what - I me - Jove?"
His hair - which was getting a little out of control, going down past his waist now - was mussed and frizzy, the curls much more curlier than normal, considering he usually smoothed them out before heading through the door. Ren peered sleepily at the boil sitting on his legs, his eyes tracing the lines of a heavy bruise on Jove's face...
...a bruise?
Ren snapped suddenly awake.
"Jove," he said sternly, and pointed at the boil's face. "What is that?"
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