Hey, congrats on winning a custom!
Your concept is going to need a few tweaks before it's ready to play. Let's take a look...
CIV SIDE:I'm curious about her Weather hobby. She sure does love WATCHING the weather in action, but does she have any interest whatsoever in meteorology (the scientific study of weather)? You need to have some experience studying meteorology if you're going to be a weather reporter on the news channel or work for a weather station in general. Otherwise you are going to end up being the coffee girl if they even hire you -- and even then, they would still prioritize a meteorology student over a drama student.
Does she want to be a weather girl because they're locally famous and she wants some of that glamor? Is she even aware that you need some scientific background to get that TV spot? This is all stuff I would like to see written out!
If she likes both the theater brand of drama AND the schoolgirl-gossip brand of drama, you should really split them into two separate hobbies so you can address them both more fully. Both aspects of this need a lot more information. I have no idea why she likes this things or why she involves themselves in them. Is she into theater because she wants to become a famous performer, or does she genuinely enjoy the art and craft of theater? Does she like meddling in high school drama because she loves hearing about people who are in a worse state than she is, or is she just too curious for her own good?
Marybeth's
Gracious virtue... to be honest, it's kind of bland. All it really states is that she's happy when people are nice to her. This is something that most people do, and in fact most people expect, so it doesn't add anything at all to her character to say that she acts completely normally in these kinds of situations. This trait should be replaced with something else that is more unique to your character. What are some good things about her that set her
apart from others?
I'm also a little confused on
Thinks Before She Speaks. It's good to be polite, but it's clashing pretty directly with her
Easily Offended flaw. In the first she is always careful not to be rude when she speaks, but in the second she is quick to BE rude and give a "very angry rant" if you ruffle her feathers even slightly. You can't be deliberately, calmly polite with your words all the time and yet at the same time able to verbally steamroll someone at the drop of the pin. That doesn't make much sense.
In addition, if she doesn't like saying or hearing rude things, why is she so involved in gossip and drama at her school, to the point where she likes to "start drama of her own" occasionally? That circle of conversation isn't exactly known to be kind. If she is actively adding fuel to the fire, that is pretty much the definition of rude.
This is another virtue I think you should replace with something else, since it seems to be going against other important aspects of her character: she puts herself before others, is very temperamental and loves to hear (and even pass around?) the dirty secrets of her classmates. In addition, I think you'll have more fun with her if you let her be rude instead of trying to cover it with a virtue that doesn't make any sense.
As a replacement, you could make her a
Good Listener -- since she's eager for gossip, that means she might be willing to turn your ear to any problems you might be having just in case you have a juicy story on you. Her experience with drama could also make her very
Scrutinizing if she's learned during her high school career that half of the stories that are passed around schools turn out to be total bullshit -- not blindly believing everything she hears and keeping an eye out for the true story is a good quality.
Back to the
Easily Offended flaw: this needs more information! Does she always explode into a rant when people set her off, or can she generally rude when people toe the line with her? Does she get passive-aggressive when a situation or conversation isn't going a way she would prefer?
Vengeful should probably be merged into Easily Offended, because they both describe how she gets mean towards people who upset her in some way. On its own it's also too situation-specific to count: a trait needs to be able to be played on in just about any RP in order to be viable.
For replacement flaw, perhaps consider
Inconsiderate? She's proven to be selfish and a poor sport when her feathers are ruffles -- but does she have a good sense of when she might be upsetting someone else? The well-being of others are an afterthought for her in a life-or-death situation, so it would make sense that the feelings of others are an afterthought for her in a
social situation.
Please remember that you need an equal number of virtues and flaws when revising. ^^ Good luck!
POWERED SIDE:The Negaverse weapon checks out just fine. :>
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