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 Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 5:52 pm
EDIT: we broke up, so I guess you can move this thread now
Someone suggested me and my boyfriend get counseling, as a way to deal with what's happened. I like the idea, but do have some questions. Where do you find counseling? Hoe much does it cost? I'm only 16, I don't have a job, or a drivers license, and neither does he.
How do I bring it up with him and convince him to go through with it? He feels awful, even suicidal, about what he did, and I feel like the idea of undergoing relationship therapy will make him feel even worse.
Also, what would my parents think? The idea of me being in a serious relationship for this long (almost 2 years) scares the living daylights out of them, I don't know how they'd react to counseling, or if they'd even approve. They might not support it, saying we're too young to be this serious, or something like that.
So basically, I like the idea, but I have no idea how to go about it. Any advice?
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Posted: Thu Feb 16, 2006 7:41 pm
Well, I'd suggest individual counseling for him to be sure. I'm trying to think of what your options are at your age. You could try talking to the people in your school guidance office about finding options that work for you in your area. One of the counselors there might even be able to help you guys for a bit. A lot of churchs do counseling for couples, it might be an option you guys can look into as well.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:34 am
Pirate Dirge Well, I'd suggest individual counseling for him to be sure. I'm trying to think of what your options are at your age. You could try talking to the people in your school guidance office about finding options that work for you in your area. One of the counselors there might even be able to help you guys for a bit. A lot of churchs do counseling for couples, it might be an option you guys can look into as well. Well, we don't go to the same school, so the school counselor thing might be a problem. Also, I'm not sure how well the church thing would work, since I'm Wiccan and he's not very religious. Plus the girl he cheated with was a nun in training, so the church might be biased enough to convince him to dump me for the "better" girl. And as for individual counseling, that's probably a good idea for him anyway, since he's been having suicidal episodes for over a year. But I keep trying to tell him to get help, and he refuses. He's been through it before, and he hated it, so be begged me not to make him go through with it again.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:42 am
Actually, it depends on which church you go to. I have a hard time believing the church is going to be biased for an alter girl unless you're going to name names. I hate to say this, but don't think so down of all Christian churches. It's no better than the stereotype. I'm not even religious and I know there are good ones that just want to help. IF you really want counseling and to work through it, you'll suck it up. Don't bring up religion, just do the counseling, That and being it's probably your only option besides approaching your parents.
As for individual counseling, whoa. If he's suicidial and being selfish and refusing counseling, I'd talk to his parents about it. That's just scary, unfair to you, and absurd. It's wonderful you want to be there for him, but love isn't a substitute for professional help. If that means talking to his parents and potentially having him angry at you, I'd do it for someone I cared about.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:42 am
I think you're being a wee bit paranoid about the counseling thing, but -shrugs- they were who I could think of for free help. Go with school counselors then. It's usually best to do individual therapy before couples therapy anyway.
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:49 pm
lunashock As for individual counseling, whoa. If he's suicidial and being selfish and refusing counseling, I'd talk to his parents about it. That's just scary, unfair to you, and absurd. It's wonderful you want to be there for him, but love isn't a substitute for professional help. If that means talking to his parents and potentially having him angry at you, I'd do it for someone I cared about. Agreed. If he's depressed and suicial, I'd urge him to go seek professional help for HIMSELF FIRST before you two try couples counselling. I've been with someone who was seriously depressed and wanted to die, and it was a HUGE strain on our relationship. He ended up breaking up with me, and I know that his depression was a contributing factor to the break-up. Not to mention that being depressed and suicidal is completely unfair for you to have to deal with, on top of trying to maintain a healthy and stable relationship with someone who's also cheated on you once. Something to consider would be an ultimatium (sp?): Either he gets professional help so you two can then focus on your relationship (once he starts doing better), or you're going to break up with him. That way the ball is in his court, and he has to make a decision. I also agree that you should tell his parents, if (for whatever reason) they don't know that he's depressed and suicidal. Yeah he might be pissed at you, but you're doing him a favor and getting him help, and he'll thank you for it later. As Luna said, i'd do it for someone I cared about too.
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Posted: Sat Jun 17, 2006 7:34 am
all right, we broke up, so you can move this now
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