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 Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 8:51 pm
For the last few weeks she couldn't find Tony and worried about him. All calls to his phone went nearly straight to voicemail and she hadn't heard a definitive story from anyone that knew him be it a vacation or illness. It compounded matters when she couldn't find him at home, either. She inquired often enough to be a friend but not often enough to be a stalker but by the time Harmony was returned by Camelot she was beginning to think he'd gone missing, too and the thought didn't sit well with her.
Ever since Harmony returned Kyndall had been thinking. She thought about what she knew and what she did and the things she'd had to come to through the whole series of events. She thought about Camelot and Benitoite and the others she'd met in that crisis at City Hall. All of them led back to one conclusion: Tony knew more than he was telling her. He knew about this in a way she hadn't and now she was drug into it.
Oh, she knew that he knew the night she went over to his house to cry. She knew and didn't press the issue because she'd been afraid of him turning her away and she couldn't handle that. But now she had to know. She needed someone to share this burden with. She'd seen monsters now and people being killed by these people he warned her about. She had to know what he was hiding from her or why on Earth he didn't trust her.
She asked to meet him after the library closed, unaware that her daughter volunteered herself to be his personal assistant. She just wanted to be somewhere neutral with him, alone. She stepped into the front door and called out into the empty, semi darkened library. Her skirt snagged on a cart and brought down a few books with it. She bent to pick them up before straightening again. She didn't see him so she called out.
"Tony?"
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:15 pm
"I'm here!" called a stack of books, behind which the librarian appeared. He tried not to knock them over. While the library was closed he could do what he could to get the books back on the shelves. There was a profound back up. Apparently his workers hadn't been pulling their weight too well in his absence, and the other staff had been busy with their own work. He didn't expect them to do his stuff for him, though, and since he ran circulation he was responsible for getting the shelving done. he hadn't been there to delegate, and now he had to catch up.
Personally.
"Hello, Kyndall," he said with a warm smile, grabbing his cane from where it was leaning and limping over to her. He noticed the look on her face as she examined him and wondered what this visit was about, again. He should have taken better notes, he told himself, as he felt suddenly like he had invited trouble into his home without a background check.
He looked at her, arching an eyebrow but not looking too worried. He hoped.
"Are you alright? You seem very strained. I'm sorry I haven't been able to contact you much recently... I've been out of town." Instant defense. He was trying to get his story straight and circulating properly, but it was difficult and he was a terrible liar.
But not when it was truly important. And his identity as Camelot, and the things he did in space, were truly important.
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:03 pm
"It's good to see you." she returned, meaning it. She tried meeting him halfway as he walked forward, knowing his leg was hurt. Still. She didn't want to put him on the defensive but she could see on his face and in his tone that he was. Was she really so transparent? She sighed, hearing him lie to her again. The signs were numerous and not exactly hidden. He was a terrible liar. And he was lying to her...again. Her face must have visibly fallen because she was disappointed in him.
"Why exactly do you feel the need to lie to me, Tony? Why can't you trust me enough to tell me the truth? We're adults for God's sake."
She shook her head, beginning to wonder if this was simply a standing trait of his or simply a choice against her specifically. Nevermind that he'd been gone for nearly three weeks when she could have used a friend or at the very least would have liked for him to call her and see if she'd had any word from Harmony. Acted like he really cared. Of course this was an unfair judgement but she didn't know he was Camelot and that he was closer to caring for Harmony then she could imagine.
"I could have used someone to talk to. Hell, a call back to see if Harm showed up again. To see if I was ok." she paused and hugged herself. "To see if you give a damn." she added softly.
She stopped and shook her head, reflecting on what she'd said and trying to reign herself in. She didn't mean that. At least, not exactly. "I don't expect you to justify your time to me, Tony. You don't owe me that. But an explanation or a phone call would have been nice. I went through hell and you weren't around to even talk to. A hell of a time to take vacation."
No. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. She was getting off track and overly emotional. Logic, Kyndall. Logic. Did she want to do this? Yes, absolutely she did. Better to know now then later when things were too late or hurt more.
"That's why I came by, actually. The lying. That night I was at your house I knew you were lying to me and I didn't press it because..." A sigh. "Because I needed a friend and I can't consider someone who's comfortable lying to me a friend. It was easier to ignore in the face of the greater problem. But, I just can't anymore. I've seen too much. Too many bad things and I know you know something. More than I do. I know you're keeping your secrets. You mean a great deal to me but I just can't be around you if this is what our friendship will be."
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:53 pm
His leg wasn't actually hurt, not any more. His time in Virgo had healed his last injury to it quite well. The limp was from the old injury, tissue and muscle that would not heal, even with magic. he would always limp, it seemed.
When she asked him why he was lying he froze up a bit.
"Kyndall..." he said, but she was off. He listened to her, watching her with his warm green eyes looking fairly nervous at this point. He had bent most of his attention on keeping the Rosen's safe, thinking about them constantly and worrying about bringing daughter home to mother. Now he had to face said mother, who was angry at him for not being there for him.
Living a double life was extremely complicated.
He couldn't just tell her the real truth. He had to be careful with who he told his secrets to. No one, that was the ideal goal, but if he had to tell anyone it had to be someone else who was a senshi or a knight, that he had seen. He could not tell random civilians, even his dear friends, lest they turn out to be agents of Chaos, or maybe even become corrupted.
"I do give a damn, to use your words," he said very slowly, not sounding angry, though he felt it. To be attacked for doing what he said he would, just because he could not actually confess he had done it.
He looked stricken.
"Kyndall... I am your friend. Whether you think so or not, whether you see it or not, I am your friend. I spent my time away looking for the missing, trying to find what answers I could.You're right, I do know more than I let on, but I have friends who are senshi, and I cannot put them in danger. Myself in danger. I don't speak about it like normal things, like our daily lives, because its not my life I'm putting in danger by bringing it up. And you're in more danger for knowing, as well. We become targets, the closer we get, the more information we know, the more we get noticed. It's not a safe place to be, when you have no powers yourself."
In a way, he was trying to protect her. Still lying, yes, but only when considering the time. In the past, all this was true. Now, of course, he did have power. He was a knight. But that was irrelevant at this point.
"I know it was a terrible time for you, and I know I should have been there for you more, but I really was doing everything I could for you, I wasn't off in Hawaii or enjoying margaritas on the sand. I didn't just take a vacation and escape. I used my vacation days to try and help. It didn't amount to anything, but I was trying, damn it."
It was easier to lie about this than other things. His frustration was real. His feeling of impotence was real. The look of pain and betrayal on his face was real. It was just the words that fell short, but still they held meaning.
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:09 am
"Whether you like it or not I'm involved in whatever world this is that you're so entrenched in. I've seen the monsters. I've fought them. I saw people killed right in front of me and I've stood alongside the senshi and tried to find order in the chaos. I'm involved. I know too much, then, if that's what you think."
She remembered City Hall and shuddered at the memory of it. People dead, dying, and the Negaverse agents everywhere taunting people like her as if they were mere toys. The Negaverse stood out against the senshi and then, finally, she saw the truth. She knew which side was which. And while she could appreciate her friend wanting to protect himself and his friends she could not forget what she knew. She would never forget that. She was involved now, and deeper than she ever expected to be.
"How much do you know about City Hall?" she asked softly. The building was still near ruins after the attack and resulting explosions from inside. Monsters. "I was there. In the thick of it. I saw people die around me. Monsters, twisted things. These Negaverse people. The Senshi. I was right there."
She shuddered again.
Fine if that's what he was doing, off trying to find answers. For once she took him at his word because the telltales signs that usually gave him away seemed in this case genuine. But that didn't pacify her. Not entirely.
"But I don't keep things from you!" Well, actually she did but only for his own good. Her crush, for example, was something she'd never likely confess. It was easy for her to sit on her high horse with him and say she didn't lie to him when omission was still not the truth but she considered things like that attraction a safely guarded hidden secret. She did not expect her daughter to have such a big mouth. "I don't lie to you to your face! I've always been honest with you and I've never asked anything of you I'm not willing to give myself!"
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:54 pm
Tony listened to her as she chastized him for lying to her, feeling wounded and more betrayed than he had anticipated. It wasn't fair of him, he realized, to feel that way. How can he be angry at her when she was reacting to everything she knew? She only had half the facts, and could never really understand what she was doing, or why he was being aloof. Why he lied to her.
He looked at her and tried to hide his emotions.
She was a dear friend. They had not known each other long, but it felt like they had grown up together. Maybe it was because he was witnessing her being thrown into a world he had been introduced to without friends to support him, and he was realizing that there was no support to be given. Not without telling her too much, putting her and himself in danger. He watched her, pitying her, yet still sore by her attack.
He was still human, for all the understanding in the world.
"I know you have suffered and seen a lot. I saw the reports, the mixed opinions, the varying way that whole event was played out. I am deeply sorry I wasn't there for you then, I wasn't at the meeting at all, but I promise I was doing what I could to help Harmony. I would not abandon you unless it was for your own good, you have to realize that at least?"
He shook his head, anger sparking again, though he pushed it back down with all his will.
"You kept your crush from me!" He said suddenly, though his eyes widened after he said it and he heard it echo in his head. That certainly wasn't a fair thing to be bringing up at the moment. And it wasn't the kind of lie she meant. Now it was his turn to go on the attack, about something he did not understand.
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Posted: Tue Oct 25, 2011 3:27 pm
She listened to him speaking and tried to consider him being away "for her own good", as he put it. She couldn't imagine such a thought but she did know he was very important to her and that he meant more than he should. She trusted that he meant well, that was never in question, but the execution of it...the lying...it had to stop. She was already involved in this world. What was the harm in telling her the truth?
She opened her mouth to reply and heard him say the one thing guaranteed to keep her quiet. As it was her mouth was open but no sound came out past his accusation. She colored crimson from her cheeks down her her chest, blood circulating very violently close to the surface. She wanted to sink into the ground beneath her, as if the smooth library flooring might kindly open up and swallow her whole.
"I..."
It didn't matter how he knew. She certainly didn't think of a particular teenager she knew and loved as the source of this rumor. The only important thing right now was that he actually knew and she wondered if she'd done something to give herself away. Had she made a wrong gesture, spoken a telling word? If she knew she'd already kissed him several times as Camelot this would have made things a million times worse. Thank God for small favors like ignorance.
"You're right. I did." she admitted at last, slowly. "But it's not the same!" she was quick to add.
Nothing inside of her felt comfortable anymore. Full disclosure, in any relationship, was never a good idea and here she was backed into a corner over the one thing she swore never to reveal. She wasn't a teenage girl to fall for him on a whim and she knew enough to know that there was nothing about her crush that he could return. She was doomed to feel it and had been content to do so quietly, alone. Now that he knew everything was upside down.
"If you want me to tell the truth, fine. I'm attracted to you. I think about you more often than I should in ways that aren't strictly platonic. I trust you and I care what you think. My instincts are to turn to you when I'm hurting."
She looked at the floor, the shoe on the other foot as she stood before him trapped and completely embarrassed. She didn't stop, though, but her voice dropped almost impossibly quiet. "It's rather safe to say I might be falling in love with you."
With that said, though, she looked him in the eye and felt as wounded as he did by her accusations. She threw her hands in the air with a sound of frustration and turned her back on him knowing all of her embarrassment and his new found knowledge would be useless to them both. Rather like her new found knowledge in the Negaverse and his inability to explain it all to her. She raised her voice back to normal, if not a little anguished, as she continued.
"But what good does it do to tell you? I know what I want can't happen and I was ok with suffering in silence. Part of the reason I'm so taken by you is that you are so stalwart. And all the telling will do will make you shy away and placate me with things you may or may not feel while you wish you could unhear everything you've just heard. It'll bring it to mind every time we stand just a little too close. It'll make you avoid me even if you convince yourself it's for my sake because it'll hurt less."
Was she speaking from personal experience? Perhaps...but she was still red from head to toe and trembling, waiting for his inevitable understanding reaction that she'd no longer be able to trust.
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Posted: Fri Oct 28, 2011 1:42 pm
Tony winced, seeing her face. He knew he shouldn't have said that. He shouldn't have pulled that card on her. It was unfair. It was cruel, in fact, and he was not a man who prided himself on being cruel for no reason. Or even for good reason. Yet here he was, with one of his dearest friends, someone he trusted and struggled so hard to protect and take care of.
After all that, he was the one that hurt her?
It hardly seemed fair.
He knew she had feelings for him. Maybe he had always known it, in some way, and as Camelot he had been able to hide behind a second face, so he could justify her reactions to him. The kisses she had surprised him with had been in joy and thankfulness, and, he imagined, because he was a knight. She liked those, and it must have lowered her guard against him even further. She felt she could trust him.
He wanted her to trust Tony, too.
Her words stunned him silent, though, and he watched her. He hadn't considered she might be falling for him that way. Love was such a complicated and intimidating emotion. He had never meant to lead her on, to hurt her in any way. He frowned.
"I won't avoid you. I... I didn't mean to call you out like this. Someone just... helped me notice your feelings, and I thought... that was wrong of me. I'm sorry. It's not the same thing, I know it's not." He wasn't disappointing, in his effort to be understanding, but he was sincere. He felt like he was between a rock and a hard place, the oven and the fire. He couldn't say anything right, and the one thing he wanted to do was power up and show her why things had gotten out of hand.
Why was being a knight so damn messed up?
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Posted: Sun Oct 30, 2011 1:45 pm
There was no actual way to hide the hurt in her eyes, written on her face. She felt cornered and attacked all in one simple accusation and though she’d done the same to him this just somehow hit below the belt. She wasn’t ready to answer for her feelings to him. It showed in how she stood and couldn’t turn around to face him anymore. She couldn’t banish the color from her cheeks, either.
“Please, don’t.” she whispered, keeping her back to him. “Just don’t. You don’t need to explain.”
She’d been happy enough never to let him know simply because she knew that what she wanted wasn’t going to be. People had impossible crushes all the time. Unrequited love was a class of love because it happened so frequently and like all truly tragic love affairs it was all completely one sided. She was alright with that. But slowly, and this did take a minute, she realized he said someone helped him realize her feelings. The only person that could have done that was her very own daughter.
“Harmony!” she groaned, knowing that kid was way too casual with the feelings of others for her own good. “She told you, didn’t she?”
Of course she should have thought of that earlier. It was the only person they had in common who might be around long enough to notice the subtle things she couldn’t hide. She always knew her daughter was observant. Kyndall shook out her mane of long hair and turned around again. She didn’t look up at him but she did try to face him and do the honorable thing.
“Tony…I never meant to come here and deliver ultimatums. I was hurt that you left when I needed you and I was hurt that you’d lie to me about it. Maybe…I let other things cloud my judgment. I just didn’t understand why, when I trust you so much to tell you things that happen to me, like meeting Benitoite, that you couldn’t do the same with me! I guess I…” she paused, searching, and couldn’t find a good way to end that sentence. “I don’t know.”
She wanted so much to trust him, to feel like they were on a level playing field. Erratic emotions or not she was his friend first and forever. Anything else was her cross to bear and she was alright with that. She didn't expect anything from him. Not explanation, not comfort, not understanding. She just wanted to know where they stood as friends and wanted to feel as important to him as he was to her...love or not.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:35 am
Tony felt like a complete a** hole. He looked down at the floor, taking a deep breath. She had just told him something very personal and very private, and he was still lying to her. What kind of a man was he, if he couldn't even tell his friends that he was fighting for them, that he loved them and was only doing what he thought was best?
No matter what he said, she had no obligation to believe him. He was ruining their trust. She didn't understand, there was no way she could be acting this well, could there? He had seen her honest terror at her daughter being missing. He had seen the sincere anger she had in her confusion, the way she felt impotent, like he had, because she was surrounded by a war she suddenly knew about but had no way to understand.
When she turned back to him he saw she wasn't looking at him.
"Kyndall," he said slowly. He couldn't let her suffer. Maybe it was his hero complex kicking in again. Maybe he had no real choice here, and her ultimatum hit him deeper than he had known. Maybe it was just something he wanted to do. Hearing her telling him he had hurt her when all he had been doing was trying to help, trying to make things better, hurt him in turn.
He closed his eyes and took a breath, then called his shield to his hand. His armor followed suit, and soon the Squire of Earth was standing in front of her, his expression now very familiar as Tony's, with the glamour broken. "This is the only secret I have from you," he said, watching her carefully, "and I hope I'm not putting you in more danger... but I don't feel there's any other way for you to understand... this is what I was doing. This is why you think I left. My name is Anthony Darrow, librarian, and Camelot, Squire of Earth."
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 1:14 pm
It took Kyndall a few seconds to realize she was staring up at Tony…or he’d gotten very tall. Then it occurred to her that she was on the floor. When had that happened? Dear God, had she fainted? She’d never fainted before expect when she realized she was pregnant. Tony…except it wasn’t Tony. It was Camelot. Camelot was Tony. How had she been so blind not to see that? Everything about them was the same. She studied him, bewildered, and wondered how she hadn’t known.
“All this time that’s who you’ve been?”
Her voice was quiet when she spoke, breathless. The surprise seemed to have knocked the air from her lungs. She understood now why he disappeared. He wasn’t out of town visiting a girlfriend or going on vacation. He was up in space trying to bring her little girl home. He had brought her little girl home to her. As she got to her feet slowly she tried to breathe again. At least her crushes were consistent.
It was impossible not to hide the warm feelings being in Camelot’s presence inspired in her. She trusted him. He was her hero, for crying out loud! She understood now why he’d never told her and why he had to lie. It was to keep his secret. He’d all but begged her not to press the issue when they were at his house when she was crying because he didn’t want to reveal this part of her. Camelot…
“Oh, my God. You let me kiss you. You let me Kiss you!”
A vivid red stained her cheeks immediately, coloring her body again now that she’d finally gotten the previous one under control. She’d been much freer with Camelot then she’d ever been with Tony because he was uncertain, unknown, and she trusted him implicitly. But Camelot hadn’t been kidding when he said she saw him. He was usually around. All this time he never told her. She was in awe.
“I don’t know what to say.” She finally admitted, dropping her hands to her side. “At least my crushes stay consistent.”
Ok, so it was a bad joke but at least she wasn’t fainting or yelling at him.
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Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2011 1:46 pm
When she fainted Camelot tried to catch her, but he was too slow, wrapped up in his speaking, and missed. He had not expected her to fall over, and he hovered close, looking at her with worry and only very slight amusement on his face.
How could he not find it a little funny? She had passed out seeing him! Guys dreamed about that kind of stuff, but somehow he didn't think this was exactly the scenario that was most popular.
"That's who I've been. We don't really share identities," he offered with a smile, though he was still worried she had hurt herself with the sudden drop. Her voice wasn't reassuring, she sounded ready to pass out again. At her accusation, though, he turned bright red and started waving his hands.
"N-no, you were very sudden and I didn't really have any say in the matter, and what would you have done if I got angry with you? It was nothing, it was just joy!"
He smiled at her joke, moving to pick her up, as any good knight would do. "Perhaps I should get you to the sofa?" The floor couldn't be comfortable, and he didn't trust her to do anything as complicated as stand at the moment.
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:00 pm
“Sure, it was nothing.” She agreed quietly as he scooped her up into his arms. At least she’d known enough to enjoy kissing him and wouldn’t have known how to handle rejection at that moment. She hadn’t consciously thought about it before she’d done it. She’d just been grateful to know someone, somewhere, knew where her daughter was and that she was alright. It had been joy and gratitude.
Still, this new information made her dilemma all the more terrible now knowing that the person she’d fallen for was actually a knight and had just now completely swept her off of her feet. Well, her back. Oh, she knew how to pick them didn’t she? And no, she didn’t miss the slight grin of amusement twitching the corner of his lips. She echoed it on her own, seeing the humor in all of this. He had women swooning at his feet, rather literally.
“It’s ok. You can laugh at me.” She’d be laughing at herself if it wasn’t so much to digest. When he made his suggestion, though, she gave him a pointed look to let him realize just how that came out in certain contexts. Her mind wasn’t in the gutter but it could have been. Of course, she’d made her own slip like that with him once before asking him to spend the night with her so she supposed she had no room to talk.
Still, she let him take her up and over to the couch, not much feeling like trying to do anything so complicated as walking. While she was in his arms she studied him again wondering how she hadn’t recognized him. “You know that you can trust me, right?” she asked softly, feeling the weight of his secret on her shoulders now, too. She knew he didn’t take this lightly and she felt touched by his trust, even if she’d all but forced him into it. “I would never put you in danger willingly.”
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 1:24 pm
"I don't want to laugh at you," he said innocently, which was ruined as the grin broke out while he was saying it. He laughed and shook his head, despite himself. He focused on carrying her and not dropping her. That would just make everything a lot worse.
He blushed at her look, swallowing hard.
"To sit down, I mean."
He set her down carefully, making sure she had a pillow at her back and was not half falling off the couch. He stood nearby, the ever vigilant knight, smiling at her softly.
"I certainly hope so," he said, smiling at her. "But if anything every happens, you might be in more danger just for knowing. Or if anyone sees me, as Camelot, spending time with you, you might become a target. I don't want to put you in danger, either. But I promised before, and I'll promise again. I'll protect you."
He powered down, smiling at her.
"We'll both just have to be careful, that's all."
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Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:46 pm
“I meant what I said. However I can help you, I will. I promise.” She looked at him and paused. “I meant it, too, when I called you my hero. You’ve done so much for me.”
It was hard not to get teary eyed when she spoke, reconciling her friend to her hero. They were the same person and that still threw her through a loop to think of it. All this time she’d relied on them both and all this time he never told her who he was while he was working so hard for her happiness. It amazed her that she could ever think such things about him, thinking she didn’t mean as much to him as he meant to her. Impossible!
Then she thought about what this meant, putting him in danger should the wrong people hear. The Negaverse, as Benitoite demonstrated, were regular people, too and she could never be sure of who was whom. If she spoke the wrong word in front of the wrong person she could seriously put him, herself, and Harmony by extension, in trouble. That thought made her eyes widen. “I’ll be careful.” She promised. The last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize his life or anyone else’s.
“At least you can do something about what you know.” She hated being helpless faced with this. “You have the power to help.”
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