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[Meta] Raven Moore // Sailor Lesath--DMS of Moths

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Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:33 pm


Raven's Civ has already been approved! Link is provided User Imagehere! This thread is to approve her new DMC Senshi side!
PostPosted: Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:34 pm


Senshi: Sailor Lesath DMC Senshi of Moths User Image

Challenge: Do you know what Mottephobia is?




Fuku: ---->



Attacks: These are your senshi's abilities, which will be used in battle. These abilities correspond to your senshi's element. Think of it as a "summary" of what your senshi can do in one word.

Sailor Scout Attack: Moth Scream
Sailor Lesath lets out a piercing high pitched frequency which is able to disorientate the people around her. She can't control who hears the sound and who is affected, so her allies can be disorientated from the sonic sounds as well as people opposing her. The sounds can go out for a five foot radius around her, affecting everyone in this area. She can keep up the sound for twenty seconds.

Super Sailor Scout Attack: Piercing Moth Scream
Sailor Lesath lets out the same piercing high pitched frequency, though this time she can direct who is affected, meaning those who are on her side won't be affected by the noise and won't get distracted. The frequency is a bit stronger now, and can cause some head pain if it is heard. She can keep the sound up for thirty five seconds and her area of affect goes up to a ten foot radius.

Eternal Sailor Attack: Moth Swarm
Using a very, very high pitched frequency, Lesath creates a group of magical moths...a lot of magical moths. (Between 100 and 150, all moths between a half inch to an inch in size) They remain in the area for up to thirty seconds, and they do as much damage as a moth could do. They're itchy, they tickle, they can get in your mouth; (They taste bad, very bad. Not candy bugs at all.) The moths nibble at the clothes of the opponent and just cause as much chaos as they can, serving as a distraction, and maybe even a cause for the opponent to leave--if they have a fear of bugs.
One downside to this is moths can be distracted with false light sources or fire, fire can burn them just as it can burn normal moths. They can be injured by attacks, and when they die (Except for deaths by incineration), they crumble into dust which lingers in the air and can also be a slight irritant, getting into opponent's--or allies eyes and mouths. Dust can linger for about five seconds after the moth's 'deaths'. The moths can extend to opponents within ten feet of Lesath

Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps


Trash Husband

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 1:24 pm


Small suggestions:
-Rather than say 'summons' might be better to say 'creates magical'. Summons implies she draws them to her from elsewhere, but in places where a moth couldn't get to her (like space lol) it's ???
-It could be cool as for how she creates them is she spins around and glittering dust that comes from her fuku is what creates them. A small fun tie in perhaps.
-It's good to have the light sources drawback, but moths are known to uh.... like fire. So it might be good to say they're susceptible to fire like all moths. Because that can be a definite weakness.
-The other draw back/visual you might consider is that if they're magical, rather then falling dead and lingering they just go out in a puff of dust. Moth dust might be kind of a fun thing for the attack, since dust is an irritant. Plus that might be what the moths taste like lol
-With going out as dust it can be that the dust lingers briefly, and the only way to avoid the moth dust is via fire? But the dust can get on anybody? IDK if this is making sense.
-On her last attack I would say make it clear how many hits before it's gone from lower level chars? If 10 beginners hit it, saying it wouldn't disappear is odd. But if it took like
3 for starting stage
2 for 2nd
1 from eternal or higher.
That would make a lot of sense.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 1:39 pm


iStoleYurVamps
Small suggestions:
-Rather than say 'summons' might be better to say 'creates magical'. Summons implies she draws them to her from elsewhere, but in places where a moth couldn't get to her (like space lol) it's ???
-It could be cool as for how she creates them is she spins around and glittering dust that comes from her fuku is what creates them. A small fun tie in perhaps.
-It's good to have the light sources drawback, but moths are known to uh.... like fire. So it might be good to say they're susceptible to fire like all moths. Because that can be a definite weakness.
-The other draw back/visual you might consider is that if they're magical, rather then falling dead and lingering they just go out in a puff of dust. Moth dust might be kind of a fun thing for the attack, since dust is an irritant. Plus that might be what the moths taste like lol
-With going out as dust it can be that the dust lingers briefly, and the only way to avoid the moth dust is via fire? But the dust can get on anybody? IDK if this is making sense.
-On her last attack I would say make it clear how many hits before it's gone from lower level chars? If 10 beginners hit it, saying it wouldn't disappear is odd. But if it took like
3 for starting stage
2 for 2nd
1 from eternal or higher.
That would make a lot of sense.

I adore you. <3

Does it work a little better now?

BTW. Moth dust sounds disgusting and makes me want to throw all my clothes in the wash. D= Ew... XD

Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps


Trash Husband

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:07 pm


LOL
*BASKS IN YOUR ADORATION*

But yeah that looks good!
As a thing, just say how long dust lasts, (like 5 seconds since they're dying? )

But A+ to me.
PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:15 pm


I'm sorry, but you're going to have to find a different concept for her Eternal attack. @_@ Having an intelligent summons that can change their behavior is not appropriate for a senshi attack, and here you have her summoning a creature that can do a variety of different things depending on the situation. An attack needs to have a finite and consistent set of effects, not be that variable! It also seems more evocative of the idea of fear / mottephobia instead of moths themselves.

In general we like to see attacks for animal spheres approached in a way that does not involve directly summoning the animal in question -- in part because of what I described above. It's usually more practical to put together attack concepts that portray the IDEA of the animal: this can be accomplished by looking at abilities or characteristics that are unique to moths, or drawing from symbolism that moths are associated with.

A particularly neat ability that you're already hinting at is the moth's ability to use sonar to confuse or deter predators. One thing you could do is give her a distracting / disorienting sonar attack at normal and Super, and move the moth swarm attack up to Eternal. You could also search around for other stuff you can associate with moths in order to come up with more ideas if you're not fond of that one. c:

cibarium

Noob


Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:32 pm


Mouse Pachinkorelli


Thank you for your imput! Is this any better, Mouse? =D
PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:45 pm


Just need to specify what area / radius each attacks cover! Then you're all gravy. c:

cibarium

Noob


Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:52 pm


Mouse Pachinkorelli

I knew I was forgetting something. <3

Should be good now~ That's what happens when you try to write out new attacks in a restaurant. >w<
PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:08 pm


I still don't know how big a radius / how many targets her Eternal attack can extend to. c: Add that in, please?

cibarium

Noob


Orangeish Sherbert

Rebel Millionaire

PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 4:01 pm


Mouse Pachinkorelli
I still don't know how big a radius / how many targets her Eternal attack can extend to. c: Add that in, please?


Added. <3
PostPosted: Fri Nov 04, 2011 5:07 pm


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

Looks awesome, thank you!

cibarium

Noob

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