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 Posted: Wed Feb 15, 2006 10:17 pm
Please read Lost Dimensions: Tearing the Veil, and please tell me what you think. PLEASE notify me right away of any large grammatical and typographic errors! Also tell me what you think of the writing style, characters, and, well, what plot you are able to scrape out of it.
I will be VERY appreciative of feedback. Especially if it is more than one sentence long. Tell me what you do like about it. Tell me what you do not like about it. Give me advice. I may not take all of the advice, but I'd still love to hear it.
So far, only the first chapter is posted, but I chopped it up into smaller posts. If you don't like the text size being small, I can make it bigger.
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Posted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 10:20 pm
I like it, you have put a lot of thought into it.
I'm finding the stroy line easy to follow and enjoying myself, getting lost in the stroy.
Keep writing, I really like it.
Oh I must say that as you finish a chapter, you should mail it to yourself, hence you are the first to have it, so that no one can steal it from you.
You need to copywrite it.
Put it into a bit manila envelope and on the back write down which chapter it is. Because you can't open the envelope when you recive it at home.
Thats part of the copywrite thing.
heart
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:34 am
ok... I decided to comment before actually reading your story because the text are too small to read.
It's always better if the actual body doesn't make it look like I'm peering through a tiny tiny hole.
Please re-size the text.
Now, on to reading.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 8:44 am
I'm not actually sure how fast or how often I'm going to be reading them... so I'll leave a comment to every installment you post.
comment per post.
first installment of chapter one:
Beautiful words. Your descriptions are verging on solidity I can almsot touch them.
One thing I found disconcerting was the pace of your description. The narrative is good but it was as if you were pouring a jug of water none too gently.
It looks good but it felt more like a tirade of description that I failed to fully appreciate anything.
Have you ever seen a boat race from the side of a cafe?
It's like that; gone too quickly. Next!
But apart from that... I like how you started it... slow, langourous... and then she stand up and everything seems to pick up.
Nicely done.
Looking froward to reading the rest.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 9:55 am
I read it, I liked it, and I'm trying to think of more to say about it. I know you want more than just a sentence, but my brain is not supplying my fingers the information that they need to type.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 10:12 pm
Sorry it took me so long to respond. I'll respond to ALL of your comments at once
Alright, Liway, at your request, I'll resize it. I'd be happy to. But as for going so fast, do you mean the plot, or the descriptions? I often have a hard time pacing stories. On one end, I've made things crawl and become uninteresting, but on the other hand, I sometimes forfiet most description and just force it all out to grab attention. Could you give me any examples of what you mean?
Also, along with adding more, there may also be edits here or there.
And thank you a lot Gwyn for the advice, I'd hate for this to be ripped.
I should print it out and send it to myself.... my mother usualy tells me to do that as well ;^^. She's smart, too bad I don't listen to her as often as I ought.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:05 pm
More has been added and the text enlarged.
Also, anyone care to comment on the characters thus far?
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:48 am
the first installment of chapter 1:
the actualy pace of it was good.... it's the description that was a lil too generous sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Feb 23, 2006 8:12 am
Ah yes and it was pointed out to me that the word black was used about five or six times in the second paragraph.
I have not yet editted, I'm just waiting for a few more people's feedback (people I know from school) on the first chapter, then there will be a make over.
In the meantime, I'm adding more. The second chapter isn't finished yet though.
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Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:02 am
Second chapter is up entirely, editting on the first chapter still underway.
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