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In the military blame is an avalanche. If a private messes up bad enough for a general to find out, everyone beneath the general is going to blame everyone directly beneath them. That chain continues until, finally, the sergeants get the heat and of course by that time it's built up tremendously so the privates (all, not just one) get a much bigger punishment then what might be considered fair. What was at first a minor mistake can be drastically exaggerated in some cases. Anyways, more on topic...

What I do in cases like that is just vent. For example, you've just let us know what has you ticked at the moment. That's good. It may not help at first, but it is a step in letting it go. If you need to vent more you could let other friends know what happened. Otherwise, what I normally do at this point would be to occupy myself in ways that get the mind off it. Physical labor, intense games, games that require allot of thought or focus, etc.

Alternatively you can meditate. I remember you posting in a Buddhist guild that we're in so I'm going to assume you already know how, but if not I'll post a thread on it and share what I know. I'm no master in any sense, but I can meditate.

I just smile, agree with them and tell them I'll do my absolute best. And if they keep yelling, griping, chewing my ass, etc., still just smile and nod. They ask if I don't care, and I tell them if I didn't care I wouldn't be smiling. At that point they just comment on how wierd I am and usually leave me alone. Then I don't have much to stress about.

I know this is totally different than any situation in my life as we speak.... however, i think it still applies.

I have worked with a lot of abuse survivors over the years- many if not most of them find the first thing they try to deal with is the issue of trust beause it is core to every relationship we have. Most feel the person who harmed them does not "deserve" forgiveness, and most would agree; however without forgiveness most are unable to move on to forgiving themselves, or moving on to their healthier and happier "now" life.

In working in my own healing (we all have something to heal), and working with them, it is important to understand who you are forgiving and for what reason. The truth is, you being angry at your boss does not hurt her. She may or may not even be aware that you are angry, but ultimately it only affects her if she chooses to be affected (chooses to care) about your feelings, or your forgiveness. Most perps will never know whether their victims "forgave" them, or were/are even hurt or angry at them.

That leads to this truth: forgiveness is going to benefit YOU, not her. Being angry at her, is going to harm *you*, not her (if she is even aware). Hanging onto negative emotions is going to damage you, far more than anyone else. Just as forgiveness wil benefit you far more than anyone else.

Forgiveness is not something we do to benefit others, or because "they" deserve it, or they don't. Forgiveness is ultimately for the person *forgiving*, not the forgiven.... You get to hold onto that anger as long you want. To feel angry at injustice (Jesus in the temple) or for a survivor, it is not only okay, it is downright healthy to feel angry for a time..... and then one day, it won't serve a purpose for you. For smaller injustices it might not take as long as some of the core damage done to various victims of injustice.
The last question is this, who do you want to be?

One more note, in the bible (if you believe in it) We are told that if we have something (a problem) with "our brother", we are to go to him, and work out our problems and our forgiveness's, and THEN to go and "lay your offering on the altar" (or before God).
SO....
What kind of person do you want to be? What you value most, you will hang onto the most, you will value the most highly and will likely emulate. So.... who do you want to be? (who do *I* want to be!?) I think it worthy question to ask ourselves throughout our lives)...

hope this helps. or at least furthers discussion...
celeste

I suppose I have an issue with forgiveness... sweatdrop

I mean, I don't hold grudges or anything, but when someone starts treating me in a manner that I feel is insensible, I normally bristle pretty bad...

It helps me to let others know exactly how I feel, and usually, when I have aired my stance, I am ready to forget it, and move on...

...But when a boss comes and plays something bad off like I am personally responsible, and then doesn't want to hear another word about it... Well, that doesn't sit well with me... I make them listen to my side of the situation whether they want to hear it or not....

...and I guess it doesn't help that I am Amazonian enough to be intimidating... I naturally fall back to using intimidation in these situations... I don't really like dogs, but I guess a good analogy is the "big friendly dog" one... Because I rarely ever am mean, and it takes allot to get me angry, but when I am, there isn't much to stop me until I wear anger out.

On the plus side... I get my anger over and done with, and move on rather quickly... and I never really let the sun set before I have worked my anger out...