Keito's fortelling of his own demise was not far from the truth, he mused, as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He felt weak, and his head swam, as if he was burried beneath the ocean, underneath a giant wad of the softest furrs. He was painless, but the numbness concerned him greatly.
Why was he not in agony?
He could remember a fight – a vicious one – when he attempted to escape with Kazuki that night. Claws, teeth, ripping, biting and pain – then...nothing. He had simply stopped feeling.
Odd.
He thought death would hurt more.
“Why is he not waking up?” a childish voice asked, a slight whine in the tone, as if they were growing bored of waiting. Keito recognised that voice, but for the life of him (that comment almost made him laugh. He was dead, could he really say 'for the life of him' ?) he couldn't remember who it was.
“Hush, dear. He'll wake soon, I'm sure,” a gentle voice soothed. It was unfamiliar, but it sounded motherly. Keito summoned the image of a large, fluffy, motherly cheetah and it made him want to smile, but he was so numb be couldn't even summon the energy to attempt it.
Instead, he allowed himself to drift amongst the softness and ignore the numbness in favour of being free – of feeling nothing and thinking nothing and just being...nothing.
-
Soon voices invaded that nothing, and Keito tensed.
“You said he'd wake up! Why did you lie? He's done nothing but sleep since you found us! You were supposed to save him!” Why was the voice sad? Keito didn't want to hear that voice sad. He wanted to purr, to reassure, but he felt so tired.
Tired.
Well, it was better than feeling numb.
“These things take time, dear,” Motherly-Voice said gently, but exhasperation coloured her words an ugly shade of annoyance.
Don't be annoyed at Sad-Voice, Keito thought, with his own annoyance.
Motherly-Voice continued to speak, but Keito's exhastion was won out over his desire to listen to the voices.
-
The realisation that was not dead came slowly, as pain began to take over his body. It started in his toes, creeping into each cell of his paws, up his legs until it blossomed across his chest and face, and suddenly he felt like he was on fire.
Surely this was not death, Keito thought, wracked with shudders of agony. Surely he had not been that poor a person to deserve such an afterlife.
“What's wrong with him? Fix him! Fix him, Sonali! Fix him!” Sad-voice shrieked, sounding panicked. Oh, how Keito wanted to comfort her – if only to get her to shut up.
Motherly-Voice was quick to soothe. “He's fine, dear. He's just starting to come back to us. It'll be fine.”
If coming back meant that much pain, Keito wasn't sure he wanted to, but when he heard Sad-Voice speak again, hope echoing strongly in her tone -
“He's waking up?
- he simply couldn't let her down by not waking.
This time, it was not the numbness that lured him into nothingness, it was a simple desire to escape the pain for a few moments. He needed to regain his strength if he was to fully return and make Sad-Voice happy again.
-
Kazuki.
Her name came back to him as his eyes began to flicker. The dark brown roof of the den was clear above him for a moment, before his eyes began to blurr. A flash of white.
“Ma-li? Kazuki gasped, standing at his side. A blob of black sat next to her, peering at Keito with interest.
“Are you alright?” The bird – it was feathered, so Keito rather hoped it was a bird – asked, revealing a very kind voice.
Summoning his strengths, Keito's blurred eyes drifted to meet Kazuki's. “Kei...to....” he forced out, deciding that if he was going to die – the pain was pure agony at that moment, so death seemed a certainty – that at least she would mourn the right name.
Perhaps if she knew his name, she might even be able to send word of his death to his brothers and sister. Tell them that he had died a fool – he was sure that they would be quick to agree.
Kazuki gave a watery smile, staring at him. “I knew such a strong boy couldn't have such a gentle name,” she told him with an almost hysterical giggle. “Keito.”
He liked hearing her say his name.
Perhaps now that she had said it, he was ready to die?
“No, no!” Sonali – the motherly bird – scolded. “Don't sleep!”
But Keito's eyes had already drifted closed and he was gone, lost amongst the nothing.
-
”What are you doing? You can't leave! He's expecting you when he wakes up! It'll break his heart!”
”I can't stay! I'm sorry. Oh gods, I am sorry. So sorry, Keito. Forgive me...”
”Young one! Young one! No, don't go! Kazuki!”
-
The next time he woke, it was not Kazuki's image nor her voice that caused him to return. Caught up in the nothingness, he had given little thought to anything, but the constant nagging voice – the one that sounded often like Nanashi – had told him that he was leaving too much behind.
The pain had begun to fade a little more and it was now not agony to open his eyes.
He couldn't leave Nanashi, or Aiko, or Bugie. They were his family. Perhaps they did not need him anymore, but he still needed them.
He wasn't a fighter for nothing, he thought, furious at himself for even considering letting the nothingness take him.
The fight had been unfair, multiple cheetahs against Keito, but he had held his own. He was not one to go down without a fight – ever. He wasn't sure how he had escaped, he could remember only the fury of the fight and then nothing. Surely he had escaped, else he would be dead. The family was not the type to spare the weakened, and Kazuki could be of no use in a fight. The bird could not have saved them either. So who had?
He would not die in the middle of nowhere, by the paws of some foolish family.
Forcing his eyes open, the desire to see his family rekindling the desire to breathe, Keito was somehow unsuprised to find Kazuki gone.
The somber gaze of Sonali told him that she was long gone now, and that she would not be returning.
“I'm sorry dear,” she whispered, clearly take their involvement beyond the relm of 'aquantinces' as they were. Keito didn't blame her. Who was ready to die for an aquantince?
Crazy people, that's who.
Keito drew himself together, pushing away the pain as he finally rose to his feet. He wobbled but did not fall.
“Don't be. You are released from your duties now, bird. Leave.”
Sonali ruffled up her feathers with annoyance. “Now don't you go dismissing me! I haven't tended to you for weeks to be cast as-” she cut herself off, noticing his look of distress. Remorse appeared on her face. “Oh, I'm so sorry, dear. I had meant to tell you more kindly.”
“Weeks?” Keito demanded. “Weeks?”
“You were out for so long,” Sonali said quietly. “She feared you wouldn't wake. She stayed with you for the first few – until you spoke for the first time. Then she left. Just like that.”
“How long?” Keito asked, ignoring her comments of Kazuki. He had done his duty to protect her and this was how she repayed him?
“How long has she been gone?” Sonali asked, before answering. ”Three weeks. You were out for two before you woke.”
Five weeks.
Five weeks of his life that he was never getting back.
Staring down at his figure, he saw bones were there used to be lean muscle – he had wasted away in those months, but he had not died?
“You awoke after those two weeks,” Sonali offered, “but you weren't lucid. I managed to get you to eat in those times. The most damage was done in those first weeks, but she was vigilent on making sure your wounds healed at least.”
Another close look at his body revealed a scar, fainter now, along the base of his neck. It would fade further, he realised, but it stood out starkly against his dark, emancipated pelt.
As if prompted by the sight of his ribs showing, his stomach began to growl angrily, making it's desire for food well know. Keito's legs felt weak, and he doubted if he could walk, much less run and catch prey. The bird surely couldn't.
“I have someone I could ask,” Sonali answered his unasked question. “Until now, we had left overs from Kazuki, or some food I scavanged. Tega could help though, if you wanted me to ask.”
How far he had fallen, Keito mused, finally sinking back onto his stomach. He said nothing, but Sonali took that as an assent, as he had not refused her assistance.
“Wait here,” Sonali encouraged, and cast him a warm look – thankful to see him awake. “ I won't be long.” She took flight and soared from the den, leaving Keito to stare after her.
Having lost track of time, Keito thought the darkened sky outside was simply due to the night, but as the sky lit up abruptly, and a loud rumble followed, Keito realised a storm had brewed. Soon enough, the heavens had opened and the rain began to pour.
Keito watched the puddles form outside the den, and waited. Waited for Sonali and her friend. Waited for the thanks he knew was not coming from Kazuki. Waited to die. Waited for his family.
Waited for something.
Anything ; anything at all to stave off the feeling that everything he had done up until that point had been a mistake – and the slightly daunting realisation that he would do it all again, given the chance.
