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 Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 4:28 pm
Epee Approved by moi, please don't change anything. Vittles or Mooty shall move this into the approved area once they've given the thumbs up themselves! <3  Status
Working // Waiting // ???Updates
12.10.11 // Added to his history, opening him up for crits o no
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 4:45 pm
 BasicsCharacter Name: Killian
Type: Pokemon
Species: Arcanine
Region: N/A
Trainer Type: N/A
Gender: Male
Height: 5"11
Age: 20
Hair Color: Cream, with white highs in places. Potentially a white piece at the back of his skull which indicates a scar he had as a pokemon (similar to how humans develop strange coloration of hair over previous trauma or birthmarks).
Eye Color: Amber.
Skin Color: Tan, cream-based.
Other: N.A at the moment!
Nature: Impish.
Ability: Flash Fire; "Activates when user is hit by a damaging Fire-type move (including Fire-type Hidden Power). Once activated, user’s Fire-type moves deal 1.5 times damage. While this ability is in effect, this Pokémon is immune to damage from Fire-type attacks and Fire-type Hidden Power (accuracy and effect from these moves are ignored). For Fire-type Pokémon with this ability, Will-O-Wisp activates this ability without having an effect. If a non-Fire-type Pokémon has this ability, Will-O-Wisp will activate the ability and will have an effect."
Skill Set:
Crunch 80 100 15 20
The user crunches up the foe with sharp fangs. It may also lower the target's Defense stat.
TM59 Dragon Pulse 90 100 10 --
The foe is attacked with a shock wave generated by the user's gaping mouth.
Flare Blitz 120 100 15 10
Lv. 48
The user cloaks itself in fire and charges at the foe. The user sustains serious damage, too.
TM44 Rest -- -- 10 --
The user goes to sleep for two turns. It fully restores the user's HP and heals any status problem.
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 5:07 pm
Character Qualities
Personality:
+Positive Traits+
xxxxx Protective: Because of his experiences as a pokemon and his life in the past, Killian likes to keep what he loves or cares for safe. That includes secrets, in a way; give Killian a secret, and he'll never divulge it. Apart from that, he'll fight tooth and nail to make sure his charges are safe. As such, he makes a very good guardian for children, as his temper doesn't apply to them in the same way as it applies to adults.
xxxxx Good-humored: Killian likes to tease, and be teased, and as such it can be hard to offend him. At least, he probably won't know you're trying to offend him. Killian loves to laugh, so if you can make him laugh, chances are he'll like you no matter what.
o Neutral Traits o
xxxxxStubborn/Persistent: Killian can be extremely stubborn. Once he decides what is true or right in his path, who he has decided to protect, he won't give up. If he has picked the right thing, this can be good. If, however, what he loves is actually dangerous to himself or others, it can lead to terrible consequences.
-Negative Traits-
xxxxx Mercurial: Although Killian makes up his mind quickly, his emotions also reflect that kind of instant decision-making. The smallest triggers can cause his temper to flip completely, and when he's in one of his rages, it's hard to snap him out of it. He won't hurt anything helpless, however, even when he's angry; if he did, he wouldn't let himself forget it for the rest of his life.
xxxxx Lazy: When he's not trying to guard or fight, he's pretty much trying to nap. He won't carry heavy things, he won't go anywhere near a garden and he's not much concerned with nursing others' emotional wounds. Good luck trying to get him off his a** on a sunny morning. As soon as you're talking about weapons or pottery, however, his laziness goes out the door.
Strengths: Reliable, loving; good with clay and the potential to be a blacksmith. Optimistic, but to the point of potentially being an idealist.
Weaknesses: Falls asleep way too often and can't be roused, prejudice against certain humans but could be persuaded otherwise, longs to be a creature of the sky instead of earthbound which is definitely coloured by his idealism.
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Posted: Thu Sep 29, 2011 5:31 pm
History
xxxxxIn the Beginning:
It was a festival, of sorts. A celebration. When he was born, there were fires lit and berries hoarded for feasting. As soon as he was licked clean, Killian was held warm within a circle of all his family and their friends. That was his welcome in the world: light, heat, acceptance. He lived with his group amongst the rocks and rubble of old buildings which had long since been forgotten, and he lived with his pack. He represented the force which united them. Killian: the son of two opposing forces in their territory, a living symbol of peace.
His mother used to tell him stories of a place far from where they lived, one where the air rippled with heat and the rocks hid many Arcanine and Growlithe alike; she was one of few Arcanine females, and Killian's father was a Ninetails. In this place, his maternal family had lived for generations, until driven out to find food and escape the invasion of Trainers. It was a known place to capture them, and as such, their numbers continued to dwindle. Still, his mother didn't hold any hatred in her heart. They had adapted, so would Killian. Killian represented the new life they had to lead. And it was a very new life: the Ninetails father and his Arcanine mother were in territorial disputes over the rubble that was home. If they searched too far for berries, they would eat into the Ninetails' stock, and vice versa. Eventually, however, the passion of hatred had turned into a different kind of passion.
It was a good life. He grew, he changed, he evolved and took over when his parents were no longer fit. He was still young, however, and shortly after he became the leader of the two bands, pokemon were going missing from their trips into the forest. It wasn't long until he found the source, a camp where trainers and breeders alike had teamed up on an expedition. They were supposed to be studying the mixed group of pokemon, and their strange semblance of peace, but how could Killian know what they were doing? He tried to wrest the pokeballs from some of them, and was tranquilized in the meantime. He woke in a cage. Instead of being caught in a pokeball, they simply detained him while they tried to figure out what to do.
The Dream
It was in this cage that the Musharna came to him. When he dreamt, it was of a long plain, unbroken by mountains, trees of water. A plain of red sand. The heat would have scorched any other pokemon type, but Killian was unharmed. He dug his claws through the ground, and a chunk split off from the rest of the land. He dug again, and again, until the plains were collapsing, and then there was darkness: those he loved crying out, protesting, afraid; he heard them yip and try to escape, as well as the humans yelling and talking to one another. No matter which way he turned, or ran, he couldn't seem to escape the darkness. Chains clattered around his paws. If he had fingers, like those humans, if he could open the lock... he did not know the exact words for these things, but this is what he thought. If he could break free, he could save them. This was his dream. You can, you can be human. The voice seemed to permeate his consciousness, layering over both his dream and his waking mind.
It offered him a chance to become humanoid, to communicate, to free the ones he loved. And he took it.
The Aftermath
Immediately after, he was curled up in a cage which was slightly (very) too small for him, and promptly let out. He was given a blanket, and tried to get close to the fire, working up what he could to communicate. His tail kept itching, and his ears were picking up every sound, flicking back and forth. He was starving. He was afraid. And he didn't know what he was doing, but he tried his best. There was a moment where he tried to make a mad dash for the woods with the pokeballs, but he wasn't quite successful. Eventually, he was able to communicate what he wanted, and thought that they had agreed to set his family free.
What he didn't realize at the time was that he couldn't ever recover what had been lost. In order to save the pokemon he loved and watched over, he had wanted to change, wanted to be stronger, to communicate with his captors. Afterwards, there was only one purpose to his life: serve as a guardian from afar, even though they could never know what had become of him. He had to learn how to do so, first. He needed power, and influence. He needed to learn their ways. He didn't realize that he hadn't even made a difference.
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Posted: Sat Oct 15, 2011 12:00 pm
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 10:03 am
A couple of contradictions that prevent me from buying into his character are as follows:
1. Why would a lazy individual be stubborn/persistant?
2. Why would a lazy individual demonstrate levels of protectiveness?
3. Mercurial individuals are highly unlikely to be lazy if they're going to be sent into a fit of rage.
Be very careful of your word choices, lazy is literally defined as an individual who is adverse to work, activity and physical exertion. Why would he bother with stubborn traits/protectiveness when they require him to expend energy?
Additionally, you need to be careful of absolute traits, the way he's written at the moment indicates that he "always" does x, y and z. Humans in the real world are very rarely like this unless they have health reasons that force them to behave in this manner. There will always be exceptions! I would encourage you to consider where these exceptions are and in doing so, you may find more traits are born from it e.g. He could be generally stubborn or persistent, but he happens to have moments of lethargy. For example, in warm and sunny weather, Killian has been known to be very difficult to motivate, he'd sooner sunbathe than play.
The above is just an example, but hopefully it clarifies how you can twist the traits you already have into making more sense. There are ways to avoid contradictions and preserve existing traits, you just need to look at what you have in front of you more closely.
Strengths:
If he's optimistic to the point of being an idealist than this is more of a weakness as it indicates a certain level of naivity.
In relation to your history, I'll refrain from commenting on it just yet in case you wanted to make any amendments to your personality which might ultimately effect it. On the whole, his personality isn't bad but it needs far more depth, he's very superficial at the moment and I think that with development it'll come across in a much more appealing manner.
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:27 pm
Firstly, thank you for the crit! I aprpeciate the time you took to read Killian's info and comment :D <3.
Secondly! Humans, and in turn gijinkas, are full of contradictions within their own personalities. I'll add some of this in to his bio itself, to help straighten up the confusion, but here o u o I'll address it as we go along, though I think primarily your specific issues with his personality lie in a difference in the perception of laziness between the both of us. All a matter of perception, but I'll try to clear it up:
1. It might be easier to conceptualize once you think of it in terms of a donkey, or an a**: they might be perceived as extremely lazy or sluggish beasts at times, but if you try to get them to go anywhere that they don't want to go, they'll dig their heels in. It's all a matter of motivation. In light of this, Killian is unmotivated to be a "go-getter" per se, but when he is motivated, he is quite persistent or stubborn, depending on the situation. Since his stubbornness is listed as a neutral trait, for him that means that it's coloured solely by motivation; it can be a positive thing, or a negative thing.
2. A little further down, you mention I need to be careful of absolute traits. I believe your own advice comes in handy for this second point. Although you helpfully have provided the definition for the word "lazy," his laziness is hardly an absolute. Yes, he avoids work; yes, he avoids physical exertion. However, his stubbornness, when met with motivation, is enough to persuade him to if not outright take action, go about it in other means. Being protective can be a verbal thing as well as physical; he might not try to stand up to an onyx gijinka, or pick a fight with a rhydon, but that doesn't mean he can't "mother" over someone. In his information, laziness is not an absolute trait, and I did write in several clauses which change or influence how lazy he is. Essentially, you can quite easily be a lazy person and somehow find motivation. Think of it more that Protectiveness comes before laziness, and that when he's called into action, he will fight, even if his laziness might normally indicate he would not.
3. You can be lazy and angry, too. That's not hard work, or physical exertion. It would be, if Killian found his anger exhausting, but he doesn't; there are different types of laziness, and Killian is more the... sits-around-doing-nothing-until-motivated type. His moods aren't governed by an aversion to physical activity.
In terms of absolutes, I believe I gave his personality only one absolute within the "Protective" trait, and that was "give Killian a secret, and he'll never divulge it." Nowhere in there does it say that he succeeds when he fights, only that he will fight with all his effort. There is a qualifier on "he makes a very good guardian for children," being that it is only in terms of his temper that he is qualified; therefore it is not taking into account any other factor which migh change that. Every other personality trait, if you pay attention to my careful wording, uses indicators such as "can be," "probably," "chances are," "pretty much," "not much." There are assertions, this is true, in certain places, like the qualifier on his laziness which indicates that he will not be lazy if you talk about weapons or pottery. In fact, I did actually word things with clauses like you're advising. He does have some "absolutes," but they are more predictions; people, whether they like to believe it or not, have trends, percentages and likelihoods of behaving a certain way. There are countless studies about this. I will go into his personality and make things extra clear, however, as if you have had difficulty seeing those clauses perhaps I should make them more evident so others do not have the same trouble.
Killian's contradictions as you have highlighted appear to only revolve around what is perceived as "absolutes" and a difference in understanding of the word "laziness." If I am avoiding absolutes, then I see no problem with Killian being fundamentally adverse to hard work, but willing to man up, so to speak, if the motivation is there.
Again, idealism is not the same thing as a naivete. I am too lazy to put accents on that, but I trust you will understand. It is all a difference of negative versus positive perceptions of one trait. In Killian's case, and I will explain this, it is a strength because he uses it to keep him going even when he thinks that he should give up, because the odds are overwhelming or the conflict seems like it will never end. Perhaps with that explained, it will more clearly be a strength; it's only naivete if he allows his optimism to erase all truth (though he just might, I suppose, fall into that trap).
I'm sorry that you find Killian's personality superficial. It's true that I will go clean up his history, but on a rather unrelated note; I just think it's too full of what my professor would call "previously enjoyed" ideas. A more positive way of saying cliche, if you will.
Thanks for your help, hope this clears up some of the confusion. I'll be editing him shortly to reflect these insights.
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Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:34 pm
Unfortunately as RP manager I have to be the "ebil staff member" in many respects and what you've explained in the above post is not explicitly stated in your personality briefing. You've been presumptious and assumed that every individual who reads what you have down on paper will immediately read between the lines. Given that this is impossible from a psychological point of view, you need to be absolutely clear on every personality trait you make.
In essence, everything you've written above needs to be stated in his personality traits accordingly so that he's explained in detail. With those additional points applied to each trait, he gains considerably more depth as opposed to being on the borders of oxymoronic.
If you can't apply those points, I can't approve him as his personality lacks the clarity required for me to give him the go-ahead. I'm not asking you to change what he's like but I am asking you to clarify the points (as mentioned above). I don't take issue with him in general, I just take issues with the lack of detail that you've provided. n_n
Will swing through his history in due course and make sure it fits in with the canon as well, though I expect it won't need much tweaking either.
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Posted: Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:14 am
Haha, I did not perceive you as being an "ebil staff member," especially as I am not apt to call anyone "ebil" as adorable as that might be! In fact, I have had experience with critiques, pitches and workshopping for years, and work in many other places; I would never dismiss a critquer as "evil staff;" they exist to help us sift through works in progress and distill into a cohesive idea, eliminating weaknesses as best as we can so that the characters are lifelike and enjoying to interact with.
In terms of it being impossible from a "psychological" point of view that everyone will read between the lines, although it is not entirely applicable here as there were subtle notes to help people understand Killian, there actually is a psychological clause stating just that; it is called the Gestalt Principle of Closure. The principle states that while we may be provided with an incomplete image, or set of information, provided it offers guidance, our minds will automatically "fill in the blanks" or "read between the lines" to complete the image. Obviously I want others to have to work as little as possible to understand Killian's personality, however, and although I stated above a few times that I will be editing his personality to include some of the specifications I listed above, I would like to reassert that I will be doing so. At the moment, I am about to nap to try and get rid of this nasty head cold.
Detail is not always a remedy, though in this case I will happily oblige and specify further. In fact, one of the things that most beginner writers do in order to "improve" a text is to add more text, instead of improving and simplifying what is already there. Obviously, again, this is not the case, but a fun fact in any case.
I did already say I would be fixing him up so that his clauses and exceptions are more evident, but at the risk of repeating myself: as soon as I'm well enough, I'll be sure to try and clear up any confusion you may have with Killian's personality :)
His history is likely a muddle, but at least it's better than it was when he was a WiP, haha. In any case, I have been away for the weekend, due to ... celebration and such, but I'll naturally be editing him soon, and will change the date in the title once I have implemented certain changes :)
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 9:05 am
Moving to Approved Quests.
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