Smiling softly as one of the cubs squirmed in his sleep, she leaned over and gently licked his ruff, soothing him back to slumber. It was another night, with a quarter moon gently illuminating the den with a faint silvery glow. The cubs were all resting peacefully, even Nkera and his siblings, which was a blessing she was had thanked the gods for every time it happened. This night so far, there hadn’t been any untoward issues, the cubs were peacefully curled up in their little piles, most stuck to family groups but some had been here long enough that they were more comfortable curling up with friends or even two and three litters in one big pile. One or two of the oldest insisted on sleeping alone, ranged about on the edges of the den, curled up on reed and moss bedding. One older male had refused even a bed, claiming he was too old to need such things, but he was tossing slightly, unable to get comfortable and Tahirah was trying to work out a way to get him onto a bed, or to bring a bed to him without waking him up.. but as of yet, no solution had come to mind.
Her thoughts continued to wander as the night passed by beyond the den’s mouth. She drifted back to her own childhood when she had been left in this very spot by her own parents, her first night when she hadn’t slept but cried for them endlessly until one of the older nannies had come over and taken her up, telling her stories until she had finally fallen to sleep in the early hours of the morning. She and that old male had become friends, and as she grew, he had taken over her studies, encouraging her when she decided to become a nanny and teaching her what she needed to know. It was mostly thanks to him that she was where she was now, surrounded by the cubs she loved and cared for, with a good place in the pride and the contented feeling of a job she knew she could do well.
Curling up and settling down, dark eyes roaming over the piles of cubs with a calm gaze, she let her thoughts continue to roam. She wondered what it would be like to have her own cubs, to see them grow and mature under her paw, to go to lessons each day and race back in the evening barring tales of all they had achieved that day. Remembering the male who had come and interviewed her, so worried for his offspring that he came to examine the place they would be raised. Would she be that protective? That determined to give them the best she could? She thought that maybe she would... who wouldn’t want the best for their cubs? To see them grow and prosper and become the best adults they could be. Smiling softly she flicked an ear, listening to the snores and murmurs of the sleeping young around her. She knew she wanted her own cubs one day, to have her very own bundles of fluff at her paws. Though she knew she would not be able to give them preference over the rest, they would still be hers, her children, her babies.... someone to carry on after she had left this world. Yet the thought did not escape her that to have cubs, she had to find a man... and that seemed, at best, somewhat beyond her capabilities. She was shy around adults of both sexes and with males it was doubly worse. How could she find a male who would want to share his mate with the pride’s young? She who barely had any time to herself, how could she expect a male to want a mate who would have no time for him? The question was huge and he chest hurt a little. Was she never to find love in the pride?
Sighing softly she sat up and then stood, quietly making her rounds to check on the sleeping fur piles. Though her mind continued on its course. Of all the lions she knew, they would all expect a mate who was there for them, after all, wasn’t that what mates did? She... she never even had a full day on her own, and could sometimes barely manage an hour when the cubs napped at midday... she could not expect a male to put up with that kind of treatment... So how then, would she bare cubs? Pausing she glanced to the sky beyond the mouth of the den. There was one option, but it almost felt like betrayal to even think of it... but.. a rogue male wouldn’t expect her at home each evening, he wouldn’t expect her t spend her nights at his side.... she doubted if he would even stick around long enough to know if he had reproduced or not... As scary as the idea seemed, it also looked like perhaps her only option for kids... and certainly, it would mean she could keep her job and not worry about abandoning any potential mate.
Pinning her ears she turned her back on the view and moved to check the cubs along the outside of the huddles. But then, if she wanted to go out and find a male... would she even be able to do it? Not only had she never been beyond the pride’s cliff boundary, but was she, small and female as she was, be able to survive long enough to find a willing male.. and even, would any male want to lie with her? She had nothing to offer them, she was not entirely sure she could stick up for herself out there either... what if a male found her and stole her away? Shivering she scowled and shook her head. She was not that weak... she could make it back to the pride if it came to it... but surely there would be a male out there who would only be looking for a night’s company... a rogue who was simply passing through, of good temper and not overly violent...
The very thought that she was even thinking about this logically made her wince and tuck her tail, certain someone was about to walk up and point and say ‘traitor.’ But she longed for cubs of her own, and yet had absolutely no confidence in her ability to find a mate and wasn’t even sure if it was the right thing to do.. surely it would just hurt the male to make him put up with her work hours...? And it wa snot like she could change jobs, she was only good at one thing and truly loved what she did. Sighing softly she finally returned to her place and curled up, tucking her nose under her tail tuft and closing her eyes. Maybe a real solution would present itself in the light of day... for now, she needed sleep and to forget these hair brained ideas....
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