|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:15 pm
After almost two weeks of wallowing in his depression, sitting on the couch eating junk food and drinking beer while watching movies that made him cry, running around the city half blinded by sadness and worthlessness chasing monsters, and running himself ragged at work every day only to spend his evenings lost in the smoke and alcohol and loud music that heralded the numerous parties around town, Paris had had quite enough.
Yes, he’d made a mistake. Yes, he’d done something so incredibly dumb he didn’t know how he could ever make up for it, and, no, he wasn’t ever going to do it again, at least not on that scale. He’d learned his lesson, and now he thought it was time to make his amends, more than the sad, tearful apologies he’d made as Chris had pushed and shoved him out of his apartment.
So, sitting on his bed as he cloistered himself in him room after cleaning up the remnants of dinner one night after work, Paris grabbed his cell phone and composed a text to his ex-boyfriend.
Text from Paris How many times do I have to say I’m sorry?
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 4:46 pm
The last couple weeks had been spent trying to keep himself distracted. Whether it was going to the Surrounding to help out with whatever he could there, or to take care of the youma that still wandered the streets of Destiny City, or even working on school work... Whatever he did, though, he never seemed to be fully distracted.
It didn't help that he occasionally got a text or attempted phone call from the person he was trying to distract himself from. He was still angry and upset about the several month long lie that had had broken his heart, and he wasn't in the mood to talk to Paris of all people. And so he ignored them, or made up stories in his head about how he could always claim that he never got them to begin with.
The phone vibrated on the countertop as he tried to decide what he wanted to eat, shuffling through the food in his refrigerator that, unless they could be cooked in the microwave, would only be eaten raw. He looked up and over to the phone, hoping it was someone other than his ex, but sure enough, Paris's name flashed on the screen.
At first he was going to ignore it, just like the others, and he did for about ten minutes as he pulled out some leftover pizza to stick into the microwave and eat. Eventually though, as he made his way up to his loft bedroom to get ready for bed, he went against his first instincts and typed out a response. It didn't matter how many times Paris apologized... it didn't really change anything, did it?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:19 pm
Paris waited for a response.
First, he sat on his bed and twiddled his thumbs, staring at the phone he set next to him in the hopes that it would light up and vibrate soon enough. Then, when it didn't seem as if he were going to get a response so quickly, he picked up his kitten from where she'd curled herself up at the foot of his bed and plopped her into his lap to pet her for a couple of minutes. Next, when Sassy had extricated herself from his grasp and returned to her spot with an imperious lift of her head, Paris got up to rearrange some of the figurines that littered the top of his dresser.
By the time nine minutes had gone by, he grew tired of waiting and annoyed that none of his texts or phone calls had been deemed worthy enough for a response.
He picked up his phone to type another one.Text from Paris Don't be a brat. Stop ignoring my texts.
He frowned as he read it and quickly typed out another one before Chris could respond to his second.Text from Paris I'm sorry. Will you at least talk to me?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:45 pm
Chris had just hit send when he got another text from Paris, and frowned deeply at the words. He was being a brat, huh...? Why the hell would he want to talk to Paris if he was just going to be snapped at like that?
He was just about to put his phone down when he got another text, frowning at Paris's apology and not knowing if he wanted to respond or not. There were a lot of reasons he didn't want to talk to him, most of them selfish and childish. He didn't want to be hurt again... and talking to Paris might remind him of the good times they had and would never share again...
Text from Chris What's there to talk about?
Okay, maybe he was being a little snippy with his response, but he was still not sure how much he wanted to bother himself with this guy. In fact, this was the most he'd conversed with him since they'd parted ways two weeks ago. He knew he should probably try to be more understanding, but after all those months of thinking Paris was someone he really wasn't, well... he was kind of bitter.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 8:54 pm
Flopping back onto his bed now that somewhat of a conversation had started between them, Paris made himself comfortable as he read the next text, rolling his eyes at how difficult Chris was being. He realized he'd ******** up pretty badly and that Chris had every right to hold it over his head, but he'd hoped Chris was a bit more mature than that.
Apparently not.Text from Paris I don't know. What I did to you, maybe? Your attitude problem?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:50 pm
Annabel made her way up the stairs and hopped up into Chris's bed, enjoying the extra pampering she was getting now that Chris had no one else to spend his time on. That meant she got to sleep in his bed at night all she wanted and not worry about being kicked out. Chris didn't mind, and went to the bathroom to start brushing his teeth, looking down at the phone he'd placed on the counter when it vibrated again.
He frowned down at it, not sure why Paris would think he'd want to talk to him with that kind of accusation. Yeah, he realized that he wasn't the only one hurt, but what had happened to the Paris he never fought with? He didn't like how he felt cornered by him when he hadn't been the one to lie.
And so he ignored the text, figuring that Paris would just try again in a few days. They'd both go to sleep and try to get over themselves and move on...
That was for the best, right...? Besides, he could be passive agressive if he wanted to be...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 10:00 pm
He waited. And he waited. And he waited some more.
Paris sat on his bed with his arms crossed, staring at his phone, then at one of the posters on the wall, then up at all the little bumps on the ceiling, then back down to his kitten curled up and comfortable at the end of his bed. He considered grabbing her again but he stopped himself and thought at least one of them should be comfortable and have a relaxing life. It must be so easy being a well-taken-care-of cat. Sassy didn't know how good she had it.
Of course, looking at Sassy reminded him of Chris, and then he just felt miserable all over again, and even more annoyed when Chris didn't deign his text with a reply. Maybe he shouldn't have said what he had, but they were never going to sort anything out or move on until they'd actually talked to one another about what had occurred between them.
And some small part of Paris thought that maybe, somehow, if he explained himself well enough, if he showed Chris how much he still cared, maybe things could start to go back to how they'd been before. Not dating, not if Chris was so against being with a guy, but at least friends. He thought they'd been good together, even before the whole relationship.
After another ten minutes had gone by without a response, Paris picked up his phone again and hit the number 4 on speed dial, listening to it ring and daring Chris not to pick up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 10:30 pm
By the time the phone rang, Chris had finished brushing his teeth and doing all the necessary things to get ready for bed. He'd just pulled the covers up and turned on the television to see if there was anything that caught his interest before he'd turn it to mute and just let the white noise play as he went to sleep, too.
Chris frowned and glanced at the name on the caller ID, not sure if he wanted to do this so late at night, but after the fourth ring, he muted the TV and hit the accept button.
That didn't mean he answered right away, and he held the phone away from him for a few more seconds before slowly bringing it to his ear.
"Hey..." he said rather lamely, knowing he could have said just about anything... like... 'What do you want?' or 'Stop calling me' or... any other number of things... but no... he had to be lame and answer with a 'hey'...
He didn't know why he felt nervous and guilty when he'd been the one who'd been lied to... but he still did.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 10:38 pm
Paris didn't know how to feel when Chris actually picked up the phone. Relief was pretty strong, nervousness, too. If he were to be honest, he wouldn't have expected Chris to answer at all. He'd been prepared to cancel the call and send him another annoyed text, and so when he heard the dial tone stop and Chris's voice on the other end of the line after a five seconds pause, words escaped him.
"Hey..." he replied, just as lamely. Everything he'd meant to say before suddenly flew out of his mind.
He'd wanted to shout at him, call him names, goad him into an argument just to get out some pent up steam, just to get some sort of a reaction out of him. Now, hearing his voice, he couldn't summon the anger and annoyance right away. It felt as if he hadn't heard it in so long -- two weeks that felt like months -- and he wished it hadn't had to end this way, that he'd been smarter and told him from the beginning, and maybe things could have been better.
"Listen..." he began, struggling to find the words. "I just... I just wanted to talk. You've been ignoring me. I... I thought that we should try to work things out some... You know, since... since we didn't really have a chance to talk about it before..."
He hated that he sounded so nervous, but didn't think he could force confidence and make it sound believable.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:34 pm
Chris swallowed down his nervousness and hopefully his awkwardness as well when Paris started speaking. He listened and remained quiet for a few more moments, before finally responding with, "Sorry..."
It wasn't harsh or sarcastic, though. He knew he'd been ignoring him and he was ashamed of himself for being such a coward when it came to trying to figure out what to do with Paris and their... whatever it was they had...
"Um... yeah... that's fine," he added after clearing his throat. He reached out to pet Annabel, who looked up at him curiously, before lowering her head back down to go to sleep. He could talk to Paris... that wouldn't be difficult, right...? And Babylon had advised him to hear him out.
"You don't want to be a girl, do you...?" he asked, probably sounding pretty random and... pretty lame as he trailed off when he realized how stupid a question like that probably was. Or at least how stupid it was when starting off a conversation. "Uh... sorry, what did you want to talk about...?" He should probably let Paris go first...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:11 am
Paris lifted a brow and gave the far wall a very strange look at Chris's opening inquiry. "Where did that question even come from?" he asked, too surprised to really answer it right now.
He supposed it was a legitimate question. Considering what he'd done, he was bound to arouse some curiosity in his ex-boyfriend, especially since he hadn't been able to give much of an explanation before being kicked out. Chris hadn't seemed all that interested in getting the facts straight. It wasn't as if he'd never been asked such a question before, yet it still sounded off hearing it come from Chris, nor was it anything he particularly wanted to get into at the moment.
"Never mind. Can we just... I don't think we should do this over the phone," he said, picking at his bedspread and shifting to get more comfortable. "Could we meet up somewhere? Not tonight, obviously, but... maybe sometime later this week?"
He hated that he sounded so unsure of himself. Talk about pathetic. As difficult as it made things, Paris thought he liked it better when he could be snippy and aggressive. Otherwise, he just felt horribly lost and out of place. He didn't know what that said about him -- that he relied too much on his anger, that he was uncomfortable expression too many other emotions -- but it wasn't something he was comfortable enough to explore at the current time.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 8:29 pm
He wasn't really sure how to explain his question. It had been brought up by Babylon so he figured he should probably ask... but it was also a strange thing to start off on, so he was glad that Paris didn't take the time to answer it.
Chris sunk against the pillows on his bed, feeling like an idiot as he listened to Paris's voice. He sounded like a girl... Well, now that the knew Paris was a guy, he could sort of tell that he was really a guy, but... really... it was an easy mistake, right...?
"Um... y-yeah, that's fine," he stuttered awkwardly, cursing at himself in his mind for being so completely lame. "Yeah.... we can meet up sometime..." His stomach did flips, warning him against the heartache the meeting would probably cause him, but he couldn't just tell him no, could he...? That would be really rude...
"Yeah, where did you want to meet...?" Because... that would probably be a good thing to decide... "How's, uh... how's Sassy...?" What? He wanted to know about the kitten! There wasn't anything wrong with that, was there...??
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:05 pm
"Um... Sassy's fine..." Paris replied, staring down at the end of the bed where his kitten continued to sleep, completely unaware that he and Chris were discussing her like some child caught in a messy divorce. "She's just... being a cat. You know... sleeping... and sleeping some more..."
He told himself he was not going to ask about Annabel and had to clamp his mouth shut around the question.
Why couldn't he just be angry? Why couldn't Chris just shout at him and call him an idiot and tell him to leave him alone? Why couldn't they just fight and lay everything out there and curse at one another until they were red in the face and slamming their phones down after hanging up on one another? Paris thought he would have greatly preferred that to this awkwardness. At least then he would know where he stood, and he wouldn't have to worry about saying the right thing or the wrong thing or any of the hundred other worries that suddenly began to zoom through his brain.
"I guess we could meet... um, maybe at that cafe... you know the one we ran into each other at a few days after we... after we, um... met..."
He wanted to turn in his bed and bash his head against the wall. He didn't think he'd ever sounded so stupid in his life.
"Unless that's too sentimental," he quickly backtracked, not wanting to seem like some simpering puppy. "We can meet anywhere, really. It doesn't matter to me. I just thought... you know, it might be good. We could do it on Saturday or something. I usually let Dad take the Saturday shift so he doesn't complain too much about being bored or me trying to take over his store..."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:54 pm
"That's good," he mumbled back, glad that the cat was okay. Not that he was really worried about her, he was just wondering. He'd been the one to give Paris the kitten, after all.
"No, that's fine," he agreed, not thinking where they met would be all that big a deal. It wasn't like the cafe meant that much... they'd just run into each other there... "I'll meet you there on Saturday, uh... how about around..." he paused, stopping himself from saying noon, because then it would imply that he was asking Paris out to lunch. Which... he definitely wasn't. They were just getting together to talk about things, and... that was all.
"How about around ten...? Or is that too early...?" Hopefully not... because then he could get some coffee to hold him over for the rest of the day.
And that was that, right...? Chris felt like he was holding his breath, waiting for one of them to start arguing with the other, but it didn't come. It had been so frustrating talking to Paris over text, but once they could actually hear each other's voices, well... apparently that changed things...
It shouldn't, because he was still angry and bitter and upset about everything, but at least they could be mature enough to hold a... slightly awkward conversation...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:41 pm
“Ten is fine,” Paris agreed, unable to find a good spot in his room to stare at. The far wall? The floor? His foot?
He ended up fiddling with the hem of his shorts, then shifted around to get comfortable again, sure he had never had such an awkward conversation over the phone before. Even conversations with his mother usually went better than this, or weren’t so drawn out as to cause so much discomfort. Talking to her just made him angry. He’d hoped talking to Chris would be somewhat similar after Chris had thrown him out of his life—pissed off conversations were so easy to have—but that was not to be. At least not right now.
Maybe they’d come later. He rather hoped so. He didn’t think he could handle feeling more like an idiot than he already did.
“I… I guess I’ll see you then,” he said, wondering what he was supposed to do or say now. Should he apologize again? No, that didn’t seem like it’d be worth it, at least not until they could talk face-to-face and he could look at Chris with wide, sad eyes and a half-frown half-pout and hope his ex felt some sort of sympathy for him. “Bye, Chris.”
He couldn’t bear it anymore and allowed the spineless feelings of cowardice to take over as he pulled the phone away from his ear and hung up.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
