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 Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:13 pm
Everything had to be perfect.
Paris adjusted the plates on the table. Dinner was done. The roasted pork was in the oven keeping warm – he hoped he wouldn’t have to keep it in there too long; he didn’t want it to dry out – he’d just finished the mashed potatoes, and the asparagus looked delicious. An apple pie sat waiting to be devoured on the countertop, a tub of vanilla ice-cream keeping cold in the freezer. He was sure Chris would like it, and if he didn’t, no one could say Paris hadn’t tried
Chris had been in class for most of the day, and when he hadn’t been in class, he’d spent his time in-between on campus or in the general area, leaving the apartment empty. It had been the perfect opportunity for Paris to make use of his keys to make his boyfriend a surprise dinner. He’d had someone else cover the shift at the shop for the last half of the day and had spent the past few hours preparing.
Annabel was in her crate, keeping quiet in the back room; Sassy had taken residence under the couch almost as soon as they’d arrived and slept there now, hardly making a sound. Paris wanted them both out of the way, at least for tonight. Tonight it was just going to be him and Chris. No one else. Just them.
There’d be no helping civilians tonight.
He took off the apron he’d been wearing over his dress and put it away, smoothing out his clothes before lifting his hands to his hair to make sure everything was still in place. His pale coral colored lace dress reached to his knees, and he wore pearls at his wrist and throat. Lovely and elegant. Pretty enough for someone like Chris, who was handsome and charming and everything a girl could ever want, but too good for him. He’d left his shoes on instead of placing them in the front closet. He thought they completed the look, brought everything together, like they were going out for dinner at one of those nice restaurants Chris liked to take him to. Tonight, the restaurant was here.
Chez Gallo.
Because he couldn’t keep secrets anymore, and what better way to butter Chris up and get him in a good mood than to make him a nice dinner?
Everything had to be perfect.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:26 pm
It had been a long day. He'd already had a test in one of his math classes, and had spent most of the night before finishing up a project for his design class that he hadn't been able to focus on due to knight stuff and helping civilians that had somehow wound up in space. But there was nothing they could do about that besides offer help until they find a way to get them home. His typical six hours of sleep a night was quickly dwindling to an average of four, and then there was barely time to catch up on sleep when the weekend came. Chris was exhausted and he wasn't looking forward to leftover pizza that he thought he had in the 'fridge. He knew he should have picked up something to eat on the way home... Maybe he would call Paris and ask if she was busy or if she wanted to meet him for dinner.
He wouldn't have to worry about dinner, though. The door was unlocked and pushed open, and Chris, although tired and worn down, blinked in surprise. He could smell the food that had been cooked, and it didn't take long for him to see the table set and he quickly looked around for his girlfriend. "Paris?" he called, shrugging his backpack off his shoulder and placing it on the floor.
How he didn't notice Paris right away, he had no idea. She looked beautiful in her dress and hair pulled up. She had enough leg showing and the heels made her calves look even more amazing — she was definitely a dancer. No mistaking that. "W-what's the occasion?" he stuttered curiously, but he couldn't help smiling as he moved over to her to lean down and give her a kiss hello. "You look... wow... uh, you look amazing... beautiful. I could, uh... change...?" he offered, glancing down at his typical polo shirt and khaki shorts and boat shoes. Wow, he really needed a more interesting wardrobe. He literally wore the same thing all the time. Maybe when the weather got cooler he would pull out his nicer jackets and better shirts... "I kinda look like a bum..."
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:33 pm
He should have smiled. His ego should be swelling at the compliment. Instead, his stomach gave a sickening twist and his heart fell straight through his gut. He was sure it had landed somewhere around his feet. He thought he should go ahead and step on it, just smash it with the heel of his shoe. By the time all of this was over, he knew it would be in far worse shape. If it wasn't, he'd be the lucky recipient of some divine miracle.
But he had rarely been so lucky.
When had anyone else ever said something like that to him, told him he was beautiful and sounded as if they meant it, as if they'd never seen something so beautiful in all the world? He couldn't remember. He didn't think anyone had. Certain people told him he was pretty, that he looked nice, would complement a feature or two, but it was never like that. No one else ever made him feel like what they said actually mattered. No one else ever made him want to gain such a high opinion from them.
Chris was different. He'd been different from the beginning. He should have known then that this was a bad idea. He should have known, the second they ran into one another again outside of that cafe, that he was making an enormous mistake by not telling him the truth.
Paris kissed him back, hands along Chris's shoulders, and once they separated he forced a smile he hoped didn't look too nervous. "You're fine. Don't worry about it. I'm probably a bit overdressed," he said. "I hope you don't mind that I cooked. I didn't think you would. It's all ready. Why don't you go ahead and sit down? I’ll get the pork."
He moved toward the stove and tried not to look so tense. Act natural, he kept telling himself. Everything would be fine.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:43 pm
Chris noticed almost right away how nervous she seemed, but he didn't say anything about it. He didn't want to make her more nervous than she already was, and he tried not to think too far ahead into the evening. Why would she make him dinner for no apparent reason? Dress up and make everything perfect to surprise him? He was glad that he'd finished his project the night before because he was certainly hoping he wouldn't be doing anything but spending, uh, quality time with her that night.
It was about time, too, in his opinion. Not that he was trying to rush her into anything she wasn't comfortable with! But she hadn't really let him touch her. Sure they kissed and were a little more intimate every so often, but she got nervous about him touching her. Or rather, she didn't let him touch her more than her face and arms and her legs on occasion. He certainly wouldn't mind hitting a home run tonight, and he wasn't going to do anything to screw things up.
"No, you're not overdressed at all," he quickly said, shaking his head. "You really do look amazing. Ah, yeah, are you sure you don't need help?" he asked, feeling like he should be doing more than just sitting around. He didn't sit down right away, though, waiting for Paris to come back and set the food down so he could pull her chair out for her. If they were going to have a nice dinner, then he was going to treat her like this was a fancy dinner.
"It looks and smells amazing, Paris," he said softly as she sat down, leaning down to kiss the side of her neck. There was nothing wrong with getting in the mood ahead of time, was there...? And he was just saying the truth! It really did look good.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 6:51 pm
He brought the pork to the table after removing it from the oven and turning the oven off, setting it in the center by the bowl of mashed potatoes and platter of asparagus. He forced another smile as Chris helped him into his seat, hoping it didn't look too strained, and his chest gave another painful squeeze when he felt lips against the side of his neck. This wouldn't be so hard if Chris wasn't so sweet to him all the time.
"Dig in," he said, taking a bit of the pork for himself. He went ahead and set some on Chris's plate as well, doling out the food in portions he thought Chris would appreciate. He'd just filled his own plate when he realized something was missing. "Oh, we don't have any drinks," he observed, hopping back onto his feet. "I bought some sparkling grape juice. I thought you'd like it better than wine since neither of us are old enough."
Compulsively, he smoothed his dress out again as he made his way to the refrigerator. He grabbed the bottle from within and opened it, bringing it with him back to the table to fill the two glasses he'd already placed there. Satisfied that they both had enough to eat and drink, he took his seat again, leaving the bottle on the table for easy refills.
"Did you have a good day at school? It seems like you've gotten busy fast. It only started a few weeks ago."
It was all idle chatter. He'd asked Chris about school as soon as it had started. He knew what classes he had at what time, and about how long he stayed on campus each day. They texted one another frequently while Chris was in class and Paris was at the shop, and they went out as much as they could manage -- which, admittedly, wasn't as much as over the summer, but it was still multiple times a week.
Yet he couldn't seem to think of anything else to talk about. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do? He hadn't thought this through all the way. Maybe this wasn't the right time. Maybe he should have done it on a different night. There were already so many other things for them to be worrying about now...
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:04 pm
"Sparkling grape juice sounds great to me," Chris quickly said, smiling in amusement that Paris would think of getting something special like that. "Usually I only have sparkling juice on holidays," he told her, waiting for his girlfriend to come back before starting to eat. She had really put a lot of work into this and he was already enjoying it after such a long day. A long few days, really.
"School was okay. I had a project due and a test. It wasn't anything big. It was just something to start the semester off with," he explained, not wanting her to worry that it was anything big. It wasn't... just routine, really. "What about you? How's the shop holding up? And when did you get here?? You must have been working on this for a while," he observed, before taking a bite of the asparagus. "This is really good, Paris... I'm impressed. Ah, not that I'm not usually impressed by your cooking. I just... really like it. Thank you."
He hoped he wasn't coming off as too eager or too cheery. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her into not following through with... whatever it was she had planned for the both of them. He felt as though his heart had swollen to at least twice its normal size. He knew he liked Paris, but when she did things like this for him, and for no real reason, too. But Paris was always surprising him, always making him feel like he was worth something, and it was times like this that he was glad he'd asked her out that one fateful day.
"Where's Anna?" he asked, suddenly realizing that his dog wasn't around.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:11 pm
"The shop's fine. I went in for a little while this morning, but had someone cover for me after lunch so I could come here. It's no big deal. My dad has other employees, they just don't come in as often as I do."
Paris focused on his food, not sure he would be able to look at Chris when he had so much on his mind. He didn't want to give himself away prematurely. He wondered if Chris already knew something was wrong. Then again, Chris hadn't asked him if he was alright, so maybe he was in the clear so far. His boyfriend actually looked quite happy, almost pleased with himself in a way. Having Chris in a good mood ahead of time was as much as he could hope for. He thought it would make things easier, when the time came...
Not the he knew when the appropriate time would be. Initially, he'd thought to tell him over dinner, but now that they were sitting down and eating, it didn't seem quite right. He should at least let Chris finish first. Maybe he'd be a little more amendable with a full stomach. He could always tell him over desert. No, no, that wasn't right either. This was supposed to be a nice, peaceful dinner. Perhaps the last they'd ever have together if things went poorly.
"Anna's in the back, in her crate," he replied. A bit of guilt began to work its way into his voice. "I'm sorry. I didn't want her getting in the way tonight. Sassy's here, too, but she's been under the couch almost since we got here. If she comes out and starts causing trouble, I'll put her back in her carrier. I wanted us to be alone."
He realized after he said it that his last comment could be taken the wrong way, but he didn't correct himself. He cut his meat with a bit more precision than usual and awkwardly cleared his throat.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:17 pm
Chris smiled at her, making sure to enjoy every bite he took. She had obviously spent a lot of time working on dinner for the both of them, and he was going to make sure she knew that he appreciated it. And of course he was happy and pleased with himself! Paris couldn't have spent a lot of time on this and not have something even more special planned for later. His mind couldn't help but wander, wondering if the loft would be decorated in candles and flower petals and whatever other girly things she could think of, undoubtably inspired by all the romantic and Disney movies she liked watching.
Ah, but it was a little too early to start worrying about things like that. Right now he was going to focus on dinner and how beautiful his girlfriend was. He didn't even need boobs to stare at! Her face made up for it. And it wasn't as though he was a boob guy, anyway... It was her legs that drew him to her in the first place.
He nearly choked on his sparkling grape juice at her last comment, and he quickly covered his mouth so he wouldn't embarrass himself any more than he already had. She wanted them to be alone? Well, the animals didn't really bother him, but the implications... well... He was beginning to wonder just how right he was.
"No, no, it's okay," he quickly said, not wanting her to think it was something he didn't want, too. "Anna will be fine. I don't mind at all." No, he didn't! He had a feeling that he was going to enjoy the evening very much.
"This is really great, Paris. Everything's delicious," he complimented, hoping to butter her up some more and maybe lead to an even better evening. He hoped he wasn't coming off too strongly, though. He wasn't trying to act as though he only wanted one thing. He didn't! Other wise he wouldn't have been with her for as many months as he had. But it was kind of nice to see their relationship progressing as it was.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:25 pm
Oh, God. Chris thought they were going to have sex.
Chris didn't even need to say anything. Paris could tell by the way he choked, by the way he spoke, by the look on his face. That would explain why Chris seemed so pleased with himself. He hadn't even considered that Chris would think something like that, at least not until he'd just made that unintentionally suggestive comment. He should have thought of that before he'd gone through all the trouble to do this, but Chris had never even brought it up in conversation before. He'd never thought Chris was expecting anything like that.
He was an idiot. Chris was male. He was male. He knew how men thought, where their brains spent a majority of their time. Just because Chris was a gentleman and a different sort of guy than he usually went out with didn't mean the fundamentals had changed.
It wasn't that he didn't want to sleep with Chris. He did. Very much so. He had since he'd met him. It was just that... he couldn't. Chris was expecting something much different and Paris highly doubted Chris would still view him the same after he told him the truth.
His eyes remained on his dinner. Throughout the rest of the meal, they talked about simple things -- a little more about school, and Paris complained about some of the rude customers at the shop -- and neither mentioned exactly what it was they were thinking about. Paris found it difficult to eat and had to force the food down. After a while, he wished he had gotten wine instead of grape juice. Maybe the alcohol would have made this easier.
Once they were done, he took their empty plates to the sink and cut them each a piece of pie, placing one scoop of vanilla ice-cream on top of Chris's when he asked for it a la mode. Desert was spent mostly in silence. Paris finished only half of his before he just couldn't do it anymore. He let Chris eat the rest and waited for him to be done before taking the smaller desert plates to the sink as well.
"Did... did you want to sit somewhere more comfortable?" he asked, motioning to the couches. He silently cursed himself, wishing he could think of something to say that didn't sound as if he were leading Chris to exactly what he seemed to be thinking.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:35 pm
The rest of dinner was quiet, but Chris didn't have anything to complain about. He didn't mind just talking about simple things. It kept the mood light and didn't sway in the wrong direction. Or at least he didn't think it did. Of course, he eyed the asparagus warily and decided to pass on a second helping. He'd, uh, heard things and didn't want to ruin his luck if what he'd heard was true. Instead, he happily ate all of the pie he was given and was going to help Paris clean up, but she seemed to have everything handled.
He fought back a goofy grin when she asked about sitting somewhere more comfortable, and stood to make his way over to the couches she'd motioned towards. "No, I don't mind at all." Okay, he needed to stop coming on so strongly. He was going to ruin everything at this rate.
Chris smiled up at her as he sat, waiting for her to follow and make herself comfortable as well. It was then that he realized that... either she really was nervous, or something was bothering her. The goofy grin fighting its way out quickly vanished, and he sat up a little straighter, reaching his hand out for one of hers.
"Paris...? Are you okay...?" he finally asked. He'd been distracted by thoughts of later on, before, but now he was worried that he'd missed something important. "Did something happen?" Well, s**t. If something did, he'd feel like the worst boyfriend in the world.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:45 pm
There was no getting out of it now. Dinner was done and the dishes were in the sink. He wasted as much time as he could rinsing everything out and placing them neatly in the dishwasher, but he had nothing left to do after he'd set the last fork in. He couldn't think of any way to stall without attracting Chris's attention and alerting him to the fact that something wasn't right.
He entered the living area slowly, almost to the point of dragging his feet, and he no longer forced a smile. He knew it would be noticeable now. Chris wouldn't be able to miss it. Chris could always tell when something was wrong just by looking at his face, into his eyes. Even when his boyfriend's mind was somewhere else, he would recognize the signs before long.
Paris sat gingerly beside him, nearly on the edge of the couch, smoothing out the skirt of his dress again and leaning over to adjust one of the straps on his shoes, though none of it was out of place. He sat with his legs uncrossed at first, and then crossed them when he decided he was uncomfortable. It did little to help. He didn't know what to do with his hands. They fidgeted nervously in his lap, picking at invisible lint and tears in the fabric that weren't even there.
He swallowed and looked at Chris, adjusting himself on the couch so that he was turned to face him. He struggled for a scrap of courage, begged the voice of his conscience to come back and tell him all the reasons why he had to do this. It was too hard. He'd gotten too involved. He didn't want to ruin it. Why did he have to? Why now? Couldn't he put it off for another month? Two? Another half a year? Nothing needed to change. He'd managed it since May. He could manage it longer if he had to. He looked the part. All he had to worry about was Chris's wandering hand, which were easy enough to stop.
No... no... If he didn't do it now, he never would.
Taking a deep breath, Pairs met Chris's eye. He tried to keep his expression neutral, to hide his anxiety and sadness, but he couldn't be sure how well he managed it. "I'm fine," he lied. "I just... there's something... we need to talk..."
He realized after he said it how bad it sounded. Nothing good ever started with a comment like that.
"I need to tell you something," he tried again. He hoped that sounded a little better.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 7:52 pm
Something was wrong, and Chris was starting to feel very nervous about what it might be. It wasn't very often that Paris started getting quiet and uncomfortable around him, and he would have thought it had something to do with her father's health, but then why would she have made him such a nice dinner? And why would she want them to be alone if it was bad news?
Maybe she was just bluffing? Maybe she was tricking him into thinking that something was wrong but nothing was? No... That couldn't be it. She wouldn't be able to look like that if she was setting him up. She looked... sad and nervous. He wanted to pull her in his arms and let her know that everything would be okay, but he held himself back, not thinking she would like that.
"O-okay," he stuttered, feeling rather unsure of himself now that Paris announced that they needed to talk. "What is it?" he encouraged, wary of what she might tell him.
Oh gosh... she wasn't going to tell him that she was breaking up with him, was she? But then why the dinner? Or maybe... (as memories of his last girlfriend came from the back of his mind) ... maybe she was going to tell him that she'd... cheated on him...? No, Paris wouldn't do that, would she...? She'd told him that she liked him and that she liked being with him. But he knew he wasn't the most exciting guy in the world. What if she'd gotten bored with him and did it without thinking?
He cursed at himself for doubting Paris, not wanting to jump to conclusions without her getting a word in. She would tell him and it would be okay...
Please, let everything be okay...
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:03 pm
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. All of a sudden his throat closed up and he couldn't speak. His heart gave a frightful lurch and he thought he was going to be sick. He could practically see everything crashing down around him. Chris was going to be so upset, or worse. What if he was grossed out? Some guys were. He'd tricked a few who'd been absolutely disgusted afterwards, and he'd not been with them nearly as long as he'd been with Chris. What if he got angry? Or both?
The worry Chris was feeling was painfully obvious, and he didn't look as if he were merely worried for Paris. He was clearly worried about what Paris was going to say to him. As he should be. Paris couldn't blame him. If Chris knew what it was he should be worried about... but he'd know soon, and then... and then...
"Please," he began around the lump in his throat. His heart gave another painful jolt when he heard his own voice crack. "Please..."
He grabbed onto Chris's arm, his shoulder, whatever he could reach and comfortably hold. He kept his boyfriend facing him, as if he were afraid that he'd turn away, but Chris wasn't looking anywhere else. He stared right at him with those anxious eyes, so bright and warm, and Paris felt himself crumbling. Everything was falling apart, and it was all his fault, because he was so stupid. Why had he done this? Why had he been such an idiot? How could he do this to someone? To himself?
"Please, don't hate me," he begged. He sounded weak and frightened -- not like himself at all. "Please, I didn't mean for it to be like this. I... I didn't know... I thought..."
It was right there, on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't get it out.
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:11 pm
Chris was very startled when Paris grabbed onto him, and he quickly reached out with his other hand to touch her face in what he hoped was a comforting way, brushing back her bangs and edging closer to her as he begged for him not to hate her.
Hate her...? Why would he hate her...?
His heart that had swollen with admiration for Paris earlier in the evening was slowly deflating. Not because he didn't admire her still, but because he was feeling so nervous and worried about what all of this was about. His stomach was already tying itself into knots and his throat was dry, and his hands, although they weren't yet, felt like they could start shaking at any moment due to the stress of not knowing what was going on.
"Paris... you're starting to scare me..." he admitted, staring into the blue-green eyes he so enjoyed staring into. At least when she was full of life and excitement. This, though... seeing her like this... he didn't like it at all. What could she possibly say that would make him hate her? Did she kill someone? Was she one of the Negaverse officers he was told to watch out for and now had to kill him or turn him in?? Somehow he doubted that, but he supposed nothing was impossible.
He took a deep breath, moving his hand to the side of her neck and then to her shoulder and down her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze in an attempt to help her calm down. "Breathe, okay...? I won't hate you..." He didn't think that was possible...
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Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2011 8:19 pm
"I..."
He cut himself off. He couldn't do it. He wanted to leave right now. Just get up and walk out the door and pretend none of this had happened. He never should have gone to that party that night. He never should have gone over to Chris. He never should have sat with him outside of that cafe. He never should have agreed to go out on a date with him. He never should have gone to camp with him. He never should have agreed to be his girlfriend.
There were so many things he never should have done -- lie most of all.
"I..."
He couldn't do this. He couldn't... not right now. He couldn't watch Chris's expression change, couldn't see him grow cold and distant and spiteful. No matter how much Chris said he wouldn't hate him, Paris knew he would. How could he not? Look at what he'd done! He'd tricked him, led him on, made him believe something that wasn't true! And he'd done it for months! Not a few days, or weeks, but months!
He'd had so many opportunities to tell him. The first night they'd gone out, that afternoon on the lake, after Chris had revealed himself as Valhalla... So many times, so many chances, but he'd kept it going, waiting and waiting for the right moment, hoping their relationship would die out on its own and he'd never have to do it, but it hadn't died. It'd grown deeper, stronger, too deep and too strong and now he was afraid, so very afraid, and nothing was ever going to be the same again and he was so, so stupid, and he ruined everything -- with his mother, with his father, with Ladon, and now with Chris. Everything he did was wrong, wrong, wrong, because he was selfish and immature and an idiot and now he had nothing.
"I'm not a girl."
It was out before he even realized it. His mouth opened and words fell of their own accord, echoing in his ears, taunting him and settling between them, heavy and tense and true.
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