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 Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 6:21 am
icey cold and burning hot
hatred mixed with desire
thunder lighting ice and fire
wind and water, acid rain
make it stop stop the pain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:31 pm
Short, sweet and awesome.
This poem rocks my socks off.
It's haiku worthy! ^_^
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-l- Psychotic Saint -l- Captain
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Posted: Tue Sep 06, 2011 5:19 pm
well... it's not in haiku format. xd
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:34 am
this is more of a list of opposites than a poem. while you have some good imagery beginning, it doesn't tell us anything at all about your last line, which I assume indicates the subject of the piece: pain. you begin to attempt to expand on your idea with hatred mixed with pain, but you don't draw any analogies between your elemental images to these emotions. you've left us confused and haven't really told us anything at all. my suggestion, attribute a meaning, either direct symbolism or just a sense of mood that these images are supposed to establish and write more into this, because at the moment the piece is far too short to really get anything substantial across to the reader.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 10:52 am
I never in my life felt like I could convey the feelings or emotions that I was trying to express in that poem, and so I decided instead to simply let those feelings surface and then write them out. it was entirely unpolished and I think I want it to stay that way; it's the theme of the whole piece.
if you'd like further explanation on it, I can try right now. the fact that the emotions are metaphorical opposites is meant to symbolize the paradoxes that seem to be destroying me; it's supposed to be confusing -- I'm confused!
also, the fact that they are painful in being paradoxes is symbolic of my inability to reconcile these dualistic properties of my own existence. I was denying myself my entirety, and that caused me to be feel pain because I was actually tearing myself apart internally.
obviously, I didn't know any of this at the time that I wrote it, but I did know that in it's present form (the same form as when I wrote it) it helped; it made me feel better, it felt right. I don't want it to be some clear, analytical description. I'd rather it be a raw, confusing, ambiguous expression.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:13 am
Chieftain Twilight I never in my life felt like I could convey the feelings or emotions that I was trying to express in that poem, and so I decided instead to simply let those feelings surface and then write them out. it was entirely unpolished and I think I want it to stay that way; it's the theme of the whole piece. if you'd like further explanation on it, I can try right now. the fact that the emotions are metaphorical opposites is meant to symbolize the paradoxes that seem to be destroying me; it's supposed to be confusing -- I'm confused! also, the fact that they are painful in being paradoxes is symbolic of my inability to reconcile these dualistic properties of my own existence. I was denying myself my entirety, and that caused me to be feel pain because I was actually tearing myself apart internally. obviously, I didn't know any of this at the time that I wrote it, but I did know that in it's present form (the same form as when I wrote it) it helped; it made me feel better, it felt right. I don't want it to be some clear, analytical description. I'd rather it be a raw, confusing, ambiguous expression. see, your explanation of it is far more interesting than the piece. I'm all for raw emotional expressionism, I thrive on it. Feel FREE to let out your Dionysian side(see Nietzsche) but at the moment, you're stating these elements alongside just naming some emotions. don't you think it might be a better piece if you try and describe those emotions other than name them precisely? you could certainly do so within the metaphor of fire, or ice or thunder or lightning, but at the moment those symbols are so personal that I don't have a place to enter into your mind as the audience. Where am I involved? If you're writing for just yourself, and this piece helped you in some way externalize those feelings, that's great. I've always felt that art can have a very enriching and therapeutic effect, but you have to ask yourself whether or not you care about your audience. and if not, why bother posting it for people to read? There's a difference between vague and confusing. Poetry can often be vague, and can be enhanced by the ability of the reader to draw their own subjective conclusions. But to create a piece intuitively and have it still be effective in communicating something to your audience, you need to have a clear foundation of understanding the "rules" of poetry. Rhythm, diction, syntax, tone, etc.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:21 am
Symphadora Chieftain Twilight I never in my life felt like I could convey the feelings or emotions that I was trying to express in that poem, and so I decided instead to simply let those feelings surface and then write them out. it was entirely unpolished and I think I want it to stay that way; it's the theme of the whole piece. if you'd like further explanation on it, I can try right now. the fact that the emotions are metaphorical opposites is meant to symbolize the paradoxes that seem to be destroying me; it's supposed to be confusing -- I'm confused! also, the fact that they are painful in being paradoxes is symbolic of my inability to reconcile these dualistic properties of my own existence. I was denying myself my entirety, and that caused me to be feel pain because I was actually tearing myself apart internally. obviously, I didn't know any of this at the time that I wrote it, but I did know that in it's present form (the same form as when I wrote it) it helped; it made me feel better, it felt right. I don't want it to be some clear, analytical description. I'd rather it be a raw, confusing, ambiguous expression. see, your explanation of it is far more interesting than the piece. I'm all for raw emotional expressionism, I thrive on it. Feel FREE to let out your Dionysian side(see Nietzsche) but at the moment, you're stating these elements alongside just naming some emotions. don't you think it might be a better piece if you try and describe those emotions other than name them precisely? you could certainly do so within the metaphor of fire, or ice or thunder or lightning, but at the moment those symbols are so personal that I don't have a place to enter into your mind as the audience. Where am I involved? If you're writing for just yourself, and this piece helped you in some way externalize those feelings, that's great. I've always felt that art can have a very enriching and therapeutic effect, but you have to ask yourself whether or not you care about your audience. and if not, why bother posting it for people to read? There's a difference between vague and confusing. Poetry can often be vague, and can be enhanced by the ability of the reader to draw their own subjective conclusions. But to create a piece intuitively and have it still be effective in communicating something to your audience, you need to have a clear foundation of understanding the "rules" of poetry. Rhythm, diction, syntax, tone, etc. I can't deny that, you're right. I think it must be time now to write another poem, one to be a sequal to this one; a rewrite for the sake of audience. that way I can keep this one personal, and still have an improved version of it that does what a poem is supposed to do when shared with others.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:24 am
Chieftain Twilight Symphadora Chieftain Twilight I never in my life felt like I could convey the feelings or emotions that I was trying to express in that poem, and so I decided instead to simply let those feelings surface and then write them out. it was entirely unpolished and I think I want it to stay that way; it's the theme of the whole piece. if you'd like further explanation on it, I can try right now. the fact that the emotions are metaphorical opposites is meant to symbolize the paradoxes that seem to be destroying me; it's supposed to be confusing -- I'm confused! also, the fact that they are painful in being paradoxes is symbolic of my inability to reconcile these dualistic properties of my own existence. I was denying myself my entirety, and that caused me to be feel pain because I was actually tearing myself apart internally. obviously, I didn't know any of this at the time that I wrote it, but I did know that in it's present form (the same form as when I wrote it) it helped; it made me feel better, it felt right. I don't want it to be some clear, analytical description. I'd rather it be a raw, confusing, ambiguous expression. see, your explanation of it is far more interesting than the piece. I'm all for raw emotional expressionism, I thrive on it. Feel FREE to let out your Dionysian side(see Nietzsche) but at the moment, you're stating these elements alongside just naming some emotions. don't you think it might be a better piece if you try and describe those emotions other than name them precisely? you could certainly do so within the metaphor of fire, or ice or thunder or lightning, but at the moment those symbols are so personal that I don't have a place to enter into your mind as the audience. Where am I involved? If you're writing for just yourself, and this piece helped you in some way externalize those feelings, that's great. I've always felt that art can have a very enriching and therapeutic effect, but you have to ask yourself whether or not you care about your audience. and if not, why bother posting it for people to read? There's a difference between vague and confusing. Poetry can often be vague, and can be enhanced by the ability of the reader to draw their own subjective conclusions. But to create a piece intuitively and have it still be effective in communicating something to your audience, you need to have a clear foundation of understanding the "rules" of poetry. Rhythm, diction, syntax, tone, etc. I can't deny that, you're right. I think it must be time now to write another poem, one to be a sequal to this one; a rewrite for the sake of audience. that way I can keep this one personal, and still have an improved version of it that does what a poem is supposed to do when shared with others. personally, I don't recommend re-writing poems. I've found that I work better when I absorb all the feedback I've received for my last piece and keep it in mind while I write an entirely new poem. Then at least, I have something fresh and new and hopefully better than my last! but it's up to you, that's just the way I tend to work.
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Posted: Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:31 am
Symphadora Chieftain Twilight Symphadora Chieftain Twilight I never in my life felt like I could convey the feelings or emotions that I was trying to express in that poem, and so I decided instead to simply let those feelings surface and then write them out. it was entirely unpolished and I think I want it to stay that way; it's the theme of the whole piece. if you'd like further explanation on it, I can try right now. the fact that the emotions are metaphorical opposites is meant to symbolize the paradoxes that seem to be destroying me; it's supposed to be confusing -- I'm confused! also, the fact that they are painful in being paradoxes is symbolic of my inability to reconcile these dualistic properties of my own existence. I was denying myself my entirety, and that caused me to be feel pain because I was actually tearing myself apart internally. obviously, I didn't know any of this at the time that I wrote it, but I did know that in it's present form (the same form as when I wrote it) it helped; it made me feel better, it felt right. I don't want it to be some clear, analytical description. I'd rather it be a raw, confusing, ambiguous expression. see, your explanation of it is far more interesting than the piece. I'm all for raw emotional expressionism, I thrive on it. Feel FREE to let out your Dionysian side(see Nietzsche) but at the moment, you're stating these elements alongside just naming some emotions. don't you think it might be a better piece if you try and describe those emotions other than name them precisely? you could certainly do so within the metaphor of fire, or ice or thunder or lightning, but at the moment those symbols are so personal that I don't have a place to enter into your mind as the audience. Where am I involved? If you're writing for just yourself, and this piece helped you in some way externalize those feelings, that's great. I've always felt that art can have a very enriching and therapeutic effect, but you have to ask yourself whether or not you care about your audience. and if not, why bother posting it for people to read? There's a difference between vague and confusing. Poetry can often be vague, and can be enhanced by the ability of the reader to draw their own subjective conclusions. But to create a piece intuitively and have it still be effective in communicating something to your audience, you need to have a clear foundation of understanding the "rules" of poetry. Rhythm, diction, syntax, tone, etc. I can't deny that, you're right. I think it must be time now to write another poem, one to be a sequal to this one; a rewrite for the sake of audience. that way I can keep this one personal, and still have an improved version of it that does what a poem is supposed to do when shared with others. personally, I don't recommend re-writing poems. I've found that I work better when I absorb all the feedback I've received for my last piece and keep it in mind while I write an entirely new poem. Then at least, I have something fresh and new and hopefully better than my last! but it's up to you, that's just the way I tend to work. your probably right. I've never rewrote a poem before. in any case, thanks for all your feedback! smile is very appreciated. ^_^
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