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Wanting sex, and to reproduce, and to care for our babies is a big part of why we've survived as a species. But there is a big difference between wanting a baby and actually being ready to be a parent.

No one is actually prepared to be a parent at 17. At 17, our brains and bodies are not fully developed, even if they look fully developed. That means a teenage body isn't fully ready to go through pregnancy and delivery. It also means that teens are more likely to make poor choices (like smoking, drinking, skipping doctor's appointments, choosing not to breastfeed, etc.). That means that pregnant teens and their babies have more health problems during pregnancy, during delivery, and after birth. I also don't know anyone who had the money for a baby, had the time for a baby, was finished with school, and had their own place with room for a growing child when they were only 17 years old.

At 20 our bodies are more prepared for pregnancy and labor, so there is less risk to mother and baby there. But our brains still are not fully developed, which means that 20 year old parents are still more likely to make poor choices than older parents are. Also, at 20 most people in America still are not financially secure enough, don't have their own place with room for a growing child, don't have a stable and well paying job yet, and/or don't have the time for a baby. For those reasons, many doctors recommend waiting to have children until the mid to late 20s.

So yes, it's normal to want a baby, and it's ok to want a baby. But you shouldn't actually be hoping for a baby or trying for one if you're not prepared for one.

Before officially trying for a baby:

-Make sure you have the time for a baby.
-Make sure you have the money for a baby.
-Make sure you can get to the doctor regularly for prenatal checkups.
-Make sure you start taking prenatal vitamins at least three months prior.
-Make sure you see a doctor to make sure you're healthy enough to carry a baby.
-Make sure you've done research on things like circumcision and breastfeeding.
-Make sure you have health insurance or can get health coverage for your prenatal checkups and for your child after birth.
-Make sure you have a home with room in it for a growing child.
-And make sure you and your partner are both ready. If he is telling you that he is not ready, then it would not be fair of you to try to force him into parenthood. Parenthood is a huge lifelong commitment. It is not something you should be hoping someone falls into before they feel ready for it.

The desire to have a baby after the loss? Yes, its very normal. Its also normal never to want to get pregnant again. When the time is right and you're in a good spot, you'll get the baby you're longing for. smile