Who am I?
The beast you dont know
A voice in your ears, text for an I
Coward is I, for my face I never show
you ask us a question, then immediately give the answer. it don't see a point to starting your piece off this way except to have something to "rhyme" with I. in general, rhyming a word with itself is laziness unless it enhances the piece in some way. I have no idea what "text for an I" means,it doesn't make any sense. and the last line you just went all Yoda on it so it would fit into your rhyme scheme. as a poet, your piece should control the rhymes, not vice versa. I sit in my den, away from other wolves
Afraid to bite even the sheep
And the other hunters and their lures
I scavenge my meals, and protective of all I keep
Wolves and lures is a nice slant rhyme. Better. You're starting to establish a character here, a fearful loner. "Protective of all I keep" is awkward, "protect all I keep" reads more easily. I am the wolf in the den
I am the wolf in the den
I am the wolf in the den
I think we got that already. From the first stanza. Don't insult your reader's intelligence, this is unnecessary. I run through the forest on my own
I have no pack
Because I prefer to be alone
Yet I cant help but always look back
Further reiteration of the second stanza, you're a fearful loner. Perhaps you should introduce some new detail or characteristic into this stanza, because right now I'm a bit concerned nothing else new is going to be said in this poem. To see what I am running from
But I cant help but keep going
Until I fall, my feet worn and numb
I feel I will die if I keep slowing
what are you afraid of? I hope you at least hint at this, because the vagueness so far just seems like you don't really know what you're trying to say. why is it important to use the wolf as an analogy for the subconcious? could just any animal have sufficed? what attributes are specific to the wolf that make this analogy unique? these are questions you should be asking yourself as you write this piece. I am the wolf out of his den
I am the wolf out of his den
I am the wolf out of his den
okay. I howl and howl and howl
When I feel I have been alone enough
But all who hear are the stars and owls
Who can do nothing so far above
okay, you show a desire to connect, to communicate. it's universal. After a long and lonely while alone
My tail falls to the dirt
and I slowly make my way home
Is life as prey any worse?
what? were you attacked? I don't understand what just happened. I am the wolf back in his den
I am the wolf back in his den
I am the wolf back in his den
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