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 Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2011 2:48 pm
Paris entered Chris’s apartment building, loaded down by a bag of clothes and a cat carrier which currently contained his now seven-week-old kitten. Every once in a while, Sassy let her displeasure known with a few quiet meows and attempted to slip her paws through the thin front bars of the carrier, but other than that she was moderately well behaved for a little cat being transported around in a traveling cage. He felt bad for it, but hadn’t wanted to leave her at home and didn’t want to let her out while he was traveling through the large, bustling city.
Chris had given him a key to his apartment two weeks ago, soon after Paris’s father had fallen ill, and Paris now made use of it. He was expected, of course; Chris had invited him over, but he liked the idea of being able to come and go as he pleased. He nodded a greeting to the doorman and strutted through the front lobby as if he belonged there; he used the keycard once he reached the elevator and took it up to the top floor.
Despite his efforts to be responsible and his intentions to take care of his father, Paris still found himself coming over to Chris’s place quite frequently, often staying the night and returning to the shop for work the next morning. He’d made sure his father had had something other than junk food to eat before leaving the house that evening, but he looked forward to having dinner with his boyfriend instead. Being with Chris may have been increasing his sense of guilt as of late, but it remained one of the most calming and soothing escapes he had nowadays.
He dug his keys out to unlock the door once he arrived. Upon stepping in, he was immediately inundated with something that smelled like burnt garlic. Glancing around, he noted that the air was a bit hazy with smoke. He looked to the kitchen to make sure there was no fire and saw Chris frowning over various pots and pans, none of which looked to contain anything particularly appetizing.
“Chris?” he wondered, tossing his bag of clothes onto one of the couches and setting Sassy’s carrier down on the floor to undo the latch and let her out. “What are you doing?”
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 5:25 pm
"s**t," Chris gasped as he reached over to try and turn off the stove. This wasn't going as planned. He thought he had everything going as it was supposed to. He's put the ingredients together and had turned on the stove tops to the right temperature. He even made sure to set the timers to what the instructions told him to. So why did everything go wrong?? "s**t, s**t, s**t." To make matters worse, Paris was going to be over any minute. Everything was supposed to be done by then!
The chicken on the stove was starting to burn, the rice was too watery, the green beans were stuck to the bottom of the pan, and the cake he'd been baking was now in the sink after being pulled out while on fire. After something like this, it was no wonder why his mom never let him near the kitchen. Or maybe he should have been taught how to cook and then he wouldn't have to worry about something like this. He should have just made them sandwiches and bought cookies or something.
"s**t," he cursed again, grabbing a menu to a local Chinese restaurant, just in time for Paris to make her way into the house. "Nothing," he growled, trying not to look as embarrassed as he felt as he quickly dialed the number and started placing the order. "I'm getting Chinese, did you want your usual?" he asked her with a hand over the receiver. He should have done something like this to begin with. And now he'd have to clear out the haze of smoke -- Ah, he should probably turn on the stove top fan...
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 7:07 pm
Sassy made her was hesitantly out of the carrier, looking around for a few moments before darting for cover under the couch. Paris searched the front room for Annabel but she seemed to be cowering in the back hall, occasionally poking her head around the corner and then quickly backing away. While the kitten was merely unsure of her surroundings, Paris couldn't say the same for the dog. She seemed rather in tune with her owner's moods and currently appeared as if she were wary of getting in his way.
Paris smiled while looking slightly confused, dropping his purse onto the island as he moved to join Chris in the kitchen. "Just the Sweet and Sour Chicken is fine," he said, stepping closer to peer into the pots and pans.
"You were trying to cook?" he asked in disbelief, wondering how Chris had managed to screw it up so badly. He laughed at the sight of the cake in the sink. "Chris, what did you do? How in the world did you manage to burn this? You didn't have to do this, you know. I'm fine eating out, or I could have cooked for you if you wanted. I really don't mind. Seriously, what do you eat when you can't depend on me or your mother?"
He took over for him without another word, dragging the trash can over to begin dumping all of the ruined food, placing the cookware into the sink as he began to run the water.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 7:53 pm
Annabel was indeed hiding. She would rather stay out of Chris's way than get him even more worked up. She simply ducked back into the room and laid down on the floor so she could poke her head out to look around if she wanted.
Chris nodded to Paris, and went about placing the order as quickly as he could, before hanging up and spinning around to take the pot from Paris's hand. "Don't bother. I'll clean it up," he said, sounding obviously tense and upset. He dropped the pot into the sink (the side without the burnt cake) and turned around to grab at another one off the stove. He swore loudly when his arm brushed against the still hot burner and sent soupy rice spilling everywhere onto the floor.
What the hell??
"Damnit, s**t," he swore, turning to flip on the faucet and run the water over his arm, half leaning into the sink, himself, in defeat. Paris wouldn't understand why it was so important for him to do this, though. It's because he couldn't do it that he wanted to. "I make a sandwich!" he groaned, realizing now that his arm under the faucet was just causing the water to leak all over the floor to join the rice. "I... I eat leftovers... and go out..." It wasn't that difficult to avoid cooking...
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:03 pm
"Hey, careful!" Paris warned him. Chris looked entirely too careless in the kitchen. He couldn't tell if it was because he was frustrated and just not paying as much attention to what he was doing as he should, or if he really just had no idea how to manage things in there, like he was in some foreign territory.
Avoiding the mess on the floor, he joined Chris by the sink to check on his arm. "You're going to hurt yourself. Look at this. You're lucky it's not even worse. I don't know where you learned to cook like this, but I think you could use a few more lessons."
He didn't sound angry. He didn't even sound annoyed. If anything, he sounded a little worried, though he wasn't sure if the feeling managed to make its way through the amusement. He should probably be rolling his eyes and telling Chris just how pathetic he was depending on other people to feed him all the time, but for some reason he just couldn't do it. He found it... sort of cute. Proof enough that Chris wasn't as perfect as he always seemed.
"Don't worry about all this. I can clean it up," he told him, leaving Chris's side once he was sure the arm was okay. He grabbed a wash cloth to soak up the water that had gotten on the floor, and then scrounged around for a dustpan and broom so that he could sweep up the rice. "If you'd used a little less water, the rice probably would have turned out okay. I don't know what you did to the cake, though, and it looks like you left the chicken on too long, or had the heat up too high. You could have done it one at a time, cooked the chicken first and put it in the oven to keep warm while you did the rice. Rice only takes about five minutes once the water's boiling."
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 8:52 pm
"I am being careful!" Chris snapped unintentionally at Paris. He was embarrassed and feeling stupid. He knew there was a way to get everything done right, he just... couldn't figure out how, apparently. He did his best to not snap at her when she told him how he could have done it right, and instead tore himself away from the sink so he could stomp angrily out to the living room and sink into the couch. Fine. If Paris wanted to clean everything up on her own, then that was fine. He would just sit there and mope and feel like a failure for not being able to make a simple dinner.
His anger at himself was dissipated just slightly when he heard a mewling from under the couch, and he leaned over to find Sassy cowering underneath. Carefully, he reached out to grab her and pull her out and placed her against his chest as he flopped onto his back. Now that he was thinking about it, he probably shouldn't be allowing Paris to clean everything up on her own. But she was always like that... always taking care of him and never getting angry or upset, even when he had his little temper tantrums like this.
She was... perfect...
But why? What was he doing right to have a perfect relationship like this...? Ever since he'd asked her to be his girlfriend, he'd been waiting for all hell to break loose. But instead... they never fought, they always found ways to compromise on things they didn't agree with... it was too good to be true.
He scratched at the kitten's head as he allowed himself to sink into self-denial, not thinking he deserved a perfect relationship. His relationship with Skye, when it was still new and good, had been nice, but not without faults. Paris, though... Paris was perfect.
Was he missing something...?
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:04 pm
He let Chris stomp away, turning his back to him to hide the large smile that spread across his face. Alone in the kitchen, Paris finished cleaning up the floor and returned to the sink to begin rinsing out the pots and pans. He had to scrub at the pot that had previously held the green beans to get a few burnt pieces off the bottom, along with the pan the chicken had been in, but it wasn't especially hard work and he soon had them neatly placed in the dishwasher.
After wiping down the counters and the stove top -- which Chris had managed to splatter liberally with oil and grease -- he washed his hands and dried them off and turned back into the living room.
He found Chris on the couch with Sassy, and circled around to lean over the side of it, face-to-face with Chris, though to each other they looked upside-down.
"It was a sweet thought, but I think I should be the one to do the cooking from now on, at least until you've gotten a little better," he said, grabbing onto Chris's (rather nice) shoulders to gently knead at them. "Or we can do it together next time and I can show you. It just takes a little practice to get the hang of it. Even I still make mistakes sometimes, I just had to learn if I ever wanted to eat right."
He remembered the first two weeks after his mother had left. He and his father had lived off of little more than pizza deliveries. It hadn't been long after that that Paris had pulled out the cookbooks to try and make something decent. The first venture had been a disaster, but after that he'd gotten progressively better.
"You're so cute when you're angry and frustrated," he commented, unable to stop himself, and he continued to smile as he leaned in more to give Chris a quick upside-down kiss on the lips.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:27 pm
Chris stared up at Paris when he felt her lean over him, still tense as she rubbed at his shoulders. She was just... too good to him. He didn't deserve it. Listening to her gently tell him how he could do it next time, or even along side her so he could learn... Why? Why not get frustrated with him? Or upset that he was getting angry about little things that shouldn't matter.
He kissed her back when she leaned down to him, but he wasn't sure why he didn't feel as settled as he should. "Why are you so good to me?" he wondered out loud, even if he didn't really mean to ask. Why would someone ask that, anyway? It wasn't as if he wanted to be treated like s**t, but Paris... it was difficult to think of something that she had done to get on his nerves, even a little. Maybe when they'd first met he'd been a bit unsure of her, but she was different than the others, and soon he found that he enjoyed her company a lot...
"Have you ever gotten upset with me?" he asked, curious now that he was on the topic and she knew he was thinking like that. "Other than bringing strangers into the apartment, but... even then you weren't really mad." He didn't think so, at least... She seemed more worried than angry. "You take care of me, we never fight, we never have anything mean to say to each other, you indulge me, you make sure I'm eating more than junk... why?" Even if she was his girlfriend, he didn't think he'd done anything to warrant that kind of attention.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:39 pm
Paris pulled back to stare down at Chris in confusion, not sure where that line of questioning had come from. He didn't speak for a few moments, allowing the inquiries to settle firmly into his brain before he could even begin to think about an answer. He hadn't thought he'd been acting any differently with Chris. There was only so much he was hiding. Everything else had been real. If it happened to be without drama, well... he simply thought they'd been lucky.
"Well, I mean, when have you ever done anything to make me upset?" he asked in return. Chris did far more for him than he did for Chris. He simply tried to do what he could whenever he could manage it. "You take care of me about as much as I take care of you. You let me stay over whenever I want, you buy me things, you take me places, you make sure everything's taken care of. And do you really want to fight? I kind of thought it was nice that we get along so well."
Every other relationship in his life had been hard. He dreaded seeing his mother, he and his father could barely get through a single day without bickering or shouting and one another, he and Ladon... that had gone well for the most part, but they'd still had their problems. He was glad not to have to worry about that with Chris. It was nice to finally have something easy.
Of course, he couldn't guarantee that it would remain that way, not when he kept feeling more and more guilty, not when his secret could ruin everything, whenever it got out.
"I like you," he said with a shrug. "You've never really done anything wrong. I like being with you. I like that we have fun together. I like that I never have to worry about anything when I'm with you. I just... do what I can to make you feel like... like I feel..."
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:11 pm
He frowned up at her, not sure why he was even bringing something like this up. Why couldn't they just be happy...? There was nothing wrong with that, was there...?
Chris shook his head at her, knowing that she was just doing what she could to make him happy, just as he was trying to make her happy. "I don't know," he admitted, glancing away from her and down at the kitten on his chest. "I just... I feel like there's something I'm missing." Something important. Something that he hoped wasn't something bad, but... still. There was that nagging feeling like there was something in front of his eyes the entire time that he was missing.
He wanted to be happy. He wanted to have a good relationship with her. He wanted her to be happy... So what was making him so... awkward about everything.
"I wanted to surprise you," he said softly, glancing up at her again, still angry and tense that he didn't have the dinner made by the time she got there. "I wanted everything to be perfect for you. And not just take out again... You always cook for me, so... I didn't think it would be that horrible." He was surprised that it would be that difficult to get everything right... He really needed to take a class or two in cooking, apparently.
"I like you, too, Paris... A lot... And I want you to be happy and I just... want things to go right for you..." he said, smiling weakly. It was just a matter of time until she found someone she liked more than him. He was too boring... he knew he was too boring. Teenagers didn't want to go out to eat and watch movies and all that... They wanted to have fun. "I just... feel like I'm holding you back..."
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:25 pm
Paris shifted awkwardly and tore his eyes away from Chris. He realized that could potentially be a bad idea if Chris noticed he'd grown suddenly evasive, so he quickly switched his gaze to the kitten on Chris's chest and reached out a hand to pet her, forcing his smile to remain in place in the hopes that it simply seemed as if he were fondly handling his pet and not trying to hide anything from Chris. The guilt began to awaken in him again, but he forced it back down.
He could keep this going for a little longer. It would be okay. He just had to keep telling himself that it'd all work out. Somehow... somehow things would settle into place and he wouldn't have to lose this.
Right?
Because he didn't know what he would do if he did, and that scared him. Chris wasn't supposed to mean that much. None of this was supposed to have been this way. It was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be a good time. It wasn't supposed to turn into some refuge from his other life, yet it had. It had, and he didn't want to lose it. He couldn't be alone again, not when he was finally finding his feet.
"I don't cook all the time," he gently argued, petting Sassy a few more times before he was able to look into Chris's eyes again. "We go out more than we have dinner here. It's only been a few times, and I just told you I don't really mind it. I do it at home anyway. I like doing it."
He smiled again, returning his hands to Chris's shoulders. "I don't see how you're holding me back. If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't come over all the time. If I wanted to go to a party instead, I'd go to a party. You're not making me do anything I don't want to do, Chris. Honestly, this is the first thing that's gone right in my entire life."
And it was because it had gone right that it had gone so very wrong.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:44 pm
Was he making things awkward for her? He hoped he wasn't making it too uncomfortable. He didn't even know why he was suddenly so worried about things like holding her back or whatever... It just... kind of happened.
"I know," he said softly, staring up at Paris as she looked back down at him. "I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'm not exactly the most exciting guy in the world," he said with a sheepish grin, lifting a hand to brush back the bangs that fell into Paris's face as she leaned over him. "And don't say that," he added, shifting uncomfortably, not sure that he liked being 'the first thing that's gone right' in her entire life. That was a bit of an exaggeration...
He would have added to that if his phone didn't suddenly start to ring. He pushed himself up, carefully removing the kitten from his chest and handing her over to Paris to hold. "I bet thats the food. I'll be right back, okay?" he said, hurrying over to pick up his phone, before grabbing his wallet and heading out of the door. There was no point in her going with him. He just needed to meet the delivery man down at the bottom floor, since they couldn't exactly get past the security without a card.
It only took a few minutes before he was back upstairs, shutting and locking the door behind him and heading over to the island to place things down to sort out. "Here's your sweet and sour chicken," he said, pushing the box over for Paris to open as he got down plates for the both of them.
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:50 am
Paris took Sassy from Chris and didn't say anything as his boyfriend left the apartment for a quick trip down to the lobby. He sat himself on the couch where Chris had just been laying and encouraged Annabel to come out and join him. She did so happily, peeking out again to make sure all was clear, before bounding over to jumped up next to him and start her usual routine of sniffing, nuzzling and licking. Paris pet her and scratched her behind the ears while making sure Sassy was okay with the dog so close. The kitten meowed once and wiggled away to wedge herself between Paris's thigh and the side of the couch, effectively hiding.
He had no idea what he was going to do. Something was going on with Chris. He was afraid his boyfriend was starting to become suspicious. Of what, he didn't know. He was sure he hadn't been giving himself away. What could Chris have noticed? Unless Chris thought the way he did, and didn’t expect anything good to last.
He should tell him. Before it got even worse. But he didn’t know how. What was he supposed to say? Or should he just… let Chris figure it out for himself? Maybe stop grabbing onto Chris’s hands when they wandered too closely or… something. Except that would be even worse than telling him himself, wouldn’t it?
He thought he was screwed either way.
Paris got back up once Chris returned, setting Sassy down on the couch beside Anna, but the kitten soon jumped off and darted beneath it again, while Anna cautiously made her way over to Chris to circle around him while he took out their boxes of food.
“Thanks,” Paris said, letting his boyfriend go about getting the plates and utensils. Chris might not be able to cook, but he could at least take food from a box and pile it onto a plate.
“Hey,” he began again once he had his own plate, leaving it on the island and wending his way under one of Chris’s arms to lean into his side. “Stop worrying,” he told him, though he could have easily been saying it to himself. “If we get along then we get along. If something happens later then it’ll happen. Let’s just enjoy it now. I like you, okay? Don’t question it. And think about yourself a little better. You’re not a bad guy. Between the two of us, I think I’m worse.”
He smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek, and then poked him in the side. “Remember, confidence is sexy.”
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 4:02 pm
Maybe he was just being paranoid...? That had to be it. Why would he be actively looking for something wrong with a perfectly good relationship? Paris was just... different than the others. She was understanding and patient and tolerated his rather lack-luster personality. After all, the most exciting thing he did during the day was walk his dog. Besides being Valhalla, of course, but he was doing his best to keep her away from that.
Chris blinked as he felt his girlfriend slide up against his side, moving his arm up for her to have room, and then gently lowering his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Alright, alright," he said gently, smiling lightly as his cheek was kissed.
Confidence was sexy, huh...? He didn't know when or how he started losing confidence in himself, but he realized it happening every so often. Usually he was fine, but if something triggered him (like failing to be able to cook), he started questioning everything, it seemed. He hated that about himself, but was working on getting better.
"Thank you," he said, leaning down to kiss the top of her head and hugging her to his side. Who knew... maybe they were supposed to have a nearly perfect relationship, after all. It wasn't impossible, right...?
"Alright, pick a movie. Nothing animated or mushy, though," he requested, making a face. They'd watched too many romantic comedies to count. "Lord of the Rings or something... Star Wars... Indiana Jones... James Bond..."
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 4:12 pm
Paris remained comfortably against him for a few more moments, trying to push his worries out of his mind for the time being and deciding he could wait a little longer before telling the truth. Just a little longer couldn't hurt, not when he'd kept it going for months now. He just needed to figure out the right way to do it, then... well, then he'd see what happened. Or maybe he just... wouldn't say anything at all. Ever.
Realizing he was unintentionally losing himself in thought again, Paris returned his attention to Chris, making a face at him as he listed off movies for them to watch. "But animated ones are the best," he argued. "You have absolutely no appreciation for a good Disney movie. We can shout and scream at one another about that if you want. Make it a proper fight..."
He was joking of course, and he leaned up to kiss Chris's cheek again to make sure he didn't take him seriously. "Fine," he consented. "We can watch Star Wars. I love Han Solo."
He pulled away to wonder toward Chris's DVD collection to pull out the appropriate one, telling himself all the while that everything would be okay. He could keep his secret.
Just a little longer...
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