** This was written a while ago, but for plot purposes is being posted now. It takes place during a week of Ren's second year. **

** I have permission from Maru to have Ren drunk in his previous RP. **



He was doing better, sort of. At least his head wasn't feeling like it was going to explode anymore. Now there was just a dull ache, like the leftover ringing from a severe migraine.

Ren was never drinking the cider again. In fact, if he even saw a bottle of cider again it would be too soon. The alcohol had made his soul numb; not only that, but it had made his bandaged hand throb, the alcohol intensifying the burning sensation he felt on a daily basis.

And it made him act stupid. What he had done to Natalia...Ren felt his face heat, and he closed his eyes briefly, reaching up a hand to rub tiredly at his forehead. It was fortunate that he had come to his senses before they had done anything but share a few kisses (though "senses" was a wildly generous term), but that didn't mean that he didn't feel like a complete and utter b*****d. He could still feel Natalia's lips pressed against his own; a manic sort of desperation from his side. But despite that, despite the fact that it had felt...well, nice, there were a few things stopping him from pursuing the werelemur - several very important things.

a.) It was Natalia. She did not do real relationships.
b.) She was interested in that Whisper.
c.) He was not even interested in her that way.
d.) ...it was Natalia.

Which brought to mind the question of why? Why was he not interested in dating Natalia? She was beautiful and confident; fun and sexy. He loved her adventurous side, the way she wasn't afraid to be who she was. Any man (or woman, for that matter) would have jumped at the chance to be with someone like that. But despite that, she wasn't...

She isn't...

Ren stopped abruptly, his thoughts coming to a screeching halt. He sat up, his body feeling stiff.

She isn't...what?

...or rather...she isn't who?

He was suddenly having difficulty breathing. Ren pressed a hand to his chest, heaving for air. Stumbling off of his bed, he staggered to the bathroom. Hands clenching the sides of the porcelain sink, he twisted the faucet to turn the water on, splashing the cold liquid onto his burning face.

That's...that's impossible. I'm over thinking things.

His fingers were trembling. Ren raised his eyes to the ones in the mirror, water sliding down his cheek. But even after giving himself the shock of dousing himself with icy water, the thought was still there.

She's not...

"Oh, man..." Ren whispered, his face a mask of pain

He didn't want to admit this. Admitting this meant that everyone had been right, that he'd been blinded by everything else. Had Alessa seen it too? Had she seen how happy being around this...this person made him..? Had she seen how he tended to automatically and subconsciously gravitate towards them, lean on them, use them for strength and for support and for comfort? Is that why, despite the fact that they loved each other, that he and Alessa had not been in love with one another..?

Oh boy...

His head was spinning. Ren sank down to his knees on the floor of the bathroom, his hands in his lap. Why had he not realized this before? Why had he not seen this? Everyone else probably could; he could only imagine just how obvious it had been. Hell, it was blatantly obvious to him now. All those times they had spent together, all the times they had laughed, cried, slept, been sick with together, and he had seen none of it.

"I really am an idiot..." Ren murmured weakly, massaging his temples. Slowly - and with great effort - he pushed himself to his feet, stumbling from the bathroom.

I need a drink. Or something.

Scratch the drink. Now - right now, because he wasn't sure he'd have the strength of mind to do it later - it was time to do only one thing.

Confess. And hope to high Jack it went well.

Here goes nothing.