|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:04 pm
 
In which Jianyu apparently looked at Bataar's mother's breasts and Bataar thinks he's royalty and that Jianyu should bow to him.
...lolwat.
Setting:
Bataar's yurt.
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
kuropeco generated a random number between
1 and 3 ...
3!
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:05 pm
• [ THE OUTCOME OF THIS BATTLE: ] •
Jianyu ha8es u dice.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:15 pm
If there was one thing Bataar's yurt was, in fact, not made for, it was a two men squabbling about attempting to beat the living daylights out of one another.
This did not, however, stop either of them from doing just that - and it was not the first time it had happened either, which made it all the more absurd.
"I WAS NOT LOOKING AT YOUR MOTHER'S BREASTS!" Jianyu bellowed, holding his cheek, which was now sporting a spectacular purpleish-brown bruise and looking outraged at the sudden attack. "I DON'T RANDOMLY LOOK AT PEOPLE'S BREASTS, ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR MOTHER'S.
This blatantly ridiculous accusation, followed closely by the equally ridiculous concept that Bataar thought he was royalty and therefore Jianyu should bow to him, was making Jianyu wish he had just walked away from the tent after Odval had left. But, he reminded himself stubbornly, Bataar was his best friend, and therefore he had wanted to make sure he was okay.
And by doing that, he was going to check very, very closely. Like, slam a fist into his best friend's gut in order to make sure his intestines were still intact kind of close.
"Bow to that, ya great, ridiculous, outrageous lump of a man!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:25 pm
Two grown men trying to fight inside of such a space was, indeed, very comical. It had been every time before, but now they had even more dignified appearances than ever before, although their expressions were probably dead giveaways for ridiculous immaturity. Bataar was glaring at Jianyu, his expression caustic as he tried to figure out how next to react in the fight he'd just started with the other man.
Wait, so he hadn't been referring to Odval's breasts? "HOW DARE YOU!" he shrieked, snatching for the other man's hair in order to pull at it. "THEY ARE VERY NICE. ARE YOU SAYING MY MOTHER LOOKS LIKE AN OLD SPINSTER?!" Odval, cougar that she was, would not take to that comment well if she ever found out, and Bataar figured that Jianyu had better figure that out before he woke up dead or something. If he was going to look, Odval did indeed have a very nice pair of jugs! She was very concerned with her looks, of course, and he was meant to defend her in all of his endeavors. That was easily the cause of this sudden reversal.
The fist to his abdomen caused a moment of lost breath, followed by pain. The captain choked a little, making a face and letting go of the Legionnaire's brown hair in order to clutch his stomach. It was never good to be hit there, of all places, but it was a lot better than having to get kicked in the family jewels like Jianyu usually liked to do. It was probably because they'd once been lovers, but Bat didn't find the action terribly forgivable.
All the same, that was exactly where he aimed his boot-clad foot in order to exact his revenge upon the other man. It seemed appropriate to finally get some sort of vengeance as they fought, and to give Jianyu a taste of his own medicine.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:38 pm
Jianyu, for his part, had long since stopped worrying about what other people thought about his admittedly very strange friendship with the man known as Bataar. Most had just given up trying to figure out what exactly drew them towards each other, and even more had stopped attempting to discern what it was that kept them together. A combination of shared amusements, a long history, and common beliefs, despite opposite alliances, was all that Jianyu needed to be friends with someone. Which mean that his friendship with Bataar was quite ordinary, under normal circumstances.
That is, if Bataar were normal, which he was not. That alone made the entire friendship what it was. That, and the fact that both of them were too stubborn for their own good.
"WHAT IN LUNARIA'S NAME ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT NO - OW OW OW!" Jianyu screeched, attempting to wrench his head away from Bataar's hands, which were yanking at his dark locks. This, of course, only made the situation worse, and, with his eyes watering, Jianyu forcefully pried away the Mongol's fingers from his hair.
"STOP TWISTING EVERYTHING I SAY, YA MORON!"
Finally Bataar let go and Jianyu half fell backwards, his hands automatically reaching up to press against his sore head. He glared daggers at his friend, getting up on his knees at an attempt at throttling the Mongol, except Bataar's leg shot out, and suddenly Jianyu realized just how painful his kick to Bataar had been the other day. He gave a shout of pain, doubling over and falling to his side.
The string of curses he let out was not very pleasant, nor particularly appropriate for people other than Bataar. Jianyu stared mutinously up at his best friend. "That was low," he repeated the words Bataar had spoken to him at that time too, eyes watering with pain. With a grunt, he raised himself up enough to give a yell of anger and fling himself onto Bataar, intent on pinning him to the ground.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:49 pm
Bataar's friendship with Jianyu had never been the easiest thing to describe, and had probably stemmed from so many squabbles and far too much time spent together. When all was said and done, the two really should have hated each other, but somehow they were still associating, even after they'd become captains. It was one of the stranger relationships that Lunaria had to offer, but oddly enough it worked out. It always had, for the most part, and was generally a constant.
In any case, the behemoth was deeply pleased that Jianyu seemed so obviously damaged by his hair-pulling and silently congratulated himself on a job well done. His mother would be proud of him, had she known-- well, maybe not. Hair-pulling wasn't exactly the most manly of activities to undertake during a battle. "STOP INSULTING MY MOTHER'S EXCELLENT LOOKS!" he roared, palming one of his fists incessantly as he shot the legionnaire a fairly effective death glare. No one talked about his mother like that and got away with it! Of that much, he would do his best to make sure.
Bataar was giggling like an idiot as he watched Jianyu's reaction to his well-placed kick. "You don't say." he snickered, his green eyes glowing delightedly. He knew exactly how much pain the other man was in right now, and felt absolutely no pity. He'd been kicked there way too many times himself in the midst of their many fights and squabbles. It was fantastic to finally pay the other man back for the treatment he'd endured.
Before he knew it, though, he was pinned to the ground by a raging Legionnaire. He stared up at the other man, hoping he wasn't about to be kicked back. That would seriously be a bit much to handle. "Get off of me! NOT INTERESTED!" he shouted, trying to wriggle away from the situation at hand.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:57 pm
What exactly Bataar was talking about, Jianyu had long since stopped wondering about. The Mongol definitely had his own way of thinking, one that was incomprehensible to nearly everyone else but himself. It was one of the positive aspects of his best friend, Jianyu supposed. After all, after all this time the basic fact remained that they were still friends, and they both still enjoyed each other's company enough to remain as such.
And the whole "let's attempt to kill each other" thing was probably just a facet of them being on opposite sides.
...at least, Jianyu hoped so. Otherwise they were both seriously messed up.
"I WASN'T INSULTING YOUR MOTHER'S LOOKS, BATAAR!" Jianyu bellowed exasperatedly, all but throwing his hands up into the air. "I SAY SHE'S GOT NICE ASSETS, YOU FREAK. I SAY I DIDN'T SAY THAT, YOU FREAK. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME, MORON?!"
Sitting on Bataar's midsection Jianyu folded his arms across his chest as if to say hah! Except this smug reaction was interrupted by Bataar's squawk of displeasure, and Jianyu stared down at him.
"Did you seriously just - " he started, spluttering and sputtering, his face filled with exasperation. "GODDESS LUNARIA, BATAAR, I AM NOT TRYING TO COME ONTO YOU, YOU RIDICULOUS, OBNOXIOUS, THICKHEADED - "
The rest of Jianyu's insults were drowned in the fact that he was attempting to knee Bataar in the stomach as he did this, reaching back a hand to slug the moronic mongol in the face.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:14 pm
This particular quarrel was quite personal for Bataar, given that it involved his mother to such an extent. He was sorry that she couldn't have heard these grave insults herself, because he would have dearly liked to see her give his best friend a beating, but he supposed you couldn't have absolutely everything that you wished for. Still, he wanted to try out the ghost thing, and maybe someone would bring Jianyu back to life, later-- it was an interesting thought, and one he thought he might like to explore. A dead best friend-- well, no one else had one of those.
Beyond that, he didn't believe a word that the other man said. "MY MOTHER IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU b*****d. DON'T YOU FORGET IT!" he roared, reaching forward to demonically pinch Jianyu's cheek as hard as he possibly could. The bruise could be something to remember him by, after all, and if he was lucky Jianyu would curse his name every time he went to eat or do anything of the sort. It was the sort of pinch that ought to have elicited some serious mouth-pity. That, combined with the punch to the face, made up a rather perfect signature in the Mongol's opinion. Right on the face.
He grinned helplessly as Jianyu sputtered, his green eyes dancing. "Why, it's alright Jianyu-- I understand, what with my looks and my--" he groaned as he was knee in the stomach and barely avoided a full-on punch to the face, with Jianyu's fist instead grazing him.
Seriously, though, could someone remind the captain why in the hell the two of them were still friends? His abdomen couldn't take much more of a pounding or he was definitely liable to... well, there it was. The Noble vomited, having had the contents of his stomach forced up, but had the pleasure of viewing the precious mural of his lunch upon Jianyu's training clothes. It was, in a word, perfect.
"Yuck."
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:32 pm
The entire argument was relatively pointless. When he had said "assets" the first time, Jianyu had, in fact not meant the assets that Bataar had so clearly implied they had. The second time, perhaps, but at least in the first comment his conscience was clear. Bataar seemed to be taking great offense at Jianyu saying even the most mundane comment about Odval's generous chest - which he had not even meant to be insulting or praising in the slightest. In fact, it had just been a mild comment, passed on without thinking.
Except Bataar, of course, being Bataar, had manged to take it to a whole new level.
"If I say fine, your mother is beautiful, will you just let me the hell go?" Jianyu snapped, knowing full well that he would probably now be accused of making a move on Odval and knowing there was probably nothing he could do to prevent Bataar's mind from wandering stupidly in that direction.
"OW OW OW GET OFF GET OFF - "
Bataar had grabbed his cheek in a mind-numblingly painful grip - he'd managed to grab him right over Jianyu's already bruised cheek, and he let out a howl of pain, attempting to wrench his fingers from his face.
Massaging his now aching jaw, Jianyu stared down at the Mongol from his position.
"You are, without a doubt, the most ridiculous man there ever was," he said tonelessly, which was followed by a derisive snort. "Looks? What looks, you're just - "
Except Jianyu didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Bataar, having been kneed in the stomach one too many times, had the audacity to throw up the contents of his stomach all over his chest and over Jianyu's lower half and legs.
He stared down at the disgusting liquid, then up at Bataar. For a few moments he didn't say anything. Then -
"BATAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:43 pm
Bataar stared up at Jianyu, considering his request and mulling it slowly over in his head. Would he let Jianyu go for that? "No, because then you wouldn't mean it." he explained, decided that this was going to have to be a fight to the death in any case. Wasn't it always? Once his mother had been insulted like that, Jianyu couldn't very well take it back. After all, he'd practically implied that Odval's breasts were too small, when they were clearly the perfect size! She'd said so many times herself, so he knew it to be true.
The damage to the cheek was, at the very least, extremely nice. He relished Jianyu's howls of pain, even as he let go. It was always very nice to get the best of the other man, no matter what tactics they tended to use against each other. He grinned, happy at the victory, however small it might have been for the time being. Any time he managed to get the better of Jianyu was a good time for Bataar. That was probably why he always initiated fights between the two of them.
In any case, he had vomited just as he was fixing to be offended at the other man, and he had the pleasure of hearing the absolute shriek issuing from Jianyu's lips. "My mouth feels gross." he complained crossly, looking up at Jianyu in a very accusatory manner. This was, after all, all his fault for kneeing Bat in the stomach. "Still want a kiss?" he demanded, puckering his lips in the most infuriating manner possible.
Jokes aside, he would be glad once he managed to clean this off. The noodles he'd eaten for lunch didn't look half so appetizing now that they were back from the dead. "I guess I really don't chew my food well enough." he sighed, looking fairly put-out and still a little queasy.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:54 pm
Bataar's comment about how he "wouldn't mean it" only confirmed Jianyu's suspicions that an argument would, in fact, be completely and utterly useless. The Mongol's mind worked in very mysterious ways; Jianyu himself was not particularly keen to dive into it and figure out how exactly it worked.
And he most certainly did not want to discuss Bataar's mother's breasts, of all things.
There was an enormous dark, purplish-brown bruise that had now formed on Jianyu's cheek, spreading over his jawline like a rather large and ugly wart. Infuriated by the low tactics used to gain such a bruise, Jianyu glowered down at Bataar, rubbing his cheek. Except that, however, just made it sort of worse, so he dropped his hand, folding his arms across his chest.
The scowl became even more pronounced after he was covered in...well. He did not want to know the details of what exactly had been in Bataar's stomach, though it was now all over his legs.
"NO," he said loudly and forcefully, glaring at Bataar and reaching out to prod the Mongol in the forehead. "As a matter of fact, I do NOT."
Jianyu pulled himself off of Bataar, trying not to gag at the wetness that he could feel through the thin fabric of his pants. They were his training clothes, and were now sticking disgustingly to his upper legs, the color of pea moss. Putting a hand to his mouth to staunch any smell and desire to vomit himself, Jianyu turned an evil eye on Bataar.
"Next time, don't swallow your food whole, idiot," he said, and wheeled out of the yurt, very intent on finding somewhere he could bathe immediately.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:43 pm
Arguing generally was rather on the useless side when it came to the Mongolian man. He was easily offended, and even more easily angered. In short, he was far too volatile for most people to ever want to even start to figure out. That was how Bataar preferred it, however. It added an edge of mystery to everything! In his mind, however, he could see that Jianyu's own head was hovering constantly on the subject of breasts. It was normal, he guessed from his own experiences, but that was his mom, for godsakes.
In any case, he'd have to settle for the fact that Jianyu was a total creeper-- he'd have to accept that much. An offensive creeper, at that. "Not even a peck?" the man demanded jokingly, wincing a little as Jianyu poked his forehead. The other man had remained on top of him until now he was still fairly trapped. At last, the other captain removed himself and stood up, forcing Bataar to grin as he observed the look upon his face. He looked as if he might personally throw up any moment, which the Mongol seriously hoped for. That would be way too amusing, so long as it wasn't on him.
Bat sat up and immediately commenced taking off of his garments, not bothering to bid his friend goodbye as he walked away. He had more important things to take care of, like... well, who exactly was going to do his laundry now? Questions, questions, and more questions. Someone would have to be up to the task. For now, though, he could please the world and strut around shirtless. It was a good look for Bat, as far as he was concerned.
Indeed, the females of Lunaria could expect to be swooning today, in Bat's opinion. He'd exact further revenge on Jianyu later, for sure.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
