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✦Name: Maryellen Hart

✦Nickname: Her family calls her 'tan', but she doesn't let anyone hear them call her that

✦Age: 16

✦Birthday: June 12

✦Sign: Gemini ♊

✦Gemstone: Aquamarine

✦Blood Type: O negative

✦Fav. Food: All seafood, especially Sushi, and her Mom's peanut butter cookies

✦Hated Food: Mexican food and Pizza

✦School: Crystal Academy on a half-scholarship for the Arts (visual arts)

✦Hobbies:

♥Maryellen loves the water, so naturally she loves swimming too! She swims every other day at the school's pool. Swimming doesn't necessarily imply diving skills, so Maryellen enjoys cannonballing into the water -when no one is watching. She's a member of the school's swim team, and goes to a lot competitions. Maryellen doesn't often rank, but enough so that she qualifies for the team. Maryellen has quite a few bronze medals, and even a couple silver medals, so she's had her fair share of the podium. But this isn't good enough for some of the top swimmers, who think that Maryellen isn't good enough for the team, and doesn't pull her weight. Her best simply isn't good enough for them. It's the coach that says whether or not she qualifies for the team, not the top swimmers, so Maryellen just keeps on trying.

♥Maryellen loves drawing and sketching, it's her favorite thing to do (swimming comes in a close second). She enjoys drawing the ocean the most, because you don't have to draw fish on the ground since they swim, and float, everywhere. Coloring can be a strain so Maryellen typically only does shaded black and white drawings. She's been entering into drawing contests since she was 9. She won quite a few of them, and ranked in pretty much all of them. She typically only entered local contests, though when she was 14 she decided to try out a large competition. The prizes for the top 3 were some drawing tools and a half-scholarship for the Arts. Maryellen entered her favorite piece into the contest, the idea of winning such a large contest was a distant thought. Amazingly, she won, so she used the half-scholarship to transfer to Crystal Academy, with the help of her Mom and Dad; they payed the other half of the tuition off for her.

✦Virtues:

♥Maryellen is extremely energetic. She loves to get out and do things. She's always up to try something new, and meet new people. Laziness is the opposite of Maryellen, she's always out doing instead of thinking! She's always up and around, maybe just running around for the sake of running around, or actually doing something. Maryellen's ready to go out from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed. It seems that she's always had an energy drink or a pound of chocolate, but it's just her. Some people don't like her energetic nature, and are kind of intimidated by it, but there's one or two haters for everything. When she's sick, Maryellen gets her energy out by mentally working out. She'll come up with some new resolutions, (who said Resolutions had to wait for New Years?) think about the future, and update her to-do list to help keep herself on track.

♥Maryellen has always been loyal. She's always willing to help her friends, or keep a secret. If it's a life-or-death battle, and you're losing, she'll stick with you, that's what she does. If you don't have trust, then what do you have? Once she's your friend, you can expect her to follow you to the ends of the Earth (pun unintended, she'll follow you if you leave Earth, too). If being loyal to you is hurting a friend, she'll try and be loyal to both sides by trying to fix the issue, if that doesn't work she'll have to reconsider her loyalties. She'll also feel loyal to brands sometimes, such as she'll only wear one brand of undies, or only use one brand of bread. She feels like she's empty inside if she's disloyal. She knows a lot of secrets, because people are always telling her things. They have to get it out, so they tell Maryellen because she's loyal, and won't tell a soul.

♥Maryellen is extremely hard-working. There's nothing she loves more then to cross off something on her to-do list. When she's working, she focuses on quality instead of speed, and is often the last to hand in her work. The term 'Last, but not least.' definitely applies to Maryellen. She likes to think she got her work ethic from her Father, who was in the military. He was always very hard-working and respectful, and Maryellen deeply admires her Father because of that. Maryellen works her hardest whether it be on a school project or just a simple sketch. She'll make sure everything she does -which includes spreading butter or other small things- are done to the best of her ability. Other people can get envious that Maryellen is always so hard-working, but usually they're just envious of the rewards she gets for her work (such as her grades, which are typically either B's or A's). It doesn't bother Maryellen, because in her mind if they wanted the rewards all they had to was work hard, which they were certainly capable of.

✦Flaws:

♥Maryellen is very proud, and doesn't always want to admit that she's wrong. If she get's bested in an argument, she'll most likely just grunt and walk away, not necessarily admitting that she was bested. Or, if she takes on more then she can handle, she'll just try her hardest with the big load, and won't give anyone else part of the load just because she can't handle it. She's energetic and is always willing to help, but sometimes she'll agree to help too much, but won't admit it. Her big head doesn't always make people smile smile- on the contrary, people don't like it very much. But Maryellen can't help it, she just doesn't like admitting defeat.

♥Maryellen can be single-minded. Once she's doing something, she won't stop until it's done. If you somehow pry her off an unfinished project, she'll be unfocused until she gets back to work. Once she's going, she's going until it's over. Once it's done, she focuses onto something else. She's a terrible multitasker, so she always keeps a list of what she needs to do, and focuses on working on them one at a time. For example, if she get's it in her head that she has to fix something on a drawing, she won't stop until it's finished. Simply put, her mind's like a tunnel, only focused at the light at the end and not at the dark behind her or around her. A lot of people are put off by the way she can only focus on one task at a time, but with Maryellen it's just how she works.

♥Maryellen has a high intolerance for some people's habits that just sets her on edge. If someone hands something in late, doesn't try to do anything well, is lazy, or does anything that doesn't fit into her hard work ethic, Maryellen gets angry. She is also a great group worker, unless somebody doesn't pull their weight. Maryellen is generally a happy person, until she encounters something she has no tolerance for, then she's more then a less-then-happy person, she's most likely angry. She'll refer back to the quote, 'If you want something done properly, do it yourself.'.

Physical Description

✦Eyes: Soft, dark blue, round.

✦Hair: Goes down past her shoulders, a blue/aqua, gets lighter mid-hair and light at tips, highlights in a light blue/aqua, curly/frizzy, usually worn in two low pigtails.

✦Face: Round face, features are soft with a slight edge to them, light golden tan color skin.

Mmm delicious seaweed.

This is gonna strictly be for her civ side, not her senshi side!

You should probably change the bullets for hobbies and personality virtues and flaws to have a single defining word and a hyphen to the description. It makes it easier to look at her on an overview for any glaring flaws right offhand.

Drawing's a nice hobby, but I'm not sure how a 15 year old can get a scholarship that easily from it. I don't know if you'll actually run into any problems there, so it might just be something that bugs me rather than impacts your application.

Most of her virtues seem fine, I'm a little iffy on the athletic part, but her flaws need work! I'm not sure what's going on with the first one; the opening sentence makes me think you're talking about trends? But later on you say she doesn't share her belongings, so do you mean she's selfish? Maybe you can alter that flaw so she hates change or something, which would be a solid flaw as opposed to not wanting her stuff touched. Or if you wanted to keep with the belongings thing, perhaps she could be a material girl? Right now 'don't touch my stuff' doesn't seem as hefty as it should be.

I love how she's got a terrible sense of time and fails at getting places properly! But in my head that means she's also late to school, and if she's in crystal academy, that could get ugly! They could be pretty strict about timeliness.

Gracelessness simply isn't an impacting flaw on her character, so I recommend changing that in its entirety to something else. Since she's patient, maybe she's also passive? You said she accepts help when she needs it in her independence flaw, but you didn't say she actually asks for it, so it might fit!

Overall - she seems alright, you just need to beef up her flaws a bit so her personality really pops. Flaws are probably more important than virtues here, so be sure to make them actually impact her when interacting with other characters. The time thing will generate drama if she's late to an important date (oh look I made a funny), but I'm not entirely sure it counts as a valid flaw because she'll make it up to that person... Perhaps she forgets to make it up? Or she puts it off for another day? Her hobbies don't have her interacting with other people either, so she seems like a very standalone character with no reason to interact with others. If you play her in an RP setting like the shop, it will be difficult for others to come up with a reason for bumping into your character.

Hope I wasn't too harsh! And good luck with the application!

Thanks you very much for your crit! I'll definitely be changing up my civvie virtues and flaws a little <3
I have no idea what seaweed looks like (landlubber) so I'll certainly change the colors.
Thanks again! I super duper appreciate the crit <3



It's okay, you weren't too harsh at all! I appreciate your intake on the flaws. I'll be getting to those straight away! <3

Awesome, thanks!

Nov 18: Looking to get stamped!

Inuuuuuu, I'd like to point out(in a nice, not-meant-to-be-condecending way) my uncle is in the military and a father and his children are irresponsible monkies, the house is always a mess, and he is rash, dependent, and impatient as heck, soooooooooo I wouldn't be so stringent on OMG, MILITARY FATHER, THAT MUST MEAN THIS THIS AND THIS. XD
So while her father might have taught her to be hard working(DO YOUR SCHOOL WORK ROOOOAAAAAAR. MAKE ALL A'S), maybe he wasn't too worried about keeping things clean?

Also, I know some hard working people(really focused on having to work and school, etc) that have some pretty trashed houses.(mostly cause they don't have time to clean up after themselves, or just really don't feel like cleaning) so hard workers CAN be untidy.

That said, a trait like untidy doesn't have to have much affect on a hard working trait. Though I can see impatient really clashing with hard working, but at the same time, I think this one depends on the situation. Once can be impatient with people, but have more patience with work, or the other way around.

=3

Okay! Thank you very much for the help!

I'd like to keep her virtues the way they are, along with her Father being military.
It looks like this implies that I'll have to change her flaws? I get now that they contradict the character in the virtues.
I like untidy still, because I don't really think that it clashes with her a lot (like Fayth said), but I understand how impulsive and impatient clash.
I put in the impulsive flaw because I thought Maryellen could be energetic and make quick decisions, whether or not her decision was the right one? But I see now that contradicts her basic idea.
I'll get working on my changes, which will be on the impatient and impulsive flaws.

Thanks again for your help, you're a really big help!