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[CRIT/MARK] Storei's Book Child App. (Language of the Bird)

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Storei

PostPosted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:42 am


Name: Vanya
Nickname(s): He hasn't earned any yet, but there are sure to be some in the future.
Age (Appearance Wise): 15
Age (Actual): About 4 months
Personality:
The overall driving force in Vanya's personality are the birds babbling in his head. He hears them speaking to him of the future, or possibilities, dooms and victories, and they determine Vanya's actions and his perception of the world. Depending on the secrets they whisper him, he is either panicked and worried or humble and confident. Their voices make Vanya appear distant, but in reality, he's accidentally ignoring people to focus in on what the birds have to say, which makes him hard to reach sometimes. But this just means he interacts and percieves the world differently than many of his cohorts. The birds that he hears aren't signs of insanity, just representations of his own thoughts, the voice in his head speaking and predicting, guessing and chugging along at a rapid pace to determine the consequences of actions and reactions before they fall into place. Because of his deep concern with the future, Vanya speaks honestly. Whether it's something that can harm someone or help them, Vanya will voice his feelings rather bluntly on the pretense that everything will work out for the better in the long-run. This ties into his trust in himself and the voices in his head that he confidently voices concerns that would seem rather rude or left handed. Of course, depending on which end of his emotional spectrum he's broadcasting from, quietly nervous or confident in himself, this can be either a good or bad thing. He has good intentions, though, stepping out from his quiet contemplation of the birds rattling about in his head, to speak up if he knows something that someone might need to hear. He can't always be sure though if the things he says are going to help or hurt the one he's stepping out for. He might actually be sending someone to their doom by pointing something out. Regardless of the gamble he must take whenever he chooses to help someone, he works for the overall good, trusting himself in the end every time. However, beyond telling someone what they should do, Vanya is actually quite awkward and unable to start up casual conversation. He usually reserves himself to silence and is a better listener than a talker. He may come off as pretentious, but Vanya is just a quiet thinker who speaks up when he sees it necessary. The funny thing is, though, that if someone can get him to speak up, he won't hold back from continuing on the conversation with anything that might be buzzing about in his head.
Thoughts on the Forest: The forest is a place of great discomfort for Vanya. Being the place of his birth, the place where he first heard the flood of birds babbling about in his head, Vanya sees it as unnatural, as something haunted and to be feared. He heard birds in there, birds should belong in a forest, but there were none to be found, only the ones in his head.
Thoughts of Book Children: People of potential, Vanya looks at his fellow Book Children as interesting individuals with problems that he needs to help them with. He can see each of his peers getting into trouble someway or other, and he would step out to steer them back onto what he considers is the right path.
Thoughts on City People: City People are folk of wonder to Vanya, especially those with bird like features. He greatly admires those and he's kind of wary and quiet to all others, and sometimes, he comes off as pretentious because he pays more attention to those of a birdlike nature and sometimes blatantly ignores the others. He has the predisposition of trusting a birdlike City Person without question, quickly agreeing and believing anything they might say to him.
Physical Appearance: Decked out in layers of clothing, warm in hue and reminiscent of a golden bird's plumage, Vanya wears a combination of very loose and puffy clothing as well as tight fitting comfortable clothing. It's neither rich nor poor clothing though it leans towards the former. Reminiscent of a bird, his clothing also comes with long tails in the back, like feathers, and clings tight to his legs like bird legs. As for himself, he's thin and twiggy underneath his puffy clothing, but he has a definite smallness about him and a roundness in his head and face. His feathery hair is generally well kept and he spends a lot of time straightening out and adjusting his clothing.

History: When Vanya awoke in the depths of the paper forest, he spent a long time listening to the voices beyond the oppressive silence, the voices just beyond his range of hearing, beckoning, insisting that he get up from he forest floor. The voices of the birds. He understood that they were speaking in their own tongues, different from his, but he could still understand them. He knew exactly what they were saying and they were telling him to get up. So Vanya laid on his back, sprawled like he were a fallen Icarus and peered up at the boughs above him, trying to see where these voices, this insisting language was coming from. Get up, they said, get up. So, in time, when he learned control over his body, he did get up, and he followed the sound of the voices in his head, wandering the forest depths and stumbling through the brush, until he found, not the voices that spoke to him, but someone else entirely. It was another body, but there was something interesting about it, something that drew Vanya to kneel by the body's shoulder and wait for him to awaken. He had a wing, like the birds he sought, but he was not a bird himself. He was as close as he could find for all his searching in the forest, though, so it was with a persistent push and shove at his shoulder where wing turned to flesh until the other woke up. Following soon after a difficult game of charades between the two, each speaking different languages, Vanya with the tongue of the birds and the one winged fellow with the tongue of the commoners, they agreed on common grounds to stick together. But it was a combination of the screeching twitter in Vanya's head and Soren's stout observation of a great winged guardian flying above them, that brought them to their feet to stumble again, new and clueless, through the forest and to its border, to the land of the great city within the forest.
Hobbies: If there were birds, he would have been an avid bird watcher, but since they are sadly lacking in existence, he watches people instead. He's a very intense observer and often idles his time by watching those around him with a hawk like intensity. He also is in the habit of collecting clockwork birds. In line with simply listening, he also enjoys singing.
Birthday: Jan 9th
Favorite Things: Vanya is reasonably obsessed with birds and all things birdlike. He loves the feel of feathers and he is more partial to heights than being on the ground. As other things go, he is also amused by songs and singing, finding great pleasure in either listening or performing himself. He also has a soft spot for taking baths since he likes to keep himself clean and prim.
Hated Things: There is little tolerance for sudden or loud noises for Vanya, since he is always usually focused and locked in thought or wonder. He dislikes being jolted from his thinking and reacts with a start, similar to the startling of birds. He also finds himself frightened by teeth and claws, attributes which carry over and echo his birdlike nature. City People with an animal nature frighten him despite their disposition. He also disapproves of people telling him that he is crazy for having the birds in his head, because, for him, they are quite real and quite necessary. They just don't understand because they aren't blessed like he is.
PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:02 am


Open for crit! MY GOODNESS. Finally.

Storei


Arte Lune

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PostPosted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:02 pm


First of all, great flushing out of his character! I love how unique Vanya is with the idea of the birds in his head. Also the fact, that he isn’t merely insane, rather this is what his take on his internal voice is.
(And with that… on to the crit. :3 )
• I really really really want to know more about why he is afraid of sudden or loud noises. Did something happen to him that encouraged that feeling, or is it just one of those quirks that he happened to pick up somewhere.
• As to the City people with teeth and claws, is there a reason why they scare him? Is it because he is so birdlike? It could use a little more clarification. (Just a tad though <3)
• “The forest is a place to be feared… He heard birds in there, but there were none.” That wasn’t very clear to me, just because I thought he heard birds all the time…? Maybe it’s just something that went over my head?
All in all, I love him… I think you did a great job. I actually had difficulty trying to find something that was wrong. So instead I just found things that I personally wanted to know more about.

PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:37 pm


Thanks for that Arte Lune! I'll go in and flesh out those ideas a bit more. And after that I think I'm ready for approval. OUO HOW EXCITING.

Storei



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps

Vice Captain

Trash Husband

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:08 am


Storei


Aside from personality, I would say it's passable. A few things I'd like you do clarify or explain a bit more in depth.

You say he's humble and confident. Thing is, usually this is a conflicting thing to write up. But, I know it isn't impossible. If you elaborate a bit more on this, it would be nice since it's just a small fact that seems to sharply contrast his other actions. Please also really do go into depth with his confidence and how actions and events might shift it.

You say he's distant, does this mean he dozes off in conversations with others? Ignore them? Does he get distracted by the voices in his head?

He speaks honestly, and then say he's also an optimist. This works well with his good intentions. But, does it border into him being blunt/rude, is his honesty silver lined so to speak?

As a general thing I do try warn against making a character that runs the line of being too reserved or 'wall flower'. This isn't me doubting you ability to pull it off, just something I try to make sure people know since it can hinder character development sometimes.
PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:56 pm


iStoleYurVamps
Storei


Aside from personality, I would say it's passable. A few things I'd like you do clarify or explain a bit more in depth.

You say he's humble and confident. Thing is, usually this is a conflicting thing to write up. But, I know it isn't impossible. If you elaborate a bit more on this, it would be nice since it's just a small fact that seems to sharply contrast his other actions. Please also really do go into depth with his confidence and how actions and events might shift it.

You say he's distant, does this mean he dozes off in conversations with others? Ignore them? Does he get distracted by the voices in his head?

He speaks honestly, and then say he's also an optimist. This works well with his good intentions. But, does it border into him being blunt/rude, is his honesty silver lined so to speak?

As a general thing I do try warn against making a character that runs the line of being too reserved or 'wall flower'. This isn't me doubting you ability to pull it off, just something I try to make sure people know since it can hinder character development sometimes.


Thanks for the crit, here's some clarification on the confidence trait. I choose to write with the type of confidence where Vanya is confident in himself and his stance. This doesn't mean that he has to be outspoken or advertising his confidence, which are traits that would conflict with being humble, but one can definitely be confident and humble at the same time wherein a character isn't arrogant, but assured by himself that his stance is well grounded and doesn't feel the need to boast. He trusts himself, in layman's terms. This, of course, implies that at some point the trust in himself will be put to the test, but such conflicts I can hardly foresee since I have yet to play him as a character and develop any kind of friction, though such problems and obstacles are sure to arise. He's still fresh on the page. I hope that this is in depth enough in concern of his confidence.

As for his honesty and optimism, it's completely tied in with providing more conflicts for him to have with other characters, which will in time lead to growth on his part. His honesty is meant to bite him in the a**, even more so because he believes that anything he says honestly will work out for the better in the end, even if he is blunt or rude.

Vanya is distant as in he gets distracted by the voices in his head. He doesn't doze off in conversations, but he does accidentally ignore people when he's focusing on what the birds have to say. He's hard to reach sometimes because of his different way of perceiving and interacting with the world, but instead of this making a difficult character to role play with others, this was meant to make for more interesting encounters where each party would have to figure out new ways to interact instead of the ye old "hey how are you, who are you, I've never met you before, okay, well bye". I'm hoping to, with this character, offer a fresh perspective as well as fun problem solving kind of situations when it comes to roleplaying here at Paper Forest. It's very purpose is to encourage character development, not stagnate it, since his character would have to grow and learn to deal with these differences.

With that being said, I'll add in the appropriate changes, AKA, I'll reformat this post correctly and splice it into Vanya's information.

Storei


Storei

PostPosted: Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:06 pm


Changes have been made.
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:13 am


Storei

User Image Only thing on history being that it would have been ~1 hour in forest total. Just a simple word change to 'seemed like-' and such should fix that


iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps

Vice Captain

Trash Husband

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