[R] Of Knives or Lambs (Kaatje/Ariana)

[shibrogane]

Kaatje did not want to be Sailor Gunn ever again. The thought of lifting that transformation pen and putting on her uniform sounded about as appealing to her as the idea of having her fingernails slowly ripped out. Her sudden distaste for her Gunn-self had its root in the betrayal she felt she had suffered, and not in the threat to her life. She'd almost died before. Granted, she'd never had a blade held to her throat that way, and she touched the bandage around her neck lightly with two fingers. The cut wasn't deep. Just enough to draw blood, enough that the family doctor insisted on covering it. The big problem had been the chipped bone, apparently. She didn't know, she felt fine.

"I don't want to talk to anyone," she said to the retreating back of the butler. "I want to lay in my bed and do nothing!" Kreszant hadn't put up with that, though. Neither would any of the help.

She picked up her pillow and pressed it tight over her face. How had Zinkenite known? They'd been so outflanked... honestly, though, it could have been anyone in on the operation. Just already she wondered... What could she even do? Direct Special Forces to look into it, but honestly they'd never been all that numerous. With the recent exodus, she couldn't recall a precise number of those assigned to her direction.

Certainly it wasn't enough. She shook the curtain of red hair out of her face, fingered a short chunk. She'd have to start doing something to take care of the style, now that she couldn't really bunch it up on one side like she used to. Maybe a braid?...

The door to her room was creaking open, and Kaatje maneuvered herself up straight. "Jeffries, I told you I wanted to be alone," she snapped, bunching up her hands in the comforter sprawled over her legs. She wasn't in any condition to fight with Kreszant, no condition to insist on anything. Her throat had almost been cut! He'd have her on a plane back to the Netherlands in no time flat. She found she almost wouldn't mind.

But it wasn't Kreszant, and she was in less of a mood to speak to the person it was. Especially in this condition, with her hair wild and uncombed and untamed, in her pajamas--sure, gold silk was a lot classier than most, but they were still her pajamas--sure, sure she wanted to see Birhan ******** Isat. "Ariana," she said, coldly. For a senshi of wildfire, she had a way of making her voice absolutely chilly. Right now, her tone was like the Arctic. With a gesture, she dismissed the older man who served in the van der Weydin's East Coast homes. The door clicked shut with an eerie finality, she thought.

Kaatje's room was opulent; it had once been her parents', and little had changed. An easel with a long-dried oil painting stood untouched and dusty near the window; the paints were strewn haphazardly and forgotten. In the large--obscenely large, in fact, no one could ever need so much space--bed, Kaatje looked very small. "Is there something we need to discuss? I don't dare presume you're here to offer well-wishes!"  

[kalindara]

Ari winced and looked away at Gunn - no, Kaatje's - angry non-welcome. Really, what had she been expecting, she demanded of herself. Open arms and easy comraderie? Unfortunately that wasn't something Ari had ever shared with the Senshi of Wildfire, let alone before the disaster Ari had led Gunn into yesterday.

"I was worried about you, actually..." came the soft admission.

If it helped appease Kaatje's worries about her appearance, Ari wasn't exactly the model of class herself. Her jeans were neat and unripped, but that was about the only indication that Ari was 'visiting' formally and not just hanging out somewhere for the day. Actually, Ari was regretting the not dressing up part. For all that Kaatje was in pyjamas and sporting bedhead, the cold redhead suited this elegant place much more than Ari ever could. A butler, an impressive house (or should she call it a mansion?), and a bedroom that not could fit Ari's own in it nearly twice over, but wouldn't have been out of place in a fashion magazine...

Ari shook her head, hovering awkwardly by the door. Kaatje looked about as comfortable seeing Ari in her bedroom as Ari felt being here. It made Ari regret that she'd never tried harder to befriend the other ISS members. She'd always gravitated more to Ares - and look how that had turned out now - and to the cadets and mercs, just as out of place among the Inner Sanctum as she was anywhere that she couldn't simply swing her fists to solve all her problems.

Eventually Ari continued speaking, as if she hadn't paused. "I guess the last thing you want to hear from me is apologies. I don't blame you..." Ari wouldn't want to hear them either, if their positions were reversed. She gave a heavy sigh. "I didn't think you'd be answering your phone. There's a meeting tonight - you don't have to come if you don't want." Ari was quick to reassure the other girl. Not that she didn't want Gunn there, but Gunn had been injured and it was understandable if she was shaken up - or just wanting to avoid Birhan. Ari rubbed at her forehead. It was too confusing, and she'd proven yesterday that strategy was not her strong suit.

"I was just... You're better at spotting stuff like this than me. Do you think we have a traitor? I mean, Zinkenite seemed to know we were coming."

It was only one of many worries Ari had at the moment. She doubted Kaatje wanted to hear any of the others, though. Ari shifted, filled with unease at even bringing her concerns to Kaatje when the other girl was the one injured, who should be the one able to rely on others rather than still having stupid little Birhan running to her for help.

It was times like this that Ari regretted ever having taken Fallon's pen away, removing Ares from the position of dealing with these sorts of things (and Ari had never dreamed she would be the one having to 'replace' the grounded Fallon). Yet another concern she couldn't voice aloud. This mess was Ari's own fault - she knew it, and so did everyone else involved.  

[shibrogane]

She was glad to see Ariana flinch. Excited, even! So the traitor could still feel guilt, that was a good ******** sign. The signs of that were in the derisive tilt to her mouth, making usually lush lips thin, and the narrowed blue eyes. Cerulean, usually, but they looked lighter every time she saw them in the mirror. Just yesterday she'd been looking at them uncomfortably, pulling down on her lower eyelid to make sure there wasn't anything wrong there… Was it even normal for eyes to go from a radioactive blue to almost pinpricks of ice? Could it be a senshi thing? Whatever it was, she'd thought it was creepy.

"Worried," she said, sneering. Sure, the other redhead--really could she and Ariana both be considered in the same league of red-hairedness?--looked like she'd come to visit. Casual clothes, like you'd wear to visit a friend, but for all Gunn had been the one to brand Birhan Isat and welcome her to the Blood Moon Court she didn't consider either incarnation of Ariana Knight a friend. "If you're going to be here, come in. There's a chair by the window." She indicated it with a rather pointed gesture. Honestly, she didn't care, just the pointless hovering grated on her already antsy nerves. While she waited for Ariana to decide between loitering near the gold-filigreed door, she slammed the drawer of her bedside table open and then closed again, her orange and brown phone in her hands. Her transformation pen sat out in the open--white and the burnt orange that characterized her uniform. No one could touch it there, and no one knew what it was but the two of them.

She checked her text messages, and then slapped the phone down next to her. "You sent me to fight Zinkenite on my own," she said, her disbelief coloring her tone dark. "I'm good, Birhan. But I'm not good enough to take a General and his Captain whore, not even on my best day. Which yesterday ******** wasn't."

At the question about the traitor, she just stared at Ariana. Could she really be that bald-faced in her lies? Even on her worst days talking to Wolframite she'd never gone that bold. "Yes," said Kaatje slowly, as if talking to a small child. The senshi of Wildfire was as obvious as her sphere in some ways, and her disbelief colored her tone and expression like fruit punch on white silk. "I think you're the traitor. Who knew more about the operation than you? Who picked the target? You could've changed it from Ares's choice at any time." But you didn't. "Barring Ares or another ISS member, and honestly do you think Laocoon and Gaia ever do anything, who could it be? It sure as hell wasn't me." She gestured at the bandages around her throat. The bulk of her left leg under the comforter didn't even need the bitchy motion.  

[kalindara]

It was a hesitant walk over to the window. While an invitation into the room seemed promising in theory, the scorn with which Kaatje made the offer let Ari know that it was only good breeding and not any kind feelings that prompted it. Ari felt hairs on the back of neck stand up as she moved further away from the door - easy escape was gone. And while Ari lived for a good fight, that was for the physical, not the verbal. She hated confrontation. But Kaatje's anger wasn't misplaced - or so Ari believed. Right up until the other girl accused Ari of being the traitor.

"What!?" she leapt up from the seat she'd barely touched down on. "I would never! How could you think-!?"

Alright, so it looked bad, Ari realised. All the things Kaatje was saying weren't untrue - Ari had made so many bad decisions. But poor planning and slow reaction times to the ambush didn't make her a traitor.

"Why would I do that to my own mission? I'd be an obvious suspect. If I were smart enough to be a traitor, you don't think I'd have done it better?" she demanded, voice high and eyes wide. ********, Ari couldn't even get angry about the accusation - just shocked and panicked. "Jesus, if I was working with Zinkenite, you don't think he would have planned better than that? And why the hell would I have traded our prisoner for you if I were a traitor? A traitor would have 'lost' their own captive and let you be taken."

Shaking hands swept through Ari's bangs. She'd been prepared for anger and well-deserved vitriol. But not for this. And this could be deadly, not just to Ari, but to the BMC as a whole. They were already splintered - something like this could ruin them. As Kaatje said, the rest of the ISS were Ares' former Parallels who did nothing, and Ares' current girlfriend who had yet to prove herself in any manner.

"I ******** up, okay. Majorly, spectacularly. You're right, I should have picked someone we had the firepower to handle." In Ari's defense, she'd been hoping the few Eternals they had would step up and take part, but Nemesis was her usual, singularly unhelpful self, and no one had heard from Scylla in weeks. "I should never have sent you against Zinkenite on your own. Even sending Sirius after you was too late."

Violet eyes fell to the floor. "I'm no Ares. And I know half the BMC doesn't believe it, but I never wanted to be. I never wanted to take her place - ********, I know I'm not cut out for the planning side of things. I hit stuff. I'm good at that. All I wanted was to protect the other senshi from..."

She broke off. She'd just wanted to protect the cadets and newest, unseasoned mercenaries from doing the kinds of things that Gunn and Birhan had done during Rota. Birhan could handle doing it herself - it was a dark path, but like she'd said, it was what she was good at.

Her head swung back up and she stared Kaatje down. "I'm not a traitor. I would never do that. What do you want me to do to prove it? Give Ares her pen back? Fine with me - I hate this. You think I asked for it, but I didn't. Maybe I judged her too harshly, if this is the result. You want my pen? I'll give it to you after the meeting tonight - hell, I'll do it in front of the ISS if you want to make this official. But mark my words..."

Ari's voice dropped to a hiss. "I am not a traitor. If someone did spill our plan, or even just our target - which everyone at the last meeting knew, whether or not they signed up, by the way - then they are still out there. So if you take me off-duty, don't you dare sit easy and think there's nothing to worry about as long as you're watching me. Because whoever did this is either still in our Court, or one of our recently departed - and they'll still be spilling secrets."  

[shibrogane]

The other senshi was hesitant, and Kaatje kind of enjoyed that. She chose to lead Special Forces for a reason, and part of it was quivering obedience from those she was set to lead. Some of her people, like Nemesis, had always been a little… odd… but most of them? Only remembered Gunn from their branding, and seemed to think she was a crazy enough b***h to want to do that twice. "Sit down," snapped Kaatje. She didn't want to see other people up and jumping round, which was petty as hell and kind of cruel to be enforcing her will on other people. Especially not after making an accusation like the one she just had, but really? It wasn't Kaatje's best day.

"Because this was all you." She hadn't been exactly the most helpful during planning, Gunn knew, but honestly she hadn't thought that Birhan wouldn't plan for this. "Believe it or not, I'm not convinced Zinkenite is the smartest in the Negaverse stable, and if he is that's damn sad. He can't resist giving up what he's doing for a shitty quip." How did he just give away part of his own damn plan? Who pulled out chess metaphors and then didn't know the precise use of the Legal Pseudo-Sacrifice, anyway? Kaatje was a casual player--more than casual, maybe, it was once a season when Kres couldn't get his boyfriend to play, she couldn't even call it a hobby and didn't particularly like it--but she knew that much. That, Fool's Mate, and Scholar's Mate were the best and most-well known of gambits.

Ah, yes, though. Ariana's best defense point. Why would she have traded Gunn for the captive? It made no sense, circumstantially or otherwise, beyond the fact that Gunn wished they'd just given whoever it was over to her people and gotten information from him. The Blood Moon was a court and a set of ideals she would gladly die for, just as long as she thought her death would go somewhere. She'd grown into her senshi power with those ideas firmly in the back of her mind; any senshi can do what a Royal can. Any senshi is equal and has the right to be heard. "When they didn't," she said, "You should have called off the mission. That's a thing that you can always do, you know." Did she blame Ariana for trying to save the civilian? No. There'd been an awful lot of energy signatures by the time Gunn had got there, and even in her rage-fueled hurt she didn't think that the civilian should have been sacrificed for cowardice. Information? Yes. The death of a Negaverse agent? Yes. Fear? No.

Her brow furrowed, then. Up until getting her head slammed on the pavement, her memory was crystal-clear. Waking up to Wolframite with her throat under his knives kind of sucked as a next thing to remember, but the truth was… she didn't really know what had happened in the negotiations.

"Has it been a month," asked Kaatje sharply. "Believe it or not, I didn't help you to support you. I did it because she broke our rules." Honestly, she would take Ariana's pen in a moment if she had proof… if there was anyone among the ISS she trusted. But unfortunately, most of the ISS was dead weight. If Ariana was to be taken off duty while Kaatje honestly could not take over… There was always time to handle this when she was better. She outpowered Ariana hands down, in her opinion. She shook her head. "I don't want your pen. Stupidity--" scathing, that tone "--isn't a crime, if what you're saying is true. Even if it's not true, Ariana, I'm in no position to do anything about it now. The penalty for betrayal would require me to be a lot lighter on my feet."

She would have wiggled her toes to emphasize the fact that the only way she was getting anywhere was the pair of crutches against the side of her bed, but she couldn't yet. ******** chipped bone. Always getting in the way of your wanted fights to the death. "I want you to tell me why," she said, puzzlement showing through the disdain for the first time. "That's the only thing I can't figure out. If you're a traitor, you should have wanted me dead. We're not close. I don't even know you, or like you, that well. If you're not a traitor, I would've been an acceptable casualty if you got someone so valuable Zinkenite felt he had to trade me for him."  

[kalindara]

"Sit down."

Ari sat. She startled as she realised how quickly she'd snapped to. Kaatje really had a future as a teacher. Or the head guard of a woman's prison. Seriously, what a parade voice. No wonder she could handle Special Forces as Gunn. Even Nemesis might hesitate to answer back to that tone.

Kaatje made good points about Zinkenite. He had liked to give his speeches and little zingers, even while arranging a swap for their captives. But the rest of the Negaverse was convinced he was their strategist - or at least, in charge of their information network. They possibly weren't the same thing, Birhan thought.

"He is weak," she agreed. "At least as weak as I am, to agree to a trade." Hell, Zinkenite had been the one to suggest the trade. Either he was a soft-hearted man, or there was something about that Captain...

That trail of thought ended abruptly as Kaatje demanded to know why Ari would have agreed to trade for her. She was too shocked to jump to her feet again. Instead she just stared at Kaatje, jaw dropping.

"Why? You need to know why I wouldn't leave you with Wolframite, of all people?" Ari's voice was quiet, but clearly stained in disbelief. "Someone who is desperate to worse to us than we did to him?"

And they'd done some very terrible things to him.

"I don't -" Ari paused. "It's nothing to do with being close, or liking you. I wouldn't want to leave anyone in the hands of Wolframite. I might, if it was really necessary. If we'd had Zinkenite, well, then I would have had a moral dilemna and something to actually consider. But you for some Captain I've never even seen before? Whose biggest move on the field is playing dumb civilian? No. Can't say I needed to think it over."

Maybe Ari was sentimental. It was true that she thought of the BMC as family - moreso than the adopted one she had currently. She didn't think Kaatje would take hearing that very well, though. The other girl wanted to hear logic. It was lucky for Ari that she had some of those reasons as well.

"You're too important to lose. You've been with the Court since forever. You've branded all the mercs, and fought at least half of them to make them earn their place. You know their fighting styles, strengths and weaknesses... a lot of civilian identities, too, I bet. The only person worse for us to lose to them would be Ares. So no, I don't think I made the wrong choice." With a sigh and a shrug, she continued, "I don't know what made Zinkenite think his Captain was worth trading for you. Maybe he's soft, himself, or we had someone important to him. But even if the Captain would have given us leverage against Zinkenite, he wouldn't be worth losing you for."

Ari was resigned as she faced Kaatje. "I'm sorry if you feel differently." But when the choices were Gunn revealing information under torture and then being Wolframite's plaything until he finally broke his toy, or Gunn revealing information under torture and then being corrupted to fight them like Lyra... Ari didn't consider those choices that she could live with.  

[shibrogane]

Kaatje smiled a little smugly at Ariana's obedience, mostly because she still had it. Even with severe behead, a shitty haircut, and embarrassing pajamas, people shut up and listened. So she listened at least mostly with an open mind, her bad mood alleviated by that little thing. The smile dissipated when she mentioned the idea of leaving Gunn with Wolframite. She didn't like that idea, and self-consciously rubbed at her throat again. A twinge of pain reminded her of how close she'd come… how very, very close.

Still.

"That's true," she said, reluctantly. She at least knew how to identify the Blood Moon in their civilian forms--everyone over the Cadets had their brands worn in the open. And she knew that every single human being she'd ever known had a price that could buy them. Birhan had been the one to force Wolframite to that point, but she didn't delude herself that he didn't want to rip her to small, small pieces despite that. As far as pieces on the field during their botched operation, Gunn… well, Gunn would have been a bigger loss than Birhan Isat. So she had to bow to that logic.

Then she sighed, and tapped her knuckles on the comforter draped over her legs. "I don't think I'll be able to make your meeting. You got me at a good time. My next dose of percoset is in half an hour." She scraped her thumbnail along a line of deep-green stitchery. "The cast goes away when you henshin, too, according to the people I've asked for advice. I'd rather not end up maimed."

Awkwardly, she glanced up at Ariana. "Sorry, then. And thanks." In case Ariana thought that she was getting off easy, though, she added quickly: "I'm still going to watch you. But thanks."  

[kalindara]

Ari nodded, simply relieved the the yelling portion seemed to be over. At least Kaatje saw the wisdom in not letting the Negaverse keep her as a prisoner. Ari didn't want to sacrifice anyone if she could help it, but she knew enough about harsh reality to know that wouldn't always be the case. Sometimes people would be lost regardless, like in Rota, and maybe one day she would have to make a call that one of her fellow senshi wasn't worth saving. She prayed that day never came.

"We will miss your presence," she said. Ari offered a half-smile. "As you say, the rest of the ISS aren't the most... active."

Not to mention pooling what information they had learned from the botched operation. Well, that could always be done later. Perhaps Ari would send one of the other girls around for that, in the hopes of Kaatje being less irritated with them - or was that just running away? Ari didn't know. Everything was confusing right now. It was a decision that needed to be made on the spot, thankfully. She could weigh it over and decide later.

The reminder that she was still suspect had Ari nodding. She was solemn as she said, "Thank you for your honesty. You know, Nemesis talks about 'proving myself' all the time - as though simply levelling up will somehow make me a better person - and I always thought it was stupid to have to. But for you, for this... I will."

She'd prove she was no traitor. Maybe she could eventually even prove she wasn't the suckiest senshi to ever suck at leading a mission. Kaatje was someone worth earning respect from, unlike Nemesis and her big mouth.

"I should let you rest," Ari offered, hesitantly rising to her feet. "I'll let you know if anything interesting happens at the meeting." Kaatje would likely ask around on her own, not trusting Ari's word. But that didn't mean Ari wouldn't try.  

[shibrogane]

She twined her hair around her fingers and nodded. She hadn't been exceptionally present either. Actually, almost not at all--although she'd certainly participated more than, say, Albali. "Leveling up isn't all it's cracked up to be," she said. "Some of the best and bravest senshi I know are still scout-level. There's no shame in it." So said the super senshi, who had been super for almost a year now. Certainly she wouldn't think there was anything wrong with a stable power level. After a moment, she cracked a rather forced-looking smile. "Sure. Call me up, my cell phone's… somewhere."

With that, she set her hands down on her lap, then let her head thunk against her headboard. She really just wanted to lay down for a while.