School started pretty early this year, I don't ******** know why.
Must be the budget cut and they're thinking of starting school early and ending it early, I don't know the details, so ******** that.
To say the least, it was an....eventful first week of school.
I got my a** into classes on the first day of school and sat as close to the board as possible.
I AM ******** BLIND.
Though I'm obviously not too thrilled about sitting near the teacher's a**, it was the only spot where I can actually see the whole board.
Normally, I wouldn't mind if it was a nice female a** in my face, but NO SUCH LUCK.
It's a tall and large man in jeans with his butt pointed in my general direction.
My main concern for the moment would be that he not fart.
First impression of the teachers were decent until I eventually found out that I would probably die after the year ended.
I have some...interesting teachers....most are males with some issues with me, one way or another. I know one of them doesn't like the poker face I give him when he tells jokes....
I have ONE female teacher and thank god she is the only teacher I can put up with.
LAST BUT NOT LEAST.
THE SRSBSNS TEACHER.
He has a ******** deadpan expression and possesses the evil eye.
Every time he looks at you, his eyes stare into your soul and crush it into bits. He never smiles and he never jokes.
(And if he ever jokes, he often does it with a straight face and I die a little on the inside trying to figure out if I should laugh or cry.)
He scares the ******** out of everyone and they know it.
SO FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOLI met a shitload of weird teachers on my first day, sent to detention on my second day, and was threatened to have my tongue removed and pickled on the third day.
So I broke a few school codes, ******** that s**t. They didn't enforce it last year, I don't know why they're doing it now.
SO ABOUT THE PICKLED TONGUE.
We had a little activity in class to come up with as many words as we can given the subject. The teacher called half the class to the board and told them to write s**t down. I was the first up.
When I finally got my a** back to my seat, he told us we were supposed to write ONE thing.
REALLY. YOU TELL ME THAT s**t NOW?
So when everyone got their asses back to their seats, he looked at my list of words that covered about hafl of the board and turned to me.
"REALLY?"
I just shrugged and ACCIDENTALLY STUCK MY TONGUE OUT.
ACCIDENTALLY, GODDAMMIT.
"Did you just seriously stuck your tongue out at me?"
"Sorry."
"DID YOU REALLY JUST DO TH-"
He then proceeded to rummage through his drawers and pulled out a pair of scissors.
He also told me he would pickle my tongue.
So last year I had a teacher who thought I was ******** crazy and THIS year I have a teacher who tries to pickle MY TONGUE.
MY LIFE IS ******** BEAUTIFUL.
ALL OF THIS WAS DONE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.
AWWWHHHSSHIT
AWWWHHHSSHIT
I'M PRETTY MUCH ******** FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
I just know he's onto me.
