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 Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:00 am
❂Comet❂ 
◎Character Name:Comet
◎Type: Pokemon
◎Species:Medicham
◎Gender: Male
◎Height: 6'2
◎Age: 24
◎Hair Color: Red, Dark Pink..Magenta? Ponytail.
◎Eye Color: Golden
◎Skin Color: Dark skinned
◎Other: Manly?
If ever the idea does become art I leave most things up to the artists discretion.
However I always imagined Medicham to be very minimalistic. Long baggy flowing pants for easy movement. Hair kept up and back in a short to mid-length ponytail with maybe a few stray bangs here and there. Maybe some karmic beads around the neck, or as a belt around the waist.
His body is his temple and he keeps it as such. Not overly muscled, but wiry, thin, and light; with long, but graceful limbs.
◎Nature: Hardy
◎Ability: Telepathy
◎Skill Set: Calm Mind, Force Palm, Telekinesis, Reversal
◎Song: Comet
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:03 am
❂History❂
Comet started out as a small, clever, and very wild Meditie who one day found himself facing down an angry flock of murkrow that had an eye out for his hard won breakfast. Comet was lucky enough to be saved by a then 17 year old; would be trainer named Leon. The act of bravery by the late starting trainer earned him a valuable partner in meditite. The little psychic pokemon felt such respect for the human that he allowed Leon to catch him, and in doing so became Leons first pokemon.
Leon had bold dreams of becoming a pokemon master, and like every other trainer his goal was to earn as many gym badges as he could, travel the regions, and qualify for the pokemon league in order to defeat the elite in each region he crossed. However Leons dreams were interrupted by life and love. The beloved trainer that Meditite (now Medicham) had enjoyed traveling with for the last few years had grown up, settled down, and decided to start a family of his own. Medicham did not resent his trainer though; or regret how short their exciting journey had been. He was happy enough to slip into the mold of a mundane family pet with a cushy life; as long as he was able to remain Leons partner, and friend.
Everything changed when Leons eldest daughter Emily turned 10; the young girl far more ambitious then her father had ever been, and eager to start out on her journey. She was of course Leons little princess and rather then send her to the professor to obtain a shiny new pokemon Leon decided to pass down his trusted and trained friend Comet to the adorable; slightly bratty little girl. Comet was eager to please, and though he would miss his easy life and old master he would also enjoy whatever new challenges came along. He would especially enjoy the chance at passing on his own wisdom gained in past battle to the newest little trainer and whatever team she gathered along the way.
Emily however was not nearly as excited about taking the Medicham for her first pokemon as Leon and Comet were. Leon quickly nixed any forthcoming arguments; demanding that his daughter start out safe with a pokemon that he trusted would protect her. What Comet had expected to be an ordinary trainer had instead turned out to be an aggressive and cuteness obsessed coordinator. Comet had zero experience in such pageants and beauty contests. While the older pokemon was able to have some skill when it came to capturing new and much cuter pokemon than he, and in the dual pokemon and battle sections of the contests; he was otherwise useless to aid the little girl with her own dreams.
While competing in one of Emily's beloved pokemon contests Comet's skills managed to catch the eye of a gypsy. The beautiful older woman was part of a traveling Pokemon circus; in which she claimed to be the greatest psychic who ever lived. Grabbing Emily after the show she quickly hustled the girl into buying a reading off of her. The Psychic made grand predictions for Emily, and through the course of the reading tricked the naive coordinator into trading her less than adorable Medicham over in exchange for a shiny new, and absolutely adorable Cottonee.
When Comet was next summoned he was shocked to find himself in the greedy hands of a witch. While he'd lost enthusiasm for being Emily's pet he'd never hated the little girl; she was after all just a child. Towards this woman though; Comet learned of a new feeling called loathing. The woman making him and her other pets use their powers for her own gain with no reward for them in return. Comet soon found himself spending tireless, thankless hours hidden beneath tables and behind false walls while he turned tricks for the 'one true psychic of the world'. He missed his life with Leon; the excitement had been short lived, but it had been good enough for him, and Comet even missed little Emily and his lack luster days in the spotlight.
Comet decided that anything would have been preferable to this, and the usually docile pokemon turned on his owner. Waiting patiently until the woman had her largest crowd of gullible fools before lashing out disobediently and exposing her as the fraud that she was. The woman was humiliated, and enraged; immediately releasing Comet and banishing him into the wilds.
Comet had never been so glad to be away from people before now, and had never been so lost. Comet hadn't realized how far away from home he'd been brought, and was unable to recognize the region or even the few other wild pokemon he encountered. He also found himself ill equipped to survive in the wild like he had when he was young and un-evolved. Comet realized too late, exhausted and half starved, that his time with humans had made him soft, and that he'd spent so long with them he no longer knew how to survive on his own.
For one final time Comet assumed a meditative position. Seeking to calm his frayed nerves and tired body while drifting off into troubled dreams he wasn't sure he'd wake from. Comet found himself wishing to be like the humans he'd loved. That maybe if he were he would be stronger and free to make his own choices like his first owner Leon had. It would have been nice to create a life for himself just like that....
Comets dreams were twisted yet warm, and strangely pink filled. Mixed with soft feelings of regret and whispered, hopeful promises that he didn't quite comprehend. All comet knew was that wherever the dreams led he wanted to follow. He wanted the life in his dreams to be filled with his own adventures; his own family and love and joys. Most importantly Comet wanted to survive, and to be able to do so without ever becoming so codependent again. Not to be alone, but to be a strong individual who could support himself as well as others.
The strange dream came to a sudden and harsh end. One that brought Comet to screaming wakefulness; shivering all over and feeling as though he'd just crawled a mile through the snow. In his fright and confusion Comet lept to his feet, and immediately found himself face down in the dirt. Fighting for a few frantic moments to try and gain control over the new body, thinking that he'd startled a Venomoth or some other such wild thing and gotten himself paralyzed in the process. It was as he lay there that he realized this body was no longer his own..or..was..but not at all how he remembered it.
"Dear god.." Comet stammered and immediately threw his hands over his mouth. The words felt strange and garbled across his tongue, and yet he knew them well. Had in fact spent his whole life listening to them in commanding phrases, sometimes shouted, other times endearing and soft. Comet was quite sure he'd gone insane.The dream he'd just woken from nearly swept from his mind until a large, very pink Musharna floated past him, and carefully winked. Murmuring something about 'wishes' being granted before it vanished off on its way.
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:07 am
❂Personality❂
◎Neutral: Perfectionist
Is Comet perfect? Not by a long shot, but he strives towards perfection in everything he does. Comet spends a lot of time being introspective; examining the best ways to go about bettering himself without repeating past mistakes. Comet is not always successful, but he is always trying, and hoping that one day he can match his own aspirations.
Because Comet needs to be perfect he becomes easily frustrated whenever he fails to meet his own high expectations. Especially when he catches himself falling into old habits. His own frustration with his lack of growth often does one of two things; turns inwards and festers until he finds the time, peace, and quiet, to sit and work it out in his own head. Or reflects outwards in how he treats others. When things weigh heavily on his conscience, or Comet feels he's not progressing quickly enough by his own standards. Comet will grow cold towards others and distance himself from them. Not because of anything they've done wrong, but because he feels less than worthy of their presence, and only knows how to deal with his emotions by putting a wide space between himself and others until his issue is dealt with.
◎Positive: Consistent
Comet is very consistent with his actions, ways of thinking, speaking, training. This makes him reliable, but predictable and even a bit boring. Comet has spent his whole life trying to be seen as safe; as someone who can be a dependable shield time and time again. In doing so he's put himself inside a rigid box, and setup hard to break patterns that he follows almost ritualistically. With this new existence Comet wishes to break some of these old, unhealthy patterns, and create new ones that would better fit his life. Maintaining his consistency while still allowing for some flexibility.
◎Positive: Patient
Comet has very little patience with himself where his own successes and failures are concerned, but he has near infinite patience for others. Comet has low expectations of others and as long as they're doing something that doesn't effect him in a negative way he can wait for them for as long as they need. If ever he does loose his patience with others it is only because he feels he's been wronged by them or slighted in some way when he's done nothing to deserve it. Comet also has patience in the sense that he is willing to 'wait it out' in situations where how he reacts requires the other to make the first move. Comet can keep himself together, calm, and poised. Waiting until the perfect moment presents itself for him to strike.
◎Negative: Self-Serving
After spending so long being commanded by his various owners (whether he enjoyed it or not), and spending countless amounts of time trying to achieve his trainers dreams and goals; it's only right that Comet feels he deserves to be a little bit selfish...Maybe even more then a little bit. He has his own wishes and goals he wants to fulfill now, and he'll be damned if anyone sidetracks him from that.
While Comet is more than willing to tag along or play a sheep in the crowd when it benefits him; there comes a point where demands to do things his way. Comet will at times become argumentative with others if they wish to do something he does not, and will try fervently to make them see how his idea is better. He also becomes quite sour when he gets stuck somewhere while wanting to be elsewhere.
◎Negative: Arrogant
Comet expects others; (human and pokemon alike) to be a bit slower in the thinking arena then he is; to make mistakes where he wouldn't, and for their lesser standards and lack of organization to screw things up. This allows him to be patient with them, and a bit smug whenever thing's others do around him go wrong. He was, after all, expecting it. Comet feels he is better at doing many things then others are. Especially when it comes to something that he 'knows' hes superior in. Whenever the chance presents itself Comet will happily demonstrate superiority under the guise of helping.
❂Strengths & Weaknesses❂
◎Strength:
Limits - Comet has an intimate understanding of physical limitations and a growing knowledge of mental ones. Though he finds that the mind is an ever growing thing that can never be completely explored. It's part of the reason he enjoys his little meditation sessions; to explore the vastness of his mind.
Immediately after becoming a human Comet spent a great deal of time exploring his body. Wanting to know every little difference between this form and his other, and discover every new detail of himself that he could.
Maybe every body is different, but when it comes to his own he knows exactly how far he can push it. What points he can push himself past and when he simply has to give up and accept that he's human.
Movement - Comet loves moving, he loves being graceful even in this larger more lanky human form. He especially loves watching others move and moving alongside them. Be it something as simple and mundane as walking or as complex as dancing, or a well choreographed battle. Comet is often caught staring at other people because of this. Marveling in all the different body types and the ways in which they get around.
◎Weakness:
Overbearing - Sometimes Comet is so Arrogant that he oversteps others boundaries and stomps all over whatever it is their trying to accomplish; accidentally ruining their experiences. If Comet feels he is better suited to do a task than someone else he will move in and take over. Especially if they're involved in doing something that he knows he's skilled at; or feels he can do it better and faster then they can if they'd only step aside and let him. He forgets that people need or want to do things on their all by themselves sometimes; even if their not very good at it. This leads to hurt feelings, as well as a lot of frustration for Comet who is really only trying to help; he just doesn't realize he's going about it in the wrong way.
Lacks Empathy- Comet fumbles when it comes to handling others emotional outbursts. He can barely handle his own emotions and issues in a normal way; let alone be consoling towards others, even if they might empathize with him. He becomes awkward when tears and irrational arguing come into play in social situations, and usually just ends up making things worse before making them better.
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:13 am
BRING ON THE CRIT BBY..plz?
I would also like help with defining that Neutral trait..a neutral trait is something that doesn't cause anyone benefit or harm right, it's just there? I might need to tweak that as well...
Before I go any further into this I want to make sure I'm doing it right at least. The history defines my pokemon/human/thingy, and its personality, and how it reacts to situations. If the History is messed up or doesn't fit the shop then everything else will need to be re-tweaked anyways.
Creative Critisizm is love love lovedy love loved! And super greatly appreciated!
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:35 pm
First off I would like to say that his history is fine. It's very well fleshed out and realistic. He starts to gradually feel rather human in the history which I think is good, showing why he would desire to be human... Simply because he's beginning to think like a human and have more human desires in a more simplistic form. (I'M PROLLY READING INTO IT TOO DEEPLY BUT IT'S GOOD SO DON'T CHANGE IT.)
◎Neutral: Hopeful
1. This requires much more elaboration. I found myself feeling like this was incredibly vauge.
2. The first sentence and the second contradict one another. Why would he look for the best in others when he doesn't expect to find it? This is combining a cynical sentence with a hopeful sentence.
◎Negative: Consistent
Reading through this I do not see this as a negative trait at all. It's neutral leaning towards the positive and, sadly, I'm not certain how to make it out to not be neutral. My suggestion would actually be to look back on the patience trait and use 'arrogant' instead, as he seems to think himself better than others when it comes to thought. Consistent is a little difficult to turn into a negative as it's typically a very positive trait. If you want more help fleshing out this particular or trait or want to discuss it further, please PM me.
◎Negative: Moving Forwards
This particular paragraph feels very jumbled to me and I'm not fully understanding what this trait really is. I'm not sure if 'moving forward' is a good description for it either. It sounds like he's preoccupied with the future and thus loses sight of what's currently important, thus making him sloppy? If that IS what is being said here then it needs to be elaborated on and the trait labeled something else. I want to say that sloppy would be a good one but, at the same time, that contradicts both his perfectionist quality and his consistent quality. At this point in time this trait doesn't fit with the others, so I would consider taking another crack at it and attempting to find a different phrase or word to summarize it.
◎Strength:
While this is good, I'd like you to list more than one strength. This probably doesn't require as much description as his personality traits so feel free to tl;dr this. But, yes, I would like to see more than just one strength.
◎Weakness:
Again, I'd like to see more than one weakness. Also needs to be shortened a bit and doesn't need quite as much explanation.
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:10 pm
YEY OMG VITTLES I LUV U THANK YOU FOR THE CRIT!
You are so not reading to deeply into his history, that is totes what I was going for! -yeey- I think therefore I am, muahahaha!
Die negative traits dieee! Yus, I agree I really was struggling to find a second negative trait -for any negative trait, wry so hard- and pretty much threw that together just to have something down.
I'll turn Consistent into my Neutral trait then, scratch hopeful as that doesn't fit him well and I cant for the life of me describe him being that. I'll find myself two negative traits that can suit him without contradicting what I've already got down.
I will totes add another strength and weakness! -Soo much easier to find then negative traits again waiihh!-
Again thank you, this crit helped so much!
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:32 am
Dun dun dun dunnn! Finallly -flops- I found negatives! Ah..I think..-nods- Yes, definitely negatives.
Again I love any and all crit from anyone and everyone! I find it helps me ditch the blah stuff and sift through ideas better -nods-
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:06 am
1. Consistent
There are multiple personality traits in here and not all of them fall under the term 'consistent'. You may wish to split these up into separate points to make the traits flow more properly e.g. Consistent -> Inflexible -> Easily Exasperated -> Self Critical
The above simply discusses how his consistency develops into additional traits. Self-Critique (auto-critique) isn't relevant to consistency when used in the context you've selected. If he was to be consistent in all actions and aspires to maintain that consistency then self-critique would be appropriate, otherwise it comes under a different point as he's becoming exasperated/frustrated by his own inflexibility. With this in mind I would separate these - or alternatively, combine Self-critique with the Perfectionist trait as a perfectionist is renowned for being highly self-critical (I am one, I know).
2. Perfectionist
This is actually a neutral trait. Perfectionists are defined as always aspiring towards perfection and as a consequence, are well known for being pedantic and easily irritated if something doesn't reach their high standards. It's good that they aspire towards efficiency and to be the best good at what they do, but this can negatively impact on how people perceive them, especially when things are not going a perfectionist's way.
If you're intending to have a more positive slant on this it would probably need to be "Aspirational" rather than perfectionist. However, given his inclinations towards self-critique, I would encourage you to simply revise this point and combine the two traits.
3. Arrogant
Arrogance is never a positive trait, nor does it have anything to do with patience. While there are elements of arrogance in this trait i.e. his believe that he's quicker witted etc than everyone else, this trait is more in line with the true definition of "Patient".
A patient individual is one who is is a person who bears any sort of complaint, misfortune etc with a calm demeanour. They don't complain themselves and simply work through it. Regardless of the individual's intentions, they can still be patient even if they think everyone is an idiot. However, be very careful with this trait! If he's easily exasperated by his own failings then this risks contradicting this trait. Be very specific when writing about it and try to indicate that he's patient with people other than himself...
4. I aim to please - Myself.
Word you're looking for here is "Self-serving". He has his own agenda and will do as he pleases without being a hedonist. In addition to this you may wish to take out the passive-aggressive notes in this passage and slip them into the last one. While he can certainly be passive-aggressive to fit his own agenda, the paragraph itself slots more comfortably into the final personality trait.
Alternatively, you could redraft the paragraphs and combine them both as they're both indicative of a selfish nature which might be more appropriate.
5. Spotlights on me now!
Tempermental, selfish, self-serving or attention seeking.
I have difficulties with this paragraph in general as it's contradictory to the rest of his personality. You make frequent reference to his arrogance, selfiness and self-serving nature. In addition, you indicate that he's a perfectionist and these individuals (when in their extreme) are renowned for working so hard because they desire a level of recognition. With this in mind, the fact that he "loves to be nothing more than background noise" doesn't sit well with me, perhaps it's the term of phrase but when it comes to psychology an individual can't flip a switch and become bubbly one moment, then isolated the next without a good reason. I'll clarify what I mean...
From a personal standpoint, I hate being the centre of attention and as such I prefer more isolated areas and I do like to be recognised but not focused on. In essence, if my existence is acknowledged then I'm comfortable. However, if you ask me to get on a stage then I'll do it, I just won't enjoy it. I'm considered a fairly consistent person in real life and especially in working environments so I'm regarded as level-headed and reliable. If I jumped up onto a bar and did a dance, I suspect I would cause a significant amount of gossip about finally cracking under the pressure!
See the difference? Individuals can't be isolated one moment and super bubbly the next without being exceptionally tempermental and unpredictable. He can certainly be bubbly in one environment (around friends) and quiet in another (foreign/unknown place) but outbursts don't seem to fit him. Given that Comet is an individual known for his consistency, this unpredictable aspect of his personality doesn't read well. You need to be careful how you write this paragraph and what context you put it in. I can see what you mean in the sense that sometimes he just wishes he could break out of the box and do something stupid, but when you combine this with his already existing traits it risks conflicting unless it's handled carefully.
PERSONALITY CONCLUSIONS (Cause I like to ramble, yo)
I can see what you want for him, he's just not there yet. There are a number of points where he contradicts himself based on the way certain traits are explained. These need to be reviewed carefully, so that they compliment each other the way they should. You may discover that you remove some elements completely after considering the points provided, which might be a good idea in some cases.
You have a good balance of traits, in terms of giving him depth, you're certainly well on the way to achieving this but at the moment he's still suffering from a few issues that need to be addressed.
If you're struggling to find a way to balance out these issues or to rephrase them in the context you want, then I would encourage you to skim through already existing characters or the approved quest section as you'll be able to see how they discuss each trait individually. They'll even be able to give you an insight into how each trait is 'linked'. You don't necessarily have to list positives/negs/neutral in their own categories if you think that a neutral trait fits between two negatives etc.
Strengths:
You developed these well following Vittle's crit.
Weaknesses:
1. Boundaries
Being a perfectionist won't make you intrude on other people's personal space, that's actually more to do with arrogance and impatience. Be careful with this, you indicate that he's patient with people other than himself and this weakness indicates that he'd sooner intervene rather than wait for the person to work it out themself! Everything you're mentioning in this part is all to do with arrogance rather than perfectionism.
2. Handling
This word makes no sense unfortunately, a more suitable term of phrase for the weakness you're discussing is "Lack of empathy".
HISTORY:
This is good, I actually enjoyed reading it! The only thing I would warn you to be careful of is grammar (you miss a few apostrophes) and diction. The structure of your sentences and the order you place words in doesn't always read as well as I think it could. With the exception of me being pedantic over the very minor errors in this prose, it's really well done.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 1:58 pm
YUSSSSSSSSssssss. Thank you so much Epine! Alrighty then let's get this ball rolling.
Yeah my sentence structure tends to be a little weird -gets that a lot- The picture in my head and the words I'm typing run into each other and..boom..oddness. I really need to start reading all of my entries out loud from now on, it does help a lot!
Fixed the simplest stuff first. Changed the way his Boundaries weakness was worded, made it more of an 'I can do it better so you don't have to' kinda thing. I hope that fits him well. I have no idea what to title the thing, but the idea is there.
Fixed everything else to fit the crit I received. -how did I not notice arrogance as a trait the first time, I doez not know!-
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:30 pm
Few things that are typically required to tidy up any entries, hopefully you'll spot what I've done each time I've adjusted certain sentences. Most of the sentences below are only changed in a very slight manner, while others have just had unnecessary words removed from them.
Also provided a more appropriate word for one of the weaknesses that you specified as I know you were struggling with that a little bit.
Diction and Grammar Critique
Is Comet perfect? Not by a long shot, but he strives towardsattempt perfection in everything he does.
Especially when he catches himself falling into old habits.
While Comet is more then willing to tag along and play sheep with the rest of the crowd... Still have issues with the way this sentence is worded as it contradicts his self-serving nature. Would be better if it was along the lines of... While Comet is more than willing to tag along or play a sheep in the crowd when it benefits him; there comes a point...
Comet seems to expect others; (human and pokemon alike) to maybe be a bit slower...
He was, after all, expecting it.
Comet feels he is better at doing then others; areas that he 'knows' he's superior in.
Weakness
Doing For Others = Overbearing
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2011 2:54 pm
I Labu you Epine!
-kicks diction in the face-
Fix, fix, fix, and wow did I really type it up like that? Ewww..-scrubs away- There, now it makes sense!
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