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 Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:09 pm
sorry if i post here too often, but life has taken a strange turn, again. and i'm so unsure of what to do...
to begin with, the girl i've been obsessed with for years... i'm mostly over her which is great
but now i've gone from thinking i was completely disgusting and horrible, to having to choose between 4 different girls.
the first is a girl i have known for years, the best friend of the girl i was obsessed with. come to find out, she has had a huge crush on me for years, and she keeps telling me all of her personal problems, and i keep helping her, and i do think i like her, but she might not even be goin to our school next year and she's been on vacation in utah for two months, so i haven't seen her in forever. also, she is... i'm not one to judge a girl on how she looks, but she is... extremely overweight with bad skin and she talks too much and all, it's almost too much.
and then there are sisters who i met at a pizza party with jay asher, author of th1rteeen rea3ons why (which i recommend to everyone in this guild). a month or so after that night (which was an amazing night), one of them posted on facebook something about being bisexual but having no chance with either sex, i responded in a message by saying that i'd only spent one night with her but she was still amazing and i had to hold back not to ask her out right then.
i guess that was a mistake becuase her transsexual sister became extremely jealous and has been trying to keep me away from her whenever possible, so every moment i do spend with her is extremely awkward, even though we do both like each other. but her sister has also kinda caught my eye and i know she likes me. also, the one sister will be goin to the highschool with me but the other (the one who has been trying to separate us) won't
and then there is an 11 year old girl who is the daughter of my dad's ex-boss, she is beautiful and extremely intelligent, enough to rival me, and i'm 5 years older than her... but she has problems, she's depressed to the point that she a negative outlook on everything and she wants me to help and i want to help
the problem is that i'm too nice to go out with any of them because they all have problems, and if i break up with them it will be horrible for them and i don't want to do that to them, so i can't go out with them, but they want me to
any advice, please i need something
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 1:53 am
Unless you want to be in the wrong part of the paper, then I suggest picking a girl. Which one makes you feel most comfortable?
Girl 1. You're not obsessed anymore? Good. That's not the way to start a relationship, EVER.
Girl 2. What else don't you like about her? Do her physical features bother you because she doesn't try to disguise this with make up and nicer clothes, or are you just bothered by them?
Girl 3. Should have just asked her out if you like her that much, man. There's nothing inappropriate about starting a relationship on the internet, it's ending one that people hate.
Girl 4. Are you sure this one likes you, too? Do you and either of these two have anything in common, or are these attractions mainly physical? What are you basing all of these assumptions on, anyway? Not to be rude, but you're playing yourself as someone lost in a sea of feelings and I have yet to see someone actually as deep as you. And I have some attractive friends. ; 3;
Girl 5. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. (Please never add "she is beautiful and extremely intelligent, enough to rival me" to one of your help threads again. You can mean one word, or both, but it's still pretty weird) You definitely WILL NOT be going out with this little girl. For starters, she's 11 and you're 15. In three years, that'll be statutory. Try and justify this in 7 when it's less awkward but still a little weird to people you know and people you don't know who know about this. It is possible to have a completely platonic relationship, I hope you know, but if you're this "involved" with her, then I suggest breaking contact before you get yourself into legal trouble. Do you know that she has a crush on you, even? Maybe she's just looking for an older brother-figure.
Being "too nice" isn't the issue here. You seem to be suffering from commitment issues.
1. You can't break up with any of them if you're not dating any of them.
2. Don't assume it will be "horrible" for them. That's not healthy for you, and also pretty rude to assume that they won't get by without you there for them.
3. You also seem to have a fatal attraction to needy girls. STOP THIS NOW. My first three girls were crazy as the arctic summer day is long. I'm crazy, too, but I KNOW not to let that effect anyone else.
On a blind shot, I'd say your best choice is girl 3. To hell with her sister's interferance, if you really like this girl then you'll figure out a way to ask her out.
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:43 am
Girl 2: it's not that her appearance is that bad, i think i'm just thinking of excuses to not ask her out
Girl 3: I see her all the time around town and such, but all the attraction to her is mostly physical and the more i get to know her the more complicated that situation becomes. For example: an old friend of mine from 6th grade, a boy who just happened to like the same girl as me and started a long stream of rumors about me that ruined any chance i had with her and also drove me into two years of depression, cutting and suicide attempts; it turns out that he has been obsessed with Girl 3 for at least a year
Girl 4: well umm... i think feeding me for an entire day at the fair (everything from deep fried twinkies to curly fries) and then trying to give me a lap dance on a bench in the middle of the fair shows a little more than her wanting to just be friends
Girl 5: i shouldn't have put her in here, makes me sound perverted, but no, i just meant she needs a friend and is looking at me to be one.. there is nothing physical here, i just feel i need to defend her because her outlook of the world, negative as it is, hasn't made her many friends and her life is really sad, i wish someone her age would realize that she is great and all, because i do feel like a pervert and i'm just trying to be a friend
and the end... i wouldn't be like this if it weren't for my last relationship: we met on gaia, realized we lived close, hung out a bit, realized how much we liked each other and all. and then she moved to st. louis and our relationship faded, at least for me. after she moved i met Girl 1 and realized how much i liked her, and i broke up with my girlfriend, the next day i found a PM here on gaia with several pixtures of a corpse, sent to me by her sister, explaining it was my ex who had commited suicide the night before. several months later, i'm still mouring and i get an email, from my ex, saying that it was just pictures of mannikins with fake blood everywhere and pale leather stretched across it all. she also said that i had managed to drive her into such a depressed state that she flew from her foster family all the way to new york with her 3 kids (who she never told me about when we were going out) to live with her ex-foster brother, trry to earn her GED and continue her life as a prostitute...
but those pictures messed me up, made me think that girls attempt suicide whnever they're dumped, even though iknow they don't and now it is so hard for me to think that they won't go crazy after being dumped, or that i won't go the same way... so of coure i think more of the end of the relationship than anything else
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 6:40 pm
eek I... don't think I can help you with this anymore. My girlfriends were angry crazy, not depressed crazy, but I'll drop a few more cents in. You really don't have to listen to any of this.
I change my answer to girl number 2. QUIT DUCKING OUT. You could be missing out on something good. Ask her on a date, not a lunch date, a nice date. Make sure to explain, though, that you're not sure how you feel about her and you may be bordering on the line of friends. Love is confusing.
Tell your "friend", he really doesn't seem like one, to take his best shot with her or back the hell off. Better yet, tell the girl how he feels about her. You never feel as creeped out as you do when you're told someone's "obsessed" with you because you never know why they really like you. It could be something as small as you like the same flavor of chips and they went "I'M IN LOVE".
4- Awakwaaaaaaaaard. Give this one an ultimatum. Either quit acting crazy and tell you how she feels, or stay away from you. You shouldn't have to put up with her behavior because she can't sort out her feelings for you.
5-then BE her FRIEND. Ask her how she feels about you. She doesn't have to say if it's too embaraasing, but you should make it clear that your age gap is too big and you're more interested in taking a platonic interest in her life. It doesn't mean that you love her less, you just love her in a different way.
Forget this woman. She's not worth it. Once someone commits a brutal act such as this against someone they supposedly "loved" they lose any ability to play the sympathy card. It's a twisted mind that you loved before, so take everything she said in that apology with a grain of salt. If she's willing to fake her DEATH to make you feel bad about breaking up with her, then she's liable to lie about anything and everything to keep you under her thumb. (These are the sort of jedi mind-tricks I'm used to dealing with) If she never mentioned kids, she may or may not have any. Also, think of the life she must be leading if she's living with (another, by the sound of it) foster family, with three kids already, and she worked as a prostitute. THEN she goes on to blame YOU for her descision to get back into that life. From this incident alone, it's easy to guess that she's a grade-A manipulator.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:45 pm
Do not date the 11 year old.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 7:52 pm
If you don't know which one to choose, choose none. It's better to wait for a relationship that will survive than to rush a choice that will tear you and the girl apart.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:32 pm
Girl 2: I agree with the, "Try taking her out on a date." If you like her, then why not try it out. Especially sense most people do look at physical aspects more than anything nowadays. Sure, she might not be the best looking person, but if she has a good head on her shoulders she should be okay. One person always has to look past physical beauty. Because sometimes that beauty holds an ugly inner self.
Sister #1: Your point is? Get to know them first. Sure, I sound a bit rude saying that, but before I go into any relationship I always try to know the person I'm interested more than just seeing them a few times, and knowing just the basics of them. If you like someone, then you want to get to know them. You'll know if she's right. You will, trust me.~
Sister #2: No. Hurting your sister is bad and shameful, so you should not date this girl. Especially if the other sister likes you, which not only would make your relationship awkward. But what if the other sister tries to get back at you? Getting either sister is a double sided sword there.
Little Girl: [Too much information. Do not read past this point until you see more brackets.]
I dated a twenty-three year old when I was thirteen. The relationship was nice and all, but then he started getting weird. And not the good kind. So I don't advise relationships that involve someone being so much younger/older than you. Ever.
[Okay. It's safe to read.]
As for you're other predicament. I have nothing to say to that. If you can't play the manipulation game, then don't mess with them. At all. If you see the first signs of manipulation. Drop them. Right then!
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:27 am
thank you all, i will go on a nice date with girl 2 when she gets back from Utah. i'll also keep girls 3 and 4 here as friends because it wouldn't work well going out with either of them. and girl 5 i will just be a friend to (thank you Ivlar for experience, but i'm sorry you went through that. i will promise you that i will not be going out with her)
and my ex, i wish it hadn't have gone like it did, but it did and it's always gonna be stuck in my head and that unfortunate ending will always determine how i treat relationships because i never want that happening ever, no matter how many problems she had before i still keep that possibility in my mind with every girl
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:58 pm
ok, so everything is messed up again, idk whats really going on
girl 2: hasn't let me see her in three or four months, even after she got back from utah. she's been avoiding me so she can focus on school. she transferred schools so she's going to school in the town closest to the one i live in, her family moved to that other town in the middle of summer, but gave her a choice of schools... we were going to go to homecoming together, but she mananged to find a an excuse for that too, a band concert that night she has to go to (even though she asked me to homecoming, my homecoming)
sister 1: i was going to ask her to homecoming, before girl 2 asked me, but i ended up at the park with her and two other freshman, after one of them left it was me, her and another guy, and i could tell she liked him, or i thought she did, they;re going to homecomign together, but i guess she likes me, not him, and was hoping for me to ask her out that day, but she's going with him and i can't do anything now. i've also been talking to her alot more, about personal things, trying to help her through her depression, without her drinking more than she does, cutting more than she does, or ending up on any drugs... i really like her, but everytime i try to ask her out, i fail
sister 2: i've been on 2 dates with her so far, the last one was ruined by my father 10 minutes in. i really like her too, and trust me, i know i like her for her, because she is... very transsexual, believes she is a gay guy in a girl's body, and is going to start dressing like a "brolita". i'm also trying to help her through her addiction problems, to painkillers, alcohol and cigarettes.
i believe they can tackle life with a few friends backing em up, and without drugs, like i do (other than cutting, which other than after that last date with her, i've avoided for 4+ months)
i just don't know what to do, my fathers also keeping me on a tighter lease after friday (that date) because he was out of town. i asked him if i could stay in town after teen writers at the library, he said yes, but forgot and got pissed, he also say a huge bottle of tylenol in her backpack and thinks i'm on drugs (not that he isn't) but i'm not, i'm completely clean. he probably wouldn't even have let me go to homecoming... whch sucks cause i live 10 miles out of town, and am almost never allowed to spend time with people outside of school, which is part of the reason i wanna live with my grandma, in town... uggggh
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 4:05 pm
Wow......... I don't really even know where to begin......
Well, let's start with the first one.
Since girl2 is trying to avoid you, you need to force a confrontation. Ask her whether she's interested or not and get a straight answer, none of that "well.. I think[insert random crap here]". Once you know how she feels, then you can make a decision on that relationship.
Sister1 seems more like she's asking for help than anything else... I think you should continue to offer a helping hand, but don't try to force a deeper relationship with her, because that may have consequences you're not ready for.
Sister2... I would have to suggest doing the same thing as with sister1. Help them sort out their problems before trying to push for a deeper relationship.
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 4:16 pm
thank you.
i've been trying to for a few months to talk to girl 1... but i know why she's avoiding me too. she's liked me for three years, and failed classes for three years, i'm a distraction, so i think i'll give in and only talk when she wants to
sister 1: i think i will stay there as a friend and someone to talk to, but she knows that i like her, alot. i've had to bring it up in the past to save her from making... bad decisions. but we should just stay friends, it would be better for us both
sister 2: i'll try to just help her too, but we've actually gone out, twice, and i've realized how great she really is, beneath the rough exterior. she's also said how much she liked me, and it takes alot for her to go past "the friend zone" with anyone, she's as shy as i am. but yeah, staying just friends is probably the best idea
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