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History [U/C]: [Taken in by family]

[runs away]

For many days after Nastasya was "born" she was on her own. One of her first memories were of a back alleyway, in Sutfirth, the city growing silent as night fell and its people were rushing home. She had wandered around for hours, until a stranger took her in. He did not give her a name, which struck her as odd, but he showed her kindness all the same, so she simply accepted it.

As time went on, he began to teach her things. It started out innocent enough, like how to avoid the watchful eye of a guard, or how to alert him when one was heading their way. But, as she grew older, he began teaching her skills that were quite frowned upon by the rest of society.

[Caught, man arrested, she's returned to family]

She opted to start with these frowned upon activities instead of choosing a more respectable profession, mainly because of the restrictions. Even in the lower society, a woman would be expected to fit a certain mold, and Nastasya has very little respect for authority. So she chose the path of lawlessness, where there were no rules. At least, none of that sort. From there, she quickly picked up fencing, which drew her with it's bravado and showmanship, as well as by necessity. It wouldn't be wise for her, nor anyone else, to wander about without some way of self defense and still remain alive as a thief.

With her new found freedom, she was also able to explore her abilities as an artist. Her adopted mother and father had often frowned upon such activities, saying it was work for the poorer class and that she should not dirty her hands with such frivolity.

Hobbies: fencing - though also a necessity to keep her abilities up to par, painting/drawing
Birthday: Sometime around the beginning of spring - she never bothered to ask Him and he never bothered to tell her
Favorite Things: music, silence
Hated Things: groveling

Hey Phoenix, first off jut let me say that I love Nastasya's name!

Spelling Mistake: "first site" should be sight.

Aside from that, it's a little hard to crit her personality. As it stands, patient seems to stand out as an outlier depending on how you decide to approach the concept. I think I understand what kind of character you're going for. Maybe add another characteristic? Also, based on her history, I see Nastasya as more of a witty/quick-thinking person rather than someone who is book smart? Is that what the intelligent trait is supposed to be? Once again, just a lot of speculation on my part. ;v;

As far as her history goes: MOAR DETAILS 8V
I want to know more! She seems to be someone whose history has really shaped her personality so it is really important for others to understand her history!

I think you're off to a good start and I really like your clothing ideas for her. Mmmmm pirates....

I apologise, everytime I write character critique it turns into a wall of text - this only happens because I attempt to give in depth analysis about what I've read. Hopefully everything is clear and you understand it and additionally, I hope it proves useful!


In relation to her personality I would actually encourage you to be very careful about word choice, when read there are certain elements that don't flow right and may not necessarily make sense. Even when they're read out loud it brings the same results, so in a general sense, they would need to be rewritten.

An example of this is, "Nasty is not one to instantly care for someone at first sight." I would encourage you to rewrite this into a form that flows much more appropriately and is easier to read, at present it simply comes across as bad word ordering! The sort of rewrite I'm speaking of would be along the lines of, "Her experiences as a child have ensured that she is much more inclined to base her opinions on immediate assumptions. Someone who is cruel, nasty or rude (no matter the reason), is an individual who will likely be judged to be unpleasant and as a consequence, will be avoided."

With her personality in mind, there are certain elements of it that you've indicated as both positive and negative traits which is perfectly acceptable. However, you have failed to provide positive insight into these traits to explain how they possess both:

1. Cautious
You have indicated that she is very cautious around strangers and this leads to her being cold, aloof and judgemental. You have indicated that if people persevere she can be loyal to them but this is still a connecting feature of the first sentence. Stepping away from that perseverence, how is this 'cautious' trait also a benefit? For example, does this cautious stance and overall weariness ensure she has a number of 'near misses' whereby she has avoided getting hurt as an 'adult' in comparison to other Book Children and City People?

It's something to consider, as the way the description reads at the moment, it's actually a more negative than neutral trait.

2. Cunning/Tricky
You may actually need to reconsider this trait, or the cautious trait above. The average pickpocket and con artist are more risk takers than they are wary. They deliberately put themselves in positions where they can hunt and pick out appropriate and vulnerable targets. If your character is going to act as a pickpocket/con-artist then you'd need to reconsider exactly how the two compliment each other.

You've also mentioned that she doesn't rely on trust overly much or care for it at this point - again this contradicts with the above point. If she has no concern or appreciation of trust and loyalty then why would she give them "the world" whenever they batter down her defences?

In addition, you've again stated a more negative trait and have given no indiciation of how it should be considered both negative/positive.

3. Intelligent
At present, the way you describe this trait would indicate that it's actually "Scheming" rather than "Intelligent". All of her intelligence revolves around acquiring her gold/item/money or something of equal value. There's no indication of the ability to further analyse things she encounters in everyday life, or her ability to learn additional skills, information and traits which are all indicative of intelligence.

Again you've indicated this is a "positive" trait - at the moment it's actually a neutral trait. It's good that she's clever enough to do her research, but it is for nefarious deeds, as such, it's a neutral trait!

4. Patient
Correct definition and compliments all of the above references to her role as a con artist, I wouldn't encourage any change in this one.


In terms of overall design I can see the skeleton profile of what you're aiming for, it just needs to be tweaked so that she isn't contradicting herself the way she is at the moment. Once you have those traits tweaked, she'll be so much better!


In terms of misc information; I would like to know what her thoughts on Book Children and City People are. She'll be living in a world filled with them and as an individual who's a con artist she's definitely going to have some very specific thoughts on certain sects of the society she encounters. Is she more likely to target city people or book children, and if so, why?

Hated Things: Gluttony - Are you being intentionally ironic since she's a pick pocket, or are you trying to turn her into some sort of Robin Hood-esque hero?

Her history also needs a lot more depth - if her history shaped her personality so that she's become a pickpocket/con artist and a lot more aloof, then how so? At present I know she ran away to avoid a marriage and elected to live on the streets, but what specific encounters gave her the idea to pursue that life with much more fervour?


Design wise she looks like she could turn out to be lovely, I look forward to seeing her whenever she's approved!

Please add a touch more depth to her personality. Also, when writing try to convey a sense of openness and fluidity in terms of how you phrase things. Making statements and turning them into absolute facts, or 'metagaming' type things, can be highly offsetting. She's not quite fleshed enough for a meta stamp sadly.

Thank you so much! This was incredibly helpful.
I've been stuck for so long with what I should add to her personality, so you hit the nail right on the head.
And you weren't rambling wreck. I need any bit of advice I can get. xD

Edit: I added the phonetic spelling. C;

Thanks for the critique!

I've made a few changes so hopefully everything is clearer.

Hello Birdy! I have some critiquing for you! heart

A few things and I hope I can put them across accurately enough:

- How did she become so good at her pick-pocketing? Was it a trial and error sort of learning experience on her part, or perhaps did she fall under the tutelage of another older, more experienced criminal? If it was trial and error, did she have to stop doing her criminal activities for a time if someone or someones caught on to the fledgling thief while trying to nick some coins or things from their pockets or bags? If she was tutored by another criminal, would there be any feelings of possible familial attachments, like the father/mother that she never had when she was with her adoptive family, or maybe like a big brother or sister, or a desire to do this teacher proud by being particularly sneaky or bringing in a large draw from a day's thieving?

-Does she steal indiscriminately from pretty much everyone, no matter the social or economic standing, or are there certain professions, people, or class members that never find themselves under her list of potential targets? (For instance, would a low class farmer with not a whole lot to their name have the same chance as an upper crust scholar or noble with their world at their feet?) How strong is her compulsion to burgle things? You state that she steals for the thrill, but if suspicion fell in her direction would she be able to hold off until attention gets drawn away from her or is she so addicted that she can't stop even with the risk involved?

- Is she self taught in terms of her fencing? Or was she given lessons or had lessons paid for by her adoptive family (or possible mentor that I mentioned earlier)? Did she learn by watching and imitating or was she an active participant in her learning?

- You state that she makes most of her money with her money with her criminal activities, does she still carry on with her art as a source of supporting income or does she find her interest in the arts has waned in favor of wholly pursuing her shady dealings? If she steals all these things of value and just stockpiles them in caches here and there around the city, where does the money come from? Does she resell her acquisitions to bring in money that way or does the fact that she simply have all these things increases her wealth?

- Does she have a code of conduct? You mention that she was drawn by the path of lawlessness due to the lack of rules. Is she secretly rebellious, wanting to stick it to those who remind her of her adoptive family and 'the Man' that they were loyal to, or is she doing all these bad things in some sort of attempt to get the attention that they never gave her (or doing it to make herself feel better about who her early days played out)?

- Are there types of people or personalities that may be more inclined to earning her trust or gaining her loyalty/friendship? Or is she so guarded that everyone, everyone, has to prove themselves worthy of her? It is said that she is lonely. Are there times in which she finds herself overwhelmed by her loneliness which may cause her to seek out the company of others or cause her to be seemingly abnormally social? Or does she turn to her things, her caches of prizes, to recall particularly enjoyable or rewarding jobs to make herself feel better?