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 Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 12:56 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 7:05 am
I'm sorry I'm sorry but in the great words of Simon from Amerian Idol...
What is that?
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:10 am
*laugh* A Simon fan...agk!
You sound like my friends. It's a poem. Dur. *looks around* Any REAL criticism?? (No, Simon quotes DO NOT count...sorry!)
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Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2006 2:43 pm
It's a joke, what I meant was I don't really know wether to treat that as a poem or a story.
There are no stanzas and there is no rhythm and if it's a story the paragraphs are just split meaning that it looks like some sort of poem, but it doesn't make sense.
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:09 am
It's really both. It just happens to rhyme, okay? And yes, it does so have rythm. I can fix it if you'd like. That's one of the whole reasons I put it up here. So I could get soome criticism.
And a poem doesn't nessicarily have to rhyme, or have stanzas. That's one of the joys of poetry! If you read it to yourself, actually spoken outloud, then you can find the rythm in this.
Look... you write don't you? You know then, if you really DO write not just little scribbles, how much of an author is put into it. To said author, said work is perfect to them. I'm not bashing you, nor you I, but all I'm saying that is to me, this poem/story has rhyme and rythm, and actually makes sense!!! mrgreen
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 10:49 am
It sounds good. I hate the fact that most poetry is about love, or suicide nowadays (lil emo shits), but I actually like this one. The rhythm seems a little out of wack, but it's there never-the-less. I will do my usual a**l-retentive criticism and tweaking....
Line 35 "Nothing can never be, " has a double negative. Bad Moro-moro! BAD!
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 11:33 am
*re-reads poem* Aghk!! It is!! *hangs head* I have failed as an author....*takes out a red pen* I shall go fix that!!! Thank you!!!
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 12:54 pm
Hmmm now that I read it again, it does sound like it has some rhythm and it looks like it can use more work, but you know what? It's better than any other poem i've read that usually deals with sadness and sorrow.
At least you have that I give you, glee!
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Posted: Sat Feb 18, 2006 3:29 pm
This is a poem, not prose. Poem do not need to have either rhyme or rhythm. A poem without either of these is known as "Free Verse (different from blank verse)." The only requirment for a poem is that it flow with the language with which it was written. This involves the proper placing of euphonic and cacophonic words, which you have executed well. Sometimes the combonation of those two types of words comes out as a rhyme or rhythm, but it need not always be.
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Posted: Tue Feb 21, 2006 4:49 am
*huggles Yoder* Aww...you're too nice!!!!*steps back*
And thus....my gratitude to you all!!
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