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 Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:22 pm
"If you feel like it,
come with me." This child.. sweet baby Jesus. I'll call her Stefy.
Background with her
Stefy used to be addicted to heroin, but she went to rehab and she stopped using. Well, stopped using heroin, at least.
I first met her in 7th grade and at the end of last year we started getting close again. Things were good for a few months. She'd mention weed every now and then, but it didn't seem like such a big deal, and since I'm usually pretty sheltered I found her interesting.
She's very clingy, cycles through boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. I can't tell you how many times she's been all "MARGARET MY BF'S d**k IS SO BIG, WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF IT *whips out phone*" She claims she's scared of being alone, scared of being abandoned, has ADD, the works. She's not a virgin (she showed me c** stains on her carpet.. ew..), and there were so many horrible rumors about her being pregnant at her school that she was forced to be homeschooled almost her entire freshman year (we go to separate schools).
She seemed practically harmless. She also helped me through a hard time when I was having trouble accepting myself.
The Problem:
The last sleepover I had with her was.. well..
one of the worst sleepovers of my life.
She was a MESS.
So I don't have to tell the whole story, here's what happened at that sleepover that made me completely reconsider our friendship:
+ She showed me her antidepressants, says she always takes more than she needs to then promptly popped in four and swallowed them (I may or may not have put the rest of the pills in her sock drawer before I left to delay her finding them..).+ Stefy tried to kiss me. I'm a straight female so it didn't happen but I was so uncomfortable I wanted to cry my eyes out. She never apologized or anything.
+ There were pot ashes all over her windowsill, and the bed reeked of the stuff. Condom wrappers everywhere too.
+ Stefy told me she snorted some oxycodones because she was "bored."
+ She invited a deadbeat 19 year old over the next day and they smoked spice and got high in front of me. I didn't smoke because I don't do that s**t.
+ Stefy offered me a cigarette; I turned her down.
+ She licked my stomach(?!)
I mean.. wtf. It took me DAYS to get over what happened at that sleepover. So my issue is, I don't know if I should stay her friend and try to help her, or let her go. BrokenJanders has been trying to help me with this and he says she is a toxic person that I don't need. However I'm willing to give anyone and everyone a second chance, and I'm torn on this issue. A facebook status of hers for reference. Im Margaret, shes Stephanie.I guess the basic question is: should I let her go or try to help her? Thanks for reading, I know this is long. "I will tell you a story.
I'll show you something."
-The Book Thief
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:27 pm
You are the apple...
Janders is correct in saying that she isnt someone you need in your life. It would probably be best to cut her out completely.
However, if you WANT to help her, try it. Talk to her, work with her, give her time and see what you can do to help her improve her life.
It's all up to you. Her life is obviously a train wreck and she definitely needs help and support. The question is are you willing to shoulder that burden and even more prominent, are you ABLE to?
and I am your core.
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:35 pm
Even though I do believe that all people should deserve a second chance, there are some cases that I don't believe so. This is one of them.
There are some people you can or cannot help, though in this case, I don't believe just one person could help your friend. I think it's better that you do try to help, but only to a certain extent. You could try to help your friend get the help that they need. Though you would then try to keep them that way.
This person already says they have plans, which would make it difficult for you to actually get the help they need, which more than likely will be more frustrating and you might eventually give up. So you might be trying for a helpless cause on top of that.
Generally I'm an upbeat optimistic person, but I don't think there is much you can do to help her. So if you were to ask me, I'd say you would have to cut her from your life.
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Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2011 11:42 pm
There's a saying, "Those who want to find a way will find a way, those who don't want to find a way will find an excuse." I know it's hard, but there's too much continuous destruction your friend is resorting to, not only toward herself but your friendship with her, too. Things can get confusing at times but it's important to know that if she really wants to change it's her responsibility first and foremost. Since she's not staying clean, I'd say it's time to let her go.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 12:05 am
"If you feel like it,
come with me." Thank you all for your input. c: Burn is certainly more helpful and kind than Life Issues where they seem to excel in douchebaggery 90% of the time. Maybe they've just seen it all, I suppose.
gonk
Anyway, I'm not sure to what extent I'll be able to help her. I certainly have no desire for another sleepover, oh no. I suppose I could call her, let her know my stance on her actions and tell her that she's going to lose me unless she makes some major changes? Or, I could just quietly slip out of her life.
I suppose it comes down to how much effort I want to put in, and I'm not sure of even that.
It's so complicated for me.
>____< "I will tell you a story.
I'll show you something."
-The Book Thief
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 10:29 am
Nobody should make you that uncomfortable. That's not okay. If I were you, I would definitely start severing ties with this girl, slowly if need be. Definitely would never be caught dead alone in the same room with her, or with one of her "friends" (e.g. the 19 year old).
The problem here is that the only way someone will get help is if they want to change in the first place. It's obvious from that Facebook post that she doesn't want to get help at all. She thinks she's fine; one day she's going to wake up and find that she's not.
Seriously though, start cutting her off. At this point, she's doing you more harm than you're doing her any good. Maybe you two can try being friends again when she's ready to admit that she has a problem and needs to deal with it. But you're not living her life. With the way she's behaving, it's only a matter of time before she puts you in more physical discomfort, or worse.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 8:31 pm
Music Breaks Hearts "If you feel like it,
come with me." This child.. sweet baby Jesus. I'll call her Stefy.
Background with her
Stefy used to be addicted to heroin, but she went to rehab and she stopped using. Well, stopped using heroin, at least.
I first met her in 7th grade and at the end of last year we started getting close again. Things were good for a few months. She'd mention weed every now and then, but it didn't seem like such a big deal, and since I'm usually pretty sheltered I found her interesting.
She's very clingy, cycles through boyfriend after boyfriend after boyfriend. I can't tell you how many times she's been all "MARGARET MY BF'S d**k IS SO BIG, WANT TO SEE A PICTURE OF IT *whips out phone*" She claims she's scared of being alone, scared of being abandoned, has ADD, the works. She's not a virgin (she showed me c** stains on her carpet.. ew..), and there were so many horrible rumors about her being pregnant at her school that she was forced to be homeschooled almost her entire freshman year (we go to separate schools).
She seemed practically harmless. She also helped me through a hard time when I was having trouble accepting myself.
The Problem:
The last sleepover I had with her was.. well..
one of the worst sleepovers of my life.
She was a MESS.
So I don't have to tell the whole story, here's what happened at that sleepover that made me completely reconsider our friendship:
+ She showed me her antidepressants, says she always takes more than she needs to then promptly popped in four and swallowed them (I may or may not have put the rest of the pills in her sock drawer before I left to delay her finding them..).+ Stefy tried to kiss me. I'm a straight female so it didn't happen but I was so uncomfortable I wanted to cry my eyes out. She never apologized or anything.
+ There were pot ashes all over her windowsill, and the bed reeked of the stuff. Condom wrappers everywhere too.
+ Stefy told me she snorted some oxycodones because she was "bored."
+ She invited a deadbeat 19 year old over the next day and they smoked spice and got high in front of me. I didn't smoke because I don't do that s**t.
+ Stefy offered me a cigarette; I turned her down.
+ She licked my stomach(?!)
I mean.. wtf. It took me DAYS to get over what happened at that sleepover. So my issue is, I don't know if I should stay her friend and try to help her, or let her go. BrokenJanders has been trying to help me with this and he says she is a toxic person that I don't need. However I'm willing to give anyone and everyone a second chance, and I'm torn on this issue. A facebook status of hers for reference. Im Margaret, shes Stephanie.I guess the basic question is: should I let her go or try to help her? Thanks for reading, I know this is long. "I will tell you a story.
I'll show you something."
-The Book Thief You & her seem to be heading in very different directions with your lives, & you're simply going to continue heading in very different directions. The crap she's doing now is petty, honestly, & isn't going to harm her in the long-run. Weed's no big deal, & I can promise you that tons of people in your school - & your grade - smoke pot. She's probably popping more Antidepressant pills than she's prescribed simply because she's depressed; there's literally no such thing as Antidepressants that get you high even a tiny bit. She's clearly sleeping around, but she's doing it in a responsible & safe manner (if she wasn't, there wouldn't have been all those condom wrappers). &, assuming you did in fact mean "Oxycodone pills" like you said & not Oxy contin pills, those pills are so huge that she couldn't have snorted more than one, & one generally equals 5mg, which is a lower dose than I'm generally prescribed by doctors for pain. At this point, I don't think that she's in any desperate need of help. & regardless, it's clear to me that you can't help her. Every single thing that this girl's doing tells me that she's looking for trouble. She's looking for drugs, promiscuity, illegal activity... Anything & everything that's considered tabboo & bad for you & that her parents told her not to do. The thing about people like that is that they stay that way until they find & get themselves wrapped up in real trouble, which she will. Today it's weed & anti-depressants, but a year or two from now it'll likely be Coke, Ecstasy, & Crystal Meth. (By the way, WHEN exactly was she supposedly addicted to Heroin? Before you met her in the 7th grade? ... I think she's lying about that, honestly. I've had tons of friends before who were Heroin addicts, & nothing about her or her behavior really makes it seem possible that she used to be a junkie.) I say, forget about her, you need to get away from her for YOUR benefit & saftey. If she wants to slowly yet surely drag her life down & through the gutter, that's her decision. But DON'T let her take YOU down with her. Don't even give her any chance to.
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Posted: Sun Jul 24, 2011 9:05 pm
elyzia You & her seem to be heading in very different directions with your lives, & you're simply going to continue heading in very different directions. The crap she's doing now is petty, honestly, & isn't going to harm her in the long-run. Weed's no big deal, & I can promise you that tons of people in your school - & your grade - smoke pot. She's probably popping more Antidepressant pills than she's prescribed simply because she's depressed; there's literally no such thing as Antidepressants that get you high even a tiny bit. She's clearly sleeping around, but she's doing it in a responsible & safe manner (if she wasn't, there wouldn't have been all those condom wrappers). &, assuming you did in fact mean "Oxycodone pills" like you said & not Oxy contin pills, those pills are so huge that she couldn't have snorted more than one, & one generally equals 5mg, which is a lower dose than I'm generally prescribed by doctors for pain. At this point, I don't think that she's in any desperate need of help. & regardless, it's clear to me that you can't help her. Every single thing that this girl's doing tells me that she's looking for trouble. She's looking for drugs, promiscuity, illegal activity... Anything & everything that's considered tabboo & bad for you & that her parents told her not to do. The thing about people like that is that they stay that way until they find & get themselves wrapped up in real trouble, which she will. Today it's weed & anti-depressants, but a year or two from now it'll likely be Coke, Ecstasy, & Crystal Meth. (By the way, WHEN exactly was she supposedly addicted to Heroin? Before you met her in the 7th grade? ... I think she's lying about that, honestly. I've had tons of friends before who were Heroin addicts, & nothing about her or her behavior really makes it seem possible that she used to be a junkie.) I say, forget about her, you need to get away from her for YOUR benefit & saftey. If she wants to slowly yet surely drag her life down & through the gutter, that's her decision. But DON'T let her take YOU down with her. Don't even give her any chance to. "If you feel like it,
come with me." I have no problems with weed, other than how it's always bashed for being "bad." But this isn't a thread about weed. D;
Well she just said oxy, and that she did it with someone else, and I generally think of oxy = oxycodone. But referencing your post, I suppose oxy can mean more than just one kind of pill.
If she's not in need now, considering the s**t she's doing she will soon. That's what bothers me. I agree with you completely here.
7th grade. It makes sense because in the middle of the year she disappeared from everything, which I assume was her going to rehab. She's described to me what it's like to have the heroin in her veins, and there are faded track marks on her arms. I believe her, at least.
Maybe all this looking for highs is her keeping the whispers from heroin away? I forgot to mention that she's also a cutter.
I have no intention of following her lifestyle, and both she and I know it.
I truly feel bad for slipping out of her life as I do not like abandoning people, but I suppose I really have no choice in this situation.. "I will tell you a story.
I'll show you something."
-The Book Thief
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 5:06 am
Look...let me start by saying you can't help those who don't want to be helped. (Also random question...but how old are you guys??)
Anyway,
If she is determine to lead that kind of life then there really isnt anything you can do.
My ex was almost exactly like you described...jumping from guy to guy sleeping around, doing drugs, skipping school and getting drunk/high instead...but she was my best friend....we eventually grew apart (after a particularly large fight when i refused to have a threesome with her...but we dont need to get into that) that was in grade...10 i think (so about 15/16) and i didnt speak to her for over 3 months (we still went to the same school btw)
Around the 3 month mark she came to me after class crying and told me that a guy she was sleeping with took her to a party...she got high (as usual) and was soo out of it that she could do nothing when one of his friends decided to rape her.
I do have a point here i swear...not trying to scare you hun <3
My point is...it took something major to make her see how bad things were and want help.
I could do nothing...no matter how much i cared about her...it was more destructive for me to watch her go through it...so i.cut ties.
Now (5 years later) we are as close as ever (even though she lives a few hours away from me now)
So i guess all you can do is take a step back and think...is this friendship harmful for you? Can you really do anything to help her? Does she really want help? and just be there to pick up the pieces when she self destructs.
Sorry for the rambling...its getting late...i hope it makes sense >_<
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