Welcome to Gaia! ::

♥ In the Name of the Moon! ♥

Back to Guilds

A Sailor Moon based B/C shop! Come join us! 

Tags: Sailor, Moon, Scouts, Breedables, Senshi 

Reply Accepted Quests
[Q] Lt. Nepheline / Renée Ambrodiel [Crit ?]

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:23 pm


I blame Blue for this one.

Just sayin'.


Name: Renée Marie Ambrodiel

Nickname: None

Age: 16

Birthday: July 5

Sign: Cancer

Gemstone: Ruby

Blood Type: A+

Fav. Food: Chicken Soup, most home-made meals

Hated Food: Greasy foods, brussels spouts

School: Homeschooled

Hobbies: Volunteering - Renée wants to be a doctor, but she doesn't have to wait until then to start helping out ! The desire to help people is deeply rooted inside the young girl, and always has been. She volunteers at the local hospital, helping keeping the patients and the elderly company, since she can't quite help out in any other way for now. She also volunteers at the local animal shelter as well, though she shows up there less and less, given that the number of hospital patients increased sharply in the last few years...

Photography - Ever since getting her first toy camera at a young age, Renée has been taking photos. It started with people first, hassling her older brothers to no end, but as she grew up and discovered her other passion for birds, she turned to taking photos of birds and wildlife, be it in urban settings, parks, or deep in the heart of a forest. She does still take photos of people and groups if they ask her nicely, but her true passion - and her nicest shots - are wildlife and scenery. She'd submitted those photos to magazines, but has never gotten any published yet.

Bird-Watching - Some girls want a pony when they were little. Renée wanted birds. When she never got the pet birds she wanted, Renée simply took to the outdoors to find and observe them. Renée owns a countless books about the subject, and her bookshelf is filled with ornithology books rather than young adults novels like most girls her age, and is often found in parks, trails, and the forests near Destiny City to observe birds and take pictures. As she grew, she has come to appreciate birds in their own habitat more than actually owning one as a pet.

Out, out, out ! - Ah, the great outdoors. She goes on camping trips as much as she possibly can. It's not just camping, either - Renée also enjoys hiking and spending her free time outside in parks, either just relaxing or observing the wildlife. She was in the girl scouts when she was younger, but stopped a few years ago in favor of going camping with friends and wandering parks alone looking for birds.

Virtues: Theory-Smart -- Renée is a bright girl - not a genius by any stretches or imaginations, but she's knowledgeable academically - and if she doesn't know it, then she know where to look so get the info she seeks. She's a relatively quick learner when she puts her mind to it, as long as it's about theory - practice will take a little longer to get down, but Renée tends to understand concepts quickly, and if she doesn't get it, then she's unafraid of asking questions. Renée actually reads on a university level, despite being the equivalent of a junior. Outside of an academic setting, this manifests as Renée being good at following trains of thoughts and at looking up information, if it is needed. She's also more than willing to share her knowledge, and help someone out if they need it.

Hard Worker -- Go hard, or go home. Renée has an iron will, and is very hard-headed - once she has a goal, it's very hard, if not downright impossible, to make her back down from it. She gives everything she has to whatever she undertakes, because otherwise, what's the point ? Nothing is left undone or half-assed with her - everything, from the most mundane task to the most important assignment, is done to the best of Renée's ability, because she simply cannot accept anything less from herself.

Mothering -- If you've got a problem, come to Renée. Not only will she give you all the attention and care you need, but she will also do her best to help you find a solution to your problem. If you just need a shoulder to cry on, that's okay too - she won't offer a solution unless it's obvious that you're looking for one. She genuinely cares about your problems and your feelings, from the smallest to the biggest - if it's enough to upset you, then it's important enough to care about it. Renée just know that sometimes you just need to cry and b***h about something, not necessarily fix it. She can easily connect and understand the emotions of others. She's more likely to leap into action for someone else's problems than she is to do for her own. There is also the physical side to this virtue - if you have a cut or a scratch, Renée will pretty much leap on the occasion to take care of you.

Outgoing - Renée loves people. She is at her most comfortable surrounded by others, especially if she is helping them. She is not shy in the least, at least not on an inter-personal level, and will often by the one to make the first move. Being teamed with a girl she doesn't know isn't disappointing - it's an opportunity to make a new friend ! She is also very open in spite of her upbringing, or perhaps because of it - she didn't have many friends back when she was younger, and she definitively want things to be different now. More than anything, Renée wants to be loved.

Flaws: Naive – She won't believe you if you tell her the sky is green - that's just silly. But Renée has a distinct lack of real-life experience from being sheltered by her parents for so long. Worse is, she's fully aware of this, and while she knows how to check facts, she literally can't tell if someone is lying to her in her face unless it's kindergarden obvious. Even the worse liars have a decent chance with Renée. She likes to think the world is mostly sunshine and puppies with the occasional thunderstorm and that most people are innately good and have good intentions - she just can't pick up the little warning signs that she's being used or talked to behind her back. If you tell her something and she can't disprove it, she'll believe you - as simple at that. In the same vein, she's also quite the doormat - it's easy to get what you want out of her thanks for her lack of picking up on others' intentions.

Anxious -- Was that okay ? What about this ? Oh no, I just upset you, did I ?! Renée is pretty much a champion worrywart. She frets, and frets a lot - from people's wellbeing to what consequences her actions might have, to weither or not she's working hard enough to please, well.. pretty much anyone. Her anxiety manifest mostly in her relations with others rather than in her actual goals. She frets, thinks, and rethinks all the time, often missing windows of opportunities with others because she's never completely certain that she's doing the right thing for them first, and for herself second. The slightest hint of dissaproval will have Renée all but begging for the chance to fix her mess-up, even if there wasn't even a mess-up to begin with.

Carry The World On My Shoulders – Renée is an hard worker by definition. While this is a good thing, it also comes back to bite her. She simply must get things done to the best of her ability, no if or but, and if that means she has to pick up the slack, so be it. If someone in a project is slacking, for example, it means she must work twice as hard to make up for it, because she feels responsible for everything she has an hand into. Group failures always end up personal for her, even if it wasn't her fault at all. She is always willing to help out others, always willing to take on more work, often forgetting her own limitations and the fact that she's only one person, that it is simply impossible for her to manage everything by her lonesome, and she often ends up overwhelmed and overworked. When she hits her breaking point, she tends to fall in a depressive funk that takes her a few days to work herself out of... only to start the circle around again.

Low Self-Esteem -- Even sheltered as she was, Renée still has seen enough of the outside world to know that... she doesn't fit there. Not really. She see the pretty, slender girls everywhere - in magazines, on billboards, most of her friends, in her eyes. She finds herself lacking, and doesn't consider herself pretty. At all. She wishes she was more slender, a little taller... She's nothing special, and has utterly convinced herself of this to the point that she will argue against anyone that calls her pretty till she's blue in the face. This feeds into an already strong sense of modesty, as she tries to keep her body covered, and will avoid going to the pool because she doesn't want to be seen in a bathing suit in public, for example. She will go to ridiculous extremes in order not to let others see most of her body, not only because of her upbringing, but because she just plain feels her physical appearance lacking. Why show off something you can't be proud off, after all ? Renée would never purposely put on the spotlight something she can't find pride in, and her own body is no exception.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Reddish-brown, almond-shaped. Wears glasses No, she's not albino, please stop asking :<

Hair: White (no blue tint, just white - just look up Ever if you need XD), long, wavey-ish. like this.

Face: Round face, big pouty lips. (The hair ref is actually a good ref, too !) She very much has a baby face, and tends to look a little younger than she is because of it.

Clothes: polyvore :>
PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:43 pm


Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Nepheline

Challenge: Some must fight so that others may live.

Uniform: Main color : Khaki (last color on the nega palette)
Secondary color : Black
Accents : gold

Top -- This jacket, khaki rather than black - worn open over a black, sleeveless shirt.
Bottoms -- These skirts + leggings Colors can be inverted if it looks better that way.
Gloves -- Black, full-length
Belt -- This !
Shoes -- These, please !
Shoulders -- CC
Accessories -- CC - She's got a bit of a... millitary bohemian thing going and it might be fun to play with that ?
.
Weapon -- For all her stages, feel free to just give her hammer a strap and draw it on her back. Easier that way. XD

Lt - Oversized plastic mallet. It seems very similar to a certain pink hedgehog's hammer... (through the red part should be khaki or black, please !) It's hollow and rather poorly made - a good hit, be it offensive or taken on the defensive, tends to separate the head from the shaft. It's also not heavy enough to do... much of anything if she actually does hit. It's hollow plastic !

Captain - Oversized metal hammer. It's much heavier than it's previous incarnation and while more useful as a weapon. Nepheline struggles with it most of the time due to it's weight, and her nega-enhanced super-strength not having quite caught up. It's similar in size and shape than the plastic version.

General - Oversized metal hammer. Same overall design than her captain weapon, only more ornate and It's still clearly over-sized, but Nepheline no longer struggles with the weight, making her much more efficient with it. She does hit like a truck when she manages to land an hit, but is a great deal slower than most others generals thanks to the size and weight, so she's more easily dodged. She's also not much of a fighter, overall, and mostly uses her weapon in self-defense or in defense of others - she is more likely to use her weapon's effect rather than jump in the fray directly.

If Nepheline sends her weapon crashing against the ground, the magic kicks in, causing a small shaking in a straight line for about 10 seconds, only long enough to potentially send her opponent off-balance. This affects allies just as much as it does enemies, so she needs to be careful of her aim.

A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer


A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 7:44 pm


Address hobbies (will do in post)

Tone done Theory-Smart a bit, flesh it out.

Fold Naive and Doormat

Find new 4th flaw

Address consequences of Carry The World

Make Self-Esteem more unique
PostPosted: Fri Aug 19, 2011 8:13 pm


CRIT MAH FACE BRO

A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer


Edelsteine

PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 5:13 pm


Imma actually try my hand at a crit. shyeeeeet. You can ignore my face if you like, Zedre. I'm so new to moonshop I'll probably suck at this.
_____

[Hated Food: ] - Cavoli di Bruxelles Anglicises as brussels sprouts, not Bruxel.
[Helping Others - When she was younger, Renée wanted to be a doctor. Her views haven't changed a bit since then ] – clarify maybe that she still –wants- to become a doctor, though? Or if she doesn’t then not. The “Her views haven't changed a bit since then –‘ clause implies a ‘but’. You clarify the views, but not the actual career path. Considering the emphasis on ornithology later on, it makes me wonder if she wants to be an ornithologist, veterinarian, or a doctor for her career? This doesn’t seem to get clarified until the virtue [ Hard-worker ]

[large range of outdoor activities like hiking] – ‘large range’ grammatically needs more than one example. You only have hiking. The traditional set is three: “1, 2, and 3.”

[Hard- worker] reads to me like two separate virtues, ‘hard work’ and ‘iron will’ (which is in the description itself), since it focuses so much more on her drive than just how much work she puts forward. But that may just be me. I’d say get someone more experienced than me in Moonshop virtues to look it over.
[Modest] maybe to emphasize this as a flaw, give example of how it has gotten her passed over for awards or parts in group activities in the past, and how it may continue to in the future?
[Low self confidence] Seems like a part of [modest] and like it should just be combined?
PostPosted: Mon Sep 05, 2011 6:06 pm


Thank you, Ivy dear <3

Yeah, the doctor thing is a snafu from a rewrite I did, and your other points are all very valid. My tiny french brain thanks you <3

not to self - fixed typos, reworded hobbies. Need to hit virtues and flaws tommorow !

A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer


A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer

PostPosted: Thu Sep 08, 2011 6:12 pm


Virtues and Flaws updated. Moar crit ? <3
PostPosted: Tue Nov 08, 2011 6:28 am


Indu Disclaimer: I'm sorry about the wait for one of us to look it over! Let's get right into it, shall we? My goal here is to take the hard work you've done, and help guide you to a finished product! My critiques are long, but that's not because of anything you've done wrong, just my efforts to be thorough.


CIVILLIAN

Hobbies: They're all well and good [I like that you've made photography more unique by specifying her preferred subject matter], however, I found it curious that all of her hobbies involve the outdoors, two of which involve animals, and yet she prefers to volunteer at the hospital, rather than an animal shelter? Something to think about!

Virtues:

I have an issue with Theory-Smart, though not in theory [;D]. Saying that she only needs to hear something once to remember it is, well, not only rare and somewhat unrealistic, the virtue itself doesn't list how this helps her, or her interactions with others. Show us how this'll come out in RP, if you really want to keep the trait!

Everything else checks out pretty well!

Flaws:

I actually like what you did with Naive, since most people relate that to a stupid character. In this instance, she simply lacks social clues, despite being an extrovert.

However, I think it can be combined with her Doormat trait, as they have the same root, and similar outward responses. Because she is so naive and friendly, she becomes a doormat, as she doesn't understand when she's being manipulated.

Carry The World All you need to do is add a sentence or two about what she does when she becomes overwhelmed/overworked. How does she react? Does she explode, does she become depressed? What?

Self-Esteem A flaw is designed to make a character stand out. To make them unique, here you mention that she is like almost all teen girls in this sense. How is this unique to her? Is she actually unattractive? That would certainly be a rarity! I do, of course, like that you let it effect her clothing style, and her interactions with others [shyness of body]. Not a bad flaw, just one that needs a little more meat!


POWERED

Looks just fine! I don't do design stuff, but the weapon progression is alright. You should be good to go, once you get this civvie stuff out of the way!


Feel free to QUOTE ME when you've completed all your changes, and I'll add you to my list to go through again!

Indubitably

1,600 Points
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Hygienic 200

A Wandering Esper

Beloved Stargazer

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:28 pm


Indubitably


The hobby thing is mostly so she can have an hobby that highlight her love of people and her mothering aspects, as well as the fact that she wants to study to become a doctor. Hopefully in that context it makes sense, if not I'll try to clarify. :>

Went over the things your pointed out, and added the anxious flaw to replace doormat as it was folded into naive, in order to keep the virtues/flaws number balanced.
PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:06 pm


This'll just need a second look by Mouse, but otherwise,

User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.

Indubitably

1,600 Points
  • Gender Swap 100
  • Risky Lifestyle 100
  • Hygienic 200

cibarium

Noob

PostPosted: Tue Nov 15, 2011 8:44 am


User Image - Blocked by "Display Image" Settings. Click to show.
Reply
Accepted Quests

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum