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[Contest] Krishna Dhawan/Lt. Serpentine--Crits Please!

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Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:26 pm


Name: Krishna Dhawan

Nickname: None

Age: 27

Birthday: November 15

Sign: Scorpio

Gemstone: Beryl

Blood Type: B+

Fav. Food: Sushi

Hated Food: Pastries

School: None; Drop out of Destiny City University; Runs a flower shop called "Padma's Bouquet"

Hobbies:

Horticulture/Gardening - Krishna has always had a passion for growing and cultivating plants. They listen to him if he wants to talk; they allow him to focus all his attentions on a single task and work towards a reward. They also allow him to work alone if people are making him angry. He loves planting seeds or saplings, providing them with all they need and watching them grow into healthy plants. In particular, he enjoys flowers for their variety, beauty, and (partially) the ease with which they sell. His passion inspired him to invest the money he had saved up for college into opening his flower shop, "Padma's Bouquet", so that he could do what he loved and still earn a living.

Flower Arranging - As part of his job, Krishna has had to expand beyond his comfortable positon of growing flowers and into the next step: arranging them for sale. What began as a necessary chore soon changed into an interesting hobby. It allows Krishna to create patterns and combinations that nature alone would not deliver and to develop a lighter, more artistic touch than digging in the dirt allows. He has no set style, drawing inspiration from the flowers he has on hand and a minimal amount of research on "traditional" arranging metods. Flower arranging also provides a means for him to better interact with his customers, since he demonstrate his skills and better highlight his homegrown flowers... though he sometimes deplores the taste of those who enter his shop.

Soccer - Whether it be watching or playing, Krishna has a passion for soccer. When he's not busy in the shop, he can often be found in a bar nursing good beer as he watches a game. He also loves the competition aspect and plays for a team in Destiny City's recreational league as a
forward, where he plays every Saturday during the season. In the off season, he trains to better compete through running laps, muscle training, and practicing his footwork to keep a better control over the ball. Overall, he is a good team player, but he enjoys the game much more than he excels at it.

People Watching - While Krishna would rather interact with plants than people, he does find watching people fascinating. He observes them rather like he does plants, watching scenes develop between competing personalities or making note of paticular traits that sets someone apart from the rest. The more interesting or unusual the person, the more attention Krishna is likely to give them... though he won't necessarily interact with them himself, if he can avoid it.

Virtues:

Loyal--When Krishna pledges himself to a person or ideal, he never wavers from his duty. Even if he has some cause to doubt those to whom he is loyal, Krishna will not abandon them. He doesn't blindly follow orders; he will raise questions to assuage said doubt or to indicate when he feels original goals are not being met, but he does so in order to better serve those around him and not for his own benefit. Part of his loyalty manifests in that he is extremely protective of those he cares about, whether they be teammates, family members, or friends. He will thus physically and verbally jump to their defense if he feels they are under attack.

Patient--Perhaps because he spends most of his time tending to plants, Krishna is extremely patient in almost every situation. He doesn't complain when the chips are down and is willing to spend as much time as necessary at a task to get it right. He can also sit back and work consistently at small tasks that will help reach his overall goals. His patience extends to working with people as well. For example, if a customer comes in not knowing exactly what he wants in his bouquet, Krishna will keep working with him until they agree on something--even if it takes hours. His patience makes it easy for Krishna to work with a variety of people and situations that others might find frustrating.

Adaptive-- While he does not like to run about willy nilly, Krishna does not need a long period of time to think or gather information before taking action. If plans suddenly change, he is able to go-with-the-flow, looking at the situation he currently finds himself in for inspiration and tools. While he will endeavor to use any skill or tool he can to get the upper hand, that does not mean he will always succeed--it just means that he will continue to try something new.

Responsible--Krishna is responsible in any task he takes on. He takes care of problems or situations that crop up on his watch or orders that are given to them, giving them top priority. If things go wrong, he does not try to shift the blame onto someone else. Instead, he accepts his failure and learns from his mistakes. If things go well, he does his best to make sure that the procedure is followed the next time a similiar situation arises. In general, Krishna can be trusted to work diligently and to the best of his abilities.

Flaws:

Vain--Something of a preening peacock, Krishna's vanity stretches to everything that he takes pride in. His hair is the finest, his features the most perfect, the blossoms he grows the best examples of their respective types. Insults to any of his fine features, no matter how little, will quickly raise his ire in ways that nothing else will and create an immediate grudge that is hard for him to overcome (although praising/repairing said fine feature is a good way to start). Krishna's vanity also means that he'll do his best to avoid certain situations if it means risking something he has pride in unless directly ordered to step in.

Venom-Tongued--Somewhat taciturn by nature, when Krishna does speak, he makes sure that every word counts. He intentionally speaks as directly and plainly as possible, which often means his words come across harshly. For example, in general, his blunt words lead him to make use of the backhanded compliment far more often than straightforward praise. If angry, he can be dismissive and insulting. He doesn't care if he's addressing someone of higher rank or not, or even a friend or not, as long as he gets his point across as quickly and clearly as possible... which can make relationships of any kind a little awkward.

Haughty--Stemming, to some extent, from his vanity, Krishna carries himself like he's the best man in town. Because he is. Just ask him. His pride has few limits, and working with anyone he designates as "beneath him" leads to him to treat them with general belittlement. Even in his dealings with superiors, Krishna will expect his natural superiority over others to be evident to his higher ups and conduct himself accordingly. This attitude even leaks to customers at his store, who he expects to respect his superior knowledge.

Aloof--Krishna may like to observe people, but he doesn't like to interact with them all that much. When around others who don't interest him, he does his best to keep away from them. He finds it hard to concern himself with people in general and concentrates only on those to whom he pledges his loyalty or those he must interact with at the moment. Initial greetings will be frosty, and it takes awhile for him to thaw.

PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION

Eyes: Large, Round, Bright Gold

Hair: Muted rainbow in color.

Fluffy, stylish, medium-long to long, layered, bangs. Similiar to this reference, but with more fluff/volume.

Note: Krishna's hair IS NOT A MULLET. Please don't give him a mullet--I would cry. =(

Face: Oval face; High cheek bones; Average Ears; Persian nose; Medium-brown skin

Clothes: White polo shirt; Brown work pants; Teal florist apron with the name of the flower shop (Padma's Bouquet) in white script; Brown work shoes; Dusty white gardening gloves
PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:26 pm


Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant Serpentine

Challenge: I'll squeeze the life out of you.

Uniform:
Based on the Indian Army Dress Uniform
Uniform Reference

Main Color: Golden Brown on palette
Secondary Color: Green on palette
Color Palette

Top -- Indian Army dress shirt (see ref); golden brown on palette
Bottoms -- Indian Army dress pants; High water pants, pleated (see ref); golden brown on palette
Gloves -- White, cotton gloves
Belt -- Sash (green on palette) with belt on top of it (brown, snake skin? CC for exact color)
Shoes -- White spats; brown shoes (CC for exact color)
Shoulders -- N/A
Accessories --Beret (same color as sash)
Weapon --
Lieutenant Stage: Toy, Rubber Snake
Captain Stage: Snake Whip
General Stage: Blacksnake Whip

Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph


Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph

PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:32 pm


Extra Information:

Still U/C
PostPosted: Thu Jul 21, 2011 7:34 pm


Critiques and Responses to Critiques:

None at the moment!

Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph


Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph

PostPosted: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:04 pm


Okay... open for critiques! =3 TIme to make sure I'm not completely crazy. XD
PostPosted: Fri Feb 03, 2012 8:28 pm


Quicksilver the Archangel


Just a couple things in need of tweaking, here!

Right now Krishna's Intuitive virtue is crossing metagaming territory the way you have it described. I'm mainly talking about the bit where he has the ability to spontaneously come up with the right answers with no explanation for how the thought process works -- just being able to mysteriously figure things out like that can easily be taken as an excuse for him to suddenly obtain knowledge that could otherwise only be gleaned OOC. It's also a bit troublesome that he has such an advanced ability to generally read people, since being able to 'predict' another's words and actions is also metagame-enabling, both in social situations and in fights. We have a rule against having traits that allow this kind of powerplay, so you need to reconsider this one and edit it into something more fitting in the guidelines.

He seems to be the opposite of reckless with a characteristic like this, so maybe you could say that he's Careful and tries his best to assess a person or a situation before taking action? I think the important thing with these sorts of traits is that he tries to be observant, not necessarily that he's successful. :>



In addition to this, I am seeing some conflict with Patient and one of his flaws. In the Patient virtue, you describe Krishna as someone who is easy to work with and generally good at working through conversations without getting frustrated -- even with people who others might find difficult to deal with. However, the Venom-Tongued flaw describes him as someone who is easily provoked, offensive and generally difficult to work with. These don't really add up together because his Venom-Tongued trait implies that he's an impatient person when his virtue set paints a very different picture of him.

I can see patience being compatible with just being Unintentionally Offensive, but not with having the short and violent temper you seem to be describing in that flaw.

cibarium

Noob


Quicksilver the Archangel

Beloved Seraph

PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2012 9:21 pm


Mouse Pachinkorelli

Right now Krishna's Intuitive virtue is crossing metagaming territory the way you have it described. I'm mainly talking about the bit where he has the ability to spontaneously come up with the right answers with no explanation for how the thought process works -- just being able to mysteriously figure things out like that can easily be taken as an excuse for him to suddenly obtain knowledge that could otherwise only be gleaned OOC. It's also a bit troublesome that he has such an advanced ability to generally read people, since being able to 'predict' another's words and actions is also metagame-enabling, both in social situations and in fights. We have a rule against having traits that allow this kind of powerplay, so you need to reconsider this one and edit it into something more fitting in the guidelines.

He seems to be the opposite of reckless with a characteristic like this, so maybe you could say that he's Careful and tries his best to assess a person or a situation before taking action? I think the important thing with these sorts of traits is that he tries to be observant, not necessarily that he's successful. :>


Ack, my apologies, Mouse! I certainly didn't intend for Krishna to come across this way, but I completely see what you mean. I've changed the Intuitive trait to Adaptive, focusing more on how Krishna physically/mentally reacts to change rather than intuiting things from people. I thought that would have the same kind of character flexibility (i.e. he doesn't fall apart when a plan does) while also making it a more active, rather than passive "magical" trait. It also provides chances for him to fail--just because he tries something new doesn't mean it'll work any better. Hopefully this'll fix the issue! I decided not to go with "Careful" because I thought that more implied someone who planned out everything, thought x steps ahead, etc., which doesn't quite match what I was going for, but I appreciate the suggestion all the same.

Mouse Pachinkorelli

In addition to this, I am seeing some conflict with Patient and one of his flaws. In the Patient virtue, you describe Krishna as someone who is easy to work with and generally good at working through conversations without getting frustrated -- even with people who others might find difficult to deal with. However, the Venom-Tongued flaw describes him as someone who is easily provoked, offensive and generally difficult to work with. These don't really add up together because his Venom-Tongued trait implies that he's an impatient person when his virtue set paints a very different picture of him.

I can see patience being compatible with just being Unintentionally Offensive, but not with having the short and violent temper you seem to be describing in that flaw.


Ah, okay, this one might be more tricky. xD; I picture Krishna as being patient himself... but not that other people are necessarily patient with him, if that makes sense? Take the situation I gave for "patient" as an example--Krishna would be willing to work for hours with a client if needed. But he wouldn't necessarily be "nice" about it, so the client could get tired of how harsh he sounds and leave to go somewhere else.

So, it's not so much that Krishna's impatient or unintentionally offensive as much as he's very direct and... doesn't really care if his words are taken the wrong way. He says what he means and means what he says. So, his lashing out when he's angry is more meant to be an extension of that base harshness and not really indicative of a bad temper--although looking at my wording I totally see that I failed to get that across. xD;

In response to these concerns, I've reworded Venom-tongued to focus on the bluntness/harshness of his words in general and less on any "temper."

Thanks, as always, for all your help! I greatly appreciate it. <3
PostPosted: Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:18 am


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Lovely fixes!

cibarium

Noob

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