Welcome to Gaia! ::

I'm going to be frank and straight with you. You'll come to learn that's how I am.

I honestly don't think you have a clue what you're talking about. There is no such thing as the "dark side" of paganism. Paganism isn't a religion, it is not a path, it is not a practice. Pagan is a term used to identify MANY religions. The specific religions that fall under this term sometimes varies. Different pagan religions might be Wicca, Feri, Asatru (think that's how that's spelled), Dianic and many more.

Balance is not a focus in all pagan religions either, it's actually not all that common to be honest.

I have no clue what you're saying about this "grey" bit, other than if you're talking about the use of magic. Certain religions say that magic is not good or evil, it is grey. It is up to the person using it to decide.

If you have to question your experience then you don't have it. If you think to yourself "am I too inexperienced?" then you are. I would suggest you stop messing with things that frighten you.

You're not going insane. The insane do not realize they're insane, it's what makes them so and thus, they do not question it.

Also, I should point out that the phrase "Blessed Be" is a Wiccan one used for very specific purposes among very specific people and really isn't appropriate for a non-Wiccan to be using.

Also, I'm kind of lost as to the point of this topic. What exactly are you asking?

Grey has been used to describe a type of magic and it has also been used to describe darkness that is not evil.
Dark Paganism is a modern movement of various paths, mostly ecclectic. While she is correct that Paganism is an umbrella term, what those who use it are saying is that they follow deities associated with death, war, magic, chaos or other raw and untamable forces. Which can be scary depending on who calls upon you and sometimes you do not have a choice who you see. You can try and block it out, cleanse your room or home and other such things.
I also believe in balance and it is part of a lot of paths. After all, nature is about balance: masculine and feminine, day and night, life and death. If you worship a god and a goddess, you are demonstrating balance in some form. Although in the movement of dark paganism the balance is about the light and dark.
They also tend to be very Gothic. It's also about learning and working with the shadow self (which is something you will come to learn further down on your path). Other terms that can be used are dark spirituality or ecclectic pagan. Those who calls themselves Dark Pagans want to counteract the so-called damage done by Pagans who think everything is light and fluffy.

"...darkness is by nature linked to our unconscious and thus is very personal. It is the nature of darkness to always remain elusive to strict delineation. The more one attempts to define it, the further one gets from it. Like the Tao of Taoist thought, darkness must be experienced to be understood. It must be embraced and incorporated into one's being to be appreciated. Attempting to "shine the light of reason" onto it only removes us from it".
- John J. Coughlin is Editor-in-Chief of the NYC Pagan Resource guide

Edit: But if you are feeling like you are struggling and overwhelmed, while there are times when you will struggle on your path, if you are feeling so overwhelmed by it then it is time to take a break. At least from part of it. I would say at this point for you is a good time to do your research, make your own decisions and opinions based on what you find. Like I said before you will run into people who say that Dark Paganism cannot exist, while in my opinion based on some of the above information, it can. Of course there are a lot paths in Paganism, but really it is an undefinable term. I say it means anything that is not an Abrahamic religion, others will argue with that. But is you are on something that can be called a Pagan path then you are still a Pagan. Some will argue that no deities can be considered dark, however death, chaos and the night can be considered dark, just not evil. Most will say deities just are. I disagree, because there is a deity on my path that I consider dark and I do not work with him. It's up to you to decide, and then you will have to argue your point.
Sorry this is so summarized but I have to go leave for work.

I don't think it's as much about balance as it is about polarity- I mean, if you are going to balance say, life and death, for every death you'd cause you'd gave to create life and vica versa. My friend is a midwife- can you imagine her trying to kill something of equal value for every baby she helped deliver?

Instead of balance- understanding that there are 2 sides (or more) to everything and learning to understand those mysteries is a good start.

After reading everyone's posts over a few times, I understand I'm going to have to meditate, to find the answers myself. Thank you, all, for your insight.. It helped me more than I could possibly say.

I respect everyones opinion, and Ill take everything from this into consideration. Again, thank you