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[CRIT] Valeur's quest for a City Person; Dallestrous.

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de valeur

PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 12:22 am


Name: Dallestrous Flye.
Nicknames: Dally, Dal, or Sir Fox.
Age (Appearance Wise): Late twenties to early thirties.
Age (Actual): Fifty-nine.
Birthday: January Second.
Job: Specializes in clockwork and other machinery.
Class: Upper Middle Class.
Font: Windsong; click this.
Favorite Story: The Gingerbread Man, by Jim Aylesworth.

Physical Appearance: With the head of a fox and the body of a man, Dallestrous definitely tends to stick out a bit more in a crowd- especially when one notices the swish of a tail that follows him wherever he goes. Being a City Person of good taste, Dal often wears the finest garb that his money can afford- preferring to look high class, despite the occasional blotchy stain that his work almost always accumulates for him. For the most part, I'm leaving his clothing design up to whoever may decide to draw him as I really have no idea where to go with it- just think working class mixed with a bit of victorian stylizing.

Personality: Intelligent- though he has his rather eccentric ways, there is no denying that he does in fact have brains hidden beneath that mess of hair- rather advanced brains to boot. After years of studying all the informative books he could Dally is his own encyclopedia- spouting knowledge where ever he goes and showing off the smarts that he'd worked so hard to ahieve.

Forgetful- he probably has the worst memory of all the people you'll ever meet. While his brain soaks up the logical knowledge he needs to be called intelligent- things like names, dates, times, where he put his coat... they all seem to escape the fox-person like a leaf escapes a tree during the early weeks of Fall. Which is why, of course, the fox tries to correct his unnatural forgetfulness by leaving notes for himself in place he'd like to think he would remember but... in the end, doesn't.

Scatterbrained- often starting multiple projects only to forget about half of them, Dally has been called scatter-brained more times than he'd like to remember. He's always thinking about the next project and finds building his little machines can easily be compared to an adventure- especially since the old fox is almost always learning new and exciting tricks, as well as challenging himself in many defferent ways. Off in his own little mechanical wonderland as most people tend to put it. If you were to open up Dallestrous' head, most wouldn't be surprised if you found gears and other metallic doo-dads belonging to the machinery and clockwork that the fox creates.

Proud- Having always been fonder of the finer things in life, Dally can most easily be described as proud and though he is categorized as working middle class the City-Goer still can't help but believe he is much more important than that. Afternoon tea, leisurely times spent out in the garden, regal dances filled with gentlemen in suits and ladies in beautiful gowns- that is often how Dally imagines his life. In his mind, he is very much deserving of all the harder-to-get things in life to the point where he can get a bit mean. After all the work he's done, though, who's to say he doesn't?

Antisocial- after staying up all night working on his little mechanical animals and destroying his eyesight by reading books with too tiny print- you can almost always find Dally in a irritated mindset. He doesn't have the patience needed to deal with people unless they are worth his time and can, therefore, come off as a bit anti-social... not that the label wouldn't fit.

Creative- due to his choice in work, Dal has an extremely vivid imagination despite what some may believe. His thoughts will often run wild at even the most inconvenient of times and he, therefore, will often scribble out bits of art to get the thoughts down on paper rather than keep them swirling around in his head. Seeing as he often excersizes the part of his brain that uses such creativity, the fox has quite the gift when it comes to story-telling and other inventive processes, giving him quite the edge when it comes to socializing... if he ever chooses to do so, that is.

Favorite Things: Afternoon tea, clockwork, machinery, silence, learning something new, people with Upper Class standards, the occasional sweet treat, the smell of old books, an intelligent conversation, and a heated debate in which he comes out victorious.
Hated Things: Nosiness, people with Lower Class standards, people that doubt his abilties, loud noises, obnoxiousness, when someone intrudes on his personal space, being ordered about, failing to do something, having to rely on someone, and hypocrites (though he is one himself).
Hobbies: Clockwork, machinery, reading, and writing random notes/sticking them in even more random places (ie: inside a book, behind his ear, in his hat, in the fridge, underneath something heavy, etc.)
Fear: To grow old and forget things that he'd rather like to remember.


Thoughts on the Forest: Dallestrous believes the the Forest is both a magical and scientific place. He will, for the most part, go to lengths to have nothing to do with it. Being a fox that can barely wrap his fur around the possible things of life, he'd just rather not deal with the impossible. Though he does believe whole-heartedly that whatever goes on in the Forest shouldn't be tampered with by anyone else and is better off left being a mystery. Sometimes he finds himself wondering about the logistics of the Forest itself but will push away any thoughts pertaining to it for fear of accumulating yet another headache.
Thoughts of Book Children: Book Children are exactly what they're called- children. Curious, fragile little things that seemed to be the imbodiment of both innocence and ignorance. Though Dally has deemed some of them worthy to talk to, he for the most part prefers to avoid them like the plague. He'd rather have his tail cut off than be asked a thousand and one questions by the little devils that came from the Forest- especially since they almost always have something to say.
Thoughts on City People: In Dal's mind, City People are the much more mature and regal inhabitants of their fair City. He'd prefer their company over most of the Book Children and is more likely to start a conversation with one of them than he is with a Book Child. To this extent, he is a bit prejudice... not that he'd be willing to admit anything of the sort.

History: First appearing at the words of a Master Clockmaker passing on his knowledge to his younger apprentice, Dallestrous was meant to work with machinery from the very day he appeared in the City. As a young City Person, knowledge was the one thing he was on a hunt for- going through book after book after book filled with information that everyone passed up for the more adventurous novels containing fairy tales and heroics. He was taught by the very same Master Clockmaker that he'd first encountered- given the basic tools he needed to become his own and, after a few years of learning, Dally had finally become a rather big contendor in the mechanical art. His very first clockwork animal having been a bronze fox by the name of Draven- an animal that still wonders the halls of his home today.

It wasn't long until Dallestrous opened up his own little shop- a two story building that acted as both his home and workplace. The second story containing everything he needed to survive, and the first being entitled Dallestrous' Mechanics and Repair. Though Dal tried to stay in the shadows after a while the shop started picking up about a year or two after it's grand opening. The fox-faced City Person was happy to help those that needed repairs; and even more happy when he got those special, custom orders. Though the fox has always had a rather grumpy demeanor, one just cannot ignore that spark in his eye when he is challenged- and that is, of course, why those with the rather eccentric orders always look to him. After so many years of practice, it's as if the clockwork builds itself.
PostPosted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 12:23 am


Had to remake Dal's quest thread due to a change of accounts.
I touched it up a bit, but not by too much, and he is open for critique.

de valeur



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps

Vice Captain

Trash Husband

PostPosted: Fri Jul 22, 2011 6:28 pm


Moderate work needed

Appearance: You'll need to tone down the fox like attributes here. The common rule of thumb is: Heads, hands, small bits (ears, tuffs, tail). The majority of a city person should be human. Not animal. How you have it described seems like a furry/anthro which city people are not. My recommendation is if you want an extreme, head and tail. Or, tail and a simple thing such as ears. People can be described as having fox like faces without giving them...a fox for a face. No shoes and body covered in fur...It's a bit much.

Personality:
Reading this is actually a bit challenging, and I'd suggest just as a way to make it read better is breaking each trait into paragraphs where they transition. Grumpy is commonly a temporary status, try picking a word trait that is a constant; personalities should be 24/7 days a week type things a majority of the time, you say he's a bit anti-social so elaborate on that perhaps.
You also list a lot a negatives but what are his positives? What draws people to him and makes them want to interact with him? Really sell what is good, not just what is bad.

Thoughts on the book children: What would happen if he encountered a bookchild older than himself? Wiser or smarter then himself?
The contrast to the book children/city person makes me wonder if he sees a bit of racial pride (which isn't necessarily a bad thing in the setting), if that is true, why or why not? Does he view book children as invaders? Or just as needless interlopers? Keep in mind the age you have him at. Some book children might have been living in the city longer then he has!

History: "Born from the words of a Master Clockmaker passing on his knowledge to his apprentice-" City people aren't born from anything so much as they just kind of..appear. Also, was he taught by a master worker, or by an apprentice? As a side note, I would shy away from saying he is an expert or a master because you make it sound like he's OP god teir skills with making a long lasting clockwork pet on his first try. His history is really overplayed in the sense it's kind of power housing. Everyone had to stop in? Money just pouring into his lap? laying low also implies he was trying to hide if this is the case, why? There is nothing wrong with having him be successful and skilled, but how you present it impacts how your character can be interpreted.
PostPosted: Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:18 am


iStoleYurVamps


Alright, I've edited Dal a bit to fit your critiquing. His appearance has been toned down to tail and ears, though I wouldn't mind him having the head of a fox... I've replaced the 'grumpy' adjective with anti-social as well as adding another adjective that might make him a bit more interesting hopefully, and I've edited his history a bit to make him sound not as super omg amazing... though I do admit I want him to be a rather up-standing member of the clockwork community since he's put so much time and effort into the art. This, though, does not mean he can make an animal in less than five minutes... if they want a custom order it could take months, depending on the quality that they are asking for simply because when it comes to his work Dal is quite the perfectionist and is prone to restarting/editing along the way... and when it comes to repairs, there are some things that Dal just cannot fix- especially when they're not built originally by him since, I'm assuming, different clockworkers have different methods of creation.

Also, on the bit about book children- Dal has a large sense of racial pride. He believes that the Children are needless interlopers not to be taken seriously in the world of 'big kids' like himself. For the most part, he has shoved them into a box labeled 'childish' and if he were to meet a Child older and/or wiser than him, Dal would have a hard time treating them with the respect that he gives other City People and would probably just brush them off and pretend he'd never met them seeing as he's too stubborn to correct his old-fashioned ways, aha.

de valeur



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps

Vice Captain

Trash Husband

PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:02 pm


de valeur

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 6:09 pm


Ceeellll-uh-brate good times, c'mawn!
Thank you so very much, Vamps!

de valeur

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