I'm so tired of being here,
Suppressed by all my childish fears.
And if you have to leave,
I wish that you would just leave.
Your presence still lingers here,
And it won't leave me alone.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
This pain is just too real,
There's just too much that time cannot erase.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
-- Evanescence, My Immortal
They were gone. Broken, much like her heart. Oh how she wished she could just forget and move on. How she wished she could wake up one day and have no memory of the loss and the pain of these recent times. The emptiness in her heart had weighed heavy in her soul, veiled her eyes until all the beauty in the world seemed sapped away. Now, instead of a glorious red sunset, she saw the coming of another empty night.
Empty.
Everything was empty.
She moved quietly across the soft grass towards her place of rest. Her haven. Once, she had savoured the soft feel of moist earth and clipped grass beneath her paws. Now it just felt damp and uncomfortable, putting a chill through into her bones whenever she lay upon it. She wasn't sure why she still came to this place. After all, this place could no longer be called a haven. Not to her, anyway. Yes, it was still beautiful to those who did not understand. The flowers still bloomed. Rabbits still grazed peacefully on the banks. But...those things were not what had made this haven special to Luciernaga'reina. No. This place had been special because it was where she had discovered her muse. The fireflies. This had been their kingdom and she their queen. And, for a time, they had had a king; her dear friend Miminiwa.
But he was gone now and with him, part of herself was missing.
Worse still, however, was the lack of fireflies in the air. The last couple of weeks or so, the delicate forms of her muse had dwindled in number. The water they skimmed had dropped in level - the pool being sapped up by the strength of the sun. Now, even though some water remained at the bottom, there were no fireflies to brighten the night.
No warm glow to heal those bitter wounds left imprinted on her heart and soul.
Yes. She had told herself she was being overly dramatic. After all, Miminiwa was not her only friend. These fireflies were...not the only ones in the lands. They'd just moved on to better pastures. Moved on to carry on living.
So...why couldn't she?
The young female draped herself across the bank and lowered her head to spy her reflection. The poor light darkened her face and made it barely recognisable and, as if to taunt her, two small fireflies took flight from a nearby leaf, skimming across the water and disappearing into the dark.
"Do you blame me?" Lucie whispered, her voice trembling like crisp ice. "Do you blame me for losing your king? For...for neglecting you? I tried...I tried..." She paused, covering her face with a despairing paw. "Please don't leave me."
Nothing moved in the darkness.
"Please!" The word burst forth from her with so much passion that it hurt and, gasping, she struggled back to her paws and called again and again into the shadows. "Please! Please come back!"
A bird cried out, unseen in the light of the evening, and Lucie stood there, quite still, listening to the sounds of the world. They were there, to be sure, but they were not the sounds she was waiting to hear. In her heart of hearts, she wanted the shape of Miminiwa to leap out at her from the shadows; his smiling face and eyes, a word of apology on his tongue. And around him the fireflies would glow, shining like the very marks upon his pelt. They would return to her and life would return to normal. Her happy life where she lived each day with a smile and a lightness in her soul that she could barely remember now.
But Miminiwa did not come and neither did the fireflies.
They had abandoned her and now...she did not know what to do.
"Please..." A sob wracked through her and she turned her head away, ashamed for the ghosts in her memory to see her so sad. "Tell me what I need to do to get you back. Tell me what to do."
Without warning, another firefly took flight from its hidden perch. It's beautiful glow put faith back in her, though it would be short-lived. It circled around her head and even touched down briefly on the tip of her muzzle, holding there just long enough for a goodbye to be uttered. Lucie had never understood the words of the fireflies, not like some others and their muse. But...all the same...she could feel what they felt.
And she felt...
Hope?
"Wait!" She called out after the firefly. "Please, wait! Tell me what I must do!! Please don't leave me. Please. I love you!"
The firefly circled higher and she followed its path as it spiralled, feeling her heart lift with it. Had they been trying to tell her something all along? Were these little goodbyes not goodbyes at all? But then...what were they? A...sign? She blinked, her golden eyes clearing just a little as she watched the insect drift further away. Then, seeming to have made up its mind, it straightened its course and darted away from her, moving through the small parting in the trees opposite her - on the other side of the pool. It's glow was consumed by the shadow and, for a long moment, Lucie stared into the darkness.
"You're not leaving me behind again..." She whispered to herself. "I'll...I'll follow." She gained strength, her voice growing louder. "Is that what you want me to do? You want me to follow? Is this place no longer for me? Should I...Should I leave?" She waited, but the response never came. Not in the form of words, anyway. It came in the lightening of her heart and, suddenly, Luciernaga'reina - the Firefly Queen - knew what she must do.
"I know now." She whispered. "I think I've always known."
She took a step towards the pool, shaking with fear of the unknown but excited to have found her answer at last. There was no more need for sadness and heartache.
She could be happy.
She spared a moment to cast a look back over her shoulder, taking a moment to relive her life up until now. She'd had a happy childhood here, yes, but this is not where her adult life should be. Her muse had tried to tell her and, for once, she was going to listen. Her breath misted as the cool of night fell and, with tears in her eyes, she whispered a soft goodbye to the only home she had ever known.
Then, with no more hesitation, she crossed the pool in a few long strides and disappeared into the darkness.
/fin
