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 Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2011 8:37 pm
I need some advice.
Relationships have never gone good for me. I've had a total of three girlfriends and I am 17 years old. I'm too shy to talk to girls that I like. And when I don't try to make a move and they get into a relationship with another guy, I get so pissed off at her and him. Then I get pissed at myself for not making a move and realize there is really no one to blame but me. This has happened so often that I've decided to give up relationships and be a bachelor for the rest of my life.
Is this wrong?(Someone is probably going to say, 'You are going to meet someone you love who will make you happy!' I just don't f*cking believe it.)
I am the guitarist for a band I am in, and a couple of labels are showing interest in signing us. One of my bandmates told me that if we get popular(Im not entirely sure about that) that I could get all the girls I wanted. I told him about my problem, and he said to have sex with them all. And I'm seriously considering it.
Is that wrong? Someone, please answer these two questions.
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:50 am
Some people have different views on the word love.
Giving up isn't ever the solution to anything, but that is of course your choice.
I'm not going to tell you what to do, but based off of what you said, I'm going to give you some friendly advice that I'm sure a lot of people would tell you.
Judging by your reaction to girls you care about and whatnot, it seems to me that your heart/mind want a meaningful relationship.
While following your friend's advice on having sex with all those girls would give you a temporary feeling of companionship, it will never fulfill the role of having an actual partner in life. And if you really do just want true love, listening to your friend will cause you to, eventually, realize it's not satisfying at all. You might end up feeling an emptiness inside, that if you do keep trying to ignore, will just feel worse.
That could easily lead to depression, and depression isn't the best feeling thing in the world.
I suggest figuring out what you really want in a woman, something physical or emotional. Imagine your ideal life, your ideal relationship.
Only after that, make the choice to listen to your friend or not.
If you end up wanting an emotional relationship, don't give up!
Life is full of obstacles, and finding a girl is just one of them.
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:23 am
Shyness is a cute factor on a guy, but if you don't approach women who you like, you'll end up getting burned like you have been. Of course, women go up to guys they like and ask them out, but if they are unsure of your feelings, they may not approach you. I guess practice with a good friend how to approach women you like.
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:55 pm
Ok no don't have sex with all of them. First of all sex is a personal choice that needs to be considered with you and your partner (I'm not telling you not to have sex, but going around and having sex with a bunch of girls doesn't build a strong relationship with a one special girl. It's more meaningful with love)
Your going after girls that aren't really paying you much mind as it sounds like. When they talk to you, and you like her, you have to bite your tounge and atleast give a 'Hello' back. It's more one of those challenges in life that you have to overcome. Your always going to be shy and afraid, but in a stupid cliche way that doesn't mean you can't be brave and talk to that one girl. A wing man doesn't hurt for help either. Your pretty young also, you got awhile, yes girls will be all over you, but again having sex with them won't really improve yourself as you may think.
I know it sounds rude to say 'quit being a coward' but basically an example would be to teach a bird to fly the parent has to push it off a cliff. They eventually learn to fly. Practice, have a good friend help (Wingman), and just get around to talking. I can't promise the first few times will give you a strong relationship, girlfriend, whatever your looking for, but things eventually work out if you keep at it.
(And after reading ebilshady's post I agree with most of the stuff)
You can imagine your ideal life ahead of you and shoot for the goals, but keep in mind a lot can change in a few years and you'll think a lot differently (It's quiet surprising actually, if you write a letter to yourself and read it a few years later). You'll be constantly changing and thats just how it goes. You'll probably still probably have that ideal relationship(If your not looking for physical) in mind and a certain way you wish to live and such.
And keep in mind if you want to find love, that it's a commitment. Don't stress too much over it, and every human being has the ability to live independently from that special someone.
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Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:07 pm
Ok, from what it sounds like, you apparently have a low confidence issue. You may be afraid of rejection due to some form of rejection you experienced in your past. Whether it was real or imaginary. I know this feeling very well. I used to suffer from this same ailment. I had a hard time talking to guys, and I am not going to lie. I aint a victoria secret model. What I did was toughen my skin and say screw everyone else and what they think about me. If I dont talk to this person then I will never get anywhere with them. If I do talk to them and I get rejected, then I am exactly where I started. If they say yes then cool. I know this is not awesome advice or even good advice. This is just how I dealt with it. Maybe you can pull something from it.
The sex issue is a touchy one and it all depends on how you feel. Most women understand that having sex with a musician is a groupie thing and they most likily wont get attached. It can be a bad thing for someone wanting a relationship, cause you might end up getting involved and all they wanted was what was between your legs and status. So be careful on that one.
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 10:26 pm
Thanks, everyone for responding. Maybe the "having sex with every girl" was a result of my sexual inexperience...I don't know. I'm still not sure what I will do if the opportunity presents itself. I'll try to make a "good" decision.
And for those of you who gave me advice on the girls I have feelings towards, you're right. I am extremely shy. I'm trying to get over it, but I'm having problems.
Please post, if you have any new advice or something.
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Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:54 pm
You need to be in one of those comical romantic movies. Some friend or teacher to push you (Like Hitch?). I know it isn't serious, and I don't know how to get past shyness in a relationship, the only way I do it is small steps to get a message across to the guy (And I'm dating him, yet still shy). It's just my only known method to suck it up, and throw up while I do it. Wish I knew more sad
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