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[CRIT] Non's Quest for a City Person, Dallestrous.

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non valeur

PostPosted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 6:05 pm


Name: Dallestrous Flye.
Nicknames: Dally, Dal, or Sir Fox.
Age (Appearance Wise): Early to mid-twenties.
Age (Actual): Fifty-nine.
Birthday: January Second.
Job: An expert in clockwork and other machinery.
Class: Upper Middle Class.
Font: Windsong; click this.
Favorite Story: The Gingerbread Man, by Jim Aylesworth.

Physical Appearance: Dally is, quite frankly, a fox that has taken on human characteristics such as walking, talking, and using his hands. He makes an effort to look proper each day and, therefore, wears a top hat that he perches between a pair of pointy ears and circular glasses in front of his narrow, somewhat mischevious seeming eyes. Sharp, carnivorous teeth can be seen when he grins; black against the white of his throat and his cheeks puff out into the fur that marks him as the true animal he is. Well, that and the fur that covers his entire body. He wears a rather plain suit and has no need for shoes as his clawed and padded feet give him the protection that he needs. His tail is long and poofy and extremely sensitive so if one were to pull it they'd get a nasty growl in return and a grudge held against them for at least three or four days.

Main Physical Points: Carries a cane, wears a top hat, walks upright rather than on all fours, looks exactly like a fox though taller and with humanoid characteristics, and wears a plain black suit as well as a pair of circular spectacles.

Personality: One of the first words used to describe Dallestrous would definitely have to be the word intelligent. Though he has his rather eccentric ways, there is no denying that he does in face have brains hidden beneath all the fur- rather advanced brains to boot. After years of studying all the informative books he could Dally is his own encyclopedia- spouting knowledge where ever he goes and showing off the brains that he'd worked hard to ahieve. Had there ever been a school for City People he would have definitely been one of the top students, if not the best. This does not mean, however, that Dally is not forgetful. Actually, he probably has the worst memory of all the people you'll ever meet. While his brain soaks up the logical knowledge he needs to be called intelligent- things like names, dates, times, where he put coat... they all seem to escape the fox-person like a leaf escapes a tree during the early weeks of Fall. Which is why, of course, the fox tries to correct his unnatural forgetfulness by leaving notes for himself in place he'd like to think he would remember but... in the end, doesn't. Add on to that his scatter-brained nature and you have a walking disaster. Often starting multiple projects only to forget about half of them, Dally has been called scatter-brained more than he'd like to remember. He's always thinking about the next project. Off in his own little mechanical wonderland as most people tend to put it. If you were to open up Dallestrous' head, most wouldn't be surprised if you found gears and other metallic doo-dads belonging to the machinery and clockwork that the fox creates. Having always been fonder of the finer things in life, Dally can easily be described as proud. Though he is only categorized as middle class he still can't help but believe he is much higher than that. Afternoon tea, leisurely times spent out in the garden, regal dances filled with gentlemen in suits and ladies in beautiful gowns- that is often how Dally imagines his life. In his mind, he is very much deserving of all the harder-to-get things in life to the point where he can get a bit mean. After all the work he's done, though, who's to say he doesn't? It isn't uncommon to find Dallestrous in a rather grumpy mood. After staying up all night working on his little mechanical animals and destroying his eyesight by reading books with too tiny print- you can almost always find Dally in a rather irritated mood. He doesn't have the patience needed to be dealing with people unless they are worth his time and can, therefore, come off as a bit anti-social... not that the label wouldn't fit.

Favorite Things: Afternoon tea, clockwork, machinery, silence, learning something new, people with Upper Class standards, the occasional sweet treat, the smell of old books, an intelligent conversation, and a heated debate in which he comes out victorious.
Hated Things: Nosiness, people with Lower Class standards, people that doubt his abilties, loud noises, obnoxiousness, when someone intrudes on his personal space, being ordered about, failing to do something, having to rely on someone, and hypocrites (though he is one himself).
Hobbies: Clockwork, machinery, reading, and writing random notes/sticking them in even more random places (ie: inside a book, behind his ear, in his hat, in the fridge, underneath something heavy, etc.)
Fear: To grow old and forget things that he'd rather like to remember.


Thoughts on the Forest: Dallestrous believes the the Forest is both a magical and scientific place and he will have nothing to do with it. Being a fox that can barely wrap his fur around the possible things of life, he'd just rather not deal with the impossible. Though he does believes that whatever goes on in the Forest shouldn't be tampered with by anyone else and is better left being a mystery. Sometimes he finds himself wondering about the logistics of the Forest itself but will often push away any thoughts pertaining to it for fear of accumulating yet another headache.
Thoughts of Book Children: Book Children are exactly what they're called- children. Curious, fragile little things that seemed to be the imbodiment of both innocence and ignorance. Though Dally has deemed some of them worthy to talk to, he for the most part prefers to avoid them like the plague. He'd rather have his tail cut off than be asked a thousand and one questions by the little devils that came from the Forest- especially since they almost always have something to say.
Thoughts on City People: In Dal's mind, City People are the much more mature and regal inhabitants of their fair City. He'd much rather prefer their company over most of the Book Children and is more likely to start a conversation with one of them than he is with a Book Child. To this extent, he is a bit prejudice... not that he'd be willing to admit anything of the sort.

History: Born from the words of a Master Clockmaker passing on his knowledge to his apprentice, Dallestrous was meant to work with machinery from the very day he appeared in the City. As a young City Person, knowledge was the one thing he was on a hunt for- going through book after book after book filled with information that everyone passed up for the more adventurous novels containing fairy tales and heroics. He was taught by that Master Clockmaker's apprentice- given the tools he needed to become his own and after a few years of learning, Dally had finally mastered the art. His very first clockwork animal having been a fox, a true fox- not one of his stature and social standing, that is.

It wasn't long until Dallestrous had opened up his own little shop- a two story building that acted as both his home and workplace. The second story containing everything he needed to survive, and the first being entitled Dallestrous' Mechanics and Repair. It didn't take long to get the shop going; especially after all the care and hard hours Dally had put into making the shop great and soon it was place that everyone had to stop by whenever they happened to glance into it's windows. The fox-faced City Person was happy to help those that needed repairs; and even happy when he got special, custom orders. Money fell onto his lap and living was easy- as it still is now. Perhaps even moreso, seeing as his little shop only got more famous.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 7:19 pm


Dallestrous is now open to critique.

Please tell me everything and anything you need to.
As well as asking me whatever questions pop into your mind.
Nothing said here will be taken as an insult.
I love Dal already and I want to make him be the best he can.

non valeur


Lady_Ourania

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 1:57 pm


Second time critiquing, let's see if I'm any better at it, eh? First off, there are a few minor spelling errors present that you'll easily catch after a quick read through, just something I noticed and thought should be addressed. One curiosity of mine is how he manages to appear an intellectual if he's so forgetful: does he carry notes on his person for reference, as well as scattering them around in places he think he'll find them? Maybe he writes things on his hands and forearms to jog his memory? If he could bypass all that "fur" to do so, anyway. Since he plays around with machinery, is he regularly foiled on what to do next without an open text near him? Or is that something that his forgetfulness does not apply to, due to his origins?

I find it particularly intriguing that his first act as a budding clockwork maker was to create a fox in his likeness. Is there a hidden spin on some god complex at work, or was he simply lonely for someone with a similar face, if of a lesser intelligence? I'm also assuming that his hands are part of the humanoid features you mentioned in brief, if only because it would be difficult to work a delicate mechanical procedure with fox paws.

Sorry if that's not as in-depth as you were hoping for, but I'm sure others will give you more to work with, should you need it. On a slightly different note, I'd really like it if Faris could perhaps one day meet Dally, just because of his own attachment to machinery and the clockwork that factors into it. Even if your boy has trouble taking Book Children seriously, I think it could still be an enjoyable experience all around.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 2:33 pm


You did a great job going over things that I barely even thought about!

And to answer your questions- Dally has a different kind of forgetfulness, as mentioned in the personality section. He remembers most of the things he reads and some of the things he writes down- it's just names and dates and times and where he leaves items such as his hat or coat that he has trouble remembering. Whereas, the machinery he works with has a more hands-on experience that lets him remember what to do and when to do it, especially since he puts so much time and effort into his little projects... though he wouldn't be opposed to cracking open a book every once in a while when he needs the help, since he likes making his clockwork tools the best they can be.

As for the mechanic fox, since it was his first creation when he was a younger man, I would assume that yes he was a bit lonely. Though there are many City People wandering the streets there aren't too many that take on his appearance and that might've made him a little depressed... and he does believe that foxes are superior since he is one himself- so the whole "god complex" twisted into it as well. Though it was more an after-thought made by his subconcious. Now that he's older, he's come to accept the fact that he is a fox and no other person around him is; if anything, it made him even more proud.

And, finally, the fox paws- I really didn't even think about this so I'm glad you mentioned it. I'm thinking that, yes, they would be one of his more humanoid features. Five long fingers covered in fur and tipped with sharp nails resembling a fox's claws. If anything, the nails would probably come in handy when he needed to work with the smaller pieces of his machinery.

AND FARIS! I really do love Faris and his design and his everything. I actually tried out for him, though I didn't win... obviously. I'm sure Dallestrous wouldn't mind his company as much- as long as Faris didn't get in the way, that is. Watching from afar and keeping his mouth shut is probably the only way Dal would let the tiger-boy observe his work. Perhaps Dally would even hold a fondness for him and his love of machinery, since that would give them something to relate on.

non valeur


Lady_Ourania

PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 3:15 pm


Good! I was hoping it would be at least somewhat helpful, so I'm glad it led to an expansion in some areas.

Ah, alright, I understand. I was thinking that the examples listed were just a few among many, rather than the entirety of his forgetfulness issue, but that makes sense. I almost mentioned touch being tied in with ease of remembrance, so I'm tickled to see that you brought that up first. He sounds like a clever little thing, regardless.

That definitely creates a fun, believable back story. I like that he initially used his creation as a crutch of sorts, trying to cultivate a sense of comfort he couldn't find elsewhere, then slowly worked his way into more social spheres without it. I wonder how the clockwork fox feels about that? It had a purpose, then it was removed; it may resent it, though that would depend entirely on how much he put into fashioning its "mind." That's just me pondering future possibilities, though, so I'll leave you to it~

Yes, yes, see, I was trying to figure out how paws might work in that area, but decided it just wasn't that feasible without serious trial. The nails could be a helpful substitute, I agree, though I imagine the fur on his knuckles endures a little singeing from time to time. Poor dear.

Aww, thank you. I love him too, but that's sort of a given. And that'd be fantastic. They don't necessarily have to get along, even, but a grudging friendship with a Person he would really rather outright admire could be fun. Faris is naturally quiet anyway, so there's that. I doubt he would do more than observe unless invited. Er, maybe. His fascination might occasionally get the better of him, but he would never intentionally interrupt.

But yes, I wish you luck in acquiring Dally! For his potential and for slightly more selfish reasons.
PostPosted: Thu Jul 14, 2011 6:35 pm


It was definitely helpful to the extreme so I'm glad you decided to crit him.

But yes, he's not completely forgetful... his forgetfulness is more of a tool, you know. His mind pushes out the things that aren't as needed to make room for the things that are. And apparently during natural selection, his subconscious decided that names and locations were that ideal, lol.

As for the little fox machination, I would imagine that it would be a bit jealous and become a grump like it's creator. Always biting him and hiding bits and pieces that it can pick up; then again, Dally has quite a few little machines running about his home and they would probably help to keep foxxy in line, ahahahaha. He puts a lot of work into creating each of his animals' minds, so... they would have very human personas- though it wouldn't include talking. Perhaps he could've made it so they could growl and bark and pur and whatnot, depending on the animal.

The fur of his hands would be singed, caught in small crevices, and pretty much tortured... so his fingers would almost always be sore. Despite that, though, he would go on with his work. The stubborn little City Goer.

Gosh! You're just making me more and more excited for the coming of Dally. c:

non valeur

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