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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:23 pm
Name: Porsha Alana Webber Nickname: Po Age: 17 Birthday: November 23rd Sign: Sagittarius Gemstone: Topaz Blood Type: O- Fav. Food: Nigiri-zushi, shrimp specifically Hated Food: Peas School: St-Magsdalena's Seminary Drop out Hobbies: Dancing - All she wants to do is dance, dance! Po may seem like a violent individual, and she is, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a slightly less vicious side. She may not know how to waltz, but a few after school lessons when she was younger means she's got the basics down for Latin ballroom. Aside from that, Porsha really just likes to cut loose and feel the music. It's exhilarating, it's expressive, and it's a damn fine stress reliever. Besides, it's a perfectly acceptable excuse to rub all over other people. Fighting - The first rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club! Real women know how to throw a decent punch. They can hold their own in a brawl, and they sure as hell don't need a guy to to play protector. There is something entirely satisfying in hammering your fist into another person's face. Specifically if that person was just talking s**t about your home girl. Po is a tough broad. She will wreck a b***h. How did she come to embrace the noble "sport" of fisticuffs? Along side her short lived dance lessons, Posha also partook in some mixed martial arts basics. There weren't many girls in her class, and while Po enjoyed her chance to shine. Flirting - Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Porsha Webber flirts as she breathes. Regardless of gender, relationship status, and situation. It's beyond habit for this girl, and has turned into a rather well loved Hobby. She loves the attention, she loves the cheesy pick up lines. All of it. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with a little harmless flirting, and should something come of her witty one-liners then all the better. Gossip - It is music to Porsha's ears. The juicier the tidbits, the better. Got a story worth sharing? Po will be there to hang on your every word. She loves to have her finger on the pulse of the city, she likes to believe that pulse is fed by the stories and rumors that circulate from mouth to ear through out the streets. And of course she delights in doing her part to pass along these tantalizing tales. So what if she embellishes or exaggerates a bit in the retelling, at least she's never boring. Virtues: "I'm the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen"Ambitious - Good things come to those that work for them, this is something Porsha believes in wholeheartedly. She is not a lazy individual, never putting off today what can be done tomorrow. She likes to stay on top of things, in control, and she isn't afraid of a little hard work along the way if it gets the job done. When she wants something, really sets her mind to it, she can be an impressive, stubborn force to be reckoned with. Quick-witted - There is no denying this girl has a mouth on her, spewing sarcasm and mirth at the drop of a hat. Of course a talent like that does not simply happen on it's own. One has to be a quick thinking to be a master of clever repartee, and Po, despite her obvious flaws, is sharp as a tack. Perhaps not the most observant, she makes up for it by connecting the dots once she's seen them. Loyal - Po may be an incredible b***h, but she is a b***h that will have your back if you've managed to endear yourself to her or gain her respect. Friendships and bonds aren't something that come easily to Po and as a result she tends to place a lot of value in them. Whatever you need, Po will be there for you. Whether it's something as simple as a shoulder to cry on, or as intense as a battle companion, Porsha is your go-to gal. She will stand by you until the end if you need her to. I got dis! - Out-going, exceedingly so. Ms Webber doesn't even know the meaning of the word shy. There are folks that will spend forever in a store looking for that one tricky item, and there are those that will strut right up to one of the workers and flat out ask where said item might be located. Porsha is the later. It might partially spring from some level of impatience, but has now blossomed into an actual virtue. She isn't afraid of striking up a conversation with a perfect stranger if she thinks they might be interesting to talk to. She's also not afraid of the hard topics, the awkward, uncomfortable ones that most people try to avoid. On the same level, Po is a confident young woman, and she doesn't particularly enjoy people doing things for her, not when she is perfectly capable of doing things for herself. She's confident, abundantly so. She knows she's attractive, she knows where her skills fall, and she knows what she excels at. No body is going to be making her feel inferior without her express permissions, and that's just never going to happen. Flaws: '"Me, I'm a scene. I'm a drama queen"Selfish - At the age of 7 Porsha's father walked out on his wife and child. After that everything changed. Material possessions were few and far between. What Porsha was lucky enough to receive, the small amount of time she spent with her mother on a weekly basis, all of it was precious to the girl, and her hoarded it. She was starved for attention, so she seeks to be the center of it. Turning jealous if her friends or crushes choose to give their time away to someone else. Presents were few and far between, and she's developed something of a covetous nature because of it. She wants much, and will do plenty to get it. And when she can't have it, she'll make it painfully obvious how unhappy she is. Tantrums aren't unheard of, though her usual tactics revolve around pouting and biting comments. She's not above guilt tripping her friends if she feels they're not spending enough time with her, even going so far as to make up excuses for then to drop everything and come see her. And the people she doesn't know? If a little flirting or innuendo will hook her up with a free drink or a burned cd full of music, you're damn right she'll do it. She'll sweet talk her way into whatever she can get. Drama-Queen - Poe is something of a b***h, and she doesn't really do much to try to hide that fact. She holds onto grudges like they're going out of style. You wrong this chick and that's it, you're forever on her naughty list unless you can think up a damn good way to make it up to her. She swears like a sailer, even in front of little old ladies or children, and she couldn't care less if she offends someone. She's mouthy, argumentative, and impolite. Articulation and class are foreign concepts to Porsha. If you're wondering if she's judging you while she's looking at you with that unpleasant little smile, she probably is. Nice is not a term often used on this girl. Mood swings, we got'em - One moment happy, the next seething and ready to punch your lights out. One wrong step, one careless word, and you could very easily find yourself staring down the business end of one of Porsha's fists. She laughs easily, angers quickly, and loathed as she is to admit it, cries when sad songs come on over the radio. She's a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Impulse control - Ha! What's that? Impulse control does not exist in world of Porsha. If she wants something, she takes it. If she's hungry, she eats. She might even be a little on the tactless side. There are no limits here, whatever strikes her fancy at the time, she will go with it. This goes so far as it influence her on missions. Plans are for chumps, caution is for sissies. Po would rather crash in, guns blazing, and hope for the best. Obviously this can, and has resulted in some pretty bad ramifications, but she just gets so excited. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Dark cloud gray, and oval in shape. Hair: Dark plum and very fluffy. Longer in front and feathered short in the back. Bangs are side swept. Face: A heart shaped face with a small dusting of pale freckles over the bridge of her nose. Clothes: Punk, Scene-ish, skulls.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:26 pm
Negaverse Alias: Lieutenant XenotimeChallenge: "Don't make me break that pretty little face." Uniform: Working on a reference. Top -- Cropped and hooded, with short, slightly puffed sleeves. Beneath that is an under bust vest. Bottoms -- Strapless dress, ends mid thigh. Gloves -- Fingerless and studded on the knuckles. See weapon below. Belt -- Couple of useless belts Shoes -- Calf high, series of buttons on the sides. Shoulders -- Nope Accessories -- Choker, Garters, Stockings, One armlet. Weapon -- Studded gloves(?) ---> Knuckebusters(brass knuckles) ---> Knuckle spikes(Sharp enough to pierce, inflect shallow cuts, not enough to fatally wound.) Main color: Black/Charcoal. Secondary Color: Greenish.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:27 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 12, 2011 4:17 pm
Hey Beejoux! You asked for a stamp so here I am! Unfortunately, the character isn't ready for stamp just yet, but you aren't far!
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE
Please make sure the entire profile is filled out! The Dancing hobby is listed but has no details!
For the Fighting hobby, some clarification may be needed. The hobby reads more of a "skill" than a hobby as written. Its fine for a hobby to be something they are skilled at, but it should have explanation if that is the case. Does she practice fighting a lot? Does she box? Kickbox? Take self-defense or fighting classes? Is she in a fight club? What makes her skilled at fighting? For a skill such as "fighting" which would come up in battle roleplays, it should be clear where her talents lie!
For the Ambitious virtue, I think you should remove the word "unstoppable" in the last sentence! The rest of the virtue is fine, it is just bad rhetorically to describe your character as "unstoppable" since it has too strong of a connotation for a balanced environment.
The maximum number of virtues is four. As such, I think you can and should combine the Out-Going virtue and Confident virtue. Both are fine as written, but if you just tack the Confident virtue onto Out-Going, I think the virtues will be golden.
The Manipulative flaw can stand to be more of a flaw. Right now it sort of reads as a virtue that ties into her being ambitious, and it could almost just be combined with that! It could even be a hobby of hers. Being manipulative is more of a skill than a flaw - but not caring about the emotions of others as you fight your way to the top is a flaw. I would re-word and re-title this into something that is more apparently a flaw than a skill. However, I think the way that you are trying to communicate manipulative as a flaw becomes apparent in her Selfish flaw.
Is she actually Bi-Polar or does she just have a lot of mood swings? I would clarify what you mean here, as being bipolar and having mood swings are two entirely different things.
The Impulse Control flaw could use more description! It is far too brief right now. Please detail how others view this as a flaw of hers, and how it can negatively impact the character. While it may seem obvious, it still needs to be stated in order to be stamped.
ON THE POWERED SIDE
The weapon progression looks fine. For the General weapon, please note that the knuckle spikes/claws would have to be too short or not sharp enough to be instantly fatal! Wolverine-style claws would be too powerful, even for a general.
Overall I think your concept is strong and has a lot of potential, it just needs a few tweaks! When you are finished with your revisions, please quote me to call my attention and I will look over the profile again for another read-through!
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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 6:52 pm
Silent Spy Hey Beejoux! You asked for a stamp so here I am! Unfortunately, the character isn't ready for stamp just yet, but you aren't far! ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE Please make sure the entire profile is filled out! The Dancing hobby is listed but has no details! For the Fighting hobby, some clarification may be needed. The hobby reads more of a "skill" than a hobby as written. Its fine for a hobby to be something they are skilled at, but it should have explanation if that is the case. Does she practice fighting a lot? Does she box? Kickbox? Take self-defense or fighting classes? Is she in a fight club? What makes her skilled at fighting? For a skill such as "fighting" which would come up in battle roleplays, it should be clear where her talents lie! For the Ambitious virtue, I think you should remove the word "unstoppable" in the last sentence! The rest of the virtue is fine, it is just bad rhetorically to describe your character as "unstoppable" since it has too strong of a connotation for a balanced environment. The maximum number of virtues is four. As such, I think you can and should combine the Out-Going virtue and Confident virtue. Both are fine as written, but if you just tack the Confident virtue onto Out-Going, I think the virtues will be golden. The Manipulative flaw can stand to be more of a flaw. Right now it sort of reads as a virtue that ties into her being ambitious, and it could almost just be combined with that! It could even be a hobby of hers. Being manipulative is more of a skill than a flaw - but not caring about the emotions of others as you fight your way to the top is a flaw. I would re-word and re-title this into something that is more apparently a flaw than a skill. However, I think the way that you are trying to communicate manipulative as a flaw becomes apparent in her Selfish flaw. Is she actually Bi-Polar or does she just have a lot of mood swings? I would clarify what you mean here, as being bipolar and having mood swings are two entirely different things. The Impulse Control flaw could use more description! It is far too brief right now. Please detail how others view this as a flaw of hers, and how it can negatively impact the character. While it may seem obvious, it still needs to be stated in order to be stamped. ON THE POWERED SIDE The weapon progression looks fine. For the General weapon, please note that the knuckle spikes/claws would have to be too short or not sharp enough to be instantly fatal! Wolverine-style claws would be too powerful, even for a general. Overall I think your concept is strong and has a lot of potential, it just needs a few tweaks! When you are finished with your revisions, please quote me to call my attention and I will look over the profile again for another read-through! Addressed everything you've pointed out! And she has been rolled for a custom, so she is currently waiting for her art to be finished.
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 9:28 pm
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE
There needs to be an equal numbers of virtues and flaws!
The hobbies are nice, and the virtues are strong. If you are looking for a fourth flaw, you could take the negative qualities of her Loyal virtue and turn them into a flaw of holding grudges! If you are to do this, be clear in emphasizing that she is loyal to those she considers friends and holds grudges against those who have crossed her.
The Selfish flaw seems to contradict with her Loyal virtue. Would she betray a friend, or are her friends saved from her more manipulative side? I think these traits can work in the same character, but since there a contradiction is possible, the way they interact should be more clearly outlined in Porsha's profile.
I'd remove the mention of bipolar disorder from the Mood Swings flaw entirely, as that is not what she has, nor is it truly close.
The Impulse Control flaw is fine, and while its negative aspects are obvious, it could just be clearly and briefly stated how it could negatively impact her.
ON THE POWERED SIDE
Everything looks solid to me!
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 11:32 am
Silent Spy ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE There needs to be an equal numbers of virtues and flaws! The hobbies are nice, and the virtues are strong. If you are looking for a fourth flaw, you could take the negative qualities of her Loyal virtue and turn them into a flaw of holding grudges! If you are to do this, be clear in emphasizing that she is loyal to those she considers friends and holds grudges against those who have crossed her. The Selfish flaw seems to contradict with her Loyal virtue. Would she betray a friend, or are her friends saved from her more manipulative side? I think these traits can work in the same character, but since there a contradiction is possible, the way they interact should be more clearly outlined in Porsha's profile. I'd remove the mention of bipolar disorder from the Mood Swings flaw entirely, as that is not what she has, nor is it truly close. The Impulse Control flaw is fine, and while its negative aspects are obvious, it could just be clearly and briefly stated how it could negatively impact her. ON THE POWERED SIDE Everything looks solid to me! I did not know that! But I fixed it. I moved the grudge thing down and expanded on it a bit to make it a flaw in it's own right. I think I addressed everything you pointed out, so if you could give it another check for me I'd appreciate it. ^^
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:34 am
Yo! Sincerest apologies for taking a while to get back to you!
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE
I may have just not caught this in the last review, but the Fighting hobby can be interpreted as a bit too strong saying that "she had to be better, tougher, and stronger than all the boys." It is fine to have fighting as a hobby, and it is fine to be a good fighter, but it needs to be toned down a bit from what it says now. Again, I may have missed this in the last review, and I truly apologize for that!
As an incredibly minor thing, just pointing out that one virtue is still titled Loyal to a Fault when the "to a Fault" aspect is no longer mentioned there after the past revision.
For the Selfish flaw it talks about her being selfish about both physical connections and personal relationships, but says that she wouldn't blackmail, manipulate, bribe, or threaten her friends. When she is being selfish about personal relationships where friends are involved, how does she act in a way that is externalized and viewed as a flaw? Also, I suggest toning down some of the manipulation stuff - it is fine to have, but I would just tone it down by rewording or altering statements like "whatever this girl needs to do to get her hands on what she desires, she will do it."
Apologies again for taking so long to get back to you!
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 9:40 pm
Silent Spy Yo! Sincerest apologies for taking a while to get back to you! ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE I may have just not caught this in the last review, but the Fighting hobby can be interpreted as a bit too strong saying that "she had to be better, tougher, and stronger than all the boys." It is fine to have fighting as a hobby, and it is fine to be a good fighter, but it needs to be toned down a bit from what it says now. Again, I may have missed this in the last review, and I truly apologize for that! As an incredibly minor thing, just pointing out that one virtue is still titled Loyal to a Fault when the "to a Fault" aspect is no longer mentioned there after the past revision. For the Selfish flaw it talks about her being selfish about both physical connections and personal relationships, but says that she wouldn't blackmail, manipulate, bribe, or threaten her friends. When she is being selfish about personal relationships where friends are involved, how does she act in a way that is externalized and viewed as a flaw? Also, I suggest toning down some of the manipulation stuff - it is fine to have, but I would just tone it down by rewording or altering statements like "whatever this girl needs to do to get her hands on what she desires, she will do it." Apologies again for taking so long to get back to you! I hope things weren't too crazy for you during finals! I took that line out of the fighting hobby, fixed the loyal title, and I rewrote selfish so that it will hopefully clarify the flaw as I was trying to portray it, also toning down the manipulation thing. =}
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 10:34 pm
Good job with the revisions!
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 3:36 pm
You have a really nice profile here! Just a couple of things to consider before I can stamp it officially:
I think you need to do a bit of fixing on the Selfish flaw: right now it talks mostly about her backstory and how it led to her being selfish, and very little about how she acts in the present. If you could cut out some of the backstory and explain more about her selfish behavior, then you should be solid.
In addition to this, Grudges are for Life seems a bit too situation-specific to really work as a flaw -- you have to seriously offend or upset her in order for her to turn on you, and you state in the description that it isn't very easy to do. You either need to broaden the horizons of this trait a bit so it can work in a general variety of situations, or replace it with something more readily applicable. For example, you allude to her being an unpleasant/bitchy person in in her virtue set, so why not play on that? If she's a generally caustic and mouthy individual, this would work really well as a flaw.
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 5:02 pm
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