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 Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 4:06 pm
Wow, I don't even know where to start.
I am in love with my boyfriend, we have every intention of getting married (when we're more financially stable), and how I'm acting is hurting us.
I've been very sad lately, I don't know why. I can't pinpoint it to anything in my life that would make me like this. And it has gotten to the point where my boyfriend doesn't even want to talk to me. I cry a lot and I don't know what over.
I'm sad that he isn't able to visit and that we have no idea when we'll see each other again. I'm upset that I won't be able to go to Texas (where I lived for 18 years, I'm 19 now) to watch 2 of my best friends graduate. My mom has a way of making me feel ... inadequate when it comes to raising my son. Sometimes, it makes me feel like she would be happier if I gave him up, which isn't going to happen. She knows I'm trying my best with my son.
I'm in the process of looking for a job, since I have no car or lisence, it's hard to find anything super local (within walking distance). And, yeah, I've been stressing over it. So much to do, but not enough time.
I tell my boyfriend everything that bothers me, I complain a lot. I know I shouldn't. I just want to be listened to and understood. And that makes it seem like I'm expecting him to do something, which I'm not. And it's starting to drive him away from me.
So, what can I do to calm down, chill out, and help mend this? Like I said, it's gotten to the point where he does not want to talk to me...
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 11:31 am
If he wants to marry you and means it, that means through think AND thin. You're going through a hardtime in your life and he's not being there. I can understand his feeling of helplessness towards you, but shutting you out is even worse.
I would recommend finding a counselor for you or seeing a professional because it does sound like some symptoms of depression, but of course, only a professional can diagnose that. If that is the case, it's not your fault.
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 2:34 pm
lunashock If he wants to marry you and means it, that means through think AND thin. You're going through a hardtime in your life and he's not being there. I can understand his feeling of helplessness towards you, but shutting you out is even worse. I would recommend finding a counselor for you or seeing a professional because it does sound like some symptoms of depression, but of course, only a professional can diagnose that. If that is the case, it's not your fault. He isn't completely shutting me out. He finally revealed all this to me yesterday and we finally got to talk about it. I told him we had to talk about it and we did. And it felt so nice getting so much off of my chest and I have cheered up, a lot.
I have a problem with him not calling me alot. We haven't seen each other since December due to financial reasons which are slowly clearing up. He's getting a second job and cutting back on his spending to help move me and my son up there with him.
As for seeing a professional, I didn't think it was that serious. o.o
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 3:09 pm
PlasticStars lunashock If he wants to marry you and means it, that means through think AND thin. You're going through a hardtime in your life and he's not being there. I can understand his feeling of helplessness towards you, but shutting you out is even worse. I would recommend finding a counselor for you or seeing a professional because it does sound like some symptoms of depression, but of course, only a professional can diagnose that. If that is the case, it's not your fault. He isn't completely shutting me out. He finally revealed all this to me yesterday and we finally got to talk about it. I told him we had to talk about it and we did. And it felt so nice getting so much off of my chest and I have cheered up, a lot.
I have a problem with him not calling me alot. We haven't seen each other since December due to financial reasons which are slowly clearing up. He's getting a second job and cutting back on his spending to help move me and my son up there with him.
As for seeing a professional, I didn't think it was that serious. o.o
heart I do agree with Luna. smile If you want him to call more, then tell him that, and explain why. When my ex and I were having problems, one of them was that he was never calling me anymore, which really upset me. At the very least, he needs to know, and then he can try to improve his behavior and perhaps call you a little more often. And counselling sounds like it might be a good idea. Not just for you, if you're having problems similar to depression, but for the both of you. Couples counselling, I guess you could call it. Especially if he's serious about marrying you, but you two are having problems. They need to be worked out before you get married, not after, otherwise you'll probably having a harder time making the marriage work if there are unresolved conflicts.
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Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:07 pm
I will say that I have a lot of respect for you. You're responsible enough to go find and a job and you're doing your best to be a good mother. I applaud your determination and will power to make ends meet.
I'm also glad he has been calling you more. I went through the same thing where my boyfriend wouldn't call me, though you seem to be going through a more difficult time than me by far. You said you two are talking things out, right That's good. I do suggest though, making sure you tell him you appreciate him listening if you don't. Showing your gratitude shows that he is in a way helping you and it might give him more patience to listen to you. I'm not saying to have every other word "thank you", "thank you SO much" etc. Just small, "thank you for listening. I really needed to vent and I'm grateful that you took time to hear me out.
Like the other two said, counciling doesn't sound like a bad idea but I hope it doesn't come to that. Sometimes these things have a way of working out over time. If not, there's no shame in seeking help from a third party.
I'd also go and tell your mom how you don't appreciate her stressing you over how you're raising your child. Calming explain that you're doing your best to provide and meet the requirements it takes to be a good mother. Arguing won't solve it and you wouldn't believe the immense power one holds when you talk in a calm and leveled manner. If your kid is happy and healthy then you're doing your job just fine.
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Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:03 am
Everyone, thank you so much for the advice!
I went today and filled out more applications, praying that somewhere will hire me. :]
Boyfriend and I were talking about him calling more and he said that since his cell phone is on the fritz right now, he's finally looking into getting a new one. He promised that he would definitely call me more once he got his new phone.
I'll speak to him about the counselling before we get married. I'm pretty sure he'll go for it.
Once again, thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate it. :]
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Posted: Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:52 pm
I feel for you completely. I do the same things. Cry a lot for no reason and take things out on my boyfriend, etc. I don't know why either. Sometimes I think that maybe it's b/c of all the stress. Guys don't realize all that we have to do especially with a baby. Maybe you(we) feel inder appreciated.
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