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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:22 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:28 pm
Race: Majin Stage: Witchling Gender: Female Biography:Vodka was found when she was very young by her parents. She was so young that she never even knew she was adopted. She was given the name, because she was discovered behind a bar amidst the empty liquor bottles. Her parents, Ange Délicieux (Angel – her mother ) And Ansel Délicieux ( Follower of noblemen – Her father ). Took her him, giving her the name Vodka. They raised the young girl like she was their own, and watched her grow. Vodka was a happy child, she smiled a lot, and always felt loved. She spent so much time with her parents, that she never really met the other kids in the area. And when she did play with others, it was very limited. It wasn’t until she was around 10 that she noticed her parents had a concern with her playing with other kids, and then even being physical with them. Vodka was cry when she wasn’t allowed to give them hugs, or sit in their laps. She had been so spoiled by their love and attention it was a harsh change. Her parents had what she assumed was a normal job. For most of her life, they left in the morning, she would stay with a nanny. They would be home in time for dinner, and it was a normal family. When Vodka reached 13, the nanny stopped coming and a tutor arrived daily. Her parents started leaving her home alone (once the tutor was done for the day). Vodka didn’t mind it; her parents would always bring home books full of interesting things for her to read, and the young girl became a book worm quickly, talking with her tutor. When her parents were around she would talk their ears off about what she learned and read… The now studious girl would have to suffer another harsh change. Having thought her parents worked at a store in town, when they started telling her they would be gone over night she started to question why. Her parents avoided the subject the best they could, but it eventually came out that her parents were reapers. It was only said once, and never talked about again. Years went by, Vodka had become quiet studious, and rather intelligent, she yearned to learn more, and lost a most of her social skills. She would sit in the yard by herself and read, or work on math, even translating things with the help of her tutor. She would watch the local kids go and play, but it was too late for her. She was ‘that girl’. But as her parents were gone longer on their missions, she started to fend for herself. Now around 14-15, she would go to the store, buy food, cook for herself. She started walking, though usually later in the day after the sun went down so she would run into anyone. Some kids were mean and would pick on her. When Vodka asked her parents about getting a part time job, it was a joint no at first, but eventually her parents decided to allow her too. They didn’t like the idea but they had too… Letting her out in the world could go either way… But they knew they raised a smart girl. They told her they trusted her, and if anything happened they would be home as fast as they could. Where else would a book worm work but a library! Vodka loved her job, and it allowed her to start fitting in again, with society. The teen enjoyed talking with the people, and have debates and discussions, and it was through working there, that she learned about the Academy. She wrote her parents about wanting to go when she was old enough, and they said yes. They wanted to her to go; and wanted her to hopefully learn about who she was. Her tutor was very pleased with her growth rate. She had basics down, and had showed some extremely promising potential for the Academy. The last time Vodka saw her parents was when she was 16. They told her they had a big job, and would be gone for a long time. Vodka hoped they would be home in time so they could help her move into the Academy… But it didn’t happen. Personality: Vodka was a happy child; she became a little more withdrawn when she wasn’t allowed to really interact with others. She loves to learn, and could talk someone’s ear off about what she learned, and to have a conversation with someone makes her the happiest girl in the world. But deep down she was a bit lonely. She craved physical attention, was it because she use to very affectionate with her parents? Or was it something else. When it comes to academia Vodka goes head on, and is a huge supporter of education. And it’s one of the few things that she gets animated about. The teen gets nervous around large crowds, and is nervous meeting new people. But she usually manages to stumble through okay. Vodka is probably overly sensitive. She’s more likely to get upset and cry, then angry and scream. For her to become angry, something like the death of her parents, or someone she cares for is hurt. She doesn’t funnel her emotions very well. She’s quick to cry, easily embarrassed. Not trying to be a know it all, but tends to come off that way, especially when it comes to learning. Most other things she’s unsure about / naive. Vodka doesn’t always pick up on other people’s feelings, or why she might have upset someone. She’s still leaning to interact with others. As she ages, and the more she socializes, she’ll adjust. Becoming more sensitive to other people, and interacting better, and overall growing as a whole, rather than just in her brain.
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Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:33 pm
Ability Concentration/Theme: Possible Teas - Neon Toadstool, Maiden's Tear, oonstone Runes, Drop of Rum, Torn Butterfly Wings, Moondrop Visual References: Loli Hat - something like that! ^_^ Colors that compliment her / outfit. Its a Lolita hat, so it's suppose to be small. Hair: Black, large banana curls, hot pink on her bands, and streaks around her face (Part of the curls ) Eyes: One hot pink and the other yellow Skin tone: white / Caucasian Height: 5'5
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 3:34 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 26, 2011 3:35 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:27 am
Only thing I can suggest is to flesh out the history a little more. What her parents did before they left on an assignment, what they were like, how did she feel when they left? What it was like being alone. Was simply being shoved towards the academy scary at first or did she just see it as duty? Things like that.
Just have a clean read over for spelling and extra words that have accidentally been put there. Otherwise, I think she is coming a long well!
In love with the banners~ XD <3
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:31 pm
I agree with Loli's comments on the Biography. In general, it's just very vague... and it seems interesting! I'm eager to know more about her.
[sorry if some of this is just reiterating what Loli said] She was adopted... does she know that she's adopted? Is she alright with that, or does she long to discover where she really comes from? Do her parents know what she is? Does she have any siblings?
What was the assignment that took them away? Did they offer to take Vodka with them? How did that interaction play out and how did it affect her? Was she already willing and ready to head off to the Academy and developing her skills seemed like a better choice than following her parents to who-knows-where?
In her personality, you say that Vodka is a dreamer and often has her head in the clouds, but she's also very studious. What is it about learning that grounds her wandering mind? Why is she capable of focusing so well on her lessons when other aspects of life can't hold her attention?
...and what does this dreamer dream about? Why is it that she's never paying attention to what's going on around her?
A lot of her personality traits are relatively positive or neutral. What are some of her vices? Also, what, besides meeting new people, makes her vulnerable? What is she scared of?
Throughout both the Biography and Personality, some sentences just flow... oddly. They read a bit stilted. This, of course, puts nothing on her as a character, but generally you don't want to have to read the same sentence more than once in order to be confident that you've gotten all of the information.
x3 Obviously, you still need to pick an "ability concentration/theme."
It seems like you have a lovely mental picture of her, as well, which is good. ^^
She's definitely off to a good start. You have a beautiful outline of a wonderful character, you just need to fill in the gaps a bit. :3
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Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2011 4:49 pm
Thanks guys <33
I really need someone to point out things to me XD Also if someone wants to correct my grammars.. I would love you? I never properly learned it.
I addressed the adoption issues. Hopefully I did enough? She doesn't really remember anything before them. And I don't know her to know until after they die. ( Unless a better plot option comes up )
I addressed the vague-ness of the parents job.
And I didn't even realize I had the contradiction in there, so I worded it differently, that she might look like a dreamer, but is usually lost in her own thoughts.
I added in some more 'flaws'. I'm not to good with creating profiles before having the character / Rping them. >. <
And any strange sounding sentences feel free to post it, so I can know which ones XD
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2011 2:58 pm
Just as a side note - watch out for font colors; a few of the ones you have are really WOAHDANGEYERAEP bright and make it hard to read. xD
Any particular reason for her name? I mean, it's pretty unusual to have a character named after an alcohol, so I'm just curious.
What exactly do her parents do for work? You said they're often very busy and called away for an assignment, but you don't go into enough detail to make this sound very realistic.
Also her finding it "strange, but normal" doesn't exactly feel that realistic either. A teenage girl would be bound to ask questions, at least be curious and try to figure out what exactly they were doing. And if she's that close with her parents, she would probably want to know why they were being so cryptic about their work. I'm immensely close with my own mother, so if I were sixteen again and getting older, I know I'd be damn curious if I asked a question about her work and only got something vague in return. Perhaps they could have a cover story or something; have a prepared reply in case of her curiosity. It would make more sense that way, instead of just acting vague or cryptic about it.
You say that her innocent attitude gets her into some "mischievous" situations. This sounds a little awkward. Do you mean bad situations? Ones where she's incredibly gullible and gets dragged into something she didn't really expect to be?
She's physically affectionate, which is fine, but you say she's nervous when meeting new people, but also keeps to herself. These all sort of contradict one another, unless you mean that she's only physically affectionate when she knows you well enough - which I think you did.
With regard to her personality, she seems like a very waifish, gullible person who doesn't make friends very easily, so how does this translate into RP? Does she trust easily, with her gullible nature? What happens when someone betrays that trust? What is she like when she gets mad? Does she get mad?
Like the others said, you have a lot of gaps here, but I think with a bit of work you'll be just fine~
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:08 pm
Fonts changed
OOC note about her name added
The parents job was already added, they're reapers. But I don't know what's allowed or not, so I did keep it vague, so I wasn't contradicting the shop.
I took out the comment about her finding it strange, and addressed it.
I reworded the innocent part, and took out that it would get her into trouble, and left it as gullible.
I reworded the affectionate part, as if she was close enough to someone, she would get clingy.
I addressed her emotions better, and how she'll interact with others in RP a bit.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2011 4:42 am
OTL.
Ineer editor is screaming out every spelling/grammar error at me. But I shall ignore that for now. I mean, if you like I could go over it and correct it for you, but just not when giving crit.
Right, overall she's very.. reserved. I think. She's very.. how do I say this.. Uhm, insecure I think. You need to flesh out her personality a little more. I mean, I understand whats he's like and all, but there has to be more to her than just all these little traits you've laid out. I think you have a good base, but it needs a lot of work and more depth to it.
Honestly, she doesn't seem like a happy girl to me, more like someone who's sad and rather afraid. I can't really crit you properly, I don't have enough on her to really offer any useful crit at this point in time,. The basics are there, but you need to build on them. Elaborate more on how she deals with things, how she reacts to people. Give examples.
I'm sure she'll be pretty awesome once you've got her, but for now she needs a lot of building upon. There's nothing really wrong per se. I'm looking forward to seeing the changes made. C:
And I'm really sorry if I'm being horribly unhelpful. orz
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2011 6:30 pm
I did some revamping and re-wrote everything. I don't want to set some things in stone, seeing as how she's never been RPed, I don't want to set how she interacts with everyone in stone, because it could, and is likely to change.
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