Thinking had never been Delphine's strongest suit. She was a person of action, she didn't have time to pause and plan things out. No, she followed her intuition, her personal beliefs, and like hell anything was going to stop her when she got started. That was why she was as strong as she was. As Sailor Nemesis she fought with conviction, without hesitation. While other senshi would stumble over the ethics of what they were doing, Nemesis would trudge on ahead. She was making a difference, no one could tell her otherwise. Every youma she killed, every Negaverser she defeated, potentially saved countless of lives. With that firm belief, she was able to do anything that was necessary to win this war... up until a few nights ago.

She felt as if she had been punched in the gut by a trusted friend, blindsided by an attack that she couldn't have possibly seen coming. Thinking back on the past few weeks, she could tell that this had been on its way shortly after she had become an eternal senshi. With even more effort, she could pinpoint the moment when things started to change for her. Her trip back to planet Nemesis shortly after the BMC operation had been the start of it all. It had infected her with the need to discover her own history. Some people could claim, and even she had claimed at one point, that the distant past had little influence over the present. It was a lie, though. Visiting her home world at that point had triggered a flash back that gave her more questions than answers. It was more than just finding out she had a lesbian relationship with a current enemy, it was experiencing that feeling of suppression. The air around her had a heavy weight to it, capturing her and the people of planet Nemesis in a choke hold. Something was obviously wrong with the planet, with the culture, even the people inhabiting it. The answer was obvious to everyone but her. Nemesis couldn't remember the specifics of what had been wrong and where this feeling of oppression came from. Even her conversation with a past life Alkaid hinted towards the truth, but never revealed it. All it had proven was that the Moon Kingdom was somehow involved, and that she would have to return to her planet again to figure out more.

That one visit to her home world had been enough to start her on the hunt for the truth. Nemesis did not even realize that in a way she was trying to hunt for, and discover herself. It had instilled in her the insatiable need for more knowledge, and at that point she couldn't turn away from her past life. She was hooked, and even now she didn't have all the answers she desired. Another trip to Nemesis was undeniable, and a very present option for her. Right now she could go back to her home world if she so desired, but she knew that would distract her from the task at hand. New information about her past would eventually become necessary, but right now she had enough knowledge to deal with the issues she had presented herself with.

Her next visit had given her as clear a memory as she could have hoped for. Nemesis could remember how the stone wall felt as she leaned the back of her head against it. She was all too aware of her surroundings and herself. The Nemesis of the past was at a level of distress that the current Nemesis was unlikely to ever achieve. She had the impression that she was far more calm and collected in the past, she had developed that image from her very first brief flashback. The fact that she was losing her composure was shocking, and it was not so much the words that mattered over what she felt. Defeated. She had been reaching out, trying to desperately obtain something to realize so belatedly that it was all for nothing. The Nemesis of the past could not fix whatever was wrong, not after all of the effort she had put into her endeavors. Even falling down onto her knees and begging, pleading, was not going to fix anything. She had failed, and it was the worst feeling in the world. Again, it was clear to her that the Moon Kingdom was at the center of these problems. It was they she was trying to please, it was they who she had apparently wronged. It wasn't just her, it was as if every person on her planet had earned the ire of that Kingdom. The only question that remained was... What had they done that they could not be forgiven?

That was what the past had to share with her, and she could not deny that it held some influence over her. Was that secretly why she felt more aligned with the Blood Moon Court, because of some deep-rooted feeling of adversity against the Moon Kingdom? That seemed unlikely, though. Nemesis had joined the court because at the time it was everything she believed in. She just was no longer sure that she believed in the same things that she once had. The past had been pushed to the back of her mind after that last visit. She since then had not decided to go back to Nemesis. There was too much s**t to get done on Planet Earth to make time for another trip. Perhaps she was running from it, but Nemesis didn't think so. She had people to protect, Negaversers to... kill.

A soft groan filled the air in her bedroom, the only sound she had made in a long time. It was a miracle that Delphine had stopped talking for so long, but even words now would not be able to distract her from her thoughts. She had to confront them head on, or they would eat away at her. She had to make a choice, a decision, and she had to do it tonight. There was no tomorrow for her, Delphine had never believed in putting things off. The teenager was done with running away from her problems.

She had revisted the murder of the Negaverse Captain numerous times, more times than she had even revisited the memories of torturing Tanzanite. Tanzanite was a being who deserved every piece of s**t moment that was flung at her face. This unnamed Captain, however, did... not. At the time of his death, she had thought nothing of it, nothing about him. The kill had been an easy thing to do, an act driven from that feeling of necessity. Even now she didn't wrong herself for killing him. There was the chance that she could knock him out, but what would have guaranteed that he wouldn't wake up in enough time to help Alkaid and Hematite in the fight? Perhaps she could have prevented his death, because surely he did not need to die. He was nothing more than somebody else's lackey, sent out to do the dirty work. He had committed crimes, but by robbing him of his life she had surely eliminated all hope had of redemption. His death plagued her, but even still she did not feel like she was in the wrong. He had to die in order to preserve her life. It was likely that, just maybe, his death had meaning. It triggered the thought that Sailor Nemesis was doing everything wrong. He had forced doubt into her mind, hesitation that had not been there before. Her world was turned upside down.

Even then she could deal with his death, she could get over it and move forward. Sailor Nemesis was patrolling again the next couple of nights, determined that the only way to get over her problems was to continue fighting. How was she to know that her next opponent would be the worst one out of the bunch to pick? He had felt perfect for the role, his energy was strong enough to identify him as a General. A General wasn't going to run away from her, especially if news got around that she was killing Captains. Her reputation as a member of the Blood Moon Court would work to her benefit in this instance as well. She was expecting a rough fight, and an eventual victory over his evil. Instead she had encountered a General that behaved more like a Lieutenant. Scheel had not wanted to fight her, and she had pressed him, taken advantage of his weakness. He was down to his knees on the pavement with her hand around his neck in a matter of what seemed like seconds. It had surprised with how easy it was, just as easy as it had been to kill the Captain. Scheel began to cry, plead, and beg with her, and for some reason that was enough to get her to stop. It was enough for her to let him go, to allow him back onto his feet so he could return to the Negaverse with his life. She had let him live. Scheel was an enemy, a soldier on the wrong side of the war, and everything she had learned up until that point said to kill him. That would be one less soldier on their side, after all! Common sense had abandoned her, it seemed, as she just let him walk away.

All the pieces of a puzzle had fallen into place with that encounter. Her past life, her present life, the Captain's death, and her decision... not to kill General Scheel all came together. This was what she needed to analyze, this was what she needed to explain to herself. The memories of her past life had shown her as some sort of underdog, always striving for a better placement in the world for herself and the people of Nemesis, but always unable to achieve it. Nemesis had never been given the second chance she so desired, and by robbing the Negaverse of their second chance, she was doing nothing but repeating the actions of the Moon Kingdom so very long ago. She was doing the same damned thing that had led to the major grievances in her past life. All she had wanted was another chance, another shot to make things right, and that was not alloted to her. Nemesis refused to be like the Moon Kingdom, some stubborn amount of hatred over what had happened a thousand years ago blossomed. It just... no longer felt right to so blindly take other people's lives. Yet, she couldn't stop fighting, if she stopped who the hell knew what this world would become? What would happen if the Negaverse actually won? There was no way to incapacitate the enemy without killing them. Demoralizing them wouldn't work, since they could just make new members out of any unfortunate they could find on the street.

The only thing that she saw that she could do was to narrow her attention. She'd continue fighting, but killing would be out of the question. Nemesis needed to find some way to get to the people who deserved to die, and she had to be strong enough to do it. Surely, if the top people in the Negaverse were disposed of, the rest of the faction would fall to pieces. It'd give the lackeys a chance to choose for themselves, seek out redemption for their crimes or continue committing them. She could pick off the people who truly deserved death. But... it was an implausible plan, she couldn't fathom how she could make it work. All she knew was that she could not continue on the same way she had been for these past few years. It wasn't right to kill someone just because they were on the wrong side. Where was the justice in that? They would be dead, and it really wouldn't right all the wrongs they had committed.

Things were changing for her, or rather, she was changing. Nemesis knew what she felt, and knew what she wanted to do... there was just no feasible way she could see for going out and just doing it. But, she wasn't about to give up, not now. She had a game plan, and she was ready to march out onto the field.