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 Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2011 9:35 pm
I have recently met a (biological) girl, she dresses as a boy. I'm not sure if she is just cross dressing, or is transgender and see's herself as a male in a female body. I myself am claiming my ignorance and I don't want to be ignorant anymore. I want to know what she's thinking, not to stop it, but just to have a better understanding. I don't know how to go about doing this, without offending her. The last thing I want for her to think is that I don't like her because of it. She is very funny and nice, and I might say, she makes a very attractive boy. In our youth group we refer to her as she, but our pastor noticed that she was new, walked over and said "Hey, bro." Our pastor completely disregarded the odds of a teenage boy sitting with 5 to 6 teenage girls is highly unlikely, if they're new. She didn't seem offended, but we still (by we I mean my friends and I) pointed out that she was a girl and he apologized. If you guys could give me some advice on how to talk to her about it. I'm tired of being ignorant and clueless. Thanks to everybody (:
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Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2011 10:07 pm
Yeah... I’m pretty sure that's just a cross dresser... unless she's actually going out and trying to become a boy or anything... but whatever...
The best approach I feel is a direct approach... you know... just go up to her when you both are by yourselves and ask her... I doubt she'll be offended or anything... maybe a bit uncomfortable... but still. Like if someone walked over to you and ask why you dress like such when you totally dress different from everyone else… not like you’d be pissed that a person asked about an obvious little fad you’re going with… unless you two aren’t quite friends yet… then it may be too awkward to ask about…
Don’t beat around the bush… if your pretty much half a** asking, she’d probably be very annoyed about it and such…
All in all, when the time’s right… just ask.
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Distinct Conversationalist
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:49 pm
Death has the right idea. If you feel ignorant/clueless, you probably are. And if you probably are, you probably aren't the only one who feels that way. Over here, I could simply ask "What kind of mahu are you?" since in Hawaii, there were (technically) transgender people known as mahu and the term carried on even to today.
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 7:03 pm
Ask her? razz I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't mind.
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 8:02 pm
Just be honest and ask her questions. Tell her you like her as a friend and a person in general and that you've never come across transgender and simply curious and never wanting to offend her. She'll hopefully be understanding and if she's insecure just be considerate and understanding also (Which I'm sure you will be).
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Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 8:09 pm
I have nothing of substance to add but the fact that, as I understand it, the term "transvestite" is possibly an offensive term. You probably shouldn't use that in reference to this person. The more you know and all.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 4:27 pm
Shattybuns I have nothing of substance to add but the fact that, as I understand it, the term "transvestite" is possibly an offensive term. You probably shouldn't use that in reference to this person. The more you know and all. In my book, it is an offensive term. I prefer using "crossdresser" instead of "transvestite". And as many here have said, just ask instead of having ideas in your head that lead to assumptions (which could potentially hurt this person and later, yourself, if you're the sympathetic type ^^). Many of my friends are LGBT(Q) and are often confronted by similar questions or questions pertaining to their preference, and chances are it's nothing new to her. No harm in asking, right?
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2011 7:28 pm
Rainbow-Power Kool-Aid Shattybuns I have nothing of substance to add but the fact that, as I understand it, the term "transvestite" is possibly an offensive term. You probably shouldn't use that in reference to this person. The more you know and all. In my book, it is an offensive term. I prefer using "crossdresser" instead of "transvestite". And as many here have said, just ask instead of having ideas in your head that lead to assumptions (which could potentially hurt this person and later, yourself, if you're the sympathetic type ^^). Many of my friends are LGBT(Q) and are often confronted by similar questions or questions pertaining to their preference, and chances are it's nothing new to her. No harm in asking, right? I was going to originally say incredibly offensive but then...I am not personally transgender myself so I didn't think I should assume :3
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Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2011 11:23 pm
I tend to dress like a boy, and it makes me very uncomfortable when someone (granted, it's only happened on a few occasions) asks me if I'm transgender or just prefer men's clothing. Will it change that person's view of me? If it does, they can ******** off. If it doesn't, why does it matter in the first place? If I want that person to know, I'll tell them. The only thing that would change is, if she's transgender, she'd probably wants you to refer to her with male gender-pronouns. And if she really wants you to do that and doesn't think you'll flip out and start calling her a heathen/pervert/etc. she'll tell you.
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Posted: Sun Oct 02, 2011 7:03 pm
Okay, I talked to her about it and basically she told me that she had to cut her hair for sports because she was playing on all boys teams and she had always been a huge tomboy so she decided to just take on the look because it worked on her. haha I kind of felt dumb after asking but she wasn't offended at all. Although I don't care who she looks to be, she my bestest friend <3 haha and I love her no matter what.
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:41 pm
haha, well i'm still gonna post, even though you already talked to her...
my girlfriend (or a girl i've gone out with twice) is transexual, she believes she is a man in a woman's body, a gay man at that, because she is attracted to guys. she dresses like a boy though, short hair, sweater-vests, etc. and hopefully by new years she'll be going around as a "brolita", a male lolita. idk, i just thought i'd post that here, maybe not the right place, but my old thread is too deep in here to find smile
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:56 pm
Thats an interesting answer. I didn't read the other posts so sorry if this is repeat, but I figured the info might be nice to know.
Transgender is the "umbrella word" for all the genders that arent male/female. The proper term for a cross-dresser is a transvestite. Transexual is a person who identifies as the opposite sex and wants to be accepted as it. There are other terms that classify as transgender but I don't remember them. If you arent sure which pronoun to use and what they identify as, its best to ask politely. Hope this helped for the future sweatdrop
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Posted: Wed Oct 12, 2011 4:38 pm
I've sometimes wondered what it would be like to crossdress, but I've never done it. I think that, so long as you're nice about it, people don't really mind questions or opinions. In fact, I think they do it because they don't care what others think, or at least are less affected by others' opinions. If I were a crossdresser, then I would be confident in who I was despite what everyone else said or thought. Maybe that's just me though sweatdrop ...
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