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For days now Billy had been thinking over how to bring things up with Ladon - trying to figure out how to get things out in the open without losing...losing what he thought he held most dear. Although it was a close toss up between Ladon and his pride in that regard. Of course, that was an easy assumption for him to make. After all, you never know what you have until you lose it.

Billy hated to lose.

He wanted to both keep his pride intact and Ladon. He was putting a lot of thought in to every word. Unlike his usual silver-tongued aclimacy, this was proving a challenge. Fighting to come up with the words, and battling down the panic... Was there really a way to do this? Right now at least, with the way Ladon was seemingly so tempermental? Would he be willing to take how much Billy knew the revelation would hurt and not go completely apeshit? Block out every bit of reason Billy tried to throw at him? Billy heaved a heavy sigh. Not all the mental rehearsal in the world would ready him for what was to come, because in the end, so much relied upon Ladon and his reaction.

Billy was scared. Billy hated Ladon for making him scared. But oh, if he didn't love him just as much...

You can't have it all. Something has got to give, that little voice in the back of his head said.

Right now it was just Billy in the apartment. He was working on the same painting - the burning city, the wolf, and the silhouette... The ring in his pocket felt hot. Burning just like the painted flames. A hand flecked with dried paint rested over it, pink eyes following. Just how did you hate the one you love? And how has getting it out in the open going to make it any better? Billy was starting to second guess himself.

Another thing to hate Ladon for. Because nothing Billy resolved to do could ever possibly be wrong. Right?

Things had been growing more and more tense since Billy had come to realize his conflicting emotions. He was noticing now all the little things he disliked in Ladon, and right now they seemed to outweigh the good. Would he think so later? Who knew.

Done painting for the evening, Billy got up and walked to the bathroom to wash the paint from his hands. He splashe his face a little, dried, and walked to the bedroom Billy pulled some of his stuff out from under the bed and after some rummaging came out with a box. Taking the ring and the chain it was on out of his pocket, he placed it in the small box, kicked his belongings back under the bed, and made the trip back to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror and placed the box there.
If things were to...not turn out well, he still wanted Ladon to have it. This way though, it would take a bit of finding. Ladon probably wouldn't find it immediately, but maybe a few days after. Of course, that was if things ended badly. If they did, that would be yet another blow to the boy's ego,...but maybe also a much-needed wake up call. Of course, that wasn't even a flickering thought across his mind.

Everything was in place. Now he had to dig from what had once been thought to be an overflowing well of courage and confidence.... and wait for Ladon to come home.

Hard fought for courage seemed to want to run away the instant that door opened, closed, and the familiar voice rang out. Billy took a deep breath before emerging from the hall, and despite a slight grin extended to his boyfriend upon returning, there was easily trouble in those rosey eyes. It was rare too see anything other than stoicism or superiority there, which might have been worrying, but Billy walked up to Ladon.

"Hey. I'm glad you're back." A heavy pause. "I wanted to talk with you."

Billy backed a few paces before gesturing to the couch. Taking a seat himself he drew in a breath, and waited.

"There are some things that...I think need to be discussed cause... I love you, but... There have been things I've felt, thought, lately that...troubles me and I... I wanna work things out with you before things get out of hand."

As he spoke Billy's gaze flickered from the coffee table to Ladon, the floor...

"I'm afraid, Ladon," and it was there, in his eyes, a wild fear, feral and gleaming in his eyes before they turned back to the ground.

Billy could feel his heart beat beginning to pick up, his breathing too. he felt like sinking to the floor by Ladon's feet as he made his confession but then felt repulsed by the idea of doing something to make himself look so weak. He was not weak. Or so he believed.

"I want you by my side, believe me I do, but lately,..." His eyes looked back up to Ladon with an odd look to them. Something dark. "Lately I can't help but resent you... ...at times." Those last two words were weak, lacking the intensity of the former as once again he dropped his gaze, and muttered, "the things I do because you make me afraid, the way I lower myself,... I'm not a damned housewife."

Pride. It was all damned pride. That was all this was. And here Billy was about to let something as simple as that get in the way...

"It's because I love you that I'm so <********> afraid," Billy shot back. "I hate being afraid. I'm sure you know what being afraid feels like. I get ******** sick every time I think about you not being around, about you leaving me, and I hate feeling so weak, letting a simple thought hold so much power. And it is all. Because. Of. You. Because you have robbed me of my heart and pride. Keep my heart, Ladon. It's yours, but I want my damn pride."

That was right. Everything he had done just about was in fear of losing Ladon. And because he felt guilty that it was because of him that Ladon had endured all that torture to begin with. And then Ladon protest to don't want pity, but then pulled the "I've done a lot for you" card, which immediately brought the capture to his mind.

Billy kept a hard, level gaze on Ladon as he gripped his collar, his neck, and might have sneered a little at being shoved.
"I should have known you weren't sane enough right now to just sit and listen and work things the ******** out," Billy said, shaking his head. His knuckles were white as they gripped the edge of the couch cushion. He didn't care how physical Ladon got - he'd told himself he would not intentionally cause him any physical damage. To lose control and do so would have only been another dent in his prideful armor.

"I just said, that I am afraid of losing you. That is why I did everything. Not out of pity. I was afraid that you would blame me for what happened - just like you are now - and tell me to get the hell out of your life. Then, every time you'd go on one of your little needs for distance or tirades I'd worry again that maybe I'm not giving you enough of anything - love, gifts, attention, and that you might leave me for that. I loved you, still love you, enough that losing you makes me ill. I hate that insecurity. I hate that you make me feel so insecure."

Because in Billy's mind, there should have been no reason for him to feel that way, that all his worries were unfounded and he was being absolutely wonderful to Ladon. But at the same time there was that worry.

Billy sighed, heavily, closing his eyes and running a hand through his hair.

"I thought," Billy began, low and words dangerously clipped, "That we could discuss this like mature adults and come to some miraculous conclusion that would somehow make everything right again. I don't know how. And you know what? It is my damn pride here. Because I don't want to feel like some insecure, clingy, girly-man in order to keep you happy. Think, Ladon. Always after the worst of your, whatever you want to call them, did I not go out of my way to do things that I thought would make you happy, un-asked? Yeah, that was because I was worried you were ready to ******** dump me, and I guess my ego is Just. Too. Fragile. to handle someone like you dumping me. I don't know just how I was expecting you to work with me to fix that, but I had hoped. Who knows, maybe the ring I have hidden somewhere in this god forsaken apartment could have meant something more than a token of my love."

Through out the spiel Billy's voice had gradually rose, and erratic hand movement accentuated his mood.

His voice lowered again, and then, quietly, Billy looked back to Ladon, sharply, "You can't tell me you didn't resent me too. Resent everything I ever tried to do for you, because it sure sounds like it. So you should know what it feels like to hate the one you love. Did you even love me at all? Or were you just that desperate?"

"Someone like you," Billy repeated with a sneer, "was able to tear down everything I spent years building. That takes something special. You're something special." There was something wrong with the way he said that though. Something in his tone. "But I'm not sure what to think of you anymore."

Other than the more they argued right now, the more his anger rose and blinded that sickening love that made him so afraid to lose Ladon. This whole argument was going in circles that didn't make sense and was losing its meaning. Nothing was getting settled, and none of this was doing any good.

"So I'm going to be blunt. You're ******** batshit insane out there on that battle field now. At least when I've seen you. You've got mood swings worse than a PMSing teenager. Yeah, you must have been pretty effin' desperate to consider going out with me. Yeah right. More like a piss poor judge of character, because I am an egotistical manipulator who found a cute boy and talked pretty to him. I just made the mistake of actually falling in love instead of trying to put on some pretty show until you were comfortable with letting me in your pants. LORD KNOWS that is what I should have done, but no. I had to ******** fall in love with you. Not your fault. I chose you after all." The more he went on, the more in Ladon's face Billy got, words getting harsher and more clipped.

"I will tell you one thing though, Ladon. You were worth it. You were worth learning what love feels like. I just don't know if you're worth the pain."

Billy had half expected, should things go wrong, that Ladon would go off the deep end. The punches did hurt though, and he was surprised to find himself stumbling, then on the ground. True to his word though, he didn't raise a hand in retaliation, just defense. As soon as he was able to get up, Billy rose, whiping at blood from a now split lip. He almost followed Ladon when the boy left to grab his clothes, but it happened so quickly he maybe only got a few steps, and then next thing he knew the door was open and the box was in the hall.

And Billy did as told, but before the door could be slammed behind him, Billy stopped it with a forearm, and looked at Ladon dead in the eye, "I love you."

Those parting words held no sarcasm, no fowl tone. Just simplicity. Sincerity. Because even through all that had been said - some of them true, some meant to hurt, some simply out of frustration - it didn't mean Billy just suddenly stopped loving him. Love and hate was a fine line. It had just so happened to overlap, but it was still there. It was just...a little forgotten.

But just like that, Billy was gone, and he walked off with his box of clothes as nonchalant and natural as could be. As if nothing had ever happened.