The day had been spent trying to stay awake and ignore all the thoughts that were attempting to swirl around her head. The dissapointment of making such a spectacular failure and fool out of herself with her power was strong. The first true clue of herself in the past. And then Azzo...

When classes had ended a very weary Aurora had seemingly.. for one of the first times ever given up on the day. She trudged towards her dorm room, even her ever perfect posture was suffering her neck sunk low between her shoulders.

Where was that spark of pride and responsibility that her previous trip to Polaris had provided? She sighed heavily as the door swung open, leaving her shoes near the exit as she closed it. Her personal items were already being boxed up, just about everything but he necessities in a concisely labelled stack against the wall.

The only thing that even felt remotely homey was her bed and she slipped into it without bothering to remove her uniform. It was only 5:00pm... easily three or more hours of sunlight still remained.. and after that a night full of crime fighting she could do. But she was too tired.. physically and emotionally.

She pulled close the sheer silk canopy, locking herself away from everything else but it, and much like when she was younger she found herself curling around her fluffy plush seal.

Now there was nothing to distract her from her thoughts.. and they rushed her like a flood attempting to drown her.

Why would she be given a power she couldn't or shouldn't use? She had to be ready right.. worthy.. or why would Cora have given her this new power? Perhaps it was just the attempt to show off and show boat..?

When her eyes closed she could see Niflhel again, almost feel the pressure of his body above hers. The beat of his heart, the heightened nervousness of his breath.

She opened her eyes and flopped to face the wall.

Aurora had heard of course that senshi had past lives.. that their star seeds once they perished were reliquished to a place in the universe that protected them until they were ready to be born again. She hadn't put a whole lot into thinking about what her past life.. lives might have been like. But now that a clue lay out there.. her curiousity was perked.

There was relief.. if even in the smallest form to the information that she had loved. Somewhere inside of her her childhood dreams were singing with joy. When she returned she'd not be looking for any great secrets to the past and destruction.. the little girl inside of her would be looking for evidence of something far more selfish. Evidence of her past husband. Or her past children. A beautiful and wonderful life that she could only wish to grasp at now. She would live through the past if she had to.. if nothing else here would feed the urges and feelings inside of her.

She just wanted so very much to be loved. So very much.

Warm tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she began to fade in and out of conciousness, her thoughts swirling with brief seconds of dreams before she'd pull herself out of it. Over and over in a slow rhythm.

Azzo... her best friend. One of her fondest compatriots at arms. Maybe it was just because he was a boy that she felt it sometimes.. the flutter of her heart. The secret wish and internal screaming she'd heard once or twice when they were near, a beg to just lean down and kiss her. To hold her gently and stroke her cheek. Maybe it was more then just that.

He frusterated her at times. His carelessness... his mood swings.. his stuborness. But every flaw had a virtue that shone brighter. His bravery and selflessness. His skills at comfort.. his boyscout like demeanor. She wanted to check in on him all the time. To make all of the problems of his life go away. To stop this war before it drug him so far in that she might possibly lose him. But none of that could change the large obstacle that stood in the way. One that she was pondering very clearly for the first time and it willed a few of those pricks to become full fledged tears that traced her cheeks.

He did not love her.

Well.. not exactly. It was clear his feelings were strong.. that he'd do just about anything she asked of him. That he'd protect her and care for her when needed. He did love her. In the same way that her brothers loved her. And Aurora wasn't quite sure if that was enough.

His actions had spoken louder then his words in the time they'd known each other. The ever soft recoil when her hand tried to hold his for too long. The downcast eyes and uncomfortable noises he'd made the few times she'd actually gone so far as to hug him. He had seen her in a nightgown and nothing... but today had been the truest of indicators.

Her eyes had fluttered close again, the scene of that minute replaying itself over again. He was angry. While her body had stirred and longed for his (much to her surprise and dismay) his had acted different. Repulsion. A bucking drive to split the two as quickly as possible. He had been so close and nothing.

And if there was nothing now.. in a situation like that.. what were the chances of their ever being something...?

Any chance at it being more than friendship and brotherly love had only ever been in her own head, she was sure of that now. And she was being a delusional silly little girl to believe or hope for any different. At 18.. as a warrior.. did she really have room for that indulgence?

She couldn't leave him. Even if meant a little inital pain trying to repress the thoughts and just accept them for what they were.. for the only thing they would ever be. But it didn't mean she couldn't dream.

Just one last time.. One last girlish fairytale.

As she drifted off for the final time of the night her memories played back again. Only this time.. instead of struggling Niflhel's face lowered, his nervousness replaced by a knowing smile, and his lips pressed delicately against her own.