Welcome to Gaia! ::

First off, I notice you posted this same character twice in the stamping thread! I'm sorry, but you can only have one post in the stamping thread at a time -- it's unfair to other players to "reserve" a spot for more crit or stamp down the road like that. You can only post again after you have recieved crit or a stamp from RP staff: the RP staff members are Natsube, Nessy, Orestae, Akina Tokuwa and myself.

So in the interest of fairness towards other players, your next request in the stamping will have to be skipped over. However, you are free to post again after you have considered the following crit and made revisions.


Formatting:

Right now your profile is a bit difficult to read because it has several run-on sentences or sentence fragments. In other words, there aren't very many commas where it would be appropriate to put them. When you're revising, I would recommend going through your sentences and fixing the structure where appropriate -- I'm not going to go through all the rules of comma usage in this post, but you can find some tips here if you need them.


HOBBIES:

First off, I would combine Vegetarian Cooking and Vegetarian Chef Club into the same hobby. They both talk about her being a vegetarian chef, so the fact that she's in a club for it is part of that interest, not an entirely different one! The way you have it described makes me think she's pretty adamant about the vegetarian lifestyle, does she express this in ways other than just cooking meatless dishes? Why did she choose to cut meat out of her diet -- health reasons? Ethical reasons? Does she try and convince her family and friends to go vegetarian?

For her Gardening hobby, you need more information on why she likes to garden. What got her into it? What makes it so rewarding? Is the yearly taste test a family tradition that she really looks forward to?

I would do some similar expansion for Sewing since it's a very, very bare trait right now. I really doubt that her height was her main motivation for learning this skill -- she'd have had to start doing it at a younger age to be really good at it, and it shouldn't have been too difficult to find clothes that fit when she was still growing! So, I'd look for more reasons for why she picked up this skill and why she keeps on doing it. For example, did she ever have to repair clothes for her younger siblings to avoid getting in trouble with her parents?


VIRTUES:

For Peacemaker, you need to tell us HOW she is able to solve an argument. Right now it looks like she's just somehow magically able to make a fight stop. That is not going to work very well in an RP, where it's up to other players to decide how their characters react to yours! So instead of saying "she can stop fights!" tell us a way she thinks and acts that might be useful in getting people to settle down during a dispute. Why does she think people getting along is so important? What does she do in her attempts to help keep the peace, and how does this make her admirable?

Furthermore...



These last two sentences don't really have anything to do with this trait -- they're listing a couple of her pet peeves, not contributing to the description of her Peacemaker virtue. Trait descriptions really need to stay on topic in order to read well, so that part of the description should be removed when you're revising.


Your Faithful virtue also has the problem of veering off topic in the description:



None of this stuff in bold tells me anything about how she's a faithful person or how she's a likable person because of it. D: It's good to include extra information on your character, but not when it's not really related to the subject being addressed in that specific part of the form. The bolded part should be replaced with more information about this virtue. Describe what viewpoints she has that give her this trait, how she acts on these views and how this makes her likable!

It's also worth noting that Loyal / Faithful is a REALLY COMMON trait in character profiles. Loyalty to your friends is such a common theme and expectation both in the real world and in fictional worlds that saying Penina is loyal / faithful doesn't add anything unique or interesting to her personality. You can keep the trait and expand it if you really want to, but I would at least add one more virtue that's more unique to her character. The goal should be to describe her in a way that sets her apart from her peer group.


FLAWS:

Just Say No strikes me as "Too Nice," which... really isn't an actual flaw. You talk about how she cares about people, wants to help people and is considerate towards people's feelings. These are all admirable traits, so this is a virtue and not a flaw! So, I'd possible restructure this into a Considerate virtue.

With Forgetful: again, this is looking more like a virtue than a flaw. You're talking about the measures she takes to avoid forgetting things, so I'm not seeing a forgetful individual when I read this characteristic. With all the notes she makes for herself and the lists that she makes, I'm seeing someone who's really Organized. So, just like her Just Say No Flaw, you should rework this a bit and put it in her virtue set if you want to keep this trait.

I'm a bit confused with Muse Gone Bad. Are you trying to say she's really impulsive? The way it's written now, it doesn't exactly work as a flaw. Flaws need to be negative traits. This is reading off as more of a quirk than a negative characteristic.


In short, your flaw set is full of traits that aren't really flaws. A flaw is an aspect of your character's personality that gives others a reason to look DOWN on them. They make your character somehow irritating, annoying, or otherwise unpleasant to be around. A flaw that genuinely reflects badly on your character IC does not mean players will dislike her OOC -- as a matter of fact, a good flaw means players will be more interested in RPing with her because it will make her a LOT more fun to play with than if there were nothing about her that made her dislikable. The latter is really boring to try and play against.

You need to take another look at the interests and behaviors you imagine your character having now, and see if you can pull out anything that could work as a solid flaw. A lot of times a virtue has a bad side to it when it's taken too far: for example, if she's so interested in being the Peacemaker in social situations, is it possible that she can get Bossy and try way too hard to get people under control? Penina is also really adamant about getting across a certain image about vegetarians -- does this extend to other things she gets passionate about? Maybe she can get really Preachy about her beliefs, and tries to push her ideas so hard her peers just want her to shut up.

There's a lot of fun things you can do here, you just have to be willing to give her some bad traits that are... well, actually bad. <3