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A Pokejinka B/C 

Tags: Pokemon, gijinka, Entra 

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Khronos | | Persian | | DECEASED

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ElvishSorceress

Business Bunny

PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 5:19 am


Character Name: Khronos
Type: Pokemon
Species: Persian
Gender: Male
Height: 6'0
Age: 24
Hair Color: TBD
Eye Color: Red
Skin Color: TBD
Other: One hell of a cat/butler.
Nature: Adamant
Ability: Unnerve
Skill Set: Pay day, Foul Pay, Swagger, Night Slash
Personality:

Protector - For those able to befriend Khronos - he tends to be the type to believe he can protect those close to him whether in physical combat, or sheltering them from the horrors of reality.

Educated - Due to being the pet for a child whom was an avid learner, he picked up on her desire for knowledge. As a result, he has a more refined sense of etiquette and formal speech patterns.

Masochist - An odd addition to his seemingly gentlemen output, his enjoyment for receiving pain stems from an odd trait all Persians have. When their whiskers are pulled, they become docile little things. As a gijinka, pain brings back the same stimulant that causes the docile reaction.

Disenchanted - After the death of his master, he often represses any thoughts of hope and happiness for himself. If he miscalculates anything in the slightest, he feels great disappointment which often stifles his relationships with others as he will close himself off.

Quiet - Like the sounds of his steps, Khronos is a man of few actual words. He never speaks out of turn, and will only talk if ordered to. Otherwise he will often observe the passing world.

Strengths: Quick, agile, silent stalker, intellectual, and fearless.

Weaknesses: Not much of a fighter, easily walked on. Immense soft spot for the helpless and kids.

History:
==As a Meowth==

Born as the outcome of a poke breeding, Khronos was of the domestic nature from the start. He was raised to admire all humans and knew one day, he'd be given a home to either Poke fanatics or a young child. The idea of this thrilled him, a human or family that was all his own. When the time came, a family of great generous nature found him suitable for their newest adopted child. The young child went by the name of Amber, and she was beautiful. But what one may quickly soon discover about the girl is truly a travesty. Born with a rare genetic disorder, Amber had to go through life with a skin disease known as Epidermolysis bullosa, or EB for short.

When he first laid his eyes on the child, he looked at her with much precaution. Even though he too was young at the time, he knew something was wrong. He could smell the pain of the festering blisters on her skin. It worried him greatly.... This human.... this little human..... no... his human was hurting all the time. But when the child smiled at him and filled his ears with such pure, innocent laughter and brilliance, all his worries went away, and immediately rushed around in circles. She was his, and he was hers. And that was all that mattered from that moment on.

Day by day, and for years to come, he learned in what ways to help his child. He could never be too rowdy, for any intense physical contact could hurt her. More than often, it was light cuddling and pawing at her lovingly, or following wherever she went, and when he was allowed to go. He also learned that every morning, she had to powder herself down in order to keep her skin from sticking to her clothes. He made it his job to grab the bottle each and every morning. The cute gesture always brought the first smile to her face. Why? Well when a Meowth stands up holding a bottle of power in his cute chibi paws, it is the cutest thing one could ever see. Khronos enjoyed these silly gestures and acts of helpfulness. The family even gave him the nickname of, "chibi butler". Amber was the princess, and he was her ever faithful servant.

Because people born with a high level of EB are more than likely to live very short lives, there is much to be done when there is little time. And for this, Amber simply craved for knowledge. It was in her nature to read or be read to daily. Having a cousin who came by often and also shared the same nature helped out immensely! Whenever there was story time, Khronos would be there to listen as well. It was a special time where they put themselves into these very stories and had the greatest adventures. Sometimes, when they were really into it, they would act out scenes from their favorite stories. It was easy to tell that Khronos was aware of the world as he understood cues and his role for every scenario. For both Amber and her cousin, one of their favorite things to make Khronos do is bust out this almighty magical gold coin of justice, as it solves everything and brings peace to the land. However.... neither of them really know where he gets this odd golden relic of a coin.... but it must have something to do with the poke-move known as pay day.

And so for years, this was his simple yet blissful life. Being with his human, and watching her grow, live.... survive. He thought it would last forever.... That is until Winter came, and the sun hid for too long..... too late...

==Evolution - I can protect you.... if I'm bigger... stronger.... right?==

===Becoming a Persian===


When a strange winter season blew across the lands, illnesses spread along with it. Left and right, people felt excessive fatigue, a cough of a deep,dry nature, and a flickering fever. A sickness that wasn't very fatal, but truly contagious and equally annoying to heal from. It was in this season that changed Khronos forever.

Along with her skin disorder, Amber had a highly weakened immunity system. And with this strange sickness going about, she too, was soon hit. With his human ill, and it taking its toll on her, a change came about the meowth. Perhaps it was an innate primal instinct that never truly dies, even if you're nurtured to be a domestic runt. As his body glowed, changes were immediately made. One moment, a cute chibi cat, the next a large feline predator. Even though he preferred his smaller self, he decided to grow up because of the feeling.... if maybe just maybe if he was stronger, he could protect her. Her little chibi butler had become her knight... a guardian protector that would stay by her side as long as he could as she tried to survive every night, every adrenaline shot, every emergency call, until one day she disappeared to a place he could not follow: a hospital.

As a month past by, he wandered around the house solemnly, without his human, until one day - ta dah! Amber came home! But..... but she was so thin.... so fragile.... Turns out, more than likely any day would be.... "the day". So instead of sitting around scared in a hospital, her family took her home, so everyone could spend her last days in some kind of normalcy. But Khronos and her, every night as a painful night. Afraid to sleep, she only had her Persian to comfort her. Together, she spoke of all her fears.... Fear of death.... fears of sleeping and just never waking up. But despite all the fight she had in her, she too finally succumbed to the ultimate truth in the world. The truth of death... and never is it ever kind.

Heartbroken and folorn, he cracked open her window that night and ran away. Sure the family would have still kept him, but what was the point? His life was to be with the little human only and with her gone.... there was no point. And from that point, he just ran. Ran until his limbs could not take him a step further, already past their limit. From that point on, he collapsed and fell into a dream.

==Waking up==

When he awoke from his dream, another transformation had taken place. No longer was he a 4 legged beast, but a hybrid of pokemon and human. Who was that person.... the dream was so vague.... So distant. Whatever it was, it was warm and gave him purpose to be in "this" form. How ironic... in this form, he really was a butler. Slipping his hair to the side, he straightened out his specks and took his first walk upright.... just like his human.

Feeling a strange bulge in his pocket, he reached into it. A lighter and a pack of cigs? It was in that instance, he remembered a strange man smoking from a pipe. Apparently these things would help his nerves and keep him sane. Flickering the strange metal box, he lit a stick and did just as the man from his dreams did. With the stick in his mouth he inhaled, and sighed out deeply. Shortly after as he walked away, seeking out his new path as one hell of a butler.
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:44 pm


Everything seems to check out. But there needs to be more detail concerning his dream, and encounter with Musharna. Like, what is his purpose for being human? How will this help him accomplish his needs/desires?

Mr Mootles
Vice Captain

Rainbow Noob



iStoleYurVamps

iStoleYurVamps


Trash Husband

PostPosted: Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:54 pm


A few things seem to be contradictory to me. History I will touch on first since history ties into personality.

-You describe Amber as being beautiful then say she actually has a very rare, very painful condition that would effect her whole body. The wording is a bit odd since it implies she has physical beauty, and 'soon quickly discover' would- from what I am seeing in various sources about this condition- imply that the condition is not visible which runs counter to what the condition actually is. And smelling the pain seems an odd word choice given pain has no scent, but the actual blisters would.
Once more before that your wording has me disjointed. He looked at her with precaution okay, but if he looked at her wouldn't he already know something was wrong as her skin would show the blisters and be very different then any other human he'd seen? I think the only thing here is just some odd transitional statements and word useage.

One thing you really should go back and do is make sure you have a constant tense. In your paragraphs you move from past tense (which it is) to present, (which for obvious reasons, it is not).

Second half of history:
EB is an autoimmune disorder. Meaning her system is already weak so restating is redundant, what might help the average reader is in the first part going into a bit of deatil to just what EB is and the like. Also saying that it was a strange winter and a strange illness...to be honest it sounds like just a colder than average winter and a seasonal cold. As for his evolution this feels a tad disjointed in word order. The whole is present but the order of how the facts are presented leaves me having to go back and re-read it.
You tend to use a lot of "..." for story emphasis. In RP these are good because they signal moments of pause or thought, but in a pure narration they can and often will detract a reader. Many of these are not needed and can be removed.
"the day" should simple be 'the day'. Otherwise it signals dialogue which wouldn't be present in history normally.
How would he have cracked open a window when logic even in the pokemon world would say the window would need to be slightly ajar for him to maneuver it open. Cracking implies he opened it from a closed position which most animals can't do.
And I echo what Mooty said, His history needs to have the reason for why he became human.


Personality:

Protector- 'Tends to be', when is he a protector and when is he not? How do you befriend him? Why does he think he can protect them both physically and mentally when pain makes him turn docile, failure makes him react with self loathing, and he's 'Not much of a fighter, easily walked on'. I'd like to see more detail in this and maybe a situation to help elaborate.

Educated- This seems rather cut off when I think you can expand on it since I'm curious as to just what he's refined in? What is he knowledgeable in? If it's high class, does that mean he's not very street smart? Is his education so formal that he lacks real world applications?

Masochist- How would this work into his daily life and his interactions and relationships with others? This seems more something extra, like a tid bit. Personality should be daily traits that are everyday occurrences more or less/

Disenchanted- This really doesn't seem to be disenchanted. It actually reads as self critical, or pessimistic I would elaborate on this.

Quite- Is there any basis for this? How you have it worded right now is that he might end up as a wallflower if stuck in an RP with another quite character.

What I might suggest is going into more detail and asking for each personality trait 'How would this work into his daily life and his interactions and relationships with others?' It seems rather strenuous, but it often helps form a very clear image of a character's personality.

Strengths & Weaknesses- I won't crit these since they tie into his personality and I think once those are done, you might find other qualities or things previous unknown.

I can see the direction you have going and you have a good basis but the lack of detail and depth leaves me with more questions than answers.
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