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 Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 6:36 pm
 Name: Amigar Perry Background behind name:First Name: The Ami part of her name is French meaning "beloved". Mixed with Gar, which is English/Welsh and means gentle. The reason her parents choose this name is because the moment they saw her, they knew she would be their beloved daughter and she would be gentle like the wind that blows though the air. It was at the time she reached for their hand as an infant and smiled the soft smile, her parents grew to love more than anything else in the world. Last Name: Perry, This part of her name comes from her father's French background. since when her mother married him she decided to give her American last name and keep his instead. Even though it was very hard to make the transition for her, since people did not know her by that name in fashion and rather something else. Though while this name may mean "pear tree", for her it means much more. This last name is part of her family's French history, and it is apart of who she is. Their were many French Perry's before her and one day she hopes to meet as many as she can. Nickname: Sugar (for her love of sweets), Ami (french nickname) , Moo (her love of cute things), and pogo (for her bouncing around with joy). Age: 16 Birthday: January 12th Sign: Capricorn Gemstone: Garnet (Dark red) Blood Type: AB Fav. Food: Cupcakes, though truly she just loves anything sweet! Hated Food: cauliflower and spinach; these foods give her such a dreaded after taste that she never will let them touch her mouth. School: Meadowview High School Hobbies: Baking: I can smell it, its almost done! While some people would spend their summers out in their gardens, you would find Ami in her kitchen. She has such a sweet tooth that she can't resist stepping into her kitchen and baking up as many sweets as she possibly can. She always tries to make something unique, cute, fluffy and sweet. The reason being she considers those four things the perfect combination for a dessert. When she bakes she bakes for everyone! In all honesty she really just wants to deliver smiles and sweet tasting sensations to everyone. Her baking isn't really for anyone, but rather anyone who will dare to taste her deserts. She can normally be found baking by herself when no one else is around. Her loving for baking comes from her fathers side. At first she only was slightly interested in this hobby, in order to make her father think higher of her. Though later on in her life it became a part of her she couldn't live without. Especially when she found out the sweetness of sugar, and how it could be used to help terrible treats become something amazing. Baking helped her to open her eyes to how something so small can make such a big difference when it comes to baking. That was when he like became a love in heart. Singing: "Cute and sweet and a little crazy. All the geeks they want my baby."While she may act shy in person, when she has a microphone in her grasp she changes. When her hands wrap around the mic the whole world disappears from sight and she is able to be herself. When she sings she doesn't worry what others will think, but only worries about what song she will be singing next. Anyone up for some karaoke? Her singing is never limited, she will sing everywhere. She will hum in places like the hallways at school to her kitchen when she alone baking. Her voice is never really off, since it is always on in her head. Sometimes though it slips out through her mouth without her realizing it. As for who she sings for, currently she sings for herself and herself alone. A reason singing is so important to her and makes her who she is, is because as a small child their was a time she was left alone. It was as if the world had forgotten her and she no long matter to anyone. The darkness was closing in on her and she shivered in her skin. That was when somewhere around her she heard a beautiful song being played. Inside she felt the urge to sing along with the music, and as she did the fear she felt began to sink away. With the song, her world became a better place, one not so lonely, and darkened. Acting: "Oh romeo, my romeo! Where art' thou?" On stage Ami is whoever they need her to be. She will be the hero, the villain, and even the helpless if it means she can escape reality. For her when she acts she is able to escape everyday life and become a new person. From Shakespeare and beyond she would know everything. "To be or not to be..." She can be found acting in as many school or community plays as she can get cast into. See an audition happening, chances are she's already gearing up to audition. Her passion for theater is due to her wishes of being in movies. A secret wish no one in her life knows of but her. Though until she gets better, the theater stage is where her talent will be developed. Within her acting she helps release the sides of her she has kept hidden from the world or really people she cares about. She has feared so much about her and parents image that she forgot to show people all of her. On the stage though she lets everything out, all the anger, pain, and even worries she feels in her day to day life. Will her parents be home tonight to tell her tale? Will her friend be able to make it to her house tomorrow to study? Will the sugar in her soul ever run out? Questions like that pulse through her mind everyday all day long, though when she is acting she lets these feelings out on stage. Just like how sugar releases its sweetness into whatever it touches, it looks white and simple on the outside. Though once it touches a mouth or piece of bread, it releases all its hidden sweetness that it has kept inside. History:"History is a science, no more and no less." While no one in her classes could guess her hobby to learn history, she has always had a knack for it. Ami could care less about any other subject in school, except for history class. In History she excels for beyond on any other subject, she will never make less than an A on any test, project, or assignment. In her eyes to know who you are, you have to know where your race as been. Even outside of class she would be the unexpected geek reading history books in her free time. In general this is just one of her hobbies that she has an interest in, while she may excel at times. She does not spend all her free time worrying about this and instead can be caught baking or singing or even acting instead. Though this topic is definitely her favorite core subject in school! Virtues: I know I can do this, I know i can do this! Ami is the type of person who refuses to give up no matter what the task. She will continue to work until she has reached her goal. Never will she do something half way and unfinished, since in her eyes something like that is useless. This virtue of hers helps her to always finish what she starts, and it helps her to be more focused on the task at hand. These things are both things a girl whose head is in the clouds definitely needs. When she isn't able to finish something it disturbs her throughout her daily activities. The unfinished task will haunt her in her daydreams and nightmares. Nothing is as bad as it first may seem: Ami is the type of girl who always sees the positive side of every situation. Never once will she think of the dark side of a problem, until she has found all of the brighter and lighter sides. In her mind nothing less than sweet happy thoughts will exist. The brighter side of the world helps her get through the rough and difficult times life can through at her. Just tell me where you are and I'll be there in a flash!: Ami-chan tries her best to come off as a sweet and caring individual. Even if she acts like she doesn't care, some part of her no matter how small, always does. No matter what if someone is in pain, she can't help but ask whats wrong. In her eyes everyone deserves a helping hand in their times of need. She will help anyone she considers to be close to her and sometimes even a stranger she has never met. Since if someone is about to be run over or mugged she will do her best to stop the evil deed taking place. Even if that means that she gets injured, she does not care, as long as she is able to save someone the pain she had felt before her life is complete. If someone asks her to do something, and she agrees to it. She will never not come to something she has agreed too. She may remember two minutes before the event, but no matter what - she will always show up. Ami is the type of person you can count for anything and she will never let you down. Even if that means she has to take a few shortcuts, or race to get to her destination. She promises that she will get there, through rain or shine she will make it to where ever she needs to go. Flaws:Shy ... who me?: Ever since she was little Ami has tired her best to please her parents. She was the perfect daughter or so she thought. There was only one problem sometimes the words wouldn't escape her mouth and she would be mute at the face of another. She hated this part of her, the shyness that had grown to be apart of her. Made her like a doll, a doll who couldn't speak or say what she thought. At times when she is about to say something be it critical or just observational, she will go mute and will not come out. Part of believes the reason for her shyness is because all her life she tried to just please her parents and make them look good. So that every time she wanted to say something, she would always think how might this effect my parents. Will my dad lose business or will my mom lose fans? So when she goes mute and her words and taken back within her soul, a smile will come across her face and inside her soul will ache. Wishing that for once she could say what she wanted. This flaw only effects her in conversation, since when it comes to singing this flaw is somehow slightly conquered. Since when she sings the world blackens, just like her night as a child when she was left alone, and she no longer cares about the world or people around her. All she cares about is the music she is singing out of her soul. I lost? This can't be true... - While she may come off rather kind and sweet to some people around her being . If you enter a game or anything with her be prepared for her to fight her hardest. Ami has a strange side that is very competitive, almost to the point where she stops having fun with the game if it means she can win. For others around her the event she is competing in may lose the aspect of fun. As a side of her comes out when she is being competitive, a side that she tries her best to hide. This side only cares for herself and reaching the goal ahead no matter what it takes. All her life she has attempted to do the best in her eyes and the eyes of those around her. She always thinks of how winning or reaching something could maybe give the dark media something different. She also thinks that maybe if she reaches that goal whatever it may be her parents may be smiling on the other end. Just waiting for her to reach that goal so they can embrace her and tell her just how much they care. A fantasy that her heart always tries to believe could be reality, since her parents always have such busy schedules she hardly sees them anymore. Me Naive? Never!: Though she tries to deny it and pretend she isn't, Ami is as naive as they get. She is the type of girl who doesn't always get what the conversation is really about. She would be the person to join a conversation where someone is talking about pot, not realizing they mean the drug and not the pots in her kitchen. PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION Eyes: Blue-green soft eyes Hair: Long Slightly curly Golden Blonde. She loves to have something different yet cute about her hairstyle, no matter what time of day it may be. Face: heart-shaped face, no freckles. Clothing: Meadowview High School Uniform Clothing outside of school: Desert Themed Blue Lolita clothing, Red more casual Lolita Fashion, Something similar to this but in blue and pink, French style fashions, and something more casual in American style clothing that she may be seen in. Since her mom is in fashion she has a wide taste of clothing that she has been introduced to, as she slowly learns about her family linage. She also loves loves any outfit that may have scarfs and parasols of any kind and any cute thing she can get her hands on. Since for some reason she loves scarfs and parasols so much that she probably will have a closet overflowing with them at some point. The reason for her clothing choice is while her parents may not be around much due to their jobs, she tries her best to still give them a good image when they are gone. She wants to look her best so that they may be proud of her when they return from each adventure they take. She tries to live up to their standards while at the same time trying to keep her personality in each piece of clothing she chooses. While at the same time helping show each of her family's culture in at least one outfit a week.
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 7:02 pm
Senshi: Salior Mira
Challenge: Let me show you just how sweet I can be!
Fuku Colour: White
Main Color: Baby Blue
Secondary Color: Light Pink (Hex code: FF66CC)
Fuku: ELEMENTS TO THINK ABOUT FOR SENSHI, FEMALE AND MALE -- YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THESE, JUST THINK ABOUT THEM
Collar -- CC
Bow -- Chest
Bodice -- A Sweet dress maybe something similar to a Lolita dress like: [this] or [this with shorter sleeves] Just a similar style.
Sleeves -- Short ones.
Brooch -- square like a sugar cube.
Bottoms -- Ruffled skirt to match her bodice.
Tiara -- CC
Choker -- A white beaded necklace, with a tiny iced cupcake chrm hanging from it possibly.
Shoes -- Have fun, just make it cute!
Gloves -- CC
Accessories -- A big bow on either side of her hair with Little teaspoons full of sugar on it? An a mini jacket like shown here [[x]
Your MAIN COLOUR should dominate. Your SECOND COLOUR should be used for trimming.
Attacks: These are your senshi's abilities, which will be used in battle. These abilities correspond to your senshi's element. Think of it as a "summary" of what your senshi can do in one word.
Sailor Scout Attack: Sweet Tooth wink! offensive
Sailor Mira swirls her hands above her head two times and then aims towards her opponent. As she does this she soundly poses cutely and winks. Out of her wink comes excessive amounts of sugar in the shape of a kiss. This kiss shaped sugar will head straight for her opponent, and it will temporarily send a medium sugar sensation through one of the opponents teeth, that will make the opponent get a large tooth-ache in the tooth that was hit. The opponent will be ache with sweet pain if attack is successful. This attack will last no more than 10 seconds. She can do this four per battle. Distance travel possible is 8 ft.
Super Sailor Scout Attack: Sweet Tooth kiss! offensive
As in her last attack Sailor Mira swirls her hands above her head two times and then aims towards her opponent. Sailor Mira will pose cutely and instead of winking. She raises her left hand to her mouth and blows a kiss. Doing this will send a lip shaped wind of sugar towards her opponent. This sugar will be a double the amount of sugar of the last, basically an upgrade to her last attack. If this attack hits, the person it is aimed at will receive sweet sensations flowing randomly throughout there mouth and will receive a full mouth tooth-ache! This attack will only last for a maximum of 15 seconds. This attack can be done three times per battle. Distance travel possible is 12 ft.
Eternal Sailor Attack: Sweet Tooth Love! offensive
As in her last attack Sailor Mira swirls her hands above her head two times and then aims towards her opponent. Sailor Mira will pose cutely and instead of winking. She raises her left hand to her mouth and begins to wink. Both the wink and blowing kiss will happen the same time. As this happens the sugar kiss shape from both the wink and her kiss will combined together, Making this attack become one large amount of sugar in the shape of a kiss. This sugar shape will head towards her opponent and if successful the person it is aimed at, will receive sweet sensations flowing randomly throughout all of their body and will temporally paralyze them due to the massive amount of sweetness they had felt. This attack will last for a amount of 30 seconds. This attack can be done once per match. Distance travel possible is 16 ft.
Extra note about attacks: The downside to all of these attacks is - sometimes they will fail her, and instead of heading towards her opponent they will either fall to the ground leaving a sugar dust on the ground below them. Or they will head towards her comrades instead of the intended target.
Other References:
Half body reference by GlobalCore
Sailor Mira - wrong color bodice but right outfit
Drawn by the amazing Orangeish! <333
Drawn By OXlDE
Headshot Drawn by Vella C Raptor
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:15 pm
Family:
Maurice Louis Perry - Father: A world-renowned chief from France. He is best known for his Lemon & Fresh Strawberry Dacquoise and Chocolate Vanilla Crème Brûlée. His desserts are loved not only by people in France but by people far and wide, especially his daughter. While she may not have what some would call a close relationship, out of her two parents she seems to get along the best with her father. Some could call her daddy's little girl. Since she has not only taken is gift for cooking sweet, but she has taken on his outlook on life. He sees life as a chance to live, and in order to live life to the fullest. He says one should smile and just look at everyone as if they were friends and not enemies. Why fight, when one's life is so short he once said to her. That is why instead of fighting he bakes, to see the happiness his treats bring others. Though as soon as he thinks of baking he thinks of his wife and how he ran into her on his run to his apprenticeship. He was running very late and he was attempting to follow the directions he was given by his administrator at the college he was staying at. The only thing is he had no idea where he was and so while he ran. Instead of paying attention to the road or sidewalk he just ran blindly. Though he thanks the stars every day he did. Since if he hadn't he never would have found the love of his life. The sweet to his treats. His beloved Carmella, and the star that fell down from the heavens. If only that was the whole story of his life, though the rest is a secret for now. A secret that may soon be revealed on accident as his daughter begins to grow. His past and his present hold the greatest secrets, secrets that could and might tear his family apart were they to be spoken aloud. Carmella Perry - Mother: Carmella was born in the United States, she was born to a family that wasn't necessarily rich. Though honestly to most people her family was fighting to survive. It wasn't until her young 20s when she ran into a boy. A french exchange student that had lost his way, while he was looking for a certain restaurant. The accident that changed her life forever, since the boy had knocked her to the ground and knocked the wind out of her. As she sat on the ground in pain he reached his hand out to her, and the moment she took his hand everything changed. After that she was posing on runways, was no longer struggling for money, and she had a family. What happened to her family in the states you may wonder? Did the run in change who she was or did she remain the same person? All of this shall be answered soon and much much more. If only Amigar was older, he mother once whispered. Her real life occupation is modeling and clothing designing. It may seem like she has nothing in common with her mother at times. Since her mother was born a natural beauty, the girl everyone wanted to be. While Amigar tries her best just to be her, even if she's not the best looking one out there. The one thing she does have in common with her mother is fashion and working as hard as she can to survive the world. Her fashion has her own sense to it, just like her mother's clothing she designs. So with that simple thing they always have at least one thing to talk about. Little does Amigar know her mother isn't everything she appears to be. Description: Around 38 years old in a age and a mother to a sixteen year old. She came up from being very poor to working her way to wealth. Her occupation is modeling and clothing designed. She has Golden Blonde hair straight with a slight curl at the end. Hazel like brown eyes. She tends to wear a dress like this but with her hair down and not up. She tends to have a pair of dark black sunglasses on top of her head or in her hand. You are free to add anything you'd like I just would love for her to kind of get the model like vibe off. If you'd like you can maybe even add a locket to her neck in the shape of a half heart that is almost rustic looking.
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:16 pm
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:17 pm
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 8:18 pm
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Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 4:59 am
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Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2011 5:31 am
Open for crits! I may add more later on. = ]
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 9:12 pm
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Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2011 10:18 pm
Please don't bump you're quest dear, it gets to be rather annoying and looks like a plea for attention. ^^; If you want to get your quest critted by patrons of the shop please talk in the thread and chat with us and we'd be more than willing to help you!!! We love newbies and want to get to know you better. In addition, to that you could post in the stamping thread for characters that have not obtained. Akina will eventually get to you and give you crit if you so desire it. Not to mention every so often while you're chatting (not every day though) you can occasionally ask if someone is interested in critting your quests. =3 Glad to see you have an interest in the shop though and looking forward to chatting with you. --- That said, while I'm here --- Senshi: Please realize the bodice has to be white like many of the senshi's they have a basic fuka. That doesn't mean you can't fancy it up but normally when you see senshi they're dressed in the fashions you see here. You can alter the bodice slightly as long as it stays white. It can become a corset, it can show skin like a bakini, etc. If you want the sweet look I'd suggest using the skirt and adding a small jacket but leaving it so you can see the bodice, perhaps open... or like this mini jacket... the jacket you linked being full like that I think would look a little awkward for the bodice. (basically I'm just saying think about making a mini jacket!!) On to your attacks! Sailor and Super attacks should be similar to one another, you see super attack is just a powered up version of your sailor attack. You also need a duration of how long your attacks last please remember battles normally last about 5~10 minutes (max) So we need to know how long they last (typically for sailor a max of a minute and super about two depending on the type.) They need to be either offensive or defensive, try not to do both in the same attack it gets a little sticky. Your sugar hearts attack you also have to be careful not to step on chibimoon's attacks. For you see cannonly her attacks are Pink Sugar Heart Attack Which incidentally your attack is too close to I think, since the effects are even the same. Your super attack does way too much, please settle on one effect, like an ache, or a 'sugar rush' you want to stay away from having three effects in one attack. It gets too squicky and makes the attacks over powered. I think you maybe thinking about the attacks in too literal of an aspect. What you may want to do is pick a visual effect for sailor and super, and then one for eternal of actual sugar (not sweets made of sugar) and use buffs for your friends. You can make them move faster for a small amount of time, since sugar is often thought to have the effect of making people hyper. Or if you wanted to attack your enemies and debuff them you could cause them to have a quick sugar high and then literally crash and be tired. Please remember though you need a way to dispel this if another magical attacks counter it, how can they stop the attack? Would they be able to dodge it, etc. This also help keeps it from being OP. On the virtues and flaws in general, please try to give us more information about how these help or hinder her. Right now you have a good start, but you're missing how they help her, or if they hurt her in some way... If your character is persist how does that help her? I know you say she sees it useless but how persistent is she? Optimism is the same thing how does this help her, how optimistic is she? Will she come off so optimistic some people think she's naive, what happens if there's a failure or something bad happens? Do this for ALL the traits, When we only have a couple of sentences to go on, if they're not deep enough about how the character actually acts, we don't get a full feel for the character. Please look through existing characters and approved characters to get a better feel for this if you're shaky on it. On her civilian name, you may want to consider something more western. I'm having trouble finding where you got this name Amigar. Please also realize we don't use Japanese in the shop since that was Cannon we're trying to stay away from such names as they are reserved for cannon characters if they show up. Ami is actually a character in the show, so I would suggest to stay away from using Ami-chan, perhaps anything relating to Amy really but I'm not a GM on that so I can't say you /have/ to. I'm saying you may be more comfortable with that since it is technically possible the Cannon characters /could/ show up and they may use either their Western name or their Japanese name. Picking an American name or a name from other places as long as you sort of note their origin should be okay though and as long as you have a reason. Sort of like my chibi character has the name Istas, I stated it was a Native American name because her mother was a Cherokee Indian. So I also have a background and history as to why she has that name. I hope this helps some!!
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Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 1:41 pm
LP Please don't bump you're quest dear, it gets to be rather annoying and looks like a plea for attention. ^^; If you want to get your quest critted by patrons of the shop please talk in the thread and chat with us and we'd be more than willing to help you!!! We love newbies and want to get to know you better. In addition, to that you could post in the stamping thread for characters that have not obtained. Akina will eventually get to you and give you crit if you so desire it. Not to mention every so often while you're chatting (not every day though) you can occasionally ask if someone is interested in critting your quests. =3 Glad to see you have an interest in the shop though and looking forward to chatting with you. --- That said, while I'm here --- Senshi: Please realize the bodice has to be white like many of the senshi's they have a basic fuka. That doesn't mean you can't fancy it up but normally when you see senshi they're dressed in the fashions you see here. You can alter the bodice slightly as long as it stays white. It can become a corset, it can show skin like a bakini, etc. If you want the sweet look I'd suggest using the skirt and adding a small jacket but leaving it so you can see the bodice, perhaps open... or like this mini jacket... the jacket you linked being full like that I think would look a little awkward for the bodice. (basically I'm just saying think about making a mini jacket!!) On to your attacks! Sailor and Super attacks should be similar to one another, you see super attack is just a powered up version of your sailor attack. You also need a duration of how long your attacks last please remember battles normally last about 5~10 minutes (max) So we need to know how long they last (typically for sailor a max of a minute and super about two depending on the type.) They need to be either offensive or defensive, try not to do both in the same attack it gets a little sticky. Your sugar hearts attack you also have to be careful not to step on chibimoon's attacks. For you see cannonly her attacks are Pink Sugar Heart Attack Which incidentally your attack is too close to I think, since the effects are even the same. Your super attack does way too much, please settle on one effect, like an ache, or a 'sugar rush' you want to stay away from having three effects in one attack. It gets too squicky and makes the attacks over powered. I think you maybe thinking about the attacks in too literal of an aspect. What you may want to do is pick a visual effect for sailor and super, and then one for eternal of actual sugar (not sweets made of sugar) and use buffs for your friends. You can make them move faster for a small amount of time, since sugar is often thought to have the effect of making people hyper. Or if you wanted to attack your enemies and debuff them you could cause them to have a quick sugar high and then literally crash and be tired. Please remember though you need a way to dispel this if another magical attacks counter it, how can they stop the attack? Would they be able to dodge it, etc. This also help keeps it from being OP. On the virtues and flaws in general, please try to give us more information about how these help or hinder her. Right now you have a good start, but you're missing how they help her, or if they hurt her in some way... If your character is persist how does that help her? I know you say she sees it useless but how persistent is she? Optimism is the same thing how does this help her, how optimistic is she? Will she come off so optimistic some people think she's naive, what happens if there's a failure or something bad happens? Do this for ALL the traits, When we only have a couple of sentences to go on, if they're not deep enough about how the character actually acts, we don't get a full feel for the character. Please look through existing characters and approved characters to get a better feel for this if you're shaky on it. On her civilian name, you may want to consider something more western. I'm having trouble finding where you got this name Amigar. Please also realize we don't use Japanese in the shop since that was Cannon we're trying to stay away from such names as they are reserved for cannon characters if they show up. Ami is actually a character in the show, so I would suggest to stay away from using Ami-chan, perhaps anything relating to Amy really but I'm not a GM on that so I can't say you /have/ to. I'm saying you may be more comfortable with that since it is technically possible the Cannon characters /could/ show up and they may use either their Western name or their Japanese name. Picking an American name or a name from other places as long as you sort of note their origin should be okay though and as long as you have a reason. Sort of like my chibi character has the name Istas, I stated it was a Native American name because her mother was a Cherokee Indian. So I also have a background and history as to why she has that name. I hope this helps some!!
I'm terribly sorry for that, at the time I did that I wasn't sure if bumping was allowed or not. I will definitely try to hang out in the thread more now that I have some free time. I'll be looking forward to hopefully meeting some people when I stop by the thread soon, and thanks for the link to the stamping thread. I will most certainly be posting there soon now that I have fixed a few things.
Thank you so much for your crit though, it helped me improve her so much.
On senshi clothing I did actually love the idea of the mini jacket! I decided to go ahead and add one to her outfit. Since i felt like her outfit was a bit much I just wasn't very sure what to fix or change.
As for my attacks I changed them up a bit, so I think they are a little better. I'm not sure if the time frames for them are to high or low, though if they are still to powerful i will gladly fix them. Your advice definitely helped me so much, so thank you! I was clueless when it came to coming up with attacks. I just have to still add ways to dodge them, which I'm trying to think up certainly.
I've added some more things to flaws and virtues, so I think it gives some more insight into her a bit more.
The name actually came from two names I found online, I have them saved somewhere. Though I don't believe either are Japanese, though I can see what your saving. I'll have to look into her name again. Since I was working on a background for her name, I just wanted to wait until everything else was up to par for her.
Thanks again for all your help! It is greatly appreciated!
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Posted: Thu Oct 06, 2011 10:44 pm
Sorry to bother you again. I just wanted to say thanks again, after re-reading your crit from a kinda long time ago (3-4 months ago). I realized her name needed way more explaining than i currently had. Rather than just being a name put on a page. ^^
So I actually finally got around to explaining its origin and background as to why she is called this. Since I didn't want to step on any main canon characters like you suggested. ^^; Since I know the Ami part of her first name can be Japanese related, as well as French which was what I was aiming for.
Just wanted to quote you to say thank you and that is it. I doubt my character would have evolved like this this if not for your crit's. Since I will admit I was kinda lost when I started this thread. You have helped me greatly.
-Finishes and lurks off to re-sketch sailor form-
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Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:20 pm
Added some extra info about her parents and another piece of artwork to her Senshi/Salior stage! =]
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Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 7:35 pm
ON THE CIVILIAN SIDE!
In the Singing hobby, you mention that she may act shy in person but does has confidence on the stage. However, nowhere else in the profile is it mentioned that she is shy. Perhaps Shy should be added as a flaw, or this Singing hobby should be revised.
In general, I think all of the hobbies involve too many talents/skills! I would either narrow them down or specify which hobbies she has notable talent/skill in and which she just has interest in!
For the Determined virtue ("I know I can do this, I know I can do this!"), it says "Never will she does something half way and unfinished." However, it is unlikely that she will never cross a failure, so what happens when she isn't able to finish something? How does she react then?
For the Positive virtue ("Nothing is bad as it first may seem"), please consider that at times this shop can handle dark topics, and as Senshi she will be exposed to the dark world and crimes of the Negaverse. While there can absolutely be positive Senshi out there, consider how she will react to the darker and less positive things that she may face in this environment?
For the Caring virtue ("Just tell me where you are and I'll be there in a flash!"), avoid saying things like how Ami is "the sweetest most caring person ever." Your character can't the best-ever at anything, including being the most caring person ever. You also mention that she will even help her worst enemy. As you are questing for this character as a Senshi, consider how this virtue as described will come into play with her interactions with the Negaverse. Would she help a Negaverse agent in need?
For the Competitive flaw ("I lost? This can't be true..."), be careful to avoid saying things like "she may come off rather kind and sweet to everyone she meets." Not everyone is going to find your character sweet, as well-intentioned and kind as your character may be to them. You also mention that she stops having fun if she can't win - does she become so competitive that it is not fun for others? Her competitiveness could play into what drives her determination, which is listed as a virtue. This flaw could use some beefing up to make it more of an apparent flaw. Consider how it affects other characters, what situations it may be seen in, and how it is externalized.
The Daydreamer flaw ("The place I dream of as I walk, is so real...") seems to work against the Determined virtue. While it says in the virtue description that the virtue keeps her focused and prevents her from daydreaming, the virtue should not completely counter-act a flaw in that type of way. Daydreaming would be a flaw when it distracts you from a task at hand, but if she is always focused when she has a task, then this flaw is too miniscule to be a flaw.
Klutz ("Oops did I do that?") is not really a flaw, especially if it adds to her "cute appeal." If other characters are finding the flaw to be "cute" then it is not a flaw. Furthermore, flaws should be more personality-focused than physically-based! I would remove this flaw and come up with another one. As suggested before, perhaps Shy may be a flaw, as it was mentioned in the Singing hobby.
This is only a suggestion, but while your character overall reads to be a very cute character, what else is she other than cute? Consider this to help further give your character more dimensions! For instance, what is her motivation behind being so Competitive and Determined? Why is she so naive or optimistic? Providing motivations for the character will really help flesh her out, I think!
ON THE POWERED SIDE
As LP noted, the bodice of a Senshi fuku must be white and cannot be blue like the sketch displayed in the post!
For Sugar Surprise! this ability is not a defensive power as it impacts the other player in a negative way. Furthermore, it seems to have nothing to do with sugar, which is the Senshi's sphere! Additionally, as the average battle lasts typically no longer than five minutes, a power duration of being stunned between ten to forty seconds is far too long.
Please come with an ability that has to relate to the sphere of Sugar! There are a lot ways you can go with this sphere, including sugar as a physical object, or the physiological effects of sugar - positive or negative!
For Sweet Tooth Kiss, the Super Sailor ability should be an upgraded version of the Sailor Scout ability - not an entirely new power. For the ability you wrote, what do you mean by "sweet sensations flowing randomly throughout their body" that causes them to shake? Once again, make sure the powers are related to sugar, and make sure to shorten the duration of these powers!
For Sugary Sweetie Blizzard, please be clear in what this power does to opponent. Are they unable to move? Are they damaged in any way? What type of "sugar sweets" are used? As her sphere is Sugar and not the general category of "sweets" (which would be too broad), she should only be using specifically Sugar in her abilities. The duration for this power is also far too long!
Hope this helps with your revisions! When you are done with your changes, feel free to quote me to call of my attention so I may give it another read-through!
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