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 Posted: Wed May 11, 2011 11:37 pm
I've been a bit curious about how women nowadays actually look at a long standing stereotype, that being that men are supposed to provide, pay for the dinners, and take women everywhere around town in their car.
Does this stereotype still stand? If so, how far? Do you still expect men to pay for everything? Is he supposed to be the creative one? And is he expected to still be the main source of transportation?
The core of this question comes from the fact that, I, myself, have neither a license nor a car (mostly because of moving), and that all my male friends I've spoken to say that you, as a male, have to have a car to pick up women. Now, I understand that it differs from person to person, but at the same time, having to get picked up by the guy and his mom or dad is pretty lame.
So, to get a better insight on the matter, I figure who better to ask than women.
TL;DR: Do you expect guys to provide for you completely in the dating phase, and stick to the old stereotype; And is him not owning a car a deal-breaker or no?
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 7:15 am
I don't expect a guy to pay for anything apart from his own stuff. I mean, if he offers to pay for mine, I'll let him. But then I'll offer it at some other point and make up for it that way. I believe it should be fairly equal in that respect.
With regards to the car thing, it's all about availability. I don't want to be constantly arranging our dates around your mother's timetable because you can't get anywhere without her. But if there are great public transport links and you can always be anywhere, then fine. I mean, it just makes me wonder, if I'm in trouble and I need my guy, I'm not going to drive over to his house in tears and ask for help. I want him to come to me. I think for me, availability is really important; there's no point having a relationship if it's so distant.
Also as a driver, I would get frustrated with always being the driver. Frankly I get frustrated now as half my friends don't have driver's licenses and they just expect me to ferry them around to places. And I do it, because I'd rather hang out with them than without, but it definitely annoys me. Being a driver is bloody irritating. I hate driving. I hate the responsibility. I hate having to find parking. I hate the stresses. I loathe being designated driver. I want other people to drive me sometimes so I can relax, you know?
So no, I don't expect a guy to pay for me or to drive me always. I expect it to be half-and-half. And if you don't have a car and I end up driving you all the time, that is not even. It's not a deal breaker per se, but it's something that would factor into the whole thing.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 9:30 am
I have dated A LOT of guys without liscense or cars. I was constantly driving them around or picking them up. So by this point in time I'm fed up with it.
A job, a car, and a liscense are all very desirable to me.
However as far as paying goes, I like to spoil my guy, so I like to pick up the check too when it comes to dinner/movies whatever. I think it should be pretty equal as far as picking up the check.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:12 am
like leraven said, a car, a job, and a license are definitely high up on the list.
but i'm only like 17 so i don't like EXPECT it.
also idc about him paying for things all the time. we'd probably end up halfing it most times ahah
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 10:31 am
My boyfriend doesn't have a car of his own, so I usually end up driving us places. But he has a really good job, so he pays for most of our dates. I think our arrangement is pretty fair.
I've had a boyfriend before who didn't like driving, so I was always either picking him up or going over to his house. I didn't mind at first, but sometimes it meant going kind of out of my way. That, plus the fact that he never paid for me was kind of frustrating. I mean, I would have been fine with him just offering to pay, because it would have been nice to have some kind of thanks for all the driving I did for him.
So while I definitely don't expect a guy to pay for everything and drive me everywhere, I would like it to be at least somewhat even.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:07 am
I say I don't expect a man to buy me things, but at the same time it shows a lot about their personality. I like generous people who aren't overprotective of their money.
If we go out to a casual lunch somewhere, no I don't want him to pay for me. But if we go out to dinner it's a little embarrassing to ask for separate bills. Also I like to treat a boy to dinner as well even though they nearly always force me not to.
I also love surprise gifts. LIke if a boy went shopping with a friend then later you hang out with him and he has a little gift for you because it reminded you of him or something and he just hadddd to buy it. I do the same thing though, I wouldn't be able to resist getting my boyfriend something that I knew he would love.
I don't expect him to be the creative one, I think we should both come up with equal amounts of good date ideas or things to do together. Nothing is more of a turn-off for me than a guy who just wants to sit at home all the time and who doesn't really enjoy doing new things.
A car(and license) and job are both necessary, unless something drastic has happened like they were laid off and couldn't afford a car anymore. The thing that matters to me is that they are wholeheartedly trying to get a job and buy a car.
I don't even know what I would say if someone asked me on a date, and showed up with their parents driving or wanted me to drive or something :S Well, now to think about it, I would avoid this at all costs.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:51 am
I know ONE girl who likes her men to ferry her around showering her with gifts, meals and affection. . . But she's a rotten spoiled b***h with mummy-issues so WHATEVS.
Most girls I know like if a guy drives but it's not a necessity. Although I have heard people complaining when a guy doesn't drive.
I'm the most mellow person ever about transport to be honest. I'll walk for an hour to get home if I'm wearing relatively comfortable shoes. ;P
I really appreciate when guys do pay for things, but I wouldn't let them pay all the time, I'd feel way to guilty.
I think most girls are different about this kinda thing, but you would never expect a girl to pay for you . . . Well, not often. ;P
I've bought one guy a couple of pints, given him my own drink on multiple occasions as well as a couple of bus fares before and at first I didn't mind but now it just pisses me off.
I also hate seeing girls who sap money for petrol, drink, food etc off their boyfriend all the time. neutral
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 10:14 am
unless i dont have gas, i'm driving.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 11:28 am
You know, I just wanna say, that's a very ballsy question TMP. Just sayin'.
I also want to say that I don't consider the LSG womens to be like most women. Kinda like seperating the smart ones from all the stupids.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 11:40 am
I like walking around, so it's not essential. But it's pretty cool if ladies have licenses. I always opt for splitting the bill or paying for whatever we got.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 2:56 pm
i'd rather bike around with my date than drive, but if a car is necessary then he better have one because i certainly don't :( but if he can drive, that's kind of a plus. it's convenient.
as far as bills, i'd be totally chill with splitting it. if he wants me to pay then he better be pretty cute and have an awesome personality. but otherwise i don't expect to be paid for.
and this may sound kind of bitchy i guess, but i do like it when guys buy me s**t. i mean i never really expect it and i wouldn't demand it, but if he bought or made me something cute for my birthday or something, well that'd be really nice :) if he didn't, that's still fine. but i'd feel better if i had something from him, to remember him by or something, you know?
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2011 5:53 pm
Wow, I got quite a bit more responses than I thought, haha. But thank you guys ladies for your input. It's very interesting to see the diverse views of this kind of matter, between various women and between men and women as a group.
I, personally, believe in an equality system, with each providing what they can and/or what would be fair. At the same time, though, I also think buying gifts is a fun thing, and something I myself do quite a bit.
@Scott: Ballsy? How so, if I might ask? I didn't really expect that response, heh.
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 1:07 am
I think both parts of the couple should provide what they can, when they can. Like, I don't have a lot of money because I don't have a job (I get about $20 a week to screw around with from mom and dad). I spend it all on doing s**t with my boyfriend (movies, food, condoms, cigs to share) because I love him a lot and like to do nice things for him. He does the same for me. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable/guilty because he has a lot more money than me, so he is able to do kind things for me a lot more often than I can return the favor. But at the same time, I don't feel like I'm taking advantage because if I could pay for more, I definitely would, and I never expect him to surprise me with stuff. I'm just as happy staying in as going out. If anything, it's just more motivation to get a job over the summer. I'm really sick of feeling dependent on him and my parents. D:
And, a car is nice, but only because I don't have one. If I had one, I wouldn't care. At the same time, my mom is usually down to drive me places when I'm home, and at college, a car is mostly useless, because I don't really go far off campus.
Basically: fathy is a dirty poor bum, but doesn't mind being one, so i wouldn't feel bad if i just did dirty bum things all day instead of sucking up people's money. xD
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Posted: Mon May 16, 2011 3:25 pm
I went on a date on Saturday where the guy paid and I was shocked! Granted I've never gone on a date before but surprised I didn't expect that and he gave his card to the bartender before I could even argue. So I liked it, but I don't expect it.
I live in a big city so unless we plan dates far afield, I don't need to drive, nor does he. I have my license but no car...so who am I to judge really?
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 1:53 pm
I like paying, but I also like being treated once in a while. Brandon and I usually trade off on who pays for delivery or dining out. He'll pay one time and I'll pick it up next time.
We split groceries halfsies most of the time, but sometimes I pay all or he'll pay all. It's give and take.
Not owning a car is not a deal breaker for me because I don't drive or have a liscence so that's be pretty hypocritical of me. It's NICE but I don't expect them to pick me up.
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