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Reply ~SciFi/Fantasy~
Character drabbles, and a test of my world

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TT Snim
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PostPosted: Fri May 06, 2011 1:20 pm


Hello, I hope I'm posting this in the right place. This thread is where I would like to post some practice writing where I can hopefully forge a story.

If it's in the wrong place do tell me and move it. sweatdrop

The following is not meant to be taken as a full story, but more of a test drive for terms, tech, and . . . stuff.

Quote:
This too is Skywalker

Evil did not always cloth it's self in a black suit and cape, and walk around demanding servitude, in broad daylight. Nickolas Williams knew this from personal experience. Evil, he knew, was hard to spot most of the time. It was not so much a flamboyant, yet darkly clad villein, but more like a venomous snake colored to look like harmless leaves. Instead of well seeing the danger from a far distance a person could take one wrong step and find them selves bitten.

You had to train your self to see the patterns in the leaves; the actions of a human that made them evil. You had to be come an expert in the field, and learn what tools to use to defuse the danger, and contain the venom.

At 14 Nickolas was only just starting to know the difference between a rustling leaf, and the shimmer of half hidden scales in the mulch. The patterns of a human who was by all accounts evil were still obscure and hard to read. But in this matter he wasn't alone.

Master and apprentices, that was how this war would be fought.

Standing tall and silent beside Nickolas was the dark form of his trainer, who's given name was John Sullivan. The man currently had a grim expression scrawled over his features. Cloudy green eyes were cast down, searching the masses below.

They did not fight in ancient robes or carry swords that hummed and glowed. They did not manipulate the world by will alone. Yet with in their bodies they carried humanities next epoch.

“How many are infected?” The man asked tightly.

Nickolas turned his eyes down and scanned the people in the market place below. With in each body millions of microscopic machines worked to alter the human senses and abilities. Those that had it were known as the infected. In his vision some shimmered, as if enveloped by waves of heat, while a hand full of others moved as if in a cold void. Normal, there were so very few normal people here. “Most of them.” He replied. He closed his eyes, dizzy. “I don't think there are more than twenty uninfected people here.” The numbers were getting fewer and fewer.

Next to him his mentor cursed softly and leaned against the railing that separated them from the open air. “Do you see any one with traces of red or purple?”

Nickolas turned his eyes on to the people again. He could only see traces of color, here and there, and only in the ranges of blues and greens. “No.” He replied. “But. . .”

“You saw nothing?”

Nickolas shook his head. “But I've never seen red before. Even when you said our target had it.”

John scowled. “Look again.”

Nickolas took a slow breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them again he searched the crowd slowly, letting his enhanced vision take in every body at least once. A small flicker of fire tugged at the air, finally, around one roughly dressed man. Nickolas squinted, and followed the man's movements. His rough orange jacket and brightly colored shirt made the tinted shimmer hard to see. But against his shoulder length salt and pepper hair it was visible.

“I see one person!” Nickolas looked up at John, allowing him self a grin.

His mentor, his guide, was a sea of flames.

Nickola's grin evaporated, and he stood still in the wash of crimson before him.

“And now you see two sets of fire. Correct?”

Nickolas nodded, to stunned to speak.

“So what does HE look like?”

“Salt pepper hair, red jacket, loud Hawaiian shirt.” Nicolas replied promptly. “He doesn't look like you at all.” he added, still a touch stunned.

John laughed humourlessly. “Come on kid, you knew I was a shadow.” He folded his arms and smiled a thin, dry, smile. “But so what if I am?”

Some snakes hunt and eat other snakes. Both heroes and villeins' struck sword to shimmering sword. Nickolas felt the obvious sink in slowly. A question bubbled up before Nickolas could bite it off.

“How do I tell the difference?”

John sighed and the smile fell away. “There is no dark and light side, you know that right? It's what you DO with what you have that matters.”

Nickolas turned back to the people and looked down. The red shimmer was mingling with the every day people, like he was one of them. “What did he do?”

The older man's face hardened. He curled his fists and glared down. “He hunts and kills the uninfected. Women, mostly, and children, be cause they are weak. He lures them close, some times with an animal or the sound of a child's cry, then he uses the shadow cloak to hide him self and strike.”

Nickolas turned back feeling oddly pleased that he'd managed to spot his first snake in the grass. This was evil, and it had to be stopped. “So what do we do now?”

“We?” John chuckled with out humor. “We do nothing. YOU wouldn't last two minutes in a fight with even this poor excuse for a shadow. I will go down and take care of the problem.”

Nickolas bit back a protest. “OK.” John was right, he could hardly see the man, let alone fight against any visual tricks.

“Stay here and just watch. If things get out of hand you make a brake for it and head back to base. Win or loose I'll contact you when it's safe. Got it?”

Nickolas nodded once.

“Good.” John stepped back and vanished in to a column of shivering air. The red flames died down to a small lick of violet from around his feet.

Nicolas felt a twinge of jealousy at John's shadow cloak abilities, but like any other negative reaction towards his teacher he kept it to him self. But his face must have betrayed some thing because the shivering air in front of him growled softly.

“I mean it, kid, your just a striga. You have nothing other than that vision right now, and even that is at it's best, if you'll pardon the pun, spotty.”

Nickolas turned away and felt his cheeks burn a little. “I'll stay here.”

“Good.” The shimmer started to move away, leaving only the sounds of footsteps on the balcony's wood, and low guttural grumbling about 'vampire kids' and 'impatience'.

Nickolas tuned back to the people and waited. For the most part there was literally nothing to see. From a distance John was invisible as he made his way towards the other shadow. The man in the bright red coat went about his business until the void that was john was right next to him. Then both men vanished from view.

The infected humans went about their lives, oblivious. The few uninfected watched with awe as the fight unfolded before them.

Nickolas tried hard to see past the two older men's shadow cloaks, but he could not over come his own infection. Sound and sight was being manipulated, the fight was being masked. He stepped back and sighed, disappointed with his lack of progress, and slumped against the wall. He closed his eyes and tried to listen to the fight below, but except for a few startled shouts from the shoppers below there was nothing.

Then the crack of gunfire rang out. Nickolas darted to the railing and gripped it tight as fear struck through his heart. An uninfected human stood, weapon drawn, shaking. Two shimmers faded in and out, then solidified. The man in the red coat was dead, surrounded by a crimson puddle.

Evil was hard to spot, when it was hiding. But in plain sight even the blind could see it.

John vanished again, and hid in the masses. It was his trick to then walk slowly, like he was one of them, so that the few who were clean of the microscopic machines could not tell the difference. Hidden in plain sight, he was a snake eater in the snake's world.

Nickolas' heart was still thundering in his ears as he waited anxiously for his teacher to return. Nervously he wrung his hands together as he watched the man slink back.

After what seemed like a slow crawl of the ages John returned to the balcony and peered over the edge. Silence fell between them for a long moment before the older man turned away.

“Are you all right?” Nickolas managed to ask past numb lips.

“I failed to bring him in.” The man replied. “Get ready, we have to go now.”

Some people, in their eagerness to stamp out evil, would hunt down the snake eaters. Errant knights, swayed by soothing dark voices, to do the bidding of evil with out ever knowing it.

Nickolas stepped away from the railing. He couldn't become invisible, not as a striga, but he did know how to hide like a normal human being. “I'll get my things.”

He'd hide in plain sight.

Just like every one else.
PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:09 pm


That was cool, I'd like to learn more about your world. Sounds very awesome. biggrin

Just a few punctuation and spelling errors that I spotted, that you might want to look into.

Sullivan doesn't know much about controlling teenagers does he? xp

Strangerthan

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TT Snim
Crew

PostPosted: Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:05 pm


Strangerthan


Thank you very much! I am still working on the story, almost every day, with drawing and notes and plot forging and the like. It's slow progress, but I might try writing it for NANOWriMo.

While I do pride my self on characterization, theme and plotting, I know you are right about my grammar and spelling. I'm horrible at spelling. It's so bad that even my best fan fics (I'm a rather prolific NaruTard) are intolerable.

I badly need beta readers and editors to help me not suck so very badly. gonk

And as for Sullivan.... Ah, the man does not know a lot about interacting with people, much less a growing 14 year old cybernetic 'vampire' boy. sweatdrop

Thank you again for the review and comments. They help! biggrin
PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:08 pm


Nano tech in the bodies of humanity have created "Mythic monsters of yore". These so called 'monsters' must help each other to survive.

Some characters of mine for this world I'm building.

Nick, (Who may need a new name) the 'vampire'
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Ace, Beast
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Eli, the Ghost/shadow
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Elizabeth (Beth) the witch/technomancer
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Victoria (Torie) The 'unicorn'/magical girl
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And Rose, the normal human who becomes the world's princess
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TT Snim
Crew


TT Snim
Crew

PostPosted: Tue Aug 16, 2011 5:38 pm


Possible other characters.

The Suave thief
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The Frog Prince who needs a princesse's help
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A Golem, created by a strong Technomancer
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The Red Dragon! (And his dog!)
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~SciFi/Fantasy~

 
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