Sometimes it only took one near-death experience to remind someone of how lucky they were and the things they’d already lost. In Kam’s case, it took a lot more than one.

Maybe it was just because he expected to suffer in the dense jungles of South America, maybe that was the difference in what mattered. If he died doing something dangerous in nearly inhospitable terrain, what was there to regret? He had been living on the edge and expected any number of injuries every day. Back in Destiny City, it was different. Here he had things to live for, people that depended on him, and there was absolutely no excuse for dying over something that he could avoid. He couldn’t keep being absolutely reckless.

To make a long story short: Kam felt guilty. He had avenged Penny, sort of, but the guilt had burrowed where the anger had been before. After both Penny and Delphine gave him a piece of their minds, he could no longer pretend he knew what he was doing. What happened if he got himself killed before he found Khetal?

These were all things that had been on Kam’s mind since he had been let out of the hospital. They weighed heavily on his shoulders and left him looking for... something. Guidance? Kam didn’t know what he was looking for and that, in part, was what had led him out to the cemetery.

He was walking the long, winding stone paths through the large graveyard with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. Yellow lilies, because those had always been her favorite. He stopped at an intersection of pathways and stared down the one to his left. He knew it was there, he knew where it was, because he could never forget. Even if he hadn’t been to visit in three years, he could still find the grave with his eyes closed.

He finally turned down the path with a deep breath, walking along until he could cross between a few plots and walk towards the center of that particular section. The names around him were definitely the most strange, all long and foreign. Then he got to the double headstone he had been searching for. It was dark granite with an image of interlinked rings over a ribbon and the name ‘Vaiphei’ in big bold letters at the top.

He kneeled and stared up at the gravestone for a few long minutes. Then he leaned out and set his bouquet against the left side of the gravestone, right under the name ‘Eila’. He reached up and brushed his fingers along the engraved letters, then glanced to the right of it where ‘Kanvar’ was engraved on the opposite side. Then he simply dropped back to his heels and knelt before it, head hung and his heart heavy.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he spoke quietly, words meant for souls he wasn’t sure could hear him, “I don’t know where he is.” He could feel the lump in his throat that was sorrow and shame and helplessness all at once. “I know I promised I’d..” he stopped and drew a deep, shaky breath, then glanced up to the etched names. He needed help from parents that could never show him the way again. He prided himself on being independent, on being unstoppable, but he was having a hard time with everything the universe had thrown in his face.

He glanced away from the headstone as tears threatened to spill over his eyelids and pushed himself to his feet with one hand. He gave the dark granite one last glance before he pocketed his hands and looked away.

“I’m sorry.”