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 Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 5:11 am
Well, I think it's about time for me to stop wastin' you fine lad's time in the Chatterbox, and make a new topic for my jokes that I just so happen to get from my friends... who aren't right in the head...
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Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 5:15 am
I went to a football game once, and I got into a deep discussion with a blonde.
She said, "I don't see why they fight over money so much..."
I said, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, at the beginning they flip a coin, then the whole game they keep shouting, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'"
<3 Before Marriage <3
Boy: At last i can Hardly wait!
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: No don"t even theink about it!
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course, always!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: No, why are you asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance i get
Girl: Will you slap me?
Boy: Hell no, are you crazy?!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes!
Girl: Darling!!
After marriage Read It backwords!!
Okay, after listening to my friend, I realized that chinese is REALLY easy to understand.
1. Thats not right
(Sum Ting Wong) [Something Wrong]
2. See me ASAP
(Kum Hia Nao) [Come here Now]
3. Small horse
(Tai Ni Po Ni) [Tiny Pony]
4. You need a facelift
(Chin tu fat) [Chin too fat]
5. I thought you were on a diet
(Wai Yu Mun Ching) [Why you munching?]
6. He"s cleaning the car
(Wa Shing Ka) [Washing Car]
7. Your body odour is offensive
(Yu Stin Ki Pu) [You Stin Ki Pu]
8. This is a tow away zone
(No Pah King) [No Parking]
9. Great!
(Fa Kin Su Pah) [F***ing Super!]
Yeah, this is what I don't get about school...
*Job Application*
Name:
Age:
Special Skills
Former Occupation
8-10 Minute Speech on a dead guy:
Find the square root of x to the power of 7
Write a poem about a financial crisis
and dissect a mouse.
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Posted: Mon May 02, 2011 5:17 am
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 4:56 pm
5 Important Qualities to have in your women;
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
A guy broke into my appartment last week.. He didn't take the TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels.. Sick b*****d..
dad: "When I beat you at games and stuff, never get annoyed. How do you control your anger?
Son: "Well I start cleaning the toilet."
Father:"Huh? how does that satisfy you?"
Son: "I use your toothbrush!"
A boy is crying while watching TV.
Mum: What's wrong?
Boy: Justin Bieber just got shot on CSI!
Mum: Aww, honey, it's not real, he's still alive...
Boy: That's why I'm crying.
Its funny how when you have a pack of gum, BAM! Everyone suddenly becomes your "Best friend" and they expect you to give them a piece and the only reason you give them a piece is so they leave you alone.
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 5:10 pm
Parents: "How was school today?" You: "Good." Parents: "You always say good. How come you never give me a different answer?" You: "How come you never ask me a different question?"
When David Beckham scores I drink BECKS.When Paul Scholes scores I drink SKOL.When Tommy Miller scores I drink Millers.Thank GOD David Seaman was a goalie!
That awesome moment when the teacher asks you a question, thinking you wasn't paying attention. Then you answer it right, it's like What now! B**tch!
5 biggest lies told by TEENAGERS:
1. Seriously dude, I don't like anyone.
2. Everything's fine.
3. Can't, doing homework.
4. I have read and agreed to the terms and conditions.
5. I am sure that I am over 18 and understand that this
website contains explicit content that is not suitable for minors.
Today, I decided that I want to be a ninja when I grow up. I Googled "Ninja School" to see where I can be professionally trained in the art. I followed a link that said Ninja School, and the page could not be found. Well played, Ninja School!
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Posted: Wed May 04, 2011 7:35 pm
I greatly enjoy your random jokes!!!! heart
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 12:35 am
NotYourEverydayPrincess I greatly enjoy your random jokes!!!! heart Thanks 3nodding
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 7:59 am
Oh, it's on now!!!
An elderly blind man is walking down the street one fine morning when he passes a fish market. Taking in a deep breath, the man proudly proclaims "Well good morning ladies!"
What do you get when you cross a computer with a hooker?
A ******** Know-It-All
The police say I killed my girlfriend in the bathroom with a a chainsaw..... I say I laughed while I did it....
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 4:41 pm
Jonstalker62 Oh, it's on now!!! An elderly blind man is walking down the street one fine morning when he passes a fish market. Taking in a deep breath, the man proudly proclaims "Well good morning ladies!" What do you get when you cross a computer with a hooker? A ******** Know-It-All The police say I killed my girlfriend in the bathroom with a a chainsaw..... I say I laughed while I did it.... As a response to the girlfriend one... You see your girlfriend running in the front yard screaming. Here's what you do: 1. Stay Calm 2. reload. 3. aim 4. try again.
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Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 5:21 pm
Dirty Mind Test: kidsexchange
If you read that as 'kid sex change' then your kinda dirty ;D 'kids exchange'
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A husband was helping his wife setup a password for her computer. he typed in 'My P*nis' and pressed enter and his wife burst out laughing when the computer returned an error message saying 'Its not long enough'
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
May 1, 2011, the US announced the death of Osama Bin Laden. On May 1, 1945, Germany announced the death of Adolf Hitler. Coincidence? I think not.
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Posted: Fri May 06, 2011 6:15 am
A young married couple are driving down the road one day when they get into a horrible accident. The husband escapes mildly unscathed, but the wife's face is a complete mess. The doctors say that she will need a skin graft to look like normal again, and the husband decides to donate some skin. Sadly, the only skin suitable for the procedure would be the skin from the husband's a**. After much thought and deliberation, the couple decides to go through with the operation, but that no one but them and the doctor shall know about the orgin of the skin. The operation is a complete success and months later, the wife goes to her husband and says "That was so generous of you to donate your skin, how can I ever repay you?" The husband smiles and replies "You don't have to honey, I get all the satisfaction I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
Three gay men die one day and their lovers happen to cross paths at the funeral home. They get into a discussion about what they're going to do with the ashes of their lovers and the first one says "I'm going to spread Jake's ashes on the beach, because he always loved going there." The second gay man nods and says "I'm spreading Kyle's ashes in the forest we always went camping in." The last man blushes a little and says "Bll was such a great lover, I'm going to put his asses in some chili and let him tear my a** up one last time!"
Three elderly women were walking down the road when a flasher came up and fwell, flashed them. The first woman had a stroke, the second woman had a stroke, but the third woman's arm was just too short to reach.
A woman gives birth to a child and to the amazement of the doctors, the child is a hermaphodite. Trying to find a way to break it to the mother, the doctor says "Um, ma'am, your child has qualities of both a man and a woman." The woman looks aghast and replies "You mean he's going to have a d**k AND a brain?!?!"
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Posted: Tue May 10, 2011 3:55 pm
Hey guy's... Sorry if you look forward to these jokes, my friend Matt is going away for the summer... sadly. He is the main source of these jokes... sorry.
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Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 4:01 pm
I was greatly inspired by Gabriel Iglesias for this joke...
Remember the Crocodile Hunter? I wanna be like that except I wanna do something more modern... like gangs...
"Oi! You see that? That an Al Qaeda Memba! One of the most dangerous creatures on the planet! One push of a button and I'm done... I'm gonna poke 'em with a stick"
*hollering*
"Oi! He's gettin' ANGRY!"
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Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 5:35 am
A mother is cleaning her son's room one day when she finds a masochist magazine. She takes the magazine to her husband and says "Look what I found in our son's room, how are we going to punish him?" The father looked at the magazine and replied "Well, we can't spank him!"
A man walked into a department store and asked the woman at the counter "Exuse me ma'am, but do you sell condoms?" The woman replied "Yes we do, how many would you like?" "I'd like to buy 99 condoms." "99 condoms?!" the woman said "******** me!" The man simply replied "Okay, make it a hundred then."
Red Rdidng Hood was about to go to her grandmother's home when her mother stopped her to give her some advice. "Don't take the forest path," said Red's mother "or the Big Bad Wolf will get you and suck your tits dry." Red agreed and set out. She tried to take the mountain path and not the forest path, but it was too long and she soon switched trails. A turtle stopped her on her way and siad "Turn back now, or the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry." Little Red ignored the warnings and continued down the forest path. Finally, the BIg Bad Wolf stepped into the path and addressed Red "Okay Little Red, take off your shirt so I can suck your tits dry." "Oh no you don't," said Little Red, lifting up her skirt "You're going to eat me, just like the story says."
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 7:52 am
Jonstalker62 A mother is cleaning her son's room one day when she finds a masochist magazine. She takes the magazine to her husband and says "Look what I found in our son's room, how are we going to punish him?" The father looked at the magazine and replied "Well, we can't spank him!" A man walked into a department store and asked the woman at the counter "Exuse me ma'am, but do you sell condoms?" The woman replied "Yes we do, how many would you like?" "I'd like to buy 99 condoms." "99 condoms?!" the woman said "******** me!" The man simply replied "Okay, make it a hundred then." Red Rdidng Hood was about to go to her grandmother's home when her mother stopped her to give her some advice. "Don't take the forest path," said Red's mother "or the Big Bad Wolf will get you and suck your tits dry." Red agreed and set out. She tried to take the mountain path and not the forest path, but it was too long and she soon switched trails. A turtle stopped her on her way and siad "Turn back now, or the Big Bad Wolf will catch you and suck your tits dry." Little Red ignored the warnings and continued down the forest path. Finally, the BIg Bad Wolf stepped into the path and addressed Red "Okay Little Red, take off your shirt so I can suck your tits dry." "Oh no you don't," said Little Red, lifting up her skirt "You're going to eat me, just like the story says." Oh my God, Jon! That's naughty! scream (I still laughed. Looks like Guardian has some competition!)
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